If there was one thing being part of the Vongola prepared you for, it was weird situations that made no damn sense. Especially when you were head of the Varia and had to keep a bunch of bored assassins busy lest they found other...entertainment.
Weird/disturbing did not adequately describe the sheer level of mindfuckery the Mist division could get up to when motivated to end their own boredom, particularly when it came to finding loopholes that their officer wouldn't charge them for.
So waking up in what appeared and felt like his body before he awakened his flames was unusual, but did not really rank in the top ten of Xanxus' collective "what the fuck?" moments. It was in the top twenty though.
Xanxus took stock of what he had been doing before he woke up. The only explanation he could come up with was that the Decimo trash's damn scientists had been messing around with the damn Ten Year Bazooka again and he had been collateral damage. He had heard stories of the wimp getting caught up with that stupid thing more than once, and the sometimes modified versions of the ammo, but this was his first encounter with the thing.
It took him several moments to get over the fact that he was in his much younger body and that his mother was...at the moment...very much alive and with him again.
Maybe he wouldn't outright kill the trash that got him caught up in their stupid experiments with that damn bazooka...but he'd still make his displeasure at their meddling known by trashing their labs.
Xanxus was more annoyed than angry over the fact he was still stuck in his younger body a week later. It seemed he would have to relive his childhood.
At the moment he decided he'd enjoy the time with his Ma, since he never saw her again ever since she got it in her head he was Timoteo Vongola's illegitimate son. So long as she didn't find out about his Flames, he could stay.
It almost seemed like a dream, and he was understandably tense when the day that changed his life came. The day that lying old bastard of the Vongola came into his life and took him away. His Ma picked up that something was off, but she didn't understand what.
It was almost a relief when it passed.
His Ma looked both excited and nervous. He couldn't figure out why...this kid definitely wasn't one of her customers, and there was no way he was a mafioso. He felt too...civilian for one.
"Ma...who is this?" he asked cautiously.
His Ma wrung her hands nervously. She clearly didn't know how to begin explaining.
The barely adult male looked slightly less uncomfortable, so he opted to explain. He bent down to Xanxus' level, which made the time-displaced Wrath like him slightly better already.
"My name is Harry...and I'm your distant cousin."
Xanxus blinked.
"My what?" he repeated incredulous.
Harry looked a tad exasperated and tired for some reason.
"Long story short, your mother is part of a rather long line of old bloods and didn't fit a certain...requirement. As such she was fortunate enough that they merely kicked her out rather than dispose of her permanently. However since there is a recent change in leadership regarding the head of the family, it was agreed to reach out to everyone who was kicked out for ridiculous reasons and bring them home. Our numbers are too few to let something as ridiculous as a power requirement hold us back."
Xanxus couldn't help it.
"I call bullshit. Some family member showing up out of the blue that comes from old money is just a fairy tale," he said bluntly.
"Xanxus!" scolded his Ma.
"I agree," said Harry. "But it's also true that nobility has a habit of tossing out illegitimate children or 'undesirables' to the harsh reality of real life without any protection to save face until they suddenly need them," said Harry. "And every fairy tale does have a basis in fact."
He had a point there.
"So why now?" asked Xanxus. Something told him this Harry wasn't lying, and what he said did make a valid point.
Harry looked both annoyed and uncomfortable.
"To be blunt, I needed to find an heir to shut up certain individuals who seem to believe all I need to 'recover' is to get married and settle down with a girl I consider a surrogate sister. I may be many things, but I don't want to be accused of having an Oedipus complex," he said sourly. "So I used the excuse of tracking down family members as a reason to get away for an extended period of time."
Xanxus blinked. He knew liars, and from what he could tell, this Harry was telling nothing but the truth.
"...Wasn't Oedipus that Greek who killed his father and married his mother?" asked Xanxus slowly.
"Well at least you know your mythology, and yes," said Harry.
Xanxus looked at his Ma, who had a strange expression of hope in her eyes.
"So what are you planning to do with us?" he asked.
"Well for starters I came to see if your mother was interested in rejoining the family. Like I said, our numbers are too few at the moment and we need all of our family we can get. I was unaware she had a son."
Xanxus looked at his Ma. She definitely wanted to rejoin her family.
"What about me?" he asked.
"I'm bringing both of you with me. We'll work from there," said Harry.
Xanxus thought it over for a moment. On one hand, leaving meant that the odds of the Vongola learning about him or his flames were minimal at best. On the other hand, this "Harry" was a complete unknown. He would be embarking on completely foreign territory.
Then he thought about all the crap he went through the first time, and the complete bullshit the Ninth and his asshole guardians (never mention that absolute bastard Iemitsu) put him through last time and his decision came easily. Worst case scenario, he found a way to hitch a ride back to Italy and rejoined the Varia later.
"I'm in," said Xanxus.
The relief and hope on his Ma's face was almost painful.
"We'll leave for England in a few days. I just have to arrange things first."
Three days later...
Xanxus looked at the flimsy wooden stake in his hands incomprehensibly. What the hell was he supposed to do with this, and why did his Ma have that weird expression of pained hope and longing on her face when she looked at it.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this, trash?" he demanded of Harry.
"Give it a wave. If something unusual happens, then we'll know if you have the gift," said Harry bluntly, unfazed by Xanxus' casual use of swears. It had taken him two days to realize Xanxus wasn't trying to be openly insulting to people when he called them trash...it was just his nature.
The fact Harry wasn't calling him out on it like the Ninth had within the first week made Xanxus like the Brit a bit more already. His only request was that Xanxus tone down the worst of his list of swears when around children or people who had the power to actually do something other than bitch about it to Harry. Also, to not use them around his other cousins unless he could pin the blame on someone who actually desired the ire of the women who gave birth to them.
Not getting the reasoning, Xanxus waved the stick like a makeshift baton.
You could excuse him for almost jumping out of his skin when a nearby evergreen tree exploded. As in it literally became a pile of splinters simply because it was on the wrong end of where Xanxus was pointing the stake.
He stared at it, then at the stake in his hands.
"What the fuck, trash?" he demanded.
"Well good news, you definitely have the gift in spades," said Harry cheerfully.
Xanxus felt incredibly gratified at the yelp Harry gave when he kicked the bastard in the shin.
"Trash, explain."
Harry rubbed his poor abused shin.
"You have magic. A good deal of it, from what I can tell after that little display. I mostly gave you that spare wand to see if there would be a reaction."
If he were anyone else, Xanxus would have called bullshit. Except he was the head of the Varia, and there were a number of squibs and 'muggleborns' who had been part of his group who had to explain the other subculture revolving around supernatural powers after he became Varia Boss.
So he knew it existed, but he had no idea he had this magic on top of his Wrath flames. It had probably gone unnoticed, considering the headaches he had in the Vongola main house growing up.
"So...magic," he said carefully.
"The good news is that we caught it early enough to get you training," said Harry. "The only question is what you want to do."
Xanxus looked at him.
"What I want to do?"
"I'm not going to pressure you into one career path or another. My motives for tracking you down were selfish enough and I remember all too well how pissed I was having people older and supposedly wiser than me telling me how my life would go without any input on my part simply because they claimed to 'know what was best for me'," said Harry. The sheer level of bitterness said volumes of how much crap he had to go through without hearing any details. "Which is why I want your honest opinion of what you want to do, before I arrange any potential tutors outside the basic education you'll get at Hogwarts."
Xanxus stared him down for several long moments, judging his sincerity. The trash...wasn't lying.
"And if I said I wanted to join the most exclusive group of mafia assassins and take over as it's boss?" said Xanxus. Despite the headaches he had gone through, he had still loved being the boss of the Varia. It was home.
"Then I say you had best prepare for hell, because I will put your scrawny arse through the wringer to make sure that everyone knows not to mess with the Black family," said Harry without hesitation. "If you want to become an assassin, that's fine with me so long as you don't become some mad dog that kills without conscience. Our reputation is low enough without adding another one into our ranks."
Xanxus was caught off guard by that response. Harry...wasn't joking.
"Do your worst, scum," said Xanxus, sneering.
Harry POV, Three weeks later...
Harry looked into the disapproving eyes of the others and stared back unrepentant.
"Really Harry? What on earth possessed you to adopt that absolute menace and name him your heir as head of the Black family?" demanded Ginny.
"Never mind his mother," muttered Hermione disapprovingly.
"I was told by Andy that the Black family ring might not accept Teddy as the heir because of the lingering side effects of Remus' condition. So I went looking for anyone else that might be able to handle the family magics that were the right age," said Harry. "Xanxus has taken to the things Andy and Narcissa know of the family spells better than Teddy, and this means I can pass on the Potter ring to him instead since it's a bit more forgiving about creature inheritances."
"When are you finally going to settle down?" demanded Molly. "I mean really, it's great that you're returning some of the family back to where they belong..."
Harry rolled his eyes.
"Regardless of what you might think, I have zero romantic interest in Ginny. She's too much of a little sister to me," said Harry. "I'd rather explore my options rather than settle down with someone convenient because it's expected of me."
Ginny frowned at that.
"Is that really how you see me?"
"Ginny, the Weasleys are the closest thing to a family I have, next to Teddy and Andromeda. And I'm sorry, but you look far too much like my mother for me to be comfortable with," said Harry honestly.
Hermione decided to try a different topic, as she wasn't stupid enough to open this can of worms.
"Why haven't you done a thing about his swearing habit?" she demanded.
Harry snorted.
"Hermione, they were living in the slums when I found them. Trying to tame a feral spitfire like Xanxus is just asking for needless headaches. Right now I'm more focused on earning something close to his trust and respect, and it'll take time to curb some of his less acceptable habits. I have asked him to tone down his swearing around anyone younger than eleven," said Harry flatly.
"How has Teddy taken this?"
"He's excited at the idea of a big brother, and Xanxus is starting to warm up to him," said Harry.
Xanxus was clearly not used to being a role model of any sort...Harry had high hopes that having to act as a big brother would calm the little spitfire down enough that they could work with him.
He wasn't daft enough to treat Xanxus the same way he did the other children...he had the same survival instincts Harry did at that age and more. It would take time and patience before the boy properly opened up to them.
Xanxus looked at his baby cousin confused. How was he supposed to interact with this kid? He barely remembered being a brat himself, and none of the knowledge he had from the slums was remotely appropriate to teach him.
Well, except maybe the fighting bits. Andromeda had called his stances sloppy, but barely acceptable and had offered to introduce him to people who could teach him more advanced moves if he wanted to learn. She had no problem letting him play fight with Teddy since magic could fix up a broken nose and a bruise within hours at that.
Teddy though, had loved the idea of having an older brother. Especially since Xanxus didn't care one bit about the fact he could change his features on a whim. The first time Teddy had copied the angrier boy, Xanxus had been so thrown for a loop he had no freaking clue how to react to it. It had been adorable, and he still glared at Harry for taking many, many pictures.
He couldn't treat Teddy like Bel, because Belphegor had been a psychotic little shit even as a kid and already well used to violence and death. Teddy was still an innocent.
His only consolation was that Harry was apparently out of his depth with kids too, but he was better at hiding it.
And don't get him started on Molly Weasley. The woman kept trying to smother him and if he had to deal with one more soap spell because he let his language slip around her he was going to throw one of his fireballs at her.
Today was another lesson with Harry. In spite of his better judgment, Xanxus was growing to like the man. He was too nice for his own good, but he never talked down to him and if there was something he didn't want to tell Xanxus, he told him straight up.
As far as he could tell, Harry had yet to use any of the 'kid-friendly' lies around him or Teddy. He was already more honest to them than any of the other adults even tried to be.
In any case, Harry was leagues better than Timoteo had even tried to be.