Letting go
Somehow, Shinji Ikari was not surprised the graveyard had been untouched.
He came here at least once a week since the disaster two months ago. Kokoro had been in shambles from the storm (from Yamagishi, the boy bitterly remembered. May he rot in hell along the rest of that forsaken mansion). Shinji would come to reflect on his first shame. He looked at the gravestone he was now all too familiar with.
TAKUJI YAMASHIRO. BORN IN 1971. DIED IN 2015.
"Hello Yamashiro… I'm doing okay. Stuff happened recently."
The grave didn't speak. Even so, Shinji continued.
"Things are a bit of a mess like usual. I'm not sure things will get back to normal any time soon. Or ever, if I'm honest. The shelter is doing okay. I've cooked for whoever needed it and helped around. I think you'd want that."
The boy scratched the back of his head.
"I've also been doing my other thing. Caught crooks robbing people, and a few nastier ones that I leave hanging. Somehow I never got caught. Maybe no one was in the mood. People thanked me for it, and… it made me feel good."
Coming here was never easy. However, Shinji never felt his breath caught in-between his throat before now. He got his bearings to continue.
"There were these… men. They said they worked for my father. Told me to come to Tokyo-3 for something at NERV. I told them no. They told me it was a matter of national security and I asked them why father didn't come himself. Not only did they not say anything, one of them reached out for a gun he had in his pocket. So tomorrow, I'm heading to Tokyo-3. Against my better judgement of course. You were right about him being a bastard, Yamashiro."
The stone didn't speak. There was nothing to say.
"I'm sorry Yamashiro…" Shinji said so sadly. "I'm trying to hang on, but I don't know what I'm doing…"
"Hey Shinji! You out of dreamland yet or does the lil baby need a longer nappy nap?"
In an instant Shinji snapped out of his daze. He just remembered he was at NERV HQ. Asuka, Rei and himself were supposed to be testing the entry plug's tolerance in the contamination zone… whatever that meant. Science was something Asuka had a better gras of than him.
"The tests are over you moron!" Asuka admonished in her usual haughty tone. "Get out of the plug so we can discuss the plans!"
"Plans? Wait… oh right!"
Misato Katsuragi had recently been promoted from Captain to Major. He was so busy trying to find Scorpion, worrying about Rai and so much he was juggling that it took Kensuke pointing out the symbol on Misato's jacket for Shinji to notice. How could he forget?
Getting out of the entry plug Shinji joined Asuka and Rei as they headed towards the lockers.
"Everything set, Ikari?"
"Yeah. Kensuke and Touji were really helpful." Even as he said it Shinji was concerned on what kind of price they will ask him for. Hopefully it's nothing explicit or he'd clobber them. "Did you do your part?"
"Of course I did! What do you think I am a hapless dumbass?" Asuka said proudly. "I invited the guests over, including that creepy doctor lady, her mousy assistant… and Kaji."
"Not a fan of him?"
"Eh, he's okay. I used to have a crush on him, but he can have Misato for all I care."
"Right…" Shinji turned to his other co worker. "Rei are you coming?"
"I may." She stated simply. "The Commander does not see it as a waste."
"Yeesh, you still hang on his every word?" Asuka shook her head sympathetically. "It's about time you got out from your trash cave Ayanami. That place is a hunk of junk!"
That threw Shinji for a loop. "Wait you've been there?"
"She needed someone to take her home the other night, so I followed her." Asuka frowned a bit. "You know something and didn't say a thing?! I'd oughta murder you now and get it over with!"
"I…" To his credit, the boy did look ashamed of himself. "I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to convince the Commander. We barely talk and he doesn't seem receptive to suggestions."
Asuka backed down from that. "Probably Everything I hear about your dad is that he's an annoying leech. Still no excuse for you though."
"…"
"Rei?"
"I will not say a word about him, good or bad." Rei kept her head down. "That is all."
"Smart move. The Commander would not be pleased hearing how his pilots talk about him."
The third voice came from down the hall. Kaworu Nagisa's eyes sparkled in impish joy upon noticing the trio.
"Eh, if he's a real man can probably take a jab." Asuka scoffed. "Kaworu, where were you today?"
"I was about to take a test now actually." Kaworu explained. "I'm something of a special case, according to NERV Germany."
"You can play top dog all you want Kaworu," Asuka grabbed Rei's hand. "Come on Ayanami, we have girl talk to do."
Shinji was rather perturbed when he saw Asuka walk away with Ayanami. That was new. When did they become friends? He heard Kaworu took steps towards him.
"Not too surprising if I say so myself." He said to Shinji as if he could read his mind. "People find connections in all sorts of strange places, not always in your direct line of sight. Do well to remember that Ikari will you?"
At that, Nagisa gave a little wink at Shinji. The boy frowned.
"I'll keep that in mind." Shinji said. "I suppose you're coming for the party."
"Of course I am. It's a reunion between pilots and friends. It would be rude not to."
"Sure. Just…" Shinji sighed. "Don't do anything crazy okay?"
"When have I ever, Ikari? Make sure to keep Misato busy until we're all set alright?"
Kaworu didn't stick around for an answer. He didn't so much walk as he strode away, confidence never waning in each step. Shinji stared after him, an odd blush forming on his face.
"Nagisa…"
"I'm afraid I am the genuine article. An Angel, as the Lilim call me."
His spider senses should have been kicking into overdrive. This was an Angel, right in front of him. The enemy out to destroy mankind. The ones he was training to kill. Instead, Shinji's head was utterly noiseless as he took a step back.
"An… an angel?!" Shinji cried out. "What the- how? What's going on? Why are you- well, you? What?"
Kaworu chuckled. He returned his normal shape and size as if the air hadn't shattered at the mere low demonstration of his true self.
"I think you want some answers Ikari. I would be happy to provide them for you."
As he was now, Shinji Ikari was terrified out of his mind. Only the Evangelions could penetrate an AT-Field and he was pretty sure spider powers wouldn't be able to make a dent in it. If Nagisa wanted him dead, any second would do. So Shinji decided to acquiesce to this strange request.
"… okay. Who are you really? Why do you look so much like us? Like people I mean? Why aren't you… well…?"
"Killing you all? It's simply not my time yet." Kaworu shrugged. "My birth name was Tabris. My family operate under a specific time table and selected to be deployed. If one is defeated, the other rises, when the egg is hatched and the time is right."
"Wouldn't it be easier to team up and attack all at once?"
Kaworu pondered that for a second. "It would, but everyone's pretty stubborn. I doubt we'd make much headway. In that sense the Lilim are a little better than us. You can team up to take down a threat when it comes at your doorstep."
"… Not always…" Shinji looked up and down Kaworu's form. "Is that your normal look or…?"
"This form?" Kaworu laughed. "No. I'm rather embarrassed by my original form so I chose this one instead. Much more enjoyable if you ask me."
A serene smile formed on Nagisa's lips. Framed in the moonlight, Shinji found the sight of Kaworu's smile to be entrancing. It was supernatural in how captivating he was.
"I like the Lilim. Their lives are so small… ordinary. They're a lonely species, desiring intimacy even as it hurts. It seems all are doomed to be alone… Even so, they try anyway. They live by the ideals they made for themselves."
After saying that, the Angel frowned at the boy standing before him.
"I wish I could say say the same for you."
Shinji snapped out of his trance. His eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean exactly?"
"You're not governed by the Eva but you're living on borrowed ideals, Ikari." Kaworu pointed at the costume. "That costume does not suit you. The symbol on your chest is not an idea you grew organically, instead cobbled together from other words. I do not appreciate it in the slightest."
"You don't know a thing about me, Nagisa!" Shinji pointed at him. "Everything that I am now came from me."
"Are you so sure about that?" Kaworu shook his head. "Well I cannot tell you what to do. Some lessons must found out on their own. I hope you realize that this Spider-Man identity is an embarrassing future for yourself."
"Oh neat, continue being so condescending." Shinji crossed his arms. "I'm sure that'll go along well with the rest of NERV."
"Are you threatening me? By all means, go ahead." Kaworu narrowed his own eyes. "Tell on me and I'll tell on you. I might have a chance to survive, given I am needed for SEELE's plans. I'm not so sure they need a Spider-Man to ruin their little scheme."
"Wait you know about them? What do you know about SEELE?"
"Nothing you haven't already figured out. An organization ruling the world from the shadows to unlock Instrumentality. They need all of the Angels first before they can achieve it."
"I don't suppose there's a way we can get you guys to stop coming is there?"
"If I had control, I would." Kaworu turned his back on the boy. "There is no other fate than this. I'm know for sure."
"Riiiight…" Shinji launched a web. "Well this was a fascinating conversation Nagisa but I got class tomorrow and I think I'd rather spend the night doing my homework than getting lectured about how I spend my nights if that's okay."
"Education is important after all." Kaworu waved Shinji off. "Good night Ikari. Try not to get caught up in your web of lies."
Swinging from the web, Spider-Man could only frown underneath the mask.
"That Nagisa…"
It dawned on Shinji that night just how out of depth he had been playing the game.
It was one thing being vaguely aware of SEELE's reach given the facilities and control over NERV. Finding out that not only did they capture Rai but have an Angel working for them was frightening. What could a scampering little insect do when faced with opponents like that?
"Feels like I've been playing pretend…" Shinji whispered to himself. "What am I doing?"
"Navel gazing out loud? Probably better to keep it inward or somebody else might hear it."
At that voice, Shinji made a sharp turn. He was relieved and confused when he saw Misato herself before him.
"Misato! I thought you were going to oversee Nagisa's test?"
"Eh they already did the major testing stuff. They can handle the rest without me." Misato shrugged. "So what's got my favorite roomie down huh?"
"Ummm…" Shinji tried thinking of an excuse. "Just thinking about stuff I guess? The Angels keep coming and… well, I'm worried about what if we end up…"
"Failing? Pretty heavy stuff." Misato said. "Usually the kids have a little bit more optimism than that."
"You did mention I was pretty jaded."
"That I did." Misato nodded. "You're sure you're not just thinking about stalling me until the party's done for me?"
A pause.
"What noooo?" Shinji shook his head quickly. How did she know? Crap Asuka was going to kill him for sure! "Why would you even guess that I mean like we-?"
"Neither of you are exactly subtle." Misato smirked. "Your friends way less that that. Tell you what, how about we make a few stops before we head home, Shinji? I needed some space for today anyway."
"Well sure!" Shinji said. "We haven't hung out much alone since Asuka showed up anyway."
"That's why I wanted to ask! Just make sure to change first, don't think they'd let you out with NERV equipment without paying a serious fine."
He nodded, walking over to the bathroom to change back. There was one question that popped into his head at the moment.
"Misato… do I even get paid for this job?"
"You do. Didn't the Commander tell you?"
"…"
"Oh. Well we'll talk about it on the way back."
A stop at the supermarket and a long yet fascinating discussion about paychecks later, Shinji and Misato found themselves back here.
On the first day she took him to a spot overlooking Tokyo-3 to show off it's splendor. It looked as marvelous then as it does now, the city's gears shifting and turning to bring the skyscrapers back into view. He took pictures with the camera he had brought with him this time.
"You had that the whole time?" Misato asked, curious. "Didn't see you use it until now."
"Something about today seemed right." Shinji said, letting the camera hang off his neck. "I got it from Yamashiro." His face fell a bit. "It's a memento from him."
Deciding not to press that topic, Misato smiled warmly. "Isn't it amazing? Months passed and we're standing. This truly is humanity's stronghold. It's all because of you guys."
Shinji blinked in surprise. "Us?"
"Yeah. You, Asuka, Rei, Kaworu. Sure, everyone at HQ's doing their best, but you pilot the Evas. The Angels keep pushing but you punch 'em back. Way to go heroes. "
"Well I mean, without your instruction we'd definitely be losing. Didn't you come up with the giant gun or the dancing?"
"Kaji came up with the dancing simulator," Misato turned her head to the side, muttering "I'd never come up with a stupid idea like that," She looked back at Shinji, "but yeah I helped."
Misato rested her head on the railing.
"I just wish I could fight in the frontline instead of you guys… That should be me out there."
It occurred to Shinji that there was much he still didn't know about Misato. He raised an eyebrow.
"Why did you join NERV Misato? I don't think you ever mentioned it before."
"Digging a bit deep huh Shinji…" Misato's smile seemed sadder with the contrast of the sunset. "Okay. Gimme a sec…"
She moved from the railing. Misato turned around to stare directly at her charge.
"It began with my father. He lived for his work to the exclusion of everything else. I was never able to forgive him for that. In fact at times i even hated him."
She paused for a bit, waiting to see if the boy would say anything to that. When he didn't, Misato continued.
"He never really took care of me or my mother. His friends said he was always too sensitive and fragile, but the truth was that he was just a weak person. He didn't want to face reality so avoiding his family was easier than dealing with it. When my mother decided to divorce him I was actually happy. I was so sick of hearing her cry herself to sleep and when my dad got upset about it I actually laughed at him. I thought he got what he deserved."
Her expression darkened.
"Then he sacrificed himself to save my life during the second impact… then I didn't know whether I hated him or loved him. The only thing that was clear to me was that I wanted to destroy the Angels who had caused the second impact… and that is why I joined NERV. It might be that I still hate him and want to avenge my father so that I can finally free myself from him. It's the only way I can escape."
After that, she sighed heavily. "Sorry to dump all that on you."
Shinji had been taken aback by this confession. He didn't know how much pain Misato had been through… she did a great job of hiding it in the day to day. About as well as he hid his Spider-Man life. It must have been something hard to confess
"I'm… I'm sorry Misato." Shinji gently patted her shoulder. "I didn't know you went through so much."
"It's nothing you can help. Focus on school and the Eva, that's your biggest responsibility right now."
She gently rubbed Shinji's hair, before turning back to the car.
"You were right the first time."
Misato turned her head. "Hm?"
"When we went to NERV for the first time? You were right, it's just like me and dad."
That made Misato laugh. "We are birds of a feather! No wonder you're my favorite roomie yet."
By 8:30 pm, they got back to the apartment.
"Oh I forgot to say Misato, it was nice you got promoted." Shinji said, climbing up the stairs. "We'll be sure to celebrate it now."
"Thanks Shinji," Misato sighed. "To tell you the truth I'm not really all that thrilled with it."
"Not looking forward to the party?"
"If it was just you and Asuka maybe. Now I have to deal with everyone." Misato made her way to the door. "At least tell me you didn't invite Kaji."
"… I didn't say anything about that."
"Ugh, let's just get this over with."
She slid the card over the handle. The door opened.
"Congratulations!"
Everybody had come. Touji and Kensuke bowed in respect Asuka stood with Hikari and Rei by her sides, the three technicians from NERV raised glasses towards Misato, while Kaji and Ritsuko were sitting off in the corner. Kaworu sat still.
"My my, I'd never thought I'd see the day Katsuragi would grow up so fast." Kaji winked. "Major, I give you my most humble regards! May I humbly ask to be your second in command?"
"Take a jump off a bridge and I might consider it," Misato rubbed her stomach. "I'm hungry, Shinji make food for me!"
"You mean us right?"
"Yeah exactly. But mostly me. I'm the Major now."
Rolling his eyes, Shinji went to the kitchen. Kensuke and Touji followed him inside, watching Shinji place the camera away and start cooking ramen and meat.
"You think Misato's going to make me a pilot if she likes the party?" Kensuke asked with delusional sincerity.
"You're still on about that?" Touji said. "You're working with Spider-Man, I though that would have satisfy your nerd quota."
"It does, but being a pilot though! That's the dream!"
"More of a nightmare really," Shinji felt the stove sizzle. He turned to his friends. "How's the search coming along?"
"Checked the sewers and reports. Nothing came up." Kensuke explained. "Quit being so casual about this though. Computer hacking is pretty hard!"
"Sorry."
"Look, we're gonna track down that freak some other time." Touji said. "Right now, we're celebrating a promotion! Shouldn't we be focusing on that instead?"
"But Touji this is important!" Shinji muttered to make sure nobody heard. "He could be snatching anyone-!"
"And the Angels may come and blow us all up tonight." Touji crossed his arms. "But right now, it's Misato's party. We might not get another chance so let's stick with what we got now and worry about this later. Ya get me?"
"Maybe… I guess you're right."
"Right." Touji blushed a bit. "So do you think Hikari will like this whole thing?"
"Dude I'm pretty sure Hikari will like anything you do." Kensuke smirked. "It's not like the part was your idea anyway. It's mine, you don't get to steal the credit!"
"Wait," Shinji pointed at Touji. "You like Hikari?"
Kensuke stared at Shinji like he had just been hit by a rock. "You must have taken too many swings to the head Ikari, 'cause that's been obvious since forever!"
"I'm not that obvious! Am I?" Touji shook his head. "Look we got super villains and Angels and all sorts of weird crap happenin' and Hikari and I talked and… I think I kinda like her. Maybe! I dunno! I wish I knew how girls worked."
"Well… I can't say I know know much about that sort of thing either." Shinji shrugged. "But maybe Hikari would want to you spend time with her? She seemed to like it when we hung out at the campfire."
"Right right." Touji huffed himself up. "Talking. Hanging out. I can do that."
"Hey if nothing else you going after Hikari will leave Misato to me!"
"In your dreams nimrod!"
Touji stomped out of the kitchen. Shinji saw him move over to where Hikari was and getting into an argument with Asuka. Frankly he was just glad he could avoid that.
"Welp, gonna ask Misato to make me a pilot. Go bake dude!"
With Kensuke gone that left Shinji alone. Good. He can focus on not burning the food. If there's no interruptions the kitchen won't be on fire like whenever Misato tried to cook.
"Having a hard time Shinji?"
As if sent by God to spite him, Kaworu stood next to Shinji.
"I'm okay," Shinji said. "Not used to being in a house with this many people. Wish they could stop being so noisy though."
"They're just passionate about their lives," Kaworu smiled. "You didn't take what I said too personally did you?"
"Very hard not to, considering you were calling me an embarrassment."
"I did not say that. I said Spider-Man was an embarrassment."
"Same thing really."
"No, not the same." Kaworu frowned. "Spider-Man is not a part of you. It's not real. It's something you're using to supplant who you are. You are Shinji Ikari. The point I was trying to make was that you didn't need that costume."
"Kinda need it now, considering the kind of people want me dead can come after me and my friends. Not sure where you are yet."
"I am here as a friend."
"Then act like it," Shinji used the spoon to mix the ramen together. "Tell me something. What happened to Rai?"
"He had been sent back to SEELE for debriefing. Most likely he will be deployed in another mission, away from NERV for the time being."
"Is that it? Don't you know anything else?"
Kaworu shuffled uncomfortably. "… I can't say."
"Oh great, thanks a lot." Shinji narrowed his eyes. "What barrel of useful information you are."
"There is no need for any of that." Kaworu frowned. "SEELE is powerful. There is nothing you can accomplish even if I told you more. Pilot the Eva, look the other way, enjoy your time here. With your friends. You never know when you might lose it all to chance."
Kaworu seemed to have finished his piece. He turned and left, slinking off to a corner somewhere. Shinji placed the food into the bowls.
"You think I don't know that…"
Shinji carried them to the table, taking the camera back again. He brought the food for everyone. Shinji surveyed the scene in front of him. Touji and Asuka engaged in an arm wrestling match, Kensuke and Hikari cheering for their respective champions while Rei remained impassive; Shigeru Aoba showing off his guitar skills to his fellow bridge bunnies; Misato and Kaji engaging in a contest of who can out-annoy the other.
He placed plates for the technicians, before moving to deliver food for Misato.
"That kid's nice. Way different from his dad." Makoto took a bite out of the meat. "Wow this is good! Misato was right."
"I was just about up and finishing the songs. Jerks." Shigeru sniffed the food, putting down his guitar. "At least the food smells good."
"Mmmmmm so delicious!" Maya munched on the ramen, then noticing a look on her colleague's face. "You ok?"
"I'm still concerned about the traitor." Makoto muttered. "They manage to take out the whole base we almost got robbed. The guys we busted didn't tell us anything. I don't see how we're just sitting around when we still haven't caught them."
"They're already investigating it Hyuuga." Shigeru shrugged. "Not much we can do ourselves anyway."
Maya tried to be a little more diplomatic. "I understand what you mean, Hyuuga, but we managed to survive the day. NERV is an efficient organization. We'll find the traitor soon."
"Hmmm…" Makoto raised his fork up. "Cheers then."
On the other end of the table, Touji and Asuka were still going at it. Team Touji (which consisted of Kensuke and Hikari) were yelling for him to win, while Team Asuka (which was only Rei) just stood silent. Shinji silently placed their plates while they fought.
"No support Ayanami?" Asuka grumbled. "I thought we had something."
"I don't think i should say anything." Rei simply said. "I have confidence in your ability."
"Confidence my ass!" Touji grinned. "Alright She-Beast you're going down!"
The grip on each other's hands kept everything at a stalemate.
CLICK!
Right up until the flash came. Touji turned in surprise, breaking his concentration just enough for Asuka to slam his hand down and win. Needless to say he was disappointed.
"Ikari, what the hell! You had to take a pic while I was winning?!"
"Ha, in your face!" Asuka grinned. "Hand me a copy of the moment will ya Third Child?"
"Sorry Touji. The moment just sort of felt right you know?"
"I didn't know you had a camera Ikari." Hikari said. "You're not using it like Perevert Aida over here?"
"Can't say I use it much, Class Rep," Shinji admitted. "It's a memento from my teacher. He passed away some time ago."
Asuka seemed to frown upon hearing that. Trying to lighten the mood Kensuke got up from the chair to inspect the camera.
"I thought that was Misato's camera or something. I can show you a few tricks I learned! Haha, I'd be the master now."
"Yeah, of Otaku shit." Touji said. "Don't let him corrupt you Ikari."
"Shut up Touji."
Ayanami stared at her food but didn't do anything. Shinji wondered what was going on until Rei answered.
"I dislike eating meat."
That was a bit of a mistake. No matter, Shinji supposed he could take it back and-
"Well don't mind if I do!" Touji grabbed the piece of meat from Rei's plate and ate it whole sale. "Mmmrrrr so good- " He felt a slap on his shoulder. "OW! Class rep?"
"PIG! You don't just take someone's food like that!" Hikari pouted. "So uncivilized. Maybe Asuka's right."
On her end, Misato saw Shinji laughing with his friends at Touji's misfortune. It was so cute, it almost made her forget she was in the presence of this letch.
"Misato."
She turned to him, annoyed at her happy spot interrupted. "How many times do I have to tell you no?"
"You act like I'm the bad guy here. you're the one that left."
"I got tired. There was…"
"Someone else?" Kaji guessed. "No offense, but I can smell bullshit a mile away."
"Look, I don't care what you think. I don't want anything to do with you."
"Suit yourself," Kaji stood up. "Gonna take a leak, be right back."
He did so, walking nonchalantly away. Ritsuko slid next to Misato, holding a beer can.
"You still worked up about him?"
"Always. That man will never change."
"I'm not sure you have the right to say that." Ritsuko sipped from her can. "Give him a chance before you decide anything. You were disgusting together from what I remember."
Misato rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'll do that when an Angel falls out of the sky."
An egg hatched on the moon.
Second Impact had left irrevocable harm upon the Earth, cities and people lost in that infernal nightmare. Among it's effects on the world, several eggs laid dormant on parts of the globe seemingly at random. Some eggs would lie on the bottom of the ocean. One was even inside of a volcano, as NERV had discovered.
Others, such as this one, could only be found on the moon. SEELE had the means to detect the Angels' locations but lacked the manpower or the desire to find them all. They even carefully made sure to erase records of the egg being on the moon at all. It was better to let the Angels come to them and let the Evangelions handle the problem. After all, the last attempt to capture an Angel before it could hatch nearly resulted in the destruction of Unit 02. No reason to investigate further.
Sahaquiel emerged from the egg, nearly fully formed. His single eye blinked. The Angel could feel the presence of it's… Father? Mother? It was difficult to tell. Sahaquiel's senses were still developing as he grew larger.
He stared at the other egg lying in wait. Arael. Sahaquiel considered waking this one up, but chose against it. The Lilim had Father. He will get the prize, not her. Not his other siblings.
With a mission set, Sahaquiel flew towards the Earth. Pieces of his body broke away, descending like meteorites…
"WHAT?! You want us to catch it with our hands?!"
While Asuka could have toned down the yelling, she made the point that her fellow pilots were already thinking. An Angel was falling from the sky, it's mass being powerful enough to reduce Tokyo-3 into a crater… and the plan wasn't inspiring a whole lot of confidence.
"That's right." Misato said. "We'll locate the Evas in the estimated drop zone. Then while maintaining your AT-Fields you'll catch it before it hits the ground."
Kaworu shrugged. Shinji, Asuka and Rei for their part asked the obvious questions.
"But what if it doesn't fall where you think it does?"
"What if the Evas can't handle the impact?"
"What are the chances of survival?"
"We'll go boom, all the way to the moon." Misato said nonchalantly. "Honestly, I think our chances are pretty low."
"If we pull this off it'll be a miracle." Asuka grumbled. "Sacrificing ourselves is just… ugh!"
"Miracles aren't something that happen, it's something you gotta work on making it happen." Misato said firmly. "We don't have a choice, Asuka. It's the only plan we got."
"If sacrifice is what it will take to stop it, so be it." Kaworu spoke finally. "We just need some proof it will work. What's my role in this?"
"You? Nothing. We don't have an extra Eva for you yet Nagisa." Misato looked to the other pilots. "Anyone want to refuse? You can back out now."
No one spoke a word, or even gave a nod. The choice was clear.
"Okay then… regulations state that you're all supposed to write out a will."
"I'll pass." Asuka shook her head. "I'm coming back alive."
"No."
"I won't die. There would be no point."
"Alright, when this is over I'll bring you all to a steak dinner!"
Shinji glanced at Rei. "Actually, can you take us to a place with vegetarian foods? Ayanami doesn't like eating meat."
"We can work something out." Misato stuck her tongue out. "Come back alive first!"
The elevator felt heavier today.
The pilots have used this to get to the Evangelions many times. It was their duty, yet today the chance that they could all be destroyed in the blink of an eye… they were determined, but it's the first time Shinji and Asuka felt the apocalyptic scenario that would happen. If any of them failed, Tokyo-3 would be destroyed, along with their friends and loved ones, few that they have.
Ignoring the horror of it all, Shinji asked Asuka a question.
"So Asuka, why do you become an Eva pilot?"
"Huh? To show the world how great I am of course." Asuka said. "Maybe saving people too I guess. What about you two?"
"The Evangelion is my bond… to other people." Rei said. "I used to fight for the Commander's sake as well."
"Used to? Now?"
"I have been trying to find a reason beyond him. I do not think I found it yet." Rei turned her head down. "I apologize, my answer may not be sufficient."
"Don't sweat it. At least you're thinking, which is more than I can say for some people." Asuka turned to Shinji. "You Third Child?"
"Well… I guess I would feel bad if I didn't."
"Is that it? Pretty lame if you ask me."
"Well, it's not like I wanted to be a pilot. I was kind of dragged into it." Shinji said carefully. "But I remember what my teacher said once. With great power there had to come with great responsibility. I resent being a pilot, but I'd feel worse if I'm one of the few who can pilot and I didn't lift a finger to help. So I'm going to protect people."
Asuka stared at the elevator doors. "I see… I guess we were all trying to please someone else…"
"…"
The elevator stopped. The doors opened.
"Well let's not get wrapped up in psycho-dramas." Asuka said. "We got an Angel to kill! You better get your shit together Third Child. Screw this up and I'll make sure to track you down in the afterlife and kill you."
"Ikari will do his best, Soryuu." Rei said. "Believe in him."
"Oh fiiiiine. Wonder Girl wins this round."
As they marched to their Evas, Shinji pondered what Asuka said.
'Pleasing someone else… what am I really fighting for?'
The thought stuck with him as Shinji sat in the entry plug.
The Evangelions were on stand by. Each of the Units were stationed in different parts of Tokyo-3. With the Angel rapidly approaching, It's pieces already destroying major cities in Japan, and the limited time before the Evas run out of power, the plan needed to be carried out quick.
"No problem… just catch an Angel with your bare hands… no pressure."
Shifting to make himself more comfortable in his seat, Shinji thought back to his encounters with Kaworu, and wondered if what Asuka said before was what Nagisa had been referring to.
"I'm not doing this to please anyone…" Shinji said. "If I don't this people will die. I'm taking responsibility."
It was easy to make that argument with the Evangelion, considering without them humanity would almost certainly be doomed. It would be easy to dismiss Kaworu's claim as an Angel undermining the operation. But that's not what Nagisa had been referring to.
Spider-Man wasn't necessarily his idea, that much was true. He had taken Mayumi's suggestion of a hero like Ultraman too seriously so Shinji made the costume to match the look (the results were debatable). He kept wearing it, to hide who he is. To hide his true nature. Shinji Ikari was the one got swallowed up in his own angst and had people hurt because of it. He wanted to be responsible with his powers, the way Yamashiro would have wanted him to.
But the man who was Shinji's caretaker wasn't here anymore. There was no way of knowing what he would have thought of him, of how he was Spider-Man. Any answer he could have gotten was lost the day he was murdered. Shinji had been trying to to live with it for a long time.
He wasn't sure he was succeeding.
"The falling angel's been sighted." Shinji heard Misato talk over the comm system. "Distance approximately 25,000. All Evas get on your marks. We can only give you a rough estimated trajectory based on optical observation. The MAGI will guide to the estimated distances ten thousand meters. After that, you have to use your own judgement. Remember that I'm placing my trust on you. Begin the operation."
No time to waste. Now, Shinji had to focus.
"Here we go."
5:00 became 4:59 and continued going down. Shinji commanded Unit 01 to move, and so it did. He could almost feel the ground he's stepping on, the wind on his face as his Eva sprinted across the terrain. A primal fear overtook him. Run. Run! Or else everyone dies. Or else you die.
'Faster. Faster. Faster. FASTER!'
Evangelion Unit 01 leaped across a hill, timing it just right so that it missed a building. Being inside of the Evangelion felt like a curse and a blessing. Shinji could feel each and every phantom pain inflicted upon him by the Angels, but his Spider-Sense and degree of precision improved along with it. He knew where to move and what to dodge.
Because of that, Shinji made it to the crashing sit within mere moments. He felt the area started burning. The Angel was ever so near, right above him.
"Spreading AT Field!"
Doing so, Shinji could see the circles that came formed from the contact between his field and the one from the Angel. Nagisa called it the light of their souls. From the break down of the AT Field, Shinji could feel the hate coming from the creature above. It wants his death. Nothing more.
"Come on you damn bastard!"
He clutched the beast with his hands, already feeling a weight placed upon him. The pilot of Unit 01 had never carried something so heavy. Where were Asuka and Ayanami? They should be here by now! He was dying, and yet he had to keep pushing it away. A single misstep and they were all done for.
He wished it was easier. He wished everything was easier…
"I wish I died, not Mayumi! She should be here not me!"
Shinji's tears fell from his eyes. He tried to keep himself balanced but the ground was ever so tempting in that moment.
"I screwed everything up Yamashiro! No matter how many I save, how much I try, I'm still scared! Of Father! Of everything! Father can control me even when he's not here, I turn every corner and worry that I'll see her again and she'll be angry at me! Mayumi would be right to. If I had been faster, I had listened to her, if I hadn't left her alone she'd still be here! If I had said something, if I had acted then you'd still be here!"
His knees gave in, making him crawl on the dirt towards the grave.
"I tried to be better. I tried to be good. I tried to be Spider-Man, someone that you can be proud of! Someone I can be proud of! But even with that I'm still a disgusting coward. I'm a weak person. I failed Mayumi, I failed the Shiraishis, I failed Kokoro. I failed…
Shinji swallowed a lump that formed. He kept going.
"I know with great power comes great responsibility but… I don't know how to keep going. I'll… I'll try… for you…"
He clutched his teacher's grave stone. Shinji would not move from this spot for hours. Only when the sun began to set did he move, but not a moment before.
'Nagisa was right.' Shinji thought. 'I haven't been fighting for me. I haven't been fighting for someone who isn't here anymore. Even now when I'm about to die I'm cringing away from myself."
His knees started to crumble under the might of the Angel. Shinji tried to hold on but he was weak. Oh so weak…
"Without Spider-Man I'm nothing. Just a weak coward who wants peace from his own mistakes! I'm running just like Misato… Misato…'
Forgetting the pain for a brief second, his eyes widened in fear.
'Misato is gonna die… MISATO!'
Settling into his second wind, Shinji made a desperate final push on the Angel. Even Sahaquiel breathing down on him wasn't going to be enough to put him down. Not this time.
'Touji, Kensuke, Hikari, Misato… they're all in danger from this guy! I need to hold on… until Ayanami or Asuka get here!'
It was easy to fight when things turned out your way, but it was when the going got tough that a person is pushed to their truest test. Shinji Ikari carried the weight above his head with everything he could muster. His mind recalled the time he stopped the train to save the people from Doctor Octopus' sabotage and called upon the strength he had then for this do or die moment.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Any longer than a minute he might not have lasted much longer…
"Unit 02 expand your field!"
"I'm already doing it!"
"Do it now!"
But it was enough. Units 00 and 02 emerged on the scene, progressive knives in hand. The combined AT Fields of the three Evangelions allowed the three of them to carry the burden. Ayanami used her knife to stab into the AT Field, allowing it to be opened.
"Do it now!"
Asuka went for the kill. Yelling at the top of her lungs, she stabbed into Sahaquiel's core with incredible force! Sparks emerged from the core…
KRACKA-BOOM!
As was typical of the Angels, an explosion occured. Sahaquiel's death left behind a large crater, along with three damaged, broken Evangelions on the ground… with it's pilots still alive.
"That was a close one," Asuka panted. "Kept you waiting Third Child?"
"Could have made it a little quicker if I'm honest."
"The Angel is defeated." Ayanami said. "That is all that matters."
Shinji couldn't help but smile. They had made it, in spite of everything. The comms system came to life.
"Our wireless communications have been restored. We're receiving a transmission from Commander Ikari in Antartica."
Shinji blinked. "Where's Misato?"
"I apologize sir." Shinji heard Misato over the comms. "Because of my irresponsible judgement Unit 01 had incurred some damage. I take full responsibility for this sir."
"No." Gendo Ikari's voice made himself heard. "Destroying Angels is an Eva's purpose. It was fortunate that the amount of damage done was minimal. Excellent work Major Katsuragi. Is the pilot of Unit 01 there?"
"Yes?"
With that, Gendo Ikari's image appeared over Shinji's screen. The boy frowned.
"I read about what happened. Good work, Shinji."
A lifetime ago, those words would have meant the world to Shinji. Now they sound as hollow as the man who spoke them.
"Is that all sir?" Shinji dared to say. "I'd give credit to Asuka and Ayanami, they worked pretty well together too."
Gendo shifted slightly, never changing his expression.
"I suppose they did. Keep doing what you're doing."
"So you did manage to fulfill your promise!"
Asuka dug into her super sized stick pork chop ramen. Misato had taken the pilots to a stand everyone could agree on.
"A ramen place is cheap, but frankly that we have anything is impressive with your bank account.
"Hahaha yeah," Misato nervously laughed, "Just uh, try not abuse my money too much? Already had a paycheck hit because of my plan."
"To be fair, it wasn't a good plan."
"It worked in the end didn't it?"
Shinji rolled his eyes. So stubborn they were… then again, after the day they all had he wouldn't have it any other way.
"You're pretty happy Shinji," Kaworu smiled next to him. "Nice to see you like that. It's refreshing from your usual dour demeanor."
"I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't interrupt it Nagisa." Shinji tapped on the desk. "You didn't even participate."
"I was under orders not to."
"Right."
Finishing some ramen on his plate, Shinji dropped the chopsticks. There was something he needed to get off his chest.
"Hey Misato?"
Misato turned to him. "Hm?"
"Remember what we talked about the other day? Before the party?" Shinji said. "I… kind of know what you felt like. I went through something similar with my teacher."
She had never heard him speak much of his teacher before he came to Tokyo-3. She knew Yamashiro was someone important to Shinji, with the respectful tone he had the few times he has said anything. (She also knew that Yamashiro had passed away months ago and left Shinji alone without a guardian. Some days, she wished she could shoot the Commander.)
"Shinji…" She said carefully. "What do you mean?"
"We had a… strained relationship." Shinji admitted. "He taught me everything I know, from playing the Cello to cooking to cleaning up after myself. For years, I thought he was cold, distant. I wondered if he secretly hated me. But…" He gathered the strength for this one. " on the morning he died, Yamashiro reached out to me. He said he was sorry for putting me through that and wanted to make things right with me. I hesitated, and… I never got the chance to admit how I felt."
Misato was not the only one paying full attention to him. Asuka and Rei stared at their fellow pilot. If one looked close, Rei's pupils were a little wider than usual.
"I was saying this because when the Angel was crushing me back there… I thought about him. But I also thought about you Misato. About all of you, and Touji and Kensuke. I miss Yamashiro so much, there were things I wish he taught me, but I know now that I have people in the here and now that I want to protect and spend life with. Even if it's only for a little bit…"
He moves his hand towards Misato's own.
"Maybe… maybe we could help each other. Not change the past but move forward? I dunno…"
There was a mix of fear and joy in Misato's heart. While she knew Shinji didn't have the exact same experience as her, she also knew where he was coming from. More than anything Misato felt guilt. Guilt over how the pilots fit her revenge, how she had been almost using them. Even so, Shinji cared for her.
It's that knowledge that made her move her hand into his. She squeezed it hard, hoping it would let him know she agreed.
From the sidelines, Kaworu smiled. Perhaps this time Ikari will learn happiness.
Author's Notes:
Merry Christmas everyone!
Today's chapter is light on Spider-Man. Partly because the Angel wouldn't leave much room for a Spider-Man encounter anyway, but also because I wanted focus on some character development stuff for Shinji. Show how the Kokoro events still shape who he is now, how he's recovering it bit by bit; I also wanted to display a bit of the dynamic between Shinji and Kaworu for the future and see him spending time with friends. It kinda fits with Christmas being about family and friends now that I think about it.
I especially wanted to get to the flashbacks at Yamashiro's grave specifically because I wanted to focus on Shinji's angst over his failures (perceived or otherwise). Shinji maybe in a better place now, his spider powers have proven useful in areas, but he is still a boy caught up in forces outside of his control and struggling to deal with his own feelings about it. He's a small bug in a big world, much like Peter Parker has been many times throughout his life, and I wanted to deal with that here and set up more stuff to explore it later. It's also why I messed around with the timing a bit in regards to Misato and Shinji's talk about her father, to facilitate the story.
Time to answer some questions:
Author0fntent: No problem, thanks again for sending me your omake! I loved it a lot.
silverking77: Well they're both terrible bosses XD
lautaro94: Why hate, that's a cute ship! Lmao, it wasn't part of the plan but now I'm kind of thinking about it now.
AnimeA55Kicker: It ain't always about how many know, but who specifically does. That's going to be a relevant issue in later chapters.
SuperiorSuperman: Haven't played it but it looks amazing. I loved the PS4 Spider-Man game so I hope it's good.
Jackie Lin Tho: He definitely remembers the other timelines. You'll see how that plays out.
C.S. Allen: That's not something i'm interested in doing but sounds pretty cool.
Next time: Holding on.
Omake:
"Mari Makinami: The Despicable Maripool!" by Johnny Freeman and GainaxVel3o
Hi Readers! Name's Mari Illustrious Makinami. You might know me from groundbreaking and artistic films like Rebuilds of Evangelions 2.0, 3.0, and 3.0 +1.0 (Which by the way Mister Anno? Why not just call it "Rebuild 4" you depressed shell of a human being?) but you might be interested in my other project. I mean, it's in the title so it's pretty hard to miss! But what's the story here?
Well get this: NERV, one of the most ominous saviors of humanity, have lost an important artifact for their plans. What is it, you may ask? I don't know! Maybe it's like a rare angel dick, or maybe it's the lost rebuild 2.0 1/2
So there I was, waiting on the warehouse District of Tokyo-3 to pick up while listening to my favorite opening intro. Some shady guys with bad haircuts had huge guns surrounding the place. Too many to take out stealthy, thank god, so I stormed in with my epic dramatic entrance by parachuting through the window.
"HEYA, MY NAME IS DEADPOOL MAK-"
Immediately I got blasted by this one guy with the cool assault rifle. He's the first one that got a taste of the swords: Mari and Makinami.
"AAAAHHHH!"
"YEAH BABY LET'S GO VROOM VROOM!"
I can't deny it, the smell of my sword was exhilerating. It's like LCL, except it's red instead of orange and I'm not sure if I can breathe it. Buried a sword into a different guy, snapped a neck here or there you know the kind of fun stuff people want Batman to do but other people say he can't do because he's Batman and wouldn't do it. 'Cause he wouldn't. He also probably wouldn't say fuck either.
Wait where was I? Oh yeah, murder. Now there was this lasy guy standing. I was JUST about to bury my swords into him when I noticed a red and blue blur (that wasn't young Clark Kent in a trenchoat).
"OH HEYA SPIDEY!"
"Wha- I- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!"
"Oh, I'm the newest superhero, Mari- I mean Deadpool! Yeah!"
He looked at me confused. Understandable, he probably hasn't seen so much awesome in one package.
"Deadpool?"
"What? You want to know where I got the name? Because it's really simple-"
Bullets whizzed by us from the guy I was about to drop. Spider-Shinji moved pretty fast for a little bug, while I just kinda took a few bullets. They don't hurt so it's okay.
"What the-?" Spider-Shinji asked. "You got shot!"
"I'm fiiine Shinji, I can heal as fast as you on Sunday! Or whenever the writer needs you too. You stick 'im to the walls, and I'll chop em!"
"Wait, did you just call me-"
Wasn't paying attention since I went for the guy's neck. Spidey webbed him up real good but I sliced the throat wide open. Eh, probably a bad guy no bigie. I had a mission to do. The box.
I took the lil' briefcase and was about to walk away like a pro.
"Thanks for your help Spider-Man! You really saved my- Wait, what the hell?!"
I found myself caught in a web of absolute betrayal as Spider-Shinji webbed me up into the walls! Does he not respect the hero code of team ups?
"No offense miss… uuhh… Deadpool." He said my name like it was some kind of disease even though it was the best name conceived by humanity. "But you're kind of dangerous and the last thing I want is to leave some crazy lady with a sword and a pink diving suit loose on the city."
"If you leave me here, I'll tell the police what you look like and your name and address."
He stopped dead in his tracks, probably realizing just how screwed he would be. I smiled.
"Let's make a deaaaaaal!"