"You'll be a wise king someday." Actor Odin told his Thor. "Eventually."
"There'll never be a wiser king than you." Actor Thor replied. "Or a better father."
"Oh that's bullshit!" Sylvie shook her head from the audience.
"A better father?" Actor Odin repeated. "If there will never be a father better than the one who ditched his firstborn on the backwards realm of Midgard, lied to his second son and drove him to suicide with his cold indifference, then I shudder to think of what kind of degenerate fathers Thor met on Earth!" The audience gave a mixed reaction of mostly agreement, one in particular louder than the others.
"That's right, Odin is a piece of horse shit father! Loki deserved better!" Sylvie yelled above the crowd.
"I would tell Odin to eat a bag of dicks, if cannibalism wasn't frowwwned upon here!" Loki's Symbiote added.
The disguised Loki blinked, not sure how to respond to them in Odin's form, so with a wave of his hand, the ending scene concluded, and the actors took a bow. "Ladies and gentlemen of Asgard, that concludes Act 1 of 'The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard.' Act 2 will premiere shortly, and in a few months, the final Act." Loki-Odin announced as the audience applauded. As the crowd dispersed, the detectives approached the impostor.
"Allfather, we have wonderful news!" Sylvie called to him.
"And what news is that, my good lady?"
She presented Detective Loki, who stepped forward from behind her. "Your son is alive."
Detective Loki smiled and embraced his variant. "Father, I'm home at last! I can't believe you wrote a play just for me; and here I thought you didn't care! I'm honored to have such a thoughtful, loving father!"
The impostor Loki choked on a grape, the last thing he expected to see being another him. "What- what is this madness?"
"This is an investigation, and we need to know where Heimdall is. To where did you banish him?"
Loki-Odin shook his head. "Who are you really? Why do you need to find Heimdall?"
"Because this girl's parents are missing, we know not where, and only Heimdall can locate them."
"And why do you need to find her parents?"
"Why do we- because she's a child without parents! Now where is Heimdall?"
"Hold on: who are you, and why do you look like me? Are you a sorcerer?"
"Well yes: I'm you from another time. Technically, I'm you from the past, although I've seen what lies in our future, and I've been traveling to and from numerous timelines and universes as a master detective! So now that I've answered all your questions, you answer mine."
"I didn't specify the location: I don't know where he is, nor do I care, as long as he cannot commit further treason against Asgard."
"Well you're going to take us to him, or I'll go invite Thor and the real Odin over for a reunion!" Detective Loki threatened.
"Now now, if you're willing to go through that much trouble for this mortal girl, why not just have her contact Heimdall? Even if he doesn't listen to a Loki, I doubt he would ignore the plea of a helpless child."
"…I suppose it's worth a try. But if that doesn't work, I won't tell you how you escape from Thanos when he comes for the Tesseract!"
"Wait, what?" Impostor Loki sputtered as his variant's team quickly walked away. "Hey!"
"Go ahead, Røskva, try contacting Heimdall with your mind." Detective Loki put a hand on her head, placing an image of the Asgardian gatekeeper in her mind.
"Are you sure he can hear me?"
"Yes, if you allow him to. Give it a try."
Røskva closed her eyes, concentrating on the mental image. "Heimdall, all-seeing guardian of the Bifrost, my name is Røskva Lykke Madsen, and I request a favor from you." She thought of her parents, their appearances formed in her head. "If you can see my parents anywhere in the nine realms, I ask that you tell me their location, please."
"Hello Røskva. I can see your parents." Heimdall's deep voice echoed in her head. "Would you like to see them through my eyes?"
"Oh, y-yes, I would!"
"Then keep your eyes closed." She did as instructed, and suddenly her consciousness appeared on a dark world, the landscape basically consisting of barren mountainous ridges under a dreary sky of soot clouds. She saw her mother and father being led by a Dark Elf, a gust of wind blowing more soot and dark material around them, obscuring the scene.
"I see them! Is that a Dark Elf with them?"
"It is: they're on the Elves' home planet of Svartalfheim, being held prisoner by one of the few Dark Elves that are still alive. They appear to be unhurt, but without you and your friends' help, they cannot return home."
"Thank you so much for your help, Mr. Heimdall!" Røskva opened her eyes. "Guys, did you hear? My parents are being held captive on Svartalfheim! Let us go save them!"
Loki's eyes narrowed. "Mobius, you said Dark Elves killed my mother: I don't know if this is the same monster who did, but we can't let the same thing happen to Røskva's parents!"
"That was Kurse that killed the late queen, and you killed him 3 years ago." Heimdall's voice rang so everyone on Loki's team could hear him at once. "But you're not the same Loki who got his vengeance that day, are you?"
Loki blinked. "How- how do you know that?"
"I cannot see through your spells, across time or different universes, but I can see more than what is outwardly visible. Your demeanor, your motives, your friends, there are many things about you that are different from your usual self. I see loyalty, sincerity, self-acceptance: no matter how closely I search your face, I cannot find the smallest shadow of ulterior motives, and that alone is enough to greatly pique my curiosity." He paused. "And you've found true love, it seems."
Loki smiled. "Indeed I have. Are you doing well? The last time I saw you was before I fell from the rainbow bridge in… 2011? I hope the me from this timeline didn't exile you somewhere too inhospitable."
"It's no Royal Palace of Valaskjalf, but 'tis far more hospitable than the coat of ice you left me in before. As for the Madsens, they are a resourceful and well enduring couple to have survived on such a dark, barren realm as they wandered onto, especially for Midgardians. I wish you and your team the same good fortune that they have had these past few years."
"Thank you."
"By the way, congratulations on the little one."
The detectives turned to each other, unsure what Heimdall meant. "I beg your pardon?"
"The little one inside of your lover: the baby."
Loki's eyes grew huge. "The b- the buh-buh- t-th-wha-?" He stuttered. Sylvie's eyes held the same shocked expression as her fiancé's, while she gaped, unable to utter a single syllable.
"Wow! Congratulations, you mischievous scamp, you!" Mobius clapped his son on the back with pride. "Boy, who'd have thought two Lokis would have a baby Loki together?"
"Yeah, congrats, Loki! You'll be a way better dad than Odin was!" Røskva added.
"Well, that's not exactly setting the bar very high, but yeah, he will." Sylvie agreed as she found her voice again.
"I- I'm going to be- I'm going to be a father. Sylvie, we're going to be parents!" Loki excitedly ran over to his fiancée and embraced her, kissing her all over.
"I see your deductive skills are as sharp as ever." Sylvie snarked as Loki began to smooch her belly.
"If we have a girl, I'd like to name her Frigga."
"Loki, focus: the mission is saving Røskva's parents, remember? Now, let's be off to Svartalfheim!"
"Hang on!" Impostor Loki yelled. "You were going to tell me how I survive Thanos?!"
"Oh yes, the future! First things first, we have an evil older sister Odin never told us about."
"What!? We have… a sister!?"
"Honestly, Mobius knows more about her than I do, so could you fill myself in?"
"Hela, goddess of death, caused the near extinction of the Valkyries." Mobius expositioned. "Odin raised her to execute people, banished her to Hel when he changed his ways, and she wants the throne. Don't try to fight her: even Thor isn't a match for her."
"Yes, Thor said he needed to destroy Asgard to defeat her. Apparently, she crushed his hammer into pieces." Detective Loki's eyes softened. "And in the future, you're going to name your baby girl Frigga."
"What!?" Imposter Loki exclaimed, confused.
"Uh, I don't think that part applies- let's just make sure he lives long enough to have a baby!" Mobius advised. "After Ragnarok, you escape on a spaceship with the Tesseract, but Thanos tracks you down and demands it from you, or he'll kill your brother."
"And… my escape?" The present Loki pressed.
"You create a stunningly realistic duplicate of yourself and pretend to sneak-stab the Mad Titan, shapeshift into debris, and drift off to some remote planet." Detective Loki explained. "Thor will kill him to avenge you later. Bit of advice: don't keep your distance from Thor. Enjoy your time with him while the sun yet shines on you both. Tell the big oaf you love him, tell him you're sorry for betraying him, but help him understand your own feelings of betrayal, even if he tries to shut you down and convince you your grievances are imagined. Be honest with him for a change."
"He's right, a great deal of the problems between you and your brother stem from miscommunication." Mobius analyzed. "If you just tell him about Thanos, the horrible things he put you through and the threat that he poses to the universe, especially how he's after the Infinity Stones, he should finally start really listening to you, and if he doesn't believe you, that's on him."
Detective Loki nodded. "If my Thor were still alive, I guarantee these are the things I would tell him. I watched everything and everyone I ever loved vanish in the blink of an eye; don't make the same mistakes I did."
Impostor Loki appeared anxious, but he didn't seem to object to his variant's words of wisdom. "And… how do I know you're not telling me a lie?" The detective beckoned his variant to place a hand on his head, and he allowed him to see his memories of the event, how woeful he became with his entire family gone.
"If it's too hard for you to tell him, show him. Thor's always been more of a visual learner anyhow. Both of you are going to meet Thanos soon enough: he'll need someone to warn him what that monster is capable of." Detective Loki turned to leave, but he stopped short. "Oh, and one more parting gift from the multiverse's greatest detective: a special someone to ensure you're not lonely while waiting for Thor to return this May." He opened another Time Door, and the fire demoness Fiamma stepped foward to greet her next date.
"A Muspel?"
"Hey, the deal was to introduce me to Lokis." Fiamma protested. "I have no interested in romancing wrinkly old Odins!"
"Oh he's a Loki, he's merely in disguise to usurp the throne of Asgard." Detective Loki explained. "I'm sure you would understand his appetite for power and anger with his adopted father."
Fiamma smirked. "Sounds like my kind of Loki."
Impostor Loki scoffed, crossing his arms in a pout. "This is absurd; I'm not dating a Fire Giant, no chance!"
"She'll cool herself down enough so she won't even singe you. Of course, if you'd rather not date her, she's farther from the future than I even live, so she knows where to find Odin and Thor and how to bring them home." The detective grinned as the impostor glared at his variant. "So farewell, and best of luck in our future!"
A note from the author: today is Loki's recognized birthday, at least in his fandom, so in Marvel years, happy 1057th birthday, Loki! I figured this would be a marvel-ous occasion to spring Loki's and Sylvie's little surprise, and I'm also wishing Tom Hiddleston and his lovely lady blessings as they raise their own little one!