TW: brief aggression toward female character
Chapter 3: Train Windows
Celestia continues to speak, but Amber can't bring herself to listen any further. She locks in on Ivy curled up in the middle of the crowd. Bran must have jumped his holding area into theirs because he protectively crouches beside her. Next, Amber finds Birdie, eyes wide and hands covering her mouth. Amber had lied to her when she said it would all be okay. She desperately wishes she could comfort everyone, but she doesn't know how. She's ushered off stage and into the Justice Building before she can think any further.
They're heading for a set of stairs when they're intercepted by a Peacekeeper. The badge of honor on the chest confirms him as Gaius Peltz. The other Peacekeepers stop, let go of her, and salute. The sensation of needing to throw up comes back again.
"We're off schedule," Gaius says. "The tributes are to go directly to the train station."
Off schedule? That was a lie. The Reaping had been as punctual as possible.
What does that mean? To the train station? The tributes are supposed to get the opportunity to say goodbye to their friends and family now. She knows this. This has always been the process.
"No," Amber protests. A word she never imagined herself being able to say to this man. He couldn't hurt her anymore and she effectively has nothing to lose. She's Capitol property now.
"Sorry, Miss. Clark," Evander mutters as he interlocks his arm with hers and starts to change directions.
"No!" Amber says again, louder, recoiling back from Evander. "I get to see them. Those are the rules!" She plants her feet into the tile floor.
When the Peacekeepers start to drag her, Amber begins to thrash and scream. She's only ever seen young children have these sorts of outbursts before, but it feels well within her rights.
She can feel Gaius watching her with disgust. Finally, he interjects. He orders the Peacekeepers to drop her. That's when he grabs her shoulders and shoves her against the hard marble. Her head slams against the wall and the air is sucked out of her. Her eyes widen and she stares defiantly into his. The visor on his helmet is raised. These are the last eyes her parents ever saw. She will not let them see her weak.
"You stupid girl," Gaius all but growls through his barred teeth. "You will shut up and you will follow instructions," He demands. "You may not be in my jurisdiction anymore, but you will play these games as they are intended to be played. You will die how your kind was meant to die. Or else your family, your district, and everything else you've ever touched will be turned to dust. Do you understand?"
Amber scowls. To be honest, no, she doesn't understand. Why threaten her family when she is already dead to him? Within the next hour, she will no longer be his problem. Why can't she just say goodbye? Why be so cruel? It hurts nothing.
"I will give you one piece of advice." Gaius leans closer to her. She can smell the sweat and gunpowder on his uniform. Advice? They hate each other mutually. Why advice? "Start playing smarter and start playing the right game."
Amber's head spins and she's silent now. She doesn't know what games Gaius is talking about, but something about his demeanor tells Amber that she'll likely find out and he's not bluffing about the dust.
He pulls back, gives another set of orders, and storms off as quickly as he arrived. Amber slouches to the ground. When Evander comes to help her up, she lets him effortlessly lift her back onto her feet. "Please. You will tell them I love them, right?" Amber asks desperately.
He doesn't respond.
The numbness returns as she meets Celestia Nyx and York Farley outside the back entrance to the Justice Building. It's the first time Amber has ever been in a car. The two tributes maintain their silence, while Celestia insistently talks. Amber is too busy in her own mind to listen. She considers all of the unspoken words to those around her. Her family, Birdie, Bran, her crew from the forest, the people she trades with, and even those who helped look after her family after her parents' deaths. She owed them all something. At least a thank you.
The words of her father explaining the oak tree come back to her. Strength and courage. How is she supposed to show that right now?
At the station, they are swiftly moved to the train. Amber has only ever been on the small shuttles that carried workers deep into the forest, but this train is a huge metal beast. Inside it, everything is gorgeous in a way Amber has never seen before. Layers of plush fabric, shiny metals, and crystal chandeliers. "Isn't it all magnificent?" Celestia gestures to the surroundings.
"Beautiful," is all Amber can say. She drags her hand past the glossy wood paneling. This material would have come from Seven. Maybe the closest thing she has to home right now. Amber's hand brushes against the back of a couch next. Celestia explains that the material is called velvet.
"I wish Weston could see it." Amber didn't mean to say that aloud, but it was too late. Celestia is already piqued up and sitting Amber in a seat. She leans in uncomfortably close. Amber has never smelled anything like her before. It was like flowers and sugar, but a thousand times more intense.
Celestia is intrigued, as if she were in the crowd of Caesar Flickerman's interviews. "Weston! What a nice name. Is that your boyfriend?"
Amber cringes. "He's my brother."
"Oh." Celestia is clearly disappointed at the response. She rests her chin on the palm of her hand. Then she laughs, having another epiphany. "That does make more sense!" She grabs one of Amber's hands and pulls on her best sentimental facial expression. Her failed attempt at hiding her emotions is borderline insulting. "Was he the one who tried to come to you at the Reaping?"
Amber nods, slowly scooting away from Celestia. The train begins to move and Celestia disappears from the train car. Amber feels like she's experiencing whiplash. It's all too fast. One emotion after another. Absolutely zero time for processing.
Amber looks to York. He's sitting with his arms crossed, glaring out the window. She moves to sit at a different window. One where she can be alone. She soaks in the scenery. She wants to sob, but Amber knows she can't afford to do that yet. Not in front of York. She pulls her knees to her chest and tries to memorize the pine trees as the train flies by. She's never seen District Seven from his perspective before. The sun begins to hide behind them, casting golden rays across the sky.
After a while, Celestia comes back and flips on the television. The Reapings have all commenced, meaning the commentators can begin their analysis. They start at District Eleven and work their way in, building up anticipation to the Career Districts: One, Two, and Four. Amber can't bring herself to look at the television until she hears District Seven announced. Celestia begins gushing over her own appearance.
First, they discuss York. The announcers gleefully state that he will be an interesting tribute to watch this year. They speculate that he's strong enough to be valuable in an alliance with One and Two. Next, they cut to Amber. They fixate on her resemblance to Ivy and put the twin piece together quickly. Then they show a close-up of her stunned face. "She's so cute!" one of them gushes. It's the same tone that she and Birdie would use to talk about the ducks that collect in the creek.
"She's definitely going to bring blonde back in style."
"Oh and look at her eyes! I have a feeling that eye enlargement surgery might make a comeback this year."
"Not all of us can look that good with those features! Maybe we should just leave it to her."
"Speak for yourself!"
They continue to laugh at their banter. Amber can't help but feel embarrassed. She's been made fun of in front of all of Panem. Aren't they already stripping away enough of her dignity?
Amber feels sick so she removes herself from the compartment. She finds the one labeled for her, changes into a set of pajamas that's multiple sizes too big, and curls under the comforter on the bed. She thinks she might collapse but she fights it. No. She can't give up. Can't give in. Can't let them laugh at her and count her out and let them be correct in doing so.
Amber finds the remote on the bedside table and turns the television on. Of course, it's still the Reapings. The Hunger Games would consume all of Panem for weeks.
The commentators are just beginning their discussion on District Four. The boy reminds Amber of Finnick Odair because an essence of natural charisma surrounds him. His hands are tucked casually into his pockets except for when he pushes his sun-bleached hair back. The girl is his opposite. Quiet and sullen. District Four never has volunteers, but they normally produce stronger tributes that align themselves with District One and Two in training. Both of them look like they might fit right in.
The District Three tributes are shrugged off just as Amber was, as the announcers are clearly eager to continue talking about the Careers.
District Two is the start of the volunteers. A girl with dark features and freckles spread across her pinched nose. Her partner is a boy with striking green eyes. He looks past the camera as it zooms in on him. Although they volunteered, neither look too excited to be there. They raise their heads high, square their shoulders, and disappear into an ornate building.
District One gives a completely different demeanor. Both tributes grin and pump their fists. Amber could picture Bran and Ivy mocking them and the announcers now. The tributes of District One: Radiance and Sterling! Ivy always found the names ridiculous and made a point of mentioning them. Amber always thought the names were somewhat interesting and fun, but the tributes always terrified her, so she never brought herself to admit it.
These people would be the biggest threats to Amber in the Games. What could their weaknesses be? There has to be something, even if they have been training their entire lives. In past years, the answer has commonly been arrogance.
Amber curls within the bedding as old highlight reels take over. They've only been playing games in which Career Districts have won. Victors that they were certain weren't involved in any sort of rebellion. She tries to figure out what makes a Victor. It seems like it always involves at least one stroke of good luck.
Someone silently delivers her dinner to her room and Amber can't stand to look at it at first. She tries her hardest to sleep through the night, but it doesn't seem to be working. Giving in, Amber sits on the floor and picks at the Capitol food. Cautiously, she puts a bite into her mouth. The food has an addictive quality to it, and Amber has never had so much in front of her at one time. She feels sick quickly.
This is her first time ever being away from home. She wonders what her family is doing right now and she finally cries. Sobbing is a more accurate description.
She wraps herself in the suffocatingly large bedsheets and finds the window. It's pitch black outside, but she can see the stars. They always had a way of comforting her. Maybe her siblings are looking at the stars too, searching for their mother or father's guidance. Even they would have been helpless against the Reaping today. Nonetheless, Amber hugs her knees and looks for the same answers.