Squalo was not in a good mood. What seemed to be a routine kill was turning into far too much paperwork and an unexpected headache.
He didn't know whether they should kill their client for lying to them or just recruit this girl outright as a potential new member.
She had disposed of no less than four Varia kill teams of increasing competence.
That took skill as they weren't called "Varia Quality" for nothing. The first was a coincidence, but the next three were experienced teams who had a decent kill count by this point and they were never heard from again.
It was past time to call in the big guns. Specifically the fact he was going to deal with this personally before he had to hear any more of Mammon's bitching about the budget and the fact they would have to train new replacements. He would take the miser brat with him too, just in case.
Belphegor had already disappeared to who knew where and had turned off his cell.
Luss already had a betting pool going that Bel had found a girlfriend, but most of the mooks were betting against it.
Mammon was highly irritable being pulled away from the budget until they found out why.
They wanted to know how their target kept killing their teams as well.
An hour later...
Squalo snuck into the apartment...it was surprisingly clean for a teenager. The information they had on this girl was limited, but according to the few sources Mammon talked to she had recently gotten a new boyfriend.
The guy was about sixteen or seventeen, blond, and had a punk rock style. Oh, and he apparently had a thing for knives.
The second he touched the door knob into the main living area, he found himself flung by some weird Mist-fuckery and stuck to the wall as if it were straight up glue. There was no way for him to get loose and if whatever this was got stuck in his hair he was going to be pissed.
Mammon was trapped mere moments later, though they were at least hit with some sort of backlash and not stuck to the wall. It was like gravity had decided to assert itself with a greater degree of force than normal and the Mist's annoying frog creature refused to cooperate.
The door opened.
"You know this is getting really annoying," their target commented. "At least it's only two this time, so the clean-up shouldn't be nearly as long."
That was when Squalo's day went from bad to straight up shitty.
Because the one who walked in next, who fit the limited profile of the girl's mystery boyfriend, was none other than Belphegor.
Belphegor was more interested in the girl and had his arm rather possessively around her waist.
"We really need to find out who keeps sending these..." he started, before he registered who was stuck to the wall and who was trapped on the floor.
Squalo could see the exact moment it hit him what was going on. Because the little shit started howling at his predicament.
"VOI! Get me down from here you little shit! Why the fuck didn't you say it was your girlfriend we were targeting?!"
Belphegor was too busy trying to breath from how hard he was cackling, unable to say anything.
"Mu. I am so charging you through the nose for this," said Mammon irate beyond belief.
Belphegor took notice of Mammon, before looking at his girlfriend.
"Can you release Mammy first? I want to get some pictures of the shark peasant before he attempts to delete them."
"Wait...you know these people? He has the same outfit those idiots who keep trying to break in wear before I strip them down to their skivvies and let you have fun with them," she said incredulous.
"We work for the same group," said Mammon.
"Ah. Well far be it for me to get in the way of blackmail that will never be lived down," said the girl cheerfully, before she did something to release the Mist first. Mammon was less than happy about the fact they had no idea they were targetting someone their younger colleague was dating...until Jazz handed the Mist a high-quality camera.
Mammon soon joined Belphegor in taking as many pictures as possible for blackmail purposes later.
Once they were able to hide the pictures someplace Squalo couldn't immediately find and destroy them, Jazz let him down. He promptly checked the condition of his hair. Satisfied there was nothing sticking to it, he glared at the smirking blond.
"How long have you two been dating, and why the fuck didn't you tell us that we were targeting your girlfriend?"
"We only started officially dating after the first batch of mooks showed up, and the target was too low-level to interest me. I was wondering why some of the idiots she captured looked so familiar," shrugged Belphegor.
"Do I dare ask where they are?" asked Squalo.
"The first batch of idiots Belphegor straight up killed. The second batch is in jail for at least the next year for completely unrelated charges that are mostly based around several accounts of public indecency...among other things. The third ones are being used as examples to traumatize the fourth batch which are still waiting for whatever I can come up with to make them talk about who keeps sending these idiots to break into my apartment," said Jazz, counting off what they had done with the assassins. "I was mostly waiting for that information before I showed up to have a 'chat' with whoever kept annoying me with half-assed assassins who aren't nearly as creative as Bel."
"You're a witch. That's how you managed to capture so many teams," said Mammon.
Jazz rolled her eyes.
"Is it my fault every assassin that comes in here with intent to maim or kill me never thinks to look for traps once they're inside? You thought it would be an easy job because of the difficulty you had getting in through a window that you never stopped to realize there was a trap ward on the inner part of the apartment."
Squalo and Mammon were already kicking themselves over that. Belphegor just looked amused more than anything.
Mammon looked rather irritable to be honest.
"I'm canceling the contract on you," they said. "It's more trouble than it's worth pissing off Belphegor and they said nothing about you being a witch."
They would have taken a considerable amount of precautions if the client had deigned to add that little detail. As it was the fact she was dating Belphegor was reason enough to cancel it.
Never mind that if they succeeded they would have pissed the Storm off considerably, but the inevitable moping would have annoyed everyone and killed off anyone stupid enough to attract his attention during the bad times.
"By the way, who was the one who put the hit out on me anyway?" she asked curiously.
Mammon blinked under their hood.
"Someone with the surname of Black," they replied.
"...You're kidding, right?" said Jazz. "Was it a man or a woman?"
"It was a teenager, about the same age as you two with slicked back blond hair and pale gray eyes," said Mammon.
"That sneaky, slimy little ferret!" snarled Jazz.
"You know this peasant?" said Belphegor.
"He's my cousin," said Jazz, her tone alone implying the sheer level of disgust she had at that fact. "That little shit has been jealous of me from day one ever since I had the sense to ignore his so called 'suggestion' of friendship. Though I was blissfully unaware we were related through his mother until recently. His real name is Draco Malfoy, though he probably thought using his mother's maiden name would hide his tracks. He's not exactly very bright when it comes to plots against me."
"Should I dispose of this peasant for you? As amusing as it is to put the mooks in their place, it was rather irritating having our movie nights interrupted by their shouting," said Belphegor.
"I can handle that spoiled ponce easily enough. Especially since his mother married into his family. I could have her marriage annulled and her cast out because her obnoxious bratty son attempted to murder the head of the family and had it traced back to him. The only thing the Malfoys have going for them is that they're ridiculously rich...they needed the extra prestige Narcissa brought in by being part of an ancient and noble bloodline. Take that away from them and they'll lose a lot of power among the noblility they rely on."
Belphegor couldn't help the rather delightful shiver that went down his spine hearing how she planned to utterly ruin the peasant who dared to conspire against her without actually killing him.
Some fates were worse than actually dying, and from the sound of things this brat was about to find himself facing the dark side of politics among the nobility for his half-assed assassination plot.
Jazz wasn't finished though.
"And since I do have some power over that brat, I could easily demand a very large compensation from the Malfoys for his stunt... enough to really make it hurt or convince Lucius to cut his moronic son loose," said Jazz viciously.
"I sense a large amount of money about to be made and I want in," said Mammon immediately.
"How good are you at managing large sums of gold and other precious metals?"
"I'm a licensed accountant and have a degree in forensic accounting. I handle the budget for the Varia as part of my job."
"So you would actually know the best places to invest vaults full of several metric tons of gold in order to earn obscene amounts of money, correct?" asked Jazz hopefully.
Mammon smirked.
"I would."
"How large a percentage would you like to handle my accounts? I have absolutely no clue what to do with it besides paying the bills."
"Fifteen percent," said Mammon, high-balling to see how good at bargaining she was.
"Twenty and you agree to help make the lives of people who irritate me into a living hell by robbing them blind for a higher cut," Jazz countered.
Mammon was in their happy place.
"Deal," said Mammon. They turned to the overly amused Prince. "I highly approve of your girlfriend and strongly suggest you snatch her up before anyone realizes what a catch she is."
"...Can we string along the fact I'm actually dating someone to make the betting pool bigger in exchange for a cut?" asked Bel.
"God yes! After this headache screwing over the idiots over whether you found a girlfriend crazy enough to date you sounds fucking theraputic!" said Squalo irate. He was going to get very drunk over this crap.
But not before he lit into the two teams she had trapped in her basement and found out where the hell the second team had been sent by the cops.
He wanted to know why the hell they hadn't called headquarters to get them out of jail and warn them that the target was dating Belphegor of all people.
(As it turned out, they never saw the Storm officer and were too embarrassed to admit a civilian had gotten the drop on them to say anything.)
If there was one thing that amused Belphegor, it was the fact that Jazz knew how to operate a DVD remote and other appliances, but still tripped up over something as common as a cell phone.
She had been happy when he bought her one, and amused that the first number programmed into it was his own. The second being Mammon of course.
His amusement had only grown as he walked her through how to use the device and had come to love reading the texts she kept sending him during his job.
He didn't think anyone would actually forget her first trip to the Varia's castle though.
Cheshire- So bored. Stupid Nono decided to make a surprise visit and is being more irritating than usual. Stupid fake king.
Princess- Why not throw him out then?
Cheshire- because the bitch fest wouldn't be worth it, and the shark peasant would make everyone suffer with him.
Princess- I have a fresh batch of cookies. Do you think we've made the peasants stew enough over whether you have a girlfriend yet?
Cheshire- Ushishishi.
Mammon- If you want to inform the masses that Belphegor has an actual girlfriend, feel free. You're on your own once you enter the castle, unless you pay me upfront for protection.
Princess- If I can handle Bel when he's in one of his moods, I can handle a castle full of bored assassins. Besides, sneaking around is my specialty~
Cheshire- Where are you now?
Princess- That...is a secret. If you give me directions once I'm inside I could crash that boring meeting for you and give that 'fake king' you dislike so much something else to focus on other than boring you all to death.
Cheshire- Ushishishi. The prince will have to reward you if you do.
Princess- fresh cookies and one distraction, coming right up~!
Mammon- ...any strawberry-chocolate eclairs?
Princess- I made a batch just for you and I'll bring that chilled strawberry milk you like since I have the feeling this 'king' Bel mentioned is giving both of you headaches.
In the Varia castle...
Squalo would not admit it at first, but the sight of Belphegor's odd girlfriend waltzing in with fresh baked goods and a kiss on the blond's cheek was a relief after two hours of nonstop "bow before me" bullshit from Nono. And the glaring Coyote was giving Bel for texting almost nonstop during the entire meeting.
What happened next would be immortalized in his memory for the rest of his life. And thanks to the wonder of pensieves, Xanxus would never let his adopted father live it down either.
It certainly improved his mood when he was finally freed from that damn ice.
Nono tried to reassert his dominance by flaring his Sky flames in the room...and the next thing any of them were able to register, Jazz had used some sort of magic bullshit that allowed her to throw both him and Coyote through the partially open window, chair and all.
Dead silence descended on the room.
"Voi...did your girlfriend just defenstrate Nono and that asshole Coyote?" said Squalo in awe and wicked delight.
This totally made up for trapping him on that damn wall like a fly to a glue strip for fifteen minutes.
Belphegor was too busy howling to properly answer.
"That was irritating," said Jazz, pissed off. She noticed the odd cane and she disliked it immediately. "Anyone object to me turning this thing into kindling and dumping these rings down the toilet?"
Squalo stared when he registered that she had somehow dislodged the Vongola Sky and Storm rings from their owners.
"Voi! How did you get those off?"
"Hell if I know. They were by the window and having to fish these out of the septic system sounds like a wonderful way to utterly ruin their week."
Squalo's grin was positively evil.
"Give them to me. I'll flush them in the main mansion instead so they can't bug us to do it," said Squalo.
"Shishishi! Flush them down CEDEF's system instead," said Belphegor once he caught his breath.
Squalo's smirk made him look far too much like his namesake.
"Can you pull off some of that magic bullshit to keep those bastard out of here from now on? At least until that fucker gets replaced?"
"Possibly," said Jazz.
Belphegor gleefully scooped up his princess and hugged her to him tightly.
"Mine," he said with delighted possessiveness.
"Fuck, she's welcome to visit anytime if she pulls shit like that," said Squalo, good mood thoroughly restored.
"I bring cookies and a large amount of hangover remedy so you can get drunk and not have a raging headache the next morning."
Squalo looked at the amused Storm brat.
"Marry that woman," he said seriously.
Jazz blushed, making her look even cuter than she already did.
On a completely unrelated note, it quickly became a hot topic among the men that the Ripper Prince's cute girlfriend threw the annoyance that was the Ninth Vongola don and his Storm guardian out of the window without actually knowing who they were.