Author's Note: The idea for this chapter was what convinced me to genderbend Winry as well as the Elric brothers. The only reason to do any of this is to explore the role gender has to play in the development of these characters and their relationships, after all. So I decided it was high time I really delve down into what Winston Rockbell is like in this AU.
Being the best friend of the Elric sisters was...interesting. They certainly weren't like any other girls Winston knew. Instead of shopping for dresses or giggling over their love lives (or whatever it was normal girls did), El and Addie had always been completely obsessed with alchemy. At an age when they should still be in school and trying to figure out whether they wanted to go to university or get a job, they'd already traveled around Amestris and saved many people's lives. Not to mention El's automail limbs and Addie's hollow body, and the trauma they'd been through to get them.
The Elric sisters didn't return to Risenpool very often anymore, but when they did come back home, Winston often felt like they'd gone off and grown up without him. Not that they were all that mature—well, Addie had always been wiser than her years, but El still had the same short fuse and big mouth that she'd always had. Sometimes Winston intentionally teased her, just for the reassurance that she hadn't really changed, deep down.
Because that was the problem: El acted so different sometimes. She'd been forced to grow up far too early, in some ways taking their mother's place for Addie. Winston knew what it was to lose one's parents at a young age, but it was different for him. He still had Granny to take care of him, and he didn't have a younger sibling to worry about. Even though Granny had immediately stepped in to make sure the Elric sisters were fed and cared for after their mother had passed, much of the pressure had still fallen on El's shoulders.
No wonder they'd tried to bring their mother back to life.
Winston had never realized just how strong El was until he was helping Granny through the automail surgery. The whole time, even though she had to stay conscious while they welded steel to her bones and connected her nerves to wires, El still didn't scream. She gasped with pain, gritted her teeth, and closed her eyes against the tears that trickled down her face. But all she talked about was Addie.
She can't even feel pain like this...
It's my fault. I'm the one who put her in that body.
I bet she hates me.
But she did it. She powered through the surgery and the physical therapy afterward. She learned how to use her automail as well as her real limbs, and she never wavered in her resolve to restore her and Addie's bodies.
Then El had gone off with Addie and become a State Alchemist, and before Winston knew it, he was reading their names in the paper. Every few weeks, it seemed, he would hear about another criminal they'd caught, or disaster they'd averted from some small town. And every time they came back home, it was to get El's automail repaired.
Winston yelled at El to take better care of his masterpieces, but really he was just trying to cover up his anxiety for her. He knew there were probably lots of details the papers wouldn't provide. Trouble they got into that the press didn't know about, or that wasn't sensational enough to be of interest to the masses.
But Winston was interested. El and Addie spoke less and less about what they were doing in their quest for the Philosopher's Stone. And if they didn't tell him anything, how was he supposed to help them?
The two of them had always kept secrets from him. Maybe it was because they were sisters and alchemists, or maybe it was just girls being mysterious, but there had always been conversations they'd have that he couldn't follow at all. But now, it was worse than ever. They referred to people and places he'd never heard of before, with as much familiarity as their old lives in Risenpool. More, even.
He felt left out.
But he knew why he was left out. He couldn't do the things El and Addie could. He couldn't wrap his mind around even the simplest of transmutations, and he didn't know how to fight. Sure, he could throw a punch or two, but he hadn't trained in martial arts like the Elric sisters. The only fights he'd ever been in were schoolyard scuffles, not actual fights on a real battlefield.
Generally, he agreed with his grandmother's low opinion of the military. His parents had left to join the military and serve their country, and look what had happened to them. And yet...sometimes, Winston wondered if he should have tried to join the military alongside his friends. Maybe then he could protect them.
Sometimes El would come back to get her automail fixed, and she would be covered in scrapes and bruises. Sometimes there were thick bandages or stitches. Sometimes, when working on her arm, he would glance over and see a scar on her back or her side that hadn't been there before.
He wasn't there to help her when those things happened. No matter how vehemently she tried to deny it, she was so...small. Her head didn't even come up to his shoulder. She was only fifteen. Still just a kid, regardless of everything she'd been through already.
And, okay, he was only fifteen too. But wasn't a man supposed to protect girls who were being threatened? So what did it say about him if he sat at home, warm and content, while his best friends were being beaten to a pulp?
Some man he was.
"Have you heard? The Elric sisters are fighting Scar down there!"
"Again? I sure hope those poor girls don't get hurt!"
"What were those military dogs thinking, taking on a couple of little girls? They had to know something like this would happen eventually..."
Winston's heart pounded painfully in his throat as he pushed through the crowd. The last time El and Addie had fought Scar (at least, the last time he'd heard about it), they'd ended up on his doorstep with El missing an arm and Addie's body in pieces. He couldn't let that happen again.
"Wait! Young man, don't go down there; it's too dangerous!"
Winston ducked around the corner of the alleyway, ignoring the man who'd yelled after him. He knew he was being stupid, but he couldn't stop himself from following the crashing sounds of battle in the distance.
He'd watched his parents walk away. He'd watched their backs recede into the distance, where they'd gotten themselves killed on the battlefield. Earlier that day, he'd waved goodbye to El and Addie as they'd left the hotel. He'd seen their backs recede into the distance too—one far too big to be a fourteen-year-old girl, one far too small to carry the weight of the world.
He couldn't let that be the last he saw of them.
It was easy enough to track them down. All he had to do was follow the obvious signs of an alchemy battle—broken paving stones, twisted lamp posts, huge stone fists thrust improbably into the earth...
Winston slowed down when he heard voices around the corner of a narrow alleyway. "It's true... We alchemists have made a lot of mistakes. But that doesn't mean I agree with what you're doing!"
That was El. Struggling to catch his breath, Winston turned the corner and found what he'd been looking for.
El and Addie stood in the street near the mouth of the alleyway, on either side of a tall, muscular man. The dark skin, white hair, and red eyes immediately announced him as an Ishbalite. Even if he hadn't known what to expect, Winston would have known who this was by the X-shaped scar marring his face and the intricate tattoo covering his right arm.
He towered over El. She had her feet planted squarely, and it was clear she wasn't afraid of him. But it didn't matter that Winston knew she was far from helpless. Next to this dangerous man, she looked like a little girl. Blood trailed down the side of her face, mixing with the dust and grime from the fight.
"Scar," El snarled. "I have to ask you. Does an agent of God also take the lives of doctors who devote themselves to helping people?"
Winston stepped closer. Scar was standing still and calm in the middle of the street, but Winston knew he needed to be ready to leap forward at a moment's notice if he hoped to help El at all. Scar's blood-red eyes slid over and latched onto Winston's face, but El didn't seem to notice.
"Do you remember a couple of Amestrian doctors named Rockbell?"
Winston stopped as abruptly as if someone had slapped him in the face. He suddenly registered what El was saying.
Addie turned her head slightly, noticing Winston for the first time with a gasp. "Wait..."
But El had eyes only for Scar. Glaring up at him, she growled, "When the Ishbal Civil War was at its bloodiest, they risked their lives going to the southern front to treat refugees."
"Sister, wait!"
"Scar!" El bellowed. "Do you remember the kind, loving husband and wife who saved your life, and whose lives you then took?"
Winston's heart thudded wildly in his throat. He seemed to be staring down a long, dark tunnel, with nothing but that man at the other end. He was dimly aware of Addie yelling something, and El finally looking over and noticing him.
"Wh-What are you saying...?" He was shaking all over, staring at the man with blood-red eyes. "This is the man...who killed...my mom and dad?"
He could see his parents walking away over the hill, their backs receding into the distance. Doctors, going to the front lines to save people. He'd been so proud of them...but they'd never returned.
"It can't be..." He was shaking so hard, even his lips were trembling. "They were killed...by a person they helped save...?" He drew a shaky breath, staring at the man's horrific scar—a wound that would have been deadly without treatment. "You killed...my mom and dad?"
Scar looked away, clenching his fists. It was all the confirmation he needed.
Winston's legs gave out, and he slumped to his knees. He stared at the ground, numbly looking at the unconscious body of an MP who had obviously been on the receiving end of one of Scar's attacks. Just like his parents...
The shock turned to anger, coiling up the inside of his throat and scalding it like steam. "Y-You're not going to deny it?" He demanded, glaring up at Scar's impassive face. "Why? What did my mom and dad ever do to deserve that? They never did anything to harm anyone, did they?"
But Scar said nothing. He didn't try to defend himself, didn't give any reasons. It was like he didn't care. Like their lives meant nothing to him.
Winston glanced to the side, his gaze landing on a gun lying next to the MP's body. With a trembling hand, he reached out and grasped the pistol with both hands. "Give them back!" he shouted, not even recognizing his own voice. It sounded strangled and desperate. "Give me back my mom and dad!"
From a million miles away, he heard El's voice. "Wait, Win. Stop...don't..."
"Winston!" That was Addie, her voice sounding even higher than usual as it echoed around her empty armor.
"Don't do it, Winston!"
Winston clenched his teeth and raised the gun, pointing it straight at his parents' murderer. This was it. His chance for revenge.
The Elric sisters were yelling at him to not shoot, but he could barely even hear them over the blood pounding in his ears. The same blood this man—this monster—had shed. Winston's hands trembled with every pulse.
He'd never pointed a gun at a person before. Sure, just like every other boy in Risenpool, he'd learned how to use a shotgun during hunting season, though he didn't have the best aim. But this was different. His finger curled around the trigger, he pointed the pistol at Scar's chest...
He just had to squeeze his finger, just a single motion, and a bullet would put an end to this. Scar would feel the same pain he'd given to Winston's parents. Pain that he deserved.
"So you're the daughter of those doctors..." Scar closed his eyes in resignation. "You have every right to shoot me. But the moment you squeeze that trigger, I will consider you my enemy."
"Scar!" Addie gasped.
In the corner of his eye, Winston saw El's blood-streaked face twist with rage. "You lay one finger on him and I swear I'll—"
Scar's red eyes popped open, glaring down at El. "You'll kill me? Go ahead! This cycle of hatred will not end until one of us is dead!" His hands clenched into fists. "But do not forget! The Amestrians fired the first shot in that war! It was your people!"
"But...n-not my parents," Winston choked out. For the first time, he realized that tears were pouring down his cheeks. "My parents...m-my parents were doctors. They didn't kill anyone. You killed them!"
He gripped the gun tighter and tighter, trying to hold it steady even as his breath came in huge, shuddering gasps.
"No, Win...don't shoot..." El's voice sounded panicky. "I'm begging you not to shoot!"
"Winston," Addie yelled, "put down the gun and get out of here!"
"But...my mom...and dad..." This was his chance. His one and only chance for vengeance. His chance to prove that he was a man, that he was able to do more than sit back and watch as everything he'd ever cared about was taken from him.
Scar flexed the fingers of his right hand, not even looking at Winston. "If you cannot pull the trigger, then leave the field of battle. You are in the way."
In the way... Winston was pointing a gun right at him, and Scar was completely ignoring him. He was more threatened by the skinny girl in front of him. Because Winston was useless.
Scar slammed his right hand onto the ground, and the earth exploded at his touch. The destruction rushed towards El, who dodged out of the way and circled around him, ducking under falling debris. Then, in a stunning display of agility, she grabbed Scar's outstretched arm and flipped right over him, screaming at the top of her lungs, "Don't shoot!"
Before Winston could react, El dropped down in front of him, spreading her arms to either side and shielding him as best as she could. She shoved Winston's hands down, so the gun was pointing at the ground.
Scar whirled around, his hand poised to attack. Winston stared up at him, and for a moment their eyes connected again. He couldn't read the expression in Scar's face, but Winston had never felt so weak and helpless than he did in that moment. Here he was, huddling behind a girl smaller than him, unable to fire a single bullet at his parents' murderer.
Pathetic.
For a moment, Scar almost seemed to hesitate, his eyes widening as he looked down at his victims. But then Winston was sure he'd imagined it, as Addie swooped in from the side with a kick and a burst of alchemy. Scar was forced to leap back, out of range of the spikes erupting from the ground.
"Stupid Sister!" Addie yelled over her shoulder, pressing the attack. "What were you thinking? Were you trying to get both of you killed? Hurry up and take Win to safety!"
She and Scar raced away down the street, leaving a sudden ringing silence in their wake.
El whirled around to face him. "Winston, let go of the gun!"
"I couldn't do it," Winston whispered, staring at the gun in his hand. "It was him, but I..."
El's automail hand gripped his wrist. "Let it go," she murmured earnestly. "Please."
"But...he killed my mom and dad..." Tears still poured down his cheeks, and he was shivering all over. He couldn't seem to get a grip on himself. "Why?" he sobbed. "You and Addie...m-might get killed... I can't...protect you...can't even...sh-shoot him...once..." He squeezed his eyes shut, his chest tight with shame and self-loathing. His voice was reduced to a whisper as he bowed his head over the gun. "What kind of a man does that make me?"
For a moment, El was silent. Then, ever so gently, she wrapped her gloved hand around his wrist. "Win," she said softly. "Let me tell you something."
Winston sniffled miserably, unable to scrape together the shreds of his dignity.
"When you helped deliver that baby in Rush Valley, you saved the mother and child." She pried one of his fingers away from the pistol's grip. "You also gave me a leg so that I could get back on my feet." She uncurled another finger. "You gave me a right arm so I could live a full life again." She pulled a third finger away from the gun.
Winston raised tear-filled eyes to El's face. He blinked his vision clear again, and saw strong golden eyes gazing back into his. He was used to seeing those eyes flashing with anger, or sparkling with joy, or clouded with a thousand conflicting emotions at once. But now she was looking at him with nothing but soft compassion, as warm and comforting as a clear morning in spring.
"Your hands weren't meant to take people's lives," she murmured, tugging gently on his thumb. "They were meant to save them."
The gun clattered to the ground. El's hands closed around Winston's. Her automail was cold against his now-empty palm, but he could feel the warmth of her other hand even through her glove. He knew every crease and joint of her automail hand. He'd placed every wire and every screw. He'd replaced every inch of her arm, over and over again as the years went by...so that she could keep fighting, keep striving for her goals. So that she could keep living.
El's left hand squeezed his with a gentleness automail could never achieve. "That's what kind of man you are. The very best."
A sob ripped from his chest, and he leaned forward, crying his heart out on her shoulder. El pulled off her red coat and wrapped it around his shoulders, holding him close and letting him cry.
Winston couldn't stop crying...but somehow, with her arms wrapped around him, he didn't feel weak anymore.
As he walked into the Central train station later that day with El and Addie on either side, Winston felt...worn out. He'd come on this trip to Central City hoping to get a bit of extra time with his best friends, and to see the Hugheses again. But his visit had involved more heartache and anxiety than enjoyment in the end.
First had come the discovery that Mr. Hughes had died shortly after the last time they'd all been in Central together. Then El had rushed off and Addie had gotten herself broken to bits while Winston could do nothing to help either of them. And then they'd gone after Scar, and he'd learned the truth of what had really happened with his parents.
El and Addie had explained everything in detail once they'd chased Scar off. Winston's heart still ached whenever he thought of his parents, but...at least now he knew the truth. He knew exactly why his parents had died, and nothing he'd learned diminished his respect for them in the slightest. If anything, it only made him honor their memory even more. It gave him even more to live up to.
Once they'd located the train that would take him to South City, where he would make the connection to Rush Valley, Winston found a seat next to a window. After stowing his luggage in the rack, he pushed down the window and leaned out to say goodbye to the Elric sisters.
"Keep up your automail maintenance," he said, mostly out of habit.
"I know," El said flippantly, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "But I'll probably forget."
Winston rolled his eyes at that, but didn't deign to reply. "And I'll send you some good polishing oil soon, Addie."
"Okay."
He gazed at them for a moment, trying to memorize the way they looked as they stood on the train platform. El, dressed all in black as if to make herself as intimidating as her short stature would allow, a bandage wrapped around her forehead. Addie, a hulking suit of armor so unlike the cheerful, innocent soul inside. His best friends in the world.
They were both so strong. They'd fought off Scar, notorious mass-murderer—not once now, but twice. Winston knew, better than most, that these two girls didn't need him to protect them. They needed him to be there to help them pick up the pieces. And he would.
The three of them were about to go their separate ways. Winston would return to his burgeoning automail business in Rush Valley, and he knew that El and Addie would most likely rush headlong into their next death-defying adventure. In all probability, the next time he saw them, El's automail would be shattered and Addie's body would be in pieces.
Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, Winston said gruffly, "Don't die on me."
"Right!" El said, expression turning serious.
"Okay!" Addie echoed with a nod.
El looked conflicted, then opened her mouth. "Next time—"
A sudden whistle from the train cut her off.
"Huh?" Winston called, leaning farther out the window as steam billowed through the air and the engine began to chug forward. "What? I can't hear you."
Instead of replying, El scowled and turned on her heel, marching away.
Startled, Addie half-turned to watch her leave. "Wait, Sister—uh, bye, Win!" With a hasty wave, she hurried after El.
"Bye!" Winston called after them, frowning in frustration at the sudden farewell. With a frown, he cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed, "Wait, El! What did you say? I couldn't hear you!"
El hadn't made it very far. As the train car began to edge along the platform, she came to a sudden stop, then turned on her heel to face Winston again. Pointing a finger straight at him, she yelled, "I promise I'm going to make you cry again! Addie and I will get our original bodies back no matter what, and we'll make you so happy that you'll cry like a little girl! You can count on it!"
With all the practice El had at screaming her lungs out, she had no trouble making herself heard over the hubbub of the busy train station. Everyone standing on the platform heard her strange declaration, and probably everyone in the train car did too. Winston felt heat creeping up his cheeks, but he couldn't keep back a laugh as he waved one last farewell.
As he took his seat and closed the window again, Winston watched the Elric sisters walking away through clouds of steam. He couldn't hear them, of course, but he could see Addie nudging El and El responding with vigorous gestures, her cheeks turning bright red.
Smiling fondly (and with more than a little embarrassment), Winston sat back in his seat to watch the scenery zip by.
We'll make you so happy that you'll cry like a little girl!
I'm going to be a State Alchemist. You have to make me a new arm and leg so that I can move freely.
That's what kind of man you are. The very best.
He thought of the way she'd looked, kneeling in that alleyway and urging him to let go of the gun. Covered in dust and dirt, hair straggling out of her braid, blood smeared all over the right side of her face. Her eyes, burning with a golden light like the sun itself, dimmed only by her worry for him...
She had never looked so beautiful.
Something swooped up from his stomach and twisted in his chest. Suddenly, he realized what should have been obvious years ago.
I'm such an idiot, he thought with a wistful smile as he watched Central City fade from view. How come I never realized it until now? I've been in love with her all this time.