Chapter 5

"Even in the grave, all is not lost."

― Edgar Allan Poe

Usagi's parents were seated at the run-down table before her while she stood before them; she had no clue how to start this. How did you tell your parents, who only just got you back after five years, that you are leaving again?

She regretted it; regretted leaving them in the first place, and for being as foolish as she had been that night, Usagi lost her time to that Youma. She should have waited for help. She should have fought harder, made sure not to have gotten so severely injured. But, it was all hindsight, the last five years were gone, and now she had to make up for it all. Seeing her parents and letting them know she was alive was a good start.

Now Usagi had to fix the mess she made when Sailor Moon went to sleep. No matter how much it pained her to leave them again, she could never be happy with them while the world remained broken because of her. So Usagi refused to live her life as a…. disappointment.

Still, she was hesitating, searching in vain for the right words. Unsure where to start or if she even could, she continued to stand in tense silence before them. She was still so weak, a scared, pathetic little girl.

Warmth flooded her, Mamoru coming up behind and placing a hand gently on her back. She found her strength returning, somehow knowing deep inside that he would support her, no matter what. "Momma, Papa, I have to go."

Mom paled while father let out an uncomfortable and forced chuckle. "You know where the restroom is, Usa." She shook her head slowly, sadly, and her mother started to cry. Silent tears slipped down Usagi's face while the smirk drained off her father's face. "I don't understand… you just got here? We waited. Mamoru, you assured us… promised us she would come back to us!"

"Mamoru has as much control over this as you do. This is my choice, my fate. I have to go."

"Go where? Huh? Where is it you have to go that is so important that it requires leaving your family behind again?"

Usagi shook, her whole body trembling at the cold tone her father used. "I'm sorry. I don't expect you to understand… I just… need you to let me go."

Her father huffed, his eyes glaring at the table before him. "You just said we had no control. So what do need us to 'let' you go for?"

".. I might… never come back…."

The hand at her back gripped her shirt tightly, pulling her back away from the table. "Usagi will come back. I promise."

Slack-jawed, Usagi stared up at the dark man, confused and angry. "I know you to be a man of your word, Mamoru, so if you say you will bring her back, then I trust you."

Usagi's father still didn't look at either of them, her mother jumping up from her chair and pulling them both into a crushing hug. "When do you leave?"

"As soon as possible. We need to be out of town before the next raid."

Usagi felt her mother nod against her cheek at Mamoru's words. Then, releasing them, Mamoru continued to pull Usagi by the back of her shirt, making a quick promise to say goodbye before they left. Once outside, she slapped his hand away, glaring at his back as he walked before her unscathed.

"Why did you do that? Say that to them? You can't promise them that!"

"You used to be an optimist."

"I still am! But I am also realistic! There is no guarantee here, Mamoru!"

He spun, catching her off guard, his anger now beating into her. "There is a guarantee! You are coming back alive. I won't allow it to be any other way."

She now struggled to breathe, his eyes borrowing into her with such intensity, she was sure he meant every single word. "Mamoru…"

"Five years, Usagi. For five years, we waited, thinking you were dead or would never wake up." He stalked over to her, looming over her and grabbing her shoulders roughly. "You're coming back…." Suddenly, his face and hands dropped, sliding down to her elbows. "... Do you… remember the last time we spoke? You worried you were a disappointment?" She nodded, unable to do anything else, and he knew it without seeing. "If you.. had seen how…. everyone was when you were gone. You would never feel that way again."

She felt light-headed; her inability to breathe and her racing heart, standing was the only thing she was managing to do, and even that, she did poorly. If Mamoru were to release her, his grip gentle on her elbows, she would fall over. Her only saving grace was his bowed head, refusing to look at her as he spoke, missing the furious blush she had on her face.

"Mamoru, Usa, let's GO!"

Toki broke the silence and the spell, Mamoru ripping his fingers from her and air returning to her lungs. The world still spun for a moment, his attention elsewhere, allowing her to lean against the wall and rally.

A few steps ahead of her, she found the will to get up and follow him. A second or two later, he remembered her, turning around to offer her his hand. Even though she could have just followed him or probably made it to the 'screen room' on her own, she took it anyway. She never wanted to turn down anything Mamoru offered her.

Luna looked a lot better, now rested. However, Usagi's guilt from making a pregnant woman walk day and night still swelled again. Artemis stood next to his wife at the back of the room. A room that was by no means small, but with all the equipment and now the twelve or fifteen bodies that filled it, it felt tiny. Usagi pushed and shoved her way back to her guardian, offering smiles and apologies that few acknowledged. And the ones that did made her a bit uncomfortable.

Mamoru went to the front, standing on the consol's other side while Toki ran the display behind him. The group was loud, talking and cutting up amongst one another, making her want to go alone again.

Stoic, Mamoru looked over the group, the sight of him caused the group to hush and silence reasonably quickly while it caused Usagi to shiver. "Alright, guys, the mission is simple. We're going to head North, taking the highlighted path until we are ten miles out, reaching this train station." Mamoru pointed to the map as he spoke, the group wrapped up in his briefing. "Once there, we will quickly find a functioning rail or make it work to take us into Kyoto. There should be a vehicle or two to get us the rest of the way; if not, we will walk. It will take roughly five days to reach the research center there."

A man raised his hand, not waiting for Mamoru to acknowledge him before calling out. "Aye, Chiba-san, you got a death wish or something? You know Kyoto is completely surrounded. You ready to take on that many Youma?"

Usagi caught the glance Mamoru sent her way before looking back at the man. "We need to be as covert as possible. No making waves this time, guys." They chuckled, a joke Usagi was clearly left out of. "Stealth is key to the success of this trip."

Another voice called out, the source unseen, but she recognized Saori's voice at this point. "And once at Kyoto we… what? Turn around and come back? Go off into outer space? What is the end game here, Chiba-san?"

"That is for me to know. No one outside this room is to know what I have told you. Anyone who asks, we are going on a recon mission. If you have a problem with that, there's the door." He pointed, and Usagi waited (almost praying) for at least some of them to leave. But no one budged, something she was sure Mamoru expected, his smirk confirming it to her. "Good. We leave in two hours. Say your goodbyes and grab your supplies!"

They all filed out, the room thinning until Toki, Luna, Artemis, Mamoru, and Shingo were the only ones that remained. Saori lingered for a few moments, along with the other woman Usagi had seen with her the first day. But a look from Mamoru and they quickly left with a huff.

Releasing a sigh, she gained the attention of the two Maus. "Are you alright, Usagi-chan?"

"Am I alright?! What about you?!"

Luna cringed. "Mamoru-san told you huh?"

Grabbing her hard, Usagi pulled her cat into a fierce hug, Luna returning it in spades. "Why didn't YOU tell me?"

"It wasn't important at the time. I needed to get you here to Mamoru-san."

"Thank you for your consideration but don't ever hide something like this from me again!"

Luna cringed, pulling away before either of them could say another word. It was hard to ignore the ever-gnawing feeling that things were just not right. Other than the evident world domination, that is. Now she was getting the feeling that Luna was also keeping something from Usagi.

She forced her fears back down into the lower pits of her belly, looking between the husband and wife duo. "You realize this means neither of you can come with us, right?"

"What?! But you need us…."

"Save it. Your baby needs you more."

Luna grabbed her hands up in hers, "Usagi.. you're important to me. I don't want to let you down again!"

"Then make sure you give me a beautiful and healthy…. baby Mau."

"But Artemis…"

"Needs to stay and take care of you. I refuse to be responsible for leaving any child fatherless. You both stay."

Shingo draped an arm around Usagi's shoulders, putting far more weight than was necessary on her. "Don't worry, Luna; I won't let anything happen to my sis!"

"You aren't coming either."

He dropped his arm, eyes wide as he stared at her. "WHAT?!"

"You need to stay here and take care of Mom and Dad."

"But… but Usa!"

She just shook her head, his bowing in response like a scalded child. A part of her feared he would follow anyway, hearing the stories of him sneaking out already. But one look in his eyes and she knew he understood, that one child had to stay behind.

Luna and Artemis took him out of the room, the three of them consoling one another. Toki and Mamoru still stood near the consol, discussing what she had no clue about. Getting closer, the two of them grew silent, lost in their work.

"You should be with your family, telling them goodbye."

She nodded, looking back to see neither of them moving. "What about you two? Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

Mamoru didn't even flinch, confirming her fears that he had already lost his family. Instead, Toki looked up at her with a smile. "My family is in England currently, Whales. They are waiting for me to join them soon."

"Whales?"

A few taps on the keyboard and a map appeared, this time a map of the Eastern Hemisphere, a route glowing before her. It stretched from where they now stood to the arctic, a few bubbles marking stops along the way. Whales were one of them, after Omsk, Russia, and Berlin, Germany. Then London and then Whales. The trail ended there, the next spot on the map, a dot on Antarctica in the middle of nowhere.

"Mamoru… isn't this a little… indirect?"

"We are picking up a few people along the way."

"And we are going to walk and swim to all these places?"

Toki looked up at her, Mamoru busy doing God knows what. "Beryl hit Tokyo the hardest, Usagi-chan. Russia and Germany are a little rough, but England is still going strong. We will walk to the train, then take the train to Kyoto, then boat, car, plane, and probably car again."

"Probably?"

"Look, Usa." Mamoru grabbed her shoulders, turning her to the door and pushing her with a bit of force. "We got it covered. Just trust me."

Standing in front of the door, she faced him, a smile and a shrug. "Sure. I trust you, Mamoru."

And there it was again -guilt. He opened the door behind Usagi without another word, turning and leaving Usagi to walk out alone.

Her goodbyes to her parents were what one would expect, tears and promises to see one another again soon. Although, it was hard to promise soon after seeing the big plan. Usagi felt more confident in promising to return with Mamoru's words earlier.

The hours passed far too quickly, a large crowd gathering to send them all off. With Usagi's parents and Shingo in tow, Usagi managed to find Mamoru in a mess. People were shaking his hand and patting his back as they wished him luck.

"I don't know what we are going to do without you, Mamoru. The residence hall is only half-built!"

Mamoru caught sight of Usagi, getting a nervous look about him. "I'll be back and help you dig."

The man chuckled heartily, another inside joke lost on Usagi, even as her parents giggled a little.

The rest staying inside, the selected few made for the surface, and she found herself getting giddy at the idea. It would be the first time she breathed fresh air in three days; the smell of dirt was starting to drive her insane.

A hood over her head, her mother, stopped her just at the main entrance of the stronghold. "Here, dear. Everything you will need for your…. trip."

Her mother handed her a heavy backpack. Not bothering to look inside, Usagi slung it over her shoulder. With her mother's hands now free, she took up adjusting everything she could, the clothes Usagi now wore her mother's. It fit as well as she could expect, a little better with her older and thicker body, but the best part was it smelled like home. A dark purple shirt tucked into the tight black jeans (her mother swore were too small and the shirt's neckline too low for her mom's liking). Even in this day and time, her mother tried to make her feel better for 'borrowing' her clothes.

The last thing her mother touched was her coat, pulling it in a little tighter around her. Grabbing them all up in a hug, Usagi shed the last tears she would for her family. It was all she was going to allow.

It was dark, not even the moon showing, but the air was still clear and crisp compared to the hole they had been in. Only the group remained, taking off in the direction given by Mamoru. She was stopped again, Luna and Artemis standing bravely outside with them.

Taking one of her hands, Artemis dropped a multitude of bobby pins into her hand. "You will need these. For money or your hair."

"Here, Usagi-chan, you might need these too."

In Luna's hand were her old communicator and disguise pen. "Oh, Luna! I thought these were long gone! What about my henshin?"

"You will get that later… when it is safe for you to use." A hand grabbed her and began gently pulling her away. Luna nodded towards them. "Mamoru will take care of you until then. I'm sure of it. We will see you again, Usagi-chan."

Even though it was a statement, there was a question in it. Usagi's eyes darted to Mamoru as he pulled her along and away from her guardian. He gave her a leering look, one that told her he was waiting and listening, seeing if she believed his words earlier.

Looking back at Luna, she flashed the Mauian her brightest smile. "I'll be back before the baby is born."

Artemis wrapped an arm around his wife, a glint in his eyes as he watched the two of them disappear. "I hope so; you're taking our doctor with you!"

Like Usagi needed another reason to feel guilty. Now she knew the truth, the reason behind Mamoru's 'popularity'. He was the stronghold's doctor! He probably saved every single person in that place at least once in one way or another.

Usagi was at the back of the group while they walked in silence. She watched them while they watched their surroundings. The sun was slowly rising (having started their journey a few hours before dawn); they still had several hours to go yet till they were free of the charred, metal graveyard that was Tokyo.

Mamoru was at the group's head while Toki walked next to him, a map in his hands. She was utterly lost, with no clue where they were. They turned, seeming to take themselves off the path they had been beating, and it wasn't just her that noticed. Saori and three others stopped, looking back and forth between the way Mamoru took them and the opposite direction.

"We should take fifth." A short, thin man with red hair asked.

"Chiba-san, is time not of the essence here?" The outspoken one from earlier interjected.

Saori stood silent with her hands on her hips. The rest of the group (including herself) caught up, Saori's eyes darting to her and then back to Mamoru with a smirk. "It's alright, boys. Chiba-san is just protecting our precious cargo."

A few eyes glanced over at her, but Usagi only saw Mamoru, nervousness and fear clouding his eyes. Mamoru was trying to protect her, but all he was doing was making things worse. Time was of the essence; they couldn't take the long road just because he thought she might get scared. She wasn't a little girl anymore, and there were far more critical things.

Turning on her heel silently, Usagi headed in the direction the others indicated, towards fifth. Mamoru and Artemis had spoken about it, talking about it being in ruins: few surviving. Now more than anything, she wanted to see it; the street she remembered had a lovely ice cream shop her mother used to take her to as a child.

She didn't get far, Mamoru's voice calling out to her from a distance. "Usagiii…."

His tone was warning, but she didn't care. "Save it, Mamoru!"

She heard a few chuckles behind her, the group finding the whole situation funny. "Usagi, come back here now!"

Turning, she walked backward, not slowing. "I'm not fourteen anymore, Mamoru-baka!"

He was taking off after her, pushing through the group who was doing nothing -just enjoying the show. The only one who showed any concern was Toki, the fear on his face was evident and made Usagi doubt for a second. "Funny, 'cause you are acting exactly like the fourteen-year-old I knew!"

She turned again, this time running, and she could hear his feet pick up their pace behind her. But she had a lead on him, rounding the corner to Fifth street before he even had a chance to catch up. It was only a few seconds, but she still saw it all.

Mamoru grabbed her, pulling her back hard by her waist. The sight left her, Mamoru pulling her back just enough that the remaining buildings now blocked her view. But the image burned in Usagi's brain.

Pushing away from Mamoru hard, she bent over, throwing up the breakfast she shared with her parents before she left: their last meal together. Mamoru said nothing, holding whatever he could of hers back, so it didn't get soiled and rubbing her back.

The street was rubble, large pieces of cement covering the ground. And the buildings had had their foundations knocked out, the rest falling in on itself. But that wasn't what bothered Usagi.

"There was a small group that stayed here; Scavengers mostly. They had taken up in the buildings high above, thinking they were safe. We tried to get them to leave many times, but since the air raids never touched them and there were so many goods in the area, they refused. Then, the Youmas found them. I'm not sure how. Maybe one saw someone coming back from a recon or heard them. I tried… I tried to get to them."

The street was littered with bodies, all varying stages of decay. Those in the sun were the worst, bloated with rot. He didn't even need to tell her the rest; she could figure it out. The Youmas pulled all the people they could find out of the buildings and drained them dry one at a time. Then knocked the buildings down to kill off any survivors. Mamoru must have saved those people, the ones trapped in the buildings.

"How… how many? How many got out?"

Mamoru hesitated, and Usagi thought he wasn't going to answer her. "Fifteen."

She resisted the urge to throw up again -her guilt coming to a head- and Usagi wasn't sure she could even stand. When she said and did nothing, Mamoru righted her, holding her up and making her look at him. "How about… from now on…. you listen to me?"

She nodded, and he pulled her into him. Looking past him, she saw the rest of the group slowly making their way over to them, taking their time to save for Saori. "It's all my fault, Mamoru."

Rapidly, he pulled her back, holding her at arm's length and glaring at her. Mamoru's anger coming out of nowhere had Usagi in shock. "Don't say that… EVER again."

He was whispering, the group now in hearing distance, so she nodded wide-eyed. Toki reached her, pulling her from Mamoru's hold and taking her away. She now faced the original direction away from the mass grave behind her.

"All of you, get back in line. No one look."

Mamoru's tone was threatening, far harsher than when he spoke to her moments ago. No one fought him on it, and she was pretty sure not a single one of them so much as attempted to look.

She was the only one who didn't follow orders.