Turning Point

Summary: Buddie fic. Caught off guard by a sudden self-revelation, Eddie is faced with a crossroads that could lead to the point of no return for his relationship with Buck. Meanwhile, Buck is trying to figure out why his best friend is suddenly pushing him away, determined to get answers and fix whatever has broken.

Disclaimer: I do not own 9-1-1 or anything associated with the show.

Author Notes: Thank you for reading! I have been having so much fun planning and writing this fic. It's nice to be writing for fun again :D

I have at least 10 chapters planned out so far, it's just a matter of getting them written up properly to post.

Set after season 6.

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Chapter 2

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Arms crossed above his head as he laid in bed, Eddie stared up at the ceiling. Christopher had been asleep for hours and Eddie felt envious of how quickly his son had slipped off into the land of slumber. For him, his mind was racing too much. Even his tired and aching body refused to relax, tension running throughout.

He tried to go over it in his mind, tried to figure out how it had happened and when, but the more he thought back, the more it caused memories to surface that made his heart race and the more he thought, the more they consumed him. When did he start to see Buck as more than a friend? When did he find himself so drawn to that smile, everything else disappearing into the background whenever it lit up Buck's face? And why did it hurt so much?

"Pull yourself together, Diaz," he tried to command himself.

Buck was his friend. His best friend. He had his back, no matter what. Then there was Chris. Buck loved Chris like he was his own son. There was no way Eddie could put that at risk. No, he had to get this thing under control. But it was damn near impossible when every time Buck was right there, logic and reason took a backseat.

"Mierda," he cursed, rolling onto his side to stare at the numbers on his alarm clock.

The hurt on Buck's face earlier that day cut him deep, guilt churning at his stomach. But it was easier to push Buck away, easier to put distance between them, than it was to admit to his feelings, than to allow those feelings to slip through. The light-headedness and tightness in his chest at Buck's touch, the fear that his body and words would betray him… The panic of what would happen if he allowed himself to give in.

"I don't panic," he tried to convince himself, burying his face into his pillow.

And of course, he was right. He had walked through bullets and fire, watched buildings falling down around him, and dug himself out of the earth itself. Eddie Diaz didn't panic, except for when he did.

.-.-.-.-.

It was early afternoon when the bell in the firehouse went and the 118 took their places in the engine, heading off towards the freeway and the four-car accident that was waiting for them. Hen couldn't help but notice the deliberate gap between Eddie and Buck, sharing a glance with Chimney as the engine set off. Neither brought it up, despite the unsettled feeling that seemed to echo in the empty space left behind.

"So, Maddie thinks we should be starting to look at preschools for Jee-Yun," Chimney said, no doubt his attempt at breaking into the awkward silence. "But like, isn't she still a little too young for that?"

"It's never too soon to start looking at preschools," Hen advised, following his lead. "Believe me. We took nearly six months to find the right one for Denny, and that's without the waiting lists."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Buck joined in. "How some people put their kids on the waiting list before they're even born."

"But that's not a real thing, right?" Uncertainty and a hint of fear lined Chimney's voice. "Right?"

Hen held her hands up and offered up a shrug, unable to keep the smile from her face. She looked to Eddie, who had been quietly staring out of the window the whole time. "What about Christopher? How old was he when you signed him up for preschool?" When Eddie didn't answer, she nudged his knee with hers. "Eddie?"

Eddie pulled his attention away from the world beyond the window and back toward the others, his look of confusion clearly betraying that he had not been listening to the conversation. "Huh?"

"Preschool, Chris," Chimney answered, summarising the question. "How old was he?" But when Eddie continued to look at him blankly, Chimney's eyes narrowed on him and he leaned forward a little. "You okay there, pal?"

"I'm fine," Eddie pushed out, shaking himself and offering up a tight smile. "I just had a rough night, that's all."

"Oh yeah?" Buck questioned, the concern lining his voice. "Is everything okay? Is Chris okay?"

"Christopher's fine," Eddie answered, very clearly turning to look out the window again, as if refusing to look toward Buck.

Hen didn't miss the hurt that flickered across Buck's face, or the way he began to fidget with his uniform, as if trying to preoccupy himself by checking he had everything in place. But before she could push the matter, the engine came to a stop and Bobby called out from up front.

"Alright everybody, look alive." He climbed from the engine, and everyone followed suit. "We've got a driver trapped and plenty of injuries to assess. Hen, Chim – I want you to check priorities. Eddie, Buck – jaws and saws. We need access to the driver -"

"Actually, Cap," Eddie spoke up, interrupting, "I noticed some tyre tracks on the road back there, I think we should make sure all our casualties are accounted for…"

Bobby nodded. "Good call, Diaz. Take a look around, just in case. Ravi, you're with Buck."

Hen pulled her medical bag onto her shoulder, coming to a stop beside Bobby, looking to him as the others headed off. His gaze flickered between Eddie and Buck, a light frown tugging at his features.

"What's going on with those two?"

"Wish I knew, Cap," she answered, adjusting the strap of her bag and taking one last look toward the others before moving off toward a woman with a bloody gash over her left eye. For now, she had a job to do. Dealing with those two knuckleheads would have to wait until later.

The call was routine and relatively simple compared to some they had. It didn't take long for Buck and Ravi to free the trapped driver, or for the others involved in the crash to be assessed. Aside from a few bruised ribs, some scrapes and cuts, and a broken ankle, no one was badly hurt. Hen accompanied the broken ankle to the hospital in the back of the ambulance, a young girl and her very concerned mother, but even with the detour, it was still early by the time she arrived back at the firehouse.

As soon as she climbed free from the ambulance, the smell of food hit her, and she cast her eyes up to the loft where it seemed Bobby was busy cooking for everyone. She was already making her way up the stairs when she spotted Eddie leaning against the barrier in one of the quieter areas. She made up her mind and walked toward him, taking her place next to him, her arm gently brushing against his as she leaned over the barrier and looked out across the firehouse.

"Okay, spill," she said after a moment, looking at him from the corner her eye. "What's got you acting so bent out of shape?"

"I'm fine," he answered, offering her up a tight smile, barely meeting her eyes before looking away again.

That was when Hen followed his gaze and could see what he saw. Buck and Ravi, laughing and joking down by one of the engines. And as Buck clapped Ravi on the back before moving off to put the gear away he must have been checking over, it was impossible for Hen not to notice the way Eddie's eyes followed. The anger and harshness he put on melted away, something akin to wistfulness taking their place. He was lost to whatever thoughts swirled around his head, giving Hen plenty of time to study the longing in his eyes, and her mouth dropped open.

"Oh…" she said, looking between Eddie and Buck, "ooooh…"

"What?" Eddie asked, offhandedly, barely even paying attention to her, but her next words had his head snapping to look at her.

"You're in love with Buck." She tried to keep her voice down as she said it, but she couldn't help the rush she felt at figuring it out.

"What? No, that's – don't be ridiculous, Hen." He shook his head, back straightening up as he pushed away from the barrier a little. He tried so hard to keep his eyes on her, but Hen could see the way his gaze kept flicking away, toward Buck.

She raised her eyebrows at him, corner of her mouth ticking up in disbelief. "Oh, I know that look. I've worn that look."

Jaw stiffening and tongue flicking out to dampen his lips, it looked like he was about to argue further, but he changed his mind and sunk against the barrier once more, head falling forward and his eyes darkening as he let out a deep breath.

"When did this happen?" she asked, settling next to him against the barrier and nudging him lightly. "Why are you just realising it now?"

"You know when you're watching the sun set, and you're just so lost for hours admiring it that you don't even realise how dark everything around you has gotten… until you take a look around and you find yourself wondering where the sun went?"

"Well, that's bleak."

Eddie snorted, his eyes moving to follow Buck once more. "Well, that's kind of how it feels right now, like I'm stuck in that dark, waiting for the sun to shine again."

"And this whole pushing him away, is that all part of the master plan?" Hen asked.

"It's like I can't think straight when I'm around him. He's Buck. He drives me crazy and I… This place, it's like a family and Buck is my best friend. I can't even put into words how much that means to me. I mean, you've seen him with Chris. I can't put that at risk."

"So, what? You're hoping if you push him away, all these other feelings will just eventually go away?"

"Something like that," Eddie admitted.

Hen shook her head. "You and I both know it doesn't work like that." She looked out across the firehouse and found Buck once more. "Those feelings, they're not just going to go away."

.-.-.-.-.

It would be a lie to say that Eddie's distance wasn't affecting Buck. If anything, it would be an understatement. He laughed and smiled and carried on with the day as if it wasn't eating him alive, as if he didn't feel lost, incomplete, like a part of himself was missing. He didn't know what upset him more, that Eddie was mad at him, or that he had no idea why.

Unlike the last shift, he didn't chase after Eddie when they finished for the day, despite wanting to, and instead plastered a smile onto his face when Chimney told him Maddie was expecting him for dinner at the weekend. She had her pot roast planned and everything. Buck feigned enthusiasm, and carried on with the show until both Hen and Chimney were well on their way and he was alone at the door to his jeep.

His smile slipped from his face and he leaned back against the frame, closing his eyes. His chest ached, bringing up familiar and unwanted memories and fears he tried so hard to push down. And the worst part of it all was that whenever Buck could feel himself spiralling into that chaos of his own mind, he knew there was one place he could always go. One place that would settle him, no matter what. Or rather, one person. Eddie.

At least when Eddie had briefly left the 118 that time before, he had still been talking to Buck. Even when he was angry and lost, he still talked to him. When Maddie went missing and Chimney was mad at him, Buck had felt himself disappearing into himself but Eddie had been there. After the lightning strike, when he'd felt smothered and unsure, Eddie had been the place he felt safe.

No questions asked. Or rather minimal questions asked. Eddie would always talk him down, tell him he was reading too much into things, or just talk some sense into him. He would tease him, call him Mr Fix-It, and despite all the other bad thoughts going around his find, Eddie would make him feel secure.

Exhaustion weighing him down, Buck climbed into his car and pulled his phone from his pocket. A few swipes and taps later, and he ordered a meal for one to pick up on his way home. When he pulled up outside the takeaway, he was about to head inside when he spotted a familiar face that pulled his attention away from the task at hand. Marisol…

His feet were moving before his mind had caught up and he was calling out to her and coming to a stop in front of her before he had chance to truly think about his actions. "Marisol, hi…"

"Buck?" she questioned, taking a quick look around, no doubt checking to see if he was alone. "What are you doing here?"

He hitched a thumb over his shoulder, back towards the small pizza joint. "I don't feel like cooking."

She held up the bag she was holding and smiled, letting go of a small chuckle. "Me either."

Hands going to his pockets, he rocked back and forth a moment, awkward and somewhat tense, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of what else to say, and Marisol gave an awkward smile in return, until finally he cleared his throat and spoke up. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, why not?"

"What happened between you and Eddie?"

Her features turned wistful and she looked down for a moment before looking back at him. "Nothing. Eddie's a great guy."

"Then why'd you break up?"

There was a moment where he thought she wouldn't answer, or would tell him it wasn't his business, just as Eddie had, but with sad eyes, she finally answered.

"Because I realised he's in love with someone else."

At that, Buck had to smile, unable to stop himself. He shook his head. "Eddie is my best friend. I think I would know if he was in love with someone."

The look on her face bore a striking resemblance to pity and Buck found himself shrinking under her gaze.

"What?"

She shook her head. "I should go… and you should talk to Eddie."

"I would," Buck answered under his breath as he watched her leave, "if I thought he would talk back."

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A/N: Much more to come...