Chapter 24: Overdose

It was nice to return to camp and see it full. Quietstep and Leafpaw seemed to be hitting it off. I faintly wondered if Quietstep ever got the chance to develop a personality given his unique condition. It didn't matter. He'd either show it or grow one under our tutelage. Dawnfur watched on silently as a mother so often does. I'd love to discuss kits with her, but she still had this aura of mistrust. I also didn't want to break up her reunion with her daughter. I almost made to get up before remembering Buzzardkit was latched onto me tightly. The gluttonous little thing hadn't even woken up yet, but he was already suckling for milk. I gave the kit an affectionate lick.

I was starting to get somewhat tired of laying down, but Buzzardkit still continued to nurse. He was still latched on when he wasn't drinking. I needed an answer. Buzzardkit is still to young to be left alone, but I had to do something about all the new cats in camp before Frecklewish and Splitpelt returned. Suddenly, an idea occurred to me. I'd once seen a twoleg carrying one of their children with a pelt wrapped around their chest. It appeared to be a way to carry a child while they nurse. I could do something similar. It's not like anything could stop me from trying. I created a wrap that clung to my frame with space enough for Buzzardkit to fit. He didn't seem to mind, in fact it seemed he welcomed it. At least Buzzardkit was still small.

Walking with the thing felt off. It rubbed my fur wrong, but it served its purpose. It was in a sense a mobile nursery. I still wanted to check something about it, and what better cat to ask than a once medicine cat? I made my way over to Boragepelt still in the wrap.

"Boragepelt. You were once a medicine cat. Do you think there'd be any downsides to using this so I can stay mobile while Buzzardkit grows?"

Boragepelt looked at me with astonishment.

"You'd trust my advice given that you know I'm a poisoner?"

I chuffed.

"This is your new beginning. I wouldn't be able to help cats redeem themselves if I never gave them any trust. Our group doesn't have a medicine cat yet, but we now have two potentials. Look over there at Leafpaw. She's here for the same thing as you but look how careful she is with Quietstep. That tom has a condition where sounds are immensely louder than they actually are. To him, a whisper is the same as yelling. He's here for murdering in his mad desire to quiet things down."

Boragepelt stared at the pair wondering about herself and if she truly deserved a chance. Slowly she turned to me and felt at the wrap.

"It's not a bad idea this thing. I imagine it's a bit uncomfortable for you, but the kit should be fine. Avoid getting it wet or too dirty or it might cut off the air in it. The material kind of reminds me of cobwebs, so it should be breathable. I'd probably say use it sparingly. It's going to dig into your skin if you use it too much and give you a rash with its rubbing."

I nodded at the medicine cat.

"Thanks. I bet you were a gifted medicine cat in life."

A sad look crossed their face. "I was not. Starclan rarely graced my presence after my first poisoning. That cat deserved it. I'd found our leader leading us to our dooms, repeatedly leading us into fights where not every cat returned, all because he didn't like a group of rogues who weren't even on our territory. I poisoned him on his last life. We needed a leader to end the bloodshed. My sin was poisoning the deputy as well, so I could select a cat who'd lead us out of that nightmare. The deputy didn't deserve what I did, but I didn't trust him to not follow in his previous leader's paw steps. I used my poisons to remove detractors from my candidate's assent. My clan was far too steeped in blood to just change to being peaceful. I killed a good many cats until our only option was peace until we could get our numbers up. I regret all that I did, but I don't know if I had another option."

"The path to the Darkforest is made of good intentions." I hummed.

"What?" Boragepelt asked.

"It's just as I said. I don't think a cat ever truly considers themselves evil. Every cat does what they think is right, whether that be for themselves or for their clan. A cat can murder their way to leadership because they are convinced that not doing so could lead their clan to ruin. When is that choice good or bad? For now, that depends on Starclan, but here we're allowed to ask questions and try to answer what is right and wrong. I don't think you're evil for what you did. You had an impossible problem. What became of your clan after the poisonings?"

"They became peaceful, fearing the return of the 'illness' and Starclan's wrath. They slowly recovered and were soon sought after from the other clans as intermediaries in some affairs. They remained that way until one day another medicine cat revealed to all the clans that the 'illness' was me poisoning cats. I don't know how they knew. Starclan? Then my clan executed me and reverted into a warlike group again. I didn't save any cat."

I stared into Boragepelt's eyes answering firmly.

"It sounds like Starclan was the one who made a mistake. You did everything you could to keep your clan together. It wasn't pretty. It might not have been the best or only option, but you did what you thought was right, and for a time it worked. Your mistake was not exploring other options and not expecting the whiplash from your clan if you were discovered. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong what you did, but I understand why you did it. Your intent was not evil."

I saw tears dotting the corners of their eyes. She'd never expected to be called anything but evil here. I relayed my story to her to give her some perspective.

"I think I'd like to stay here. I want to know if most cats are the same. I want to know if others think what I did was wrong and evil as well. Maybe I can teach others to not make the same mistakes I did."

I nodded towards Leafpaw.

"Then there is your first student. She has the same poisoner's beginning as you and she hasn't earned her full name yet. You may not be able to contact Starclan to give her her full name, but we're our own stars here, so it would be up to your judgement."

Boragepelt looked on at Leafpaw now considering having her as her apprentice. Boragepelt silently swore to herself that she'd never poison a cat again. Next time, she'd explore every other option.