Case 9: Matching Mouthpieces

"So then, after I defeated Thanos and claimed all 6 Infinity Stones, I made my wish: to be ruler of my own kingdom!" Boastful Loki bragged. "And that's how I wound up here. See that throne? That was meant to be mine. And it should be, after I single-handedly beat Kang the Conqueror and every one of his variants and saved all of time and space!"

Fiamma yawned. "Look, why don't you try wasting the time of that child instead of me? She's likely the only one here who's young and naive enough to believe that ridiculous made-up story you just told me. Next!"

Boastful Loki left the Fire Giantess in an insulted huff while the next Loki variant approached her for a speed date. There was a line of Lokis in the void at the end of time, most curious to discover what benefits they could take advantage of from courting her. As a Loki with bright red hair and a stereotypical striped prison jumpsuit attempted to woo her next, the young teenage Røskva met with Kid Loki, who sat on his candy cane throne with his most trusted advisor, Lokigator, on his lap.

"Hello, Loki, Your Highness, my name's Røskva. You're cute. I think you're awesome! Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Kid Loki sighed. "You know I'm thousands of years older than you. And I'll live thousands of years longer, even if I leave the end of time and start aging again."

"I know. It's just one date."

Detective Loki, Mobius, and Sylvie watched as Fiamma continued to go down the line of lonely Lokis and Røskva continued to flirt with hers. After their dates were through, the Time Detectives took their young Danish friend back home to her parents and brought Fiamma back to her timeline's Muspelheim.

"Loki, Lokiii, what is for lunch?" His Symbiote wondered as he rubbed his host's belly.

"Mobius, are we still out of food?" Loki asked.

"Yeah, and we're gonna be until we find a case that pays actual money: we can't afford any more freebies like the last three!"

"Do we have enough money to go to another all-you-can-eat smorgasbord?"

"Not anymore, and I'm getting tired of them kicking us out because you and Grievance eat faster than they can cook!"

"It is Healer now, actually."

"Oh yeah, right, he gave you a nickname."

"I don't see what their problem is: when Thor and I used to outeat the cooks back on Asgard, Odin would just order them to cook faster, and they'd be forced to oblige!"

"Yeah, but you're not the royal prince of anywhere else but Asgard, remember?"

"We could eat Thor's goat like in the Valhalla movie." Sylvie suggested.

"Don't even jest about that!" Loki scolded, instinctively shielding Toothgnasher. "Besides, I can't bring him back to life, regardless of how many of his bones remain intact, and I promised Thor I'd return him." Then Loki got an idea. "Speaking of Thor, I should return Toothgnasher now and visit with him! He'll be so happy to see me again, he'll likely throw us an enormous feast! I know he wouldn't let his little brother go hungry, after all!"

"Mmm-mmm~"

The detectives took a Time Door back to New Asgard in 2025, escorting the big, brown goat back to Toothgrinder and Thor.

"Ah, welcome back, Brother!" Thor waved to his brother's variant. "I take it your mission was successful, thanks to Toothgnasher?"

"Hello again, Brother! Yes, we were able to ensure little Røskva's parents made it back home to her safely, and I have wonderful news to share with you!"

"What kind of news?"

"Actually, it's something I'd like to tell your timeline's Loki as well. Is he here at the moment?"

"Yes, he and the thespians are discussing the theme for the next Loki play: they're planning on hiring another Loki actor to play you when you protected your people from Gorr."

"Ah, finally, one where we get a happy ending!"

"My thoughts exactly!" King Loki agreed as he stepped out of a green portal to join them. "I can happily attest that the life of this Loki of Asgard is no longer a tragedy!"

"Could you make it a musical?" Detective Loki requested.

"Like they did with Rogers?"

"But better, because we're so much more interesting and charismatic!"

"So, what did you have to tell us?" Thor asked impatiently.

"Actually, I was wondering if we could tell you over-"

"grrrRRROOOOOOOWwwOWOWwwllLLll~" Detective Loki's hungry stomach bellowed, interrupting him as he remembered his ulterior motive for visiting.

"-a feast?" He finished sheepishly. Thor and King Loki chuckled.

"My my, was that Grievance or your tummy grumbling?" King Loki teased.

"Neither, that was clearly a rumble of thunder, and I would know!" Thor joked.

"Hilarious, you two. Is that a yes then?"

Thor grinned. "No true Asgardian would ever say no to a royal banquet! Very well, Brothers, let us feast!"

Soon, the Asgardian chefs had prepared a banquet in honor of the three sons of Odin and their guests of fresh fish, vegetables, breads, and chocolatey desserts. Fortunately for Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder, their Thor wouldn't dream of eating his beloved steeds, and both goats even got a place at the banquet table!

"How are you and Darcy getting along? How did your karaoke night go?" Thor inquired.

"It was a lot of fun, and so is she; I think we're getting along quite swimmingly. And you and Jane?"

"Yes, we have wonderful adventures together!"

"So, Detective Me, I hope the news you had to tell us wasn't merely that you're hungry." King Loki sassed his doppelgänger again.

"Hardly." Detective Loki turned to his fiancée. "Shall we tell them together?"

Sylvie smiled and nodded, swallowing her bite of fish.

"We're going to be parents!" They excitedly told the others together.

Thor and his Loki stared in amazement and paused their chewing.

"That's right, Sylvie is pregnant now!" Detective Loki ecstatically reiterated. "I'm going to be, to my knowledge, the first Loki in history to become a father!"

"Congratulations!"

"And I'll naturally be the first Loki to become a mother, if you don't count the myths. Loki said if we have a girl, he's naming her Frigga." Sylvie smirked. "So if it's a boy, should we name him Quark?"

"Droll, very droll." Detective Loki mumbled sarcastically. "And what would you name our boy, after your dashing traveling postman? On that topic, Sif, have you seen the Danish movie titled 'Valhalla?'"

"I haven't even seen one Midgardian movie, to be honest." Sif replied.

Detective Loki snickered. "Well then, you should come to Denmark sometime and give it a viewing, ehehehe. You have a big role in it, alongside Thor!" Her eyes widened in curiosity.

"Just think of it: two Lokis creating another Loki together." Mobius mused. "If it's a boy and you name him Loki Jr., his full name would be Loki Lokison!"

"Says the expert on redundancy, Agent Mobius M. Mobius, where the M. also stands for Mobius!" Detective Loki pointed out. "Speaking of Mobius, family names, and fatherhood, Mobius finally adopted me: he's my father now, and I am officially Loki Mobiusson!"

Thor frowned. "You mean you are renouncing Odin, Frigga, and me as your family?!"

"No, no Thor, Frigga shall always be my mother, and you shall always be my brother, regardless of my last name! Odin is still technically family too, but personally, Mobius is the closest thing to a good father I have."

"Odin is your father, Loki. He raised you."

"No, Mobius raised me. Really, he's done a better job raising me in the few… months, years, however long I've known him, than Odin has in over a thousand years!"

"You grew up under Odin!"

"I beg to differ: maybe I grew physically on Asgard, but the growth I've undergone with Mobius and later Sylvie at my side is greater and more profound than anything else I've experienced in my life! I am a much better man than I was before I met him: under Odin, all I knew was pain and disappointment and jealousy and arrogance. If it wasn't for Frigga, I'd have never lasted anywhere near as long as I did!"

"So, you admit Frigga is your mother."

"Yes."

"And I am your brother, aren't I?"

"Of course you are."

"Then Odin, as the wife of Frigga and my father, is your father was well, is he not?"

"Correct." Thor smiled until Loki finished. "He is not."

"…What?"

"He means to say his old father was a manipulative, hypocritical, one-eyed douchebag who doesn't deserrrve to be a father in the first place, while Mobius actually helps him with his problems and tries to understand him." Healer explained.

"You do not speak ill of my family, creature!" Thor threatened him. "Odin made his mistakes, as we all do, but he was still my father, and he did love us!"

"Yesss, Daddy loves his precious golden boy as long as he does everything he's told and kisses Daddy's wrinkled, lazy assss-"

Thor angrily rose from his seat as King Loki burst out laughing and Detective Loki pushed Healer back inside himself, protecting them from each other.

"Brother, food. Mmm~" Detective Loki calmed Thor and ate a mouthful of chocolates, appeasing Healer.

Thor sat again, simmering with passive-aggressive indignation until King Loki cleared his throat. "I, for one, think it's wonderful that you have a father who sees you for who you really are, who works alongside you, who doesn't wish you were something you're not, and who provides you the emotional therapy and support you need. Do you happen to know if my timeline has a Mobius?"

"I'm certain it does, though that's not his name on Earth. And thank you. I knew you'd understand."

Mobius nodded. "Yeah, back when I was on the timeline, I was called Mark Gruenwald: Mobius M. Mobius was the name the TVA gave me after they wiped my memory."

"Then why don't you go by your real name?" King Loki wondered.

"I dunno, I guess I kinda got used to it. It doesn't really seem like me anymore: like, my old family called me my old name, but my new family calls me Mobius. I guess it's kind of similar to what Loki was talking about just now: I'm still fond of my old family and life, but I'm Mobius now."

"Ah, I see."

As they continued eating, the detectives got an incoming call on their TemPads. Mobius answered. "Time Detectives, on your case?"

"Hey guys, you've got a case from 2015's Earth about finding some poached endangered species! The guy says it's a very sensitive operation, and he needs to meet you in person to discuss the details."

"Oh, thanks, Casey! We'll be on our way after lunch!" The Time Detectives finished their feast, bid the New Asgardians farewell for now, and they took a Time Door to meet their client. They followed his instructions to a rented room in a dimly lit bar, and they sat down across from the silhouette of a large man. "Um, hi, we're the Time Detectives: you must be our client on the poaching case?"

"I am, and I know who's behind this crime. What I need from you is evidence." He rose from the shadows, and a wave of fear washed over Loki and Mobius as they beheld the Mad Titan's unforgettable purple face. "Can you help me?"