Eren stared at the ceiling, sleeping the very last thing on his mind. He was incredibly preoccupied with the extensive events of the last few hours. There was a lot to think about, and so his mind refused to settle.

Mikasa slept deeply beside him, arm draped over the side of her bed. Her fingers twitched occasionally, and more than once he thought of taking them in his hand. He resisted, though. He was happy to respect her wishes, although frightened about the time constraints he knew he had.

There was only one person who could tell him how long he had.

Right on cue, he felt a presence drift into the room, gentle and calm. Sitting up, he made eye contact with the founder Ymir, who was rocking quietly in the chair in the corner.

"Eren," she greeted, nodding her head in his direction with a warm, adoring smile. "I trust you're well?"

"You could say that," Eren murmured, running his hands through his hair, stealing a glance at Mikasa. "Yourself?"

Ymir smiled softly. "I'm well, thank you." Rocking steadily, she assessed him, her gaze reminiscent of Carla's motherly expression. "And how is Mikasa?"

Eren glowered. "Not the best…" he admitted, glancing at her sleeping figure again. Her lips, soft and still somewhat swollen, were parted slightly, and some color had returned to her cheeks. He almost smiled, brushing the hair away from her face. She didn't move a muscle. She must have been exhausted.

"She hasn't been taking care of herself since everything ended," he whispered. "I knew it would be hard on her, but… I think I asked too much of her this time." It made him feel like a piece of shit.

Ymir nodded in understanding. "I empathize with her. Had the same been asked of me, well… I believe I would have felt an uncontrollable compulsion to live the same way."

Eren winced.

"However, I did not have the pleasure of being married to a man who cared for me - well, other than the Titan powers I possessed, of course. So rather than him dying for me… well. You know my story."

Eren nodded, trying not to remember the scene of Ymir being consumed by her own daughters, watching them gag her flesh down while their father egged them on.

"Mikasa is special," Ymir continued, her voice soft and affectionate. She looked at Eren, directly into his eyes, deep into his soul. "I haven't shared this with you, but I was there the day you died."

Surprised, Eren raised his eyebrows.

"I wanted to be there for Mikasa," Ymir explained, eyes soft. "I knew what she was about to go through. I knew the pain she would feel. I hoped, in some strange way, to offer some form of comfort. She's a precious descendent, and someone I greatly identify with. From the moment she was born, I knew she would be the one to break my curse." Standing, Ymir strode to the bed and quietly sat at the foot of it. She gazed at Mikasa affectionately, almost like a mother regarding her child. "I watched her take your life. She was valiant, unwavering. But I wasn't sure how she would react once you had passed… And she surprised me tremendously."

Eren listened intently, clinging to every word. He knew nothing of the aftermath of his death.

Ymir moved further up the bedside, now sitting between Eren and Mikasa. Ever so gentle, she cupped Mikasa's cheek in her hand, delicately caressing the skin. "She took you in her arms instantly, cradled you gently. She kissed you, and she cried. She didn't care about the blood. She just held you for as long as she could before your titan body began to collapse, then wrapped you in that scarf she loves so much. She carried you for miles, fiercely protecting you from any potential harm. I followed her closely, intent on protecting her. I don't believe she even slept until she finally buried you… But, before she did, she held you under the tree for quite some time."

Eren felt a pang of sadness and guilt strike his heart. "...She did that all alone?"

Ymir nodded. "The other boy, Armin, knew of her plans, but stayed behind to keep the peace in the aftermath of your death."

Eren hung his head, chest aching, eyes burning. Now he definitely felt like a piece of shit.

"Eren," Ymir crooned, and he felt her hand land on his head. "Listen to me. The things you and I have done are unacceptable, and atonement is a necessity. But please understand… You did what you had to do to protect your loved ones." Kneeling beside him, she lifted his face to meet her eyes. "You ended a destructive war. You caused unfathomable damage and became a martyr and a murderer, all for their sakes. Mikasa understands. She doesn't blame you. If anything, it is I who is to blame for obeying the wishes of a tyrannical king and staying in a marriage I desperately wanted, even though it was terribly one-sided."

"I get it," Eren sighed, pulling away from Ymir, pinching at the spot between his eyebrows, "I get it, Ymir." He watched her stroke a stray hair from Mikasa's face. "I just don't know how to face this entire situation. I'm here now, but I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do… After everything I've done…"

Ymir hummed an acknowledgement. "Eren. Don't you understand?" She drifted from Mikasa, kneeling at Eren's level this time, meeting his eyes. "This time around, you have no obligations. There is no war. The titans are gone. No one knows you are here. Eren… outside of your own thoughts and feelings, outside of your past life and your atonement… you are free to do as you choose."

"Yeah, but I've got another fucking deadline this time," Eren snapped, fingers clamping down on his leg. "I don't get what I want."

Ymir cocked her head. "And what is it that you want, Eren?"

Eren scoffed, dropping his head to his fist. "Forever, Ymir. I want forever."

Forever with Mikasa. But he knows how selfish he sounds, like a little boy complaining to his mother.

He felt Ymir's gentle hand caress the top of his head again. She didn't respond with the same vehemence that stained Eren's words. "I know," she murmured. "Eren… I know. I understand. More than you'll ever know."

He felt stupid for being so whiny with her.

"I'm going to try my hardest to ensure that you get as much time as possible with her, Eren," Ymir assured, stroking his hair. "You both fought with all of your hearts to free me. It's the least I can do for my saviors, my descendents. You're precious to me. All of you."

She was gone as suddenly as she had appeared, right when Eren raised his head to thank her.

He really was grateful.

"Thank you…" he sighed into the empty air, gazing towards the ceiling.

"Eren..?"

Hardly anything used to startle him, but the unexpected lilt of Mikasa's sleepy voice sent a violent zap through his entire system. She was awake, hair in disarray, eyes squinted in his direction. A stray line of drool connected her flushed cheek to the down pillow that was inexplicably lucky to be perched under her head.

Observing her, he knew - he had never seen something so beautiful.

"Hey," he chided, sliding to her bedside, "why are you up?" He reached for her, trying to steady her as she wobbled drunkenly.

A small groan slipped through her lips. "Heard you talking," she whispered, trying to focus on his eyes, "thought you might be leaving…"

Eren's heart panged. "No, I'm not going anywhere," he reassured her, wide hand cupping her face gingerly. It felt forbidden, the touch, and something stirred deep in his chest.

Mikasa nodded groggily. Concentrating mightily to focus through the sleep tonic, she made eye contact with him, damn well nearly destroying him with her doe-like expression. "It's cold," she whispered simply, and Eren noticed the blue tint to her lips.

"Shit, Mikasa - can I - what can I get you?" He leapt to his feet, throwing his own blanket over her. She was skin and bones. No wonder she couldn't regulate her temperature… and she seemed to run cold on good days.

Mikasa stared him down, eyes the only thing visible above the layers of blankets. He watched, waited for her further instruction, fidgeting on his feet to preoccupy the need to fucking leap into that bed with her and keep her warm. He raised his eyebrows at her, impatient, worried. "What can I get you?" he repeated, making an effort to remain calm.

Again, she didn't answer, simply stared, the silver glint of her eyes an absolute torment to him.

Then, he noticed the color of her cheeks. She… was she blushing?

Wriggling under his gaze, she spoke. "Well… do you…"

The blanket crept further up her face, masking her.

"What?" Eren asked bluntly, snagging an edge of the blanket to prevent her from hiding any more of herself from him.

"Remember when we were kids?" she asked shyly, turning her head to the side. "When I would get cold in the winters, and you would let me in your room to keep me warm?"

Remember? It was engraved on his fucking brain. He would hear a small knock on his door, and find a small, trembling Mikasa there waiting for him. She never had to ask - he would simply pull her in by the wrist, quickly wrapping her in the nearest blanket, chastising her for not coming to him sooner. They would speedily leap into his bed together, nestling into the blankets to banish the biting cold seeping through the floors and windows.

He always made sure never to touch her, but remained close enough that they were no more than a few inches apart. They would talk about everything and nothing, Mikasa listening, Eren babbling. And eventually, they would drift off. Never touching. Just relishing in each other's presence. Mikasa always woke up warm and content. She loved those mornings.

"Yeah," Eren responded simply, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I remember."

Mikasa's breath stuttered in her chest. "If… if you wanted to, you could…"

Eren's ears began to ring, disgustingly hopeful. "I could do what?"

Mikasa bit her lip, heart hammering in her chest, tonic well on its way out of her system, chased out by the adrenaline coursing in her blood. "You could sleep with me. In the bed, I mean… You just gave me your blanket, so…"

Eren didn't consciously think when he moved. "I will," he murmured, reaching for the blankets, lifting them quickly to preserve what little heat she had, slipping swiftly between the sheets. Tucking the bedding under his back to stop any loss of warmth, he shuffled closer to Mikasa. Not touching, but close enough that his body heat rolled over her like a sultry summer morning.

He pretended not to notice the way her breath hitched, how her chest sank in a silent gasp. He feigned ignorance when her lips parted, sweet breath rolling across his neck. He ignored what it was doing to him, the way things stirred hungrily at how close she was. Keeping his raging hormones under check was astonishingly more difficult for him than he remembered, and he found himself having to keep his legs pressed together to stop the evidence of his untethered desire from making itself known to Mikasa.

It wasn't easy when she made it so damn difficult… and she wasn't even trying.

"Better?" he managed to ask, voice hoarse from strain.

"Yes," Mikasa sighed, visibly relaxing, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. If she noticed his struggles, she was good at hiding it. "Thank you, Eren."

"...You're welcome," he breathed, examining every inch of her face. "You going to be able to fall back asleep? You were only out for an hour or two."

Mikasa stretched her legs, toes barely skimming the top of his foot.

Fuck. He really needed to ditch his habit of swearing… but, shit. If she only knew…

"It's the best I've slept in weeks," Mikasa hummed, now bending her knees and lying on her side to face him. "Annie was right. That stuff is potent."

"Do you want some more to help you fall back asleep?" Eren inquired, eyes burning into hers. Say no. Stay up with me.

"That's okay," Mikasa replied, eyebrows scrunched together adorably. "Aren't you tired, though?"

He was quick to refute the question. "No." The corner of his mouth twitched up into a sardonic grin. "I was dead yesterday. I've had enough of sleeping for a while."

He regretted that statement instantly. Mikasa's face fell, crestfallen. "Hey, hey, hey - I was joking, I'm sorry - That was too far, wasn't it?" He went to reach for her, but stopped himself, tightening his fingers into a clenched fist instead.

She nodded, tears swimming in her eyes.

"Mikasa, I'm so sorry," he whispered, aching to do something to take the words away. "I'm here. I'm right here now."

She looked like she was about to break. It destroyed him.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath. Fuck boundaries.

Eren reached for her, and Mikasa broke down openly in response, a short, hiccuping sob slipping out from her pursed lips. He pressed one hand to the small of her back, the other arm slipping under her torso to pull her to him quickly, if not a tad aggressively. He buried his fingers in her hair, pressing her forehead to the space between his collarbone and arm draped over her waist pulled her impossibly close, crushing her stomach to his with firm pressure. Finally, he hooked one of her legs with his own, pulling her in, entwining them together, remaining cautious to keep his hips away from her until he could calm himself down appropriately.

This… This was exactly what he had always wanted to do on those cold winter nights, when they were younger.

This was something they did regularly in the cabin…

"Shhh…" he consoled her, boldly pressing a series of gentle kisses to the top of her head. It was second nature… had he done this at the cabin, too? "I know," he crooned, "I'm sorry. I won't say anything about that again, all right?" Pulling her even closer, he nuzzled into her, drinking in her scent. He freed his hand from her hair, using it instead to caress her face and wipe the trails of tears seeping from her eyes, all the while trying his best to whisper soft encouragement.

This was dangerous, this awkward space they found themselves in. What were they? Old friends? Family? Destined lovers, torn apart by bloodthirsty fate?

But Eren knew. They teetered precariously between deep friendship and dark, passionate intimacy, pressured towards the latter through their shared experience in the paths.

Is that what SHE thinks? A voice rang out in his head. Grisha… eyeless, hollow sockets boring down on Eren from behind his eyelids.

But he chose to ignore the anxiety, focusing solely on the fact that Mikasa was grasping him like a lifeline. Friendly security or a burning for intimacy, he didn't care. She was here. He was here. He was going to consume every last drop of her that he could get, panic and anxiety be damned. After all… hadn't she kissed him back? Hadn't she jerked against him, gasped erotically when they met at the hips?

Sighing, he stopped that train of thought. He had just calmed down, he didn't need to ramp it up again. Instead, he bent his head forward, resting cheek to cheek with Mikasa, hunching around her, enveloping her in his warmth. She repaid the favor by unknowingly warding off the skeletons in his closet.

"I'm here," he whispered yet again. "I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me this time, Ackerman - not unless you tell me to leave."

"Never," Mikasa whispered in return, the word delicately lacing around his heart.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Mikasa had drifted back to sleep a few hours prior. Eren, fully entranced with examining every millimeter of her perfect face, hadn't even felt the beginning nudges of fatigue. He trailed his fingers up and down her arm mindlessly, scowling at the prominence of her joints and tendons. He had to make sure she ate and drank properly from now on.

At the thought of drinking, he suddenly realized just how thirsty he was. When was the last time he had enjoyed a simple glass of water? Was it just before he had beaten the everloving shit out of Armin?

His teeth clenched. It didn't matter. He just wanted a drink.

Mikasa had unwound herself from his limbs a while back, so he was able to slip quietly from the bed, feet padding deftly across the weathered hardwood. Hopefully, she wouldn't notice the absence of his warmth for a few minutes. Sparing a quick glance at her - God, she was beautiful - he opened the door and slipped into the hall like a shadow.

He was surprised to see a faint glow from under Armin's door. He never stayed up late, not as kids, not as cadets, and certainly not as soldiers. Curious, Eren strode to the door, leaning down to turn an ear towards the keyhole -

And instantly regretted the stupid decision. There were a handful of things that Eren could say with confident certainty that he never wanted to witness, and the embarrassingly loud sounds that Annie and Armin's bodies and mouths were making instantaneously VAULTED to the #1 spot on his list.

Jerking away as if he had been burned, Eren physically shuddered, face scrunching in disgust. Sick bastard - Armin would be one to make gross sounds like that. Suppressing the vile image he had in his head of clumsy, polite fornication between the two blondes, he tried not to gag and sped for the bathroom door at the end of the hall, going as fast as he could while still being silent. He jumped through the door, closing it hastily behind him. Disgusting.

Though, to be fair, he couldn't judge them… Before Annie had interrupted, Eren had been ready to fuck Mikasa till she screamed his name.

He was demented.

Throat suddenly much more dry than it had been five seconds before, he cranked the faucet handle, somewhat comforted that Armin was otherwise preoccupied and likely wouldn't hear the squeal of rusted metal. Ducking his head, he gulped at the metallic water, shocked by how suddenly the thirst overwhelmed him once the cool liquid touched his lips. Drinking heavily, he relished in the cool feeling that spread down his chest and into his stomach. He drank until he thought he would vomit.

Standing, he stared at the ceiling, water droplets dripping lazily down his chin.

He was alive. He just drank water… Rather than rotting in hell, where he should be, he was down the hall from his two best friends.

Somewhat overwhelmed, he looked at himself in the mirror, and was surprised by the image that looked back at him.

He looked… really good. Healthy. Dare he say… even a little happy? Turning his head this way and that, he decided that he liked his hair at this length. But he'd ask Mikasa tomorrow, see how she felt about it… He'd cut it, if she wanted…

Did she… find him attractive? He couldn't help but wonder.

She would never, a sudden voice cooed, overwhelming his thoughts. Why would she?

Eren's head dropped, and he clutched the sink basin violently. "Get the fuck out of my head," he seethed, bending lower to splash the cool water over his face.

But… the voice was probably right.

But she kissed me back.

His musings were abruptly cut short when a high-pitched scream shattered the night. It took less than a second for Eren to react, because it was Mikasa's scream, tearing from Mikasa's lungs, and it was a scream of pure agony, repeating itself over and over.

He almost tore the bathroom door from its hinges, sprinting down the hallway, not giving a single thought as to whether Annie or Armin heard him. All he could focus on was that Mikasa was screaming, calling his name over and over.

He burst through her door as quietly as he could and shut it in the same motion, locking the deadbolt without a second thought. "Mikasa!" he exclaimed, diving for her bed in a panic.

She was curled into the very corner of her bed, eyes bulging, nails clawing at her head, knees drawn into her chest. Her lips were drawn back, exposing every tooth as she screamed violently, staring at something that wasn't there. "Eren!" She rasped out, tears and mucous streaming down her face.

He was terrified. He had never seen her like this. Crawling across the blankets towards her, he called to her. "Hey, Mikasa - listen, hey, I'm here-!" He tried to reach for her shoulder.

"GET OFF OF ME!" she screeched, slapping weakly at his hands, fighting him away. Pure terror bled into every facet of her eyes. She stared at him without seeing. She was inconsolable, and it was breaking Eren in every way possible. Shoving the feeling back down his throat, he reached past her flailing limbs, never breaking eye contact, though he knew she wasn't seeing him the way he was seeing her.

She used to have night terrors like this after her parents died, and Eren knew how to handle it.

Firmly, gently, he pinned her arms to her sides. She fought back even harder now, screams elevating, but Eren didn't let up.

"It's me," he murmured, moving his head with hers to hold her gaze. "It's me. It's Eren. I'm right here. I'm okay. I haven't left, I'm still with you."

Mikasa's eyebrows twitched, as if she wanted to listen.

"That's right," Eren praised her, thumbs rubbing circles on her forearms, holding them tight, "Good job, Mika. I'm here. Listen to my voice. Follow it."

She began to calm, and the peaking edges of lucidity began to show in her eyes.

"That's right," he said again, voice lowering each time he spoke, forcing her to focus further on what he was saying, "I'm here. I'm with you. You're okay. You're doing amazing, Mika… you can do it."

Her eyebrows began to pinch into a confused frown, screams dying down into pained groans.

"That's it… that's… that's my girl," Eren praised again, beginning to feel an incredibly important realization swell in his heart. "You're strong. I know you are. Fight. Get out of this."

Lucidity was around the corner for her, he knew it. But before it hit her fully, he just knew… he had to tell her. The swelling feeling in his heart was impossible to contain.

"Good girl," he whispered, resting his forehead on hers. He yearned to kiss her, temptation growing when her chin tilted upwards towards him, eyes fuzzy with sleep, still not all there, but tantalizing him with sweet breaths.

"One of these days," he murmured, releasing her arms, brushing the hair back from her clammy forehead, "I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell you, when you're fully conscious…"

His chest burned.

"I'm going to tell you just how much I love you, Mika. I love you so much… that it hurts, Mikasa… literally fucking hurts."

She's gaining consciousness now, keening his name ever so gently, and so he stops.

Throwing caution to the wind like the idiot that he was, he cupped her face gently, pulling her up to him for a single, gentle kiss on the mouth.

Her eyelids flutter, and he knows she's trying to make sense of what he just did. So he pulls her close, holds her gently, doesn't allow her to see the tears shining in his eyes.

One of these days, he promises himself again silently, blinking furiously. Please… before I have to leave again.