This Can't Be Love

A/N: Just a quick one shot that came to me and wouldn't leave me alone until I transcribed it.

Jessica couldn't recall the precise moment her feelings toward Seth shifted. Certainly she'd felt aggravated, irritated, worried, even afraid, but she hadn't felt love. Not for Seth.

Love was consuming, passionate. It was a shock to the system, a jolt. It was powerful…overpowering. You couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate on your daily tasks.

She cared for Seth. Of course she did. He was her closest friend. She didn't hold with the notion of best friends, not in the typical sense. She'd always considered Frank her best friend. They were everything to each other. They'd had to be. A weaker couple couldn't have survived what they had, and when she looked back over their life together, she was filled with gratitude that they had drawn ever closer.

Frank had held her each time, whispering fiercely in her ear how much he loved her, how she was everything to him. Even now, she could feel the strength of his embrace, the sharp burst of his breath against her ear. She willed herself not to cry.

She didn't feel any of those things for Seth. Not exactly. She felt…concern. Warmth. Frustration. Her heart didn't leap at the sight of him. His proximity to her didn't send a pleasant chill up her spine. He was Seth. Her Seth.

She turned again in her bed. Why would her mind keep pursuing these ridiculous notions? She sighed and twisted her pillow, settling herself in a different position in an effort to refocus her thoughts.

Things had been different lately. Since he'd been in the hospital. Your fault, she thought acidly.

Seth was solid, as constant a presence in her life as the sun, yet seeing him in that hospital bed had been a profound shock. At the time, she'd attributed her strong emotions to seeing anyone she cared for in the intensive care unit. But later, that became a lie she couldn't sustain. She hadn't realized, hadn't admitted, how much she'd come to rely on him. How much she cared for him.

But it wasn't love. No, indeed. It wasn't love. She turned again so that she could face the wall and count sheep. Backwards.

She woke the next morning, bleary-eyed and irritable. She swung her legs heavily over the side of the bed. She'd never been one to laze about in bed, unless she had company, and she hadn't entertained company like that before her beloved Frank or since. "That's not the way to start your day, JB Fletcher."

"What was that, Jess?"

Jessica jumped, feeling the unpleasant thrum of adrenaline coursing through her. She put her hand to her heart. "Are you trying to send me through the roof, Seth Hazlitt?" She stood and whipped around to face him. "What are you doing up here anyway?"

"It's 8:30, woman! I came in through the back door. Which, I might add, was unlocked!" Jessica uttered what might be deemed a light oath, and Seth let it pass. "I called for you, but there was no answer." He grunted. "Just thought I'd come up and check on you. Sorry I did now," he added ungraciously.

Jessica sighed. "I'm sorry, Seth. I just didn't sleep well last night."

Seth's brow furrowed. "Why?" He started toward her, but stopped abruptly as she threw out her hands.

"I'm fine! Nothing's wrong. I just didn't sleep well, that's all."

"Alright, Jess" said Seth mildly. He thought perhaps it might be some kind of female trouble, and he didn't think either one of them could survive a discussion like that. Still, he had taken an oath. "Anything on your mind?"

Jessica tugged on the collar of her pajama top, and Seth tried not to think about the fact that she was dressed only in her pajamas and everything that entailed. "No, no. I just had one night of poor sleep, Seth! Please; let's not make a federal case out of it."

Seth held onto his temper, but barely. "Suits me." He turned to leave her bedroom. "Would you like me to start a pot of coffee?"

"Not this morning." She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Seth?" He paused in the doorway and turned to face her. "Thank you."

"A-yuh," he said. "I'll catch up with you later, Jess," he called as he headed down the stairs.

Jessica sighed again as she straightened the bed clothes. She hadn't meant to be rude. And she knew he hadn't meant to overstep. She'd have to make it up to him somehow.

Seth was concerned. It wasn't like Jessica to be so…irritable. And she seemed only to be irritable with him! Anybody else in Cabot Cove and she was as sweet as sugar. But him! He couldn't do anything to please her. Even if he couldn't bear to be apart from her, he'd at least attempted to give her the space she seemed to be angling for. Selfish, lovesick fool, he thought, not for the first time. It was a waste of time—plain foolish—to have fallen in love with a woman like Jessica Fletcher.

He'd been intrigued by her from the moment he moved back to the Cove. He sensed the bright spark of her mind behind those unsettling blue eyes, and his earliest assumptions about her had been proven correct. She was bright, engaging, funny, attractive. He sighed. Though Ruth had extracted a promise from him, he'd had no intention of fulfilling it. He hadn't planned on loving anyone again. But he hadn't planned on Jessica Fletcher, either.

He wondered if something might be medically wrong with her, and she was too stubborn—too scared—to ask for his help. Seth grunted. "That tears it," he said irritably.

"What was that, Doc?"

He hadn't realized when Beverly had come in. He was entirely too preoccupied with Jessica. "What?"

"I asked you first," said Beverly.

"It's nothing. Just a patient I need to check on."

"Which one?"

Seth fixed her with a glare. "I'll tell you when and if there's something you need to know, Beverly." He stomped out of his office and headed up the stairs.

Beverly smiled to herself. It hadn't escaped her attention that the doc and Jessica had had a little falling out. One more stubborn than the other. Both too stubborn to see what was right in front of their faces. She'd give them a little more rope, then she'd start tugging. If she even had to. Of the two, her money was on Jessica Fletcher to have it sorted before long.

Seth barreled through the back door. "Alright, woman. I've come all the way over here to have it out with you."

"Have what out with me? And, by the way, when did a five-minute drive become all the way over?"

"That." He pointed at her. "That right there."

"What?"

"That belligerent attitude. You're going to tell me what I've done, Jessica Fletcher." He pulled off his cap and sat down heavily at the kitchen table. "I'm going to sit right here until you tell me exactly what I've done to make you so angry."

Jessica was so surprised she was almost speechless. She stood from the kitchen table and wrapped her arms around herself. Seth's heart went out to her, but he remained seated. She would tell him, whatever it was, and he'd do whatever it took to make things right.

He watched as she walked to the counter and braced herself against it. "It's not necessary for you to stay, Seth. I'm being absurd. Ridiculous. I know I've been…short…with you these past few days—"

"Weeks," interjected Seth gruffly.

Jessica turned to him in surprise. "It's not been weeks!"

Seth pushed back from the table. "It has, woman!" He walked closer to her and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. It didn't escape his notice that she was trembling. "Jess," he said softly. "What is it?" Her eyes filled with tears, and he gripped her shoulder. "Just tell me, Jess. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Together."

She turned her face from his and he had an almost irresistible impulse to place his lips against the pale column of her neck. He focused instead on watching her pulse throb. He wondered if he could place his fingers around her wrist unobtrusively.

"It's nothing, Seth. I promise."

"Nothing is nothing to me, woman. Not when it's got you so troubled." He heard the pleading tone of his voice, yet he couldn't stop himself. "Please tell me." He sighed. "We're friends, aren't we? If we're nothing else, we're friends, Jessica."

The low rumble of his voice felt almost like a physical presence. His hand was warm, gripping her shoulder, his fingers kneading the muscle absently. He was so close, and so warm. And why had he said what he'd said…why had he put it like that? Could she tell him what she'd been thinking? She turned abruptly and curled herself against him. Seth's arms enfolded her reflexively, and she molded herself impossibly closer.

"Jessica," he whispered hoarsely. He had no idea what was happening, but he felt himself responding to her physical presence. She was so warm, and the light fragrance she wore tickled his nose. He thought he might even be able to smell the shampoo she'd used this morning, but he quickly shut down that thought. Images of her bathing were not going to help.

Jessica allowed herself to relax into his embrace. He was rubbing her back in soothing circles and the sharp tang of his aftershave was as familiar as the perfume she favored. It felt…right…to be in his arms. But it couldn't be love. It couldn't be.

"Just tell me what it is, sweetheart," Seth whispered again, and he heard her sharp intake of breath as she turned her mouth to his ear.

"What did you call me?"

"What?" asked Seth, startled.

"You called me sweetheart, just now. Didn't you?"

"Did I?" asked Seth weakly.

She drew back a little so she could see his face. "You did."

"Jessica, what is it? For the love of God, just tell me." She pulled out of his embrace and he immediately cursed himself. "I'm sorry, Jess."

She looked up at him. "It's not you, Seth. It's me."

"Are you sick?" he blurted.

She looked confused for a moment. "No," she murmured, then looked at his face. "No! Oh, no, Seth. I'm not sick. I'm sorry for frightening you. It's nothing to do with my health. Exactly," she said cryptically.

"Damn it, Jess!" He loosened his hold on her in order to grasp her shoulders. It took all the discipline he had not to shake her. "Will you please, please, tell me what's going on?" He looked at her for a moment, and he dropped his hands slowly down her arms. "You've met someone. You've met someone and you're afraid to tell me." He felt almost sick. He'd known this day would come. He'd known he'd have to let her go, somehow, but still his traitorous heart kept pumping him full of hope. He wished he could sit down.

Jessica reached out for him. He looked almost sick, and her heart lurched painfully in her chest. "No, I haven't met anyone. Not like that." The look of relief on his face! She was alternately thrilled and frightened. "It's not that. It's not someone new, anyway."

Seth turned from her and balanced his hand against one of the kitchen chairs while he took a few breaths. Ridiculous. He was acting like a lovesick young pup instead of a mature, professional man. A doctor, for heaven's sake! When had she become so important to him?

"Seth?"

He held up a hand. "Just give me a minute, Jess."

This wasn't going at all how she'd imagined, in spite of telling herself not to imagine it. She moved to stand behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Seth," she murmured. He grunted. "I've been thinking lately. Thinking quite a lot. Wrestling with myself, really." He lifted his head, but he wouldn't turn to face her. "What I feel, what I want…I've been hoping to talk to you. I was just too embarrassed."

He turned at this. "What is it you want, Jess?" And as he uttered the words, he felt the energy between them shift. "What do you want?" he asked again, his voice barely above a whisper. "You don't…we can't…what you're asking…"

She cupped his face in her warm, gentle hands. "Please, Seth?" The last of his reserves drained away as he felt her lips press against his.

He followed her dumbly up the stairs and into her bedroom, his heart pounding in his ears. She led them to her side of the bed, then dropped his hand so that she could turn the bedclothes down.

She turned and reached for the buttons of his shirt. As she began to unfasten them, Seth put his hands over hers and took a deep breath. "You're sure."

She smiled. "I'm sure."

He looked at her as though she were something rare and precious, a treasure. She shivered as he reached out to finger a lock of her hair, then he slid his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her to him. This time, there was nothing tentative or unsure in his kisses. She moaned as he deepened the kiss, and she felt him smile against her lips.

She drew back, putting her hands on his shoulders as she gently pushed him to sit on the bed. She knelt in front of him and began removing his shoes and socks.

"Jessica," he said quietly. She looked up at him, a question in those bottomless blue eyes. "Nothing," he said and he reached for her arms to help her back up. She kissed him, hard, then straddled him and pushed him further into the bed. As they hastily removed their remaining clothes, he had the presence of mind to utter a wordless, grateful prayer.

Jessica was enthusiastic, almost frenetic, in the pace she attempted to set, and Seth paused for a moment in an effort to slow them down. He was desperate to please her, but he wanted to savor this moment. He wasn't quite sure what would happen next between them, and he wanted to appreciate every moment of their lovemaking.

She was so lovely. He stroked her neck and shoulders with one hand as he clasped her hand in his other. He slowed their movements as he stared down into her eyes.

"Seth," she murmured.

He kissed her languidly along her cheeks, her mouth, her neck. He felt her warm breath against his ear, and he allowed his hand to trace along the contours of her body until he reached her hip. He began to touch her intimately.

As they moved together in the shadows cast by the hall light, he was surprised at his ability to lose himself in her, yet remain present and alive in his observations of her and of them together. Part of him felt as though he were dreaming while another part of him knew it was her skin pressed against his, it was his touch causing her to writhe and moan. This was a gift, and his heart swelled with love and desire for her.

He felt her tighten against him, and he allowed himself to let go along with her. He held her tightly in his arms as they broke apart together.

Jessica trembled in his arms, and Seth dropped kisses along her face and neck, trying to keep from blurting that he loved her. At first he thought she was laughing, and he smiled, but then he felt the tears on his neck and shoulder. He scrambled to an upright position. "Jess? Jessica, are you alright?" he barked.

She was crying so hard now that she could only nod, making futile hand gestures toward him. Seth was frantic. Of all his furtive imaginings, he'd never contemplated that their lovemaking might end in a flood of her tears. He cursed himself for following her up the stairs, for allowing himself to make love with her. He suspected that she hadn't been with a man since Frank, and he felt a cold dread in the pit of his stomach at the thought of her remorse.

Jessica was still crying harder than he thought good for her. He wished he'd brought his bag inside with him; he thought perhaps a mild sedative might be in order. He smoothed his hands across her face as she tried to throw her arms around him. Finally he relented and settled her in his arms, rocking her as he might a child, stroking her hair, her neck and shoulders, anywhere he could reach, in an effort to calm her. Finally, her tears slowed and she was able to draw a few ragged breaths.

"Jessica, I'm sorry," he said in a strained voice. "I'm so sorry. I was weak. I never should have followed you up here." He stopped as she put a gentle hand on his chest. He was afraid to look into her eyes, but he forced himself to face her.

She smiled tentatively and smoothed his brow. "No, no, my darling. I'm sorry." She looked embarrassed. "I didn't mean to go into hysterics. I don't know what came over me." She looked again at his stricken face. "No, that's not true."

She took another deep breath. "You were so tender and gentle." She smiled as she brushed his hair away from his forehead. "So loving…I didn't know…I hadn't thought…" She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "Feeling your arms around me, feeling your skin against mine. I felt…surrounded by you…surrounded by your love." She stroked his cheek with her fingers. "I knew. Of course I knew." She turned her face to the side for a moment. "But until tonight, I had no idea how much you loved me. It was…" She turned to face him. "Beautiful. Encompassing. Overwhelming. I feel almost ashamed that I didn't realize until now. That it took me so long to admit. To myself and to you."

Seth gazed at her for a long moment, then wordlessly gathered her in his arms and buried his face in her neck. She rubbed his back as she felt his tears fall. "I love you," she whispered fiercely. "I love you, Seth."

Seth murmured something unintelligible. "What, my darling?"

Seth lifted his face from her neck, and she used her thumbs to wipe away his tears. "I'll love you forever, Jess."

She smiled as she felt that familiar frisson of energy move up her spine. She was seldom wrong, but it seemed this time, it could be love.

A/N: Once again, my grateful thanks to KarlieQ. She graciously gave this a once over, but again, I'm a nefarious tinkerer, so any mistakes are all mine.

I was curious what might happen if Jess were the one to be overpowered by emotions. She's always so strong, yet she's so compassionate and empathetic. For some reason, it's easier for me to envision Seth as the emotional one in their relationship. I think he has this untapped well of tenderness and sensitivity. William Windom conveys so much with just a look. I think he understood that Seth was in love with Jess. At any rate, this time I wanted to experiment with Jessica being overcome by her emotions. I hope you enjoy it!

This Can't Be Love is another song. My favorite version is Judy Garland's from her 1961 concert at Carnegie Hall. Come to think of it, nearly all my story titles come from songs. Weird!