This is the last update for about a week. Need to do some editing and work on some later chapters or I'll run out of things already written. Enjoy.
Chapter 4: Parental PlansAfter hanging up with Rachel, Leroy and Hiram Berry were not feeling good about things. It took a moment for either to speak, trying to understand what just happened.
"Well, if we weren't truly worried, I definitely am now," Hiram said.
"Me too."
"She didn't sound like herself."
"Do you think more happened with Shelby than she let on?"
"Maybe."
"Should we call her, Hiram?"
"I don't know, Leroy. We were once relatively close to Shelby. Then she toyed with Rachel… I don't know that I trust what she'd have to say."
"I know she hurt Rachel. I also think she was just overwhelmed, and expectations didn't meet reality. I don't think she set out to hurt our girl."
"No, but she did."
Leroy nodded, but continued, "I have to believe that, despite the past, if something happened with Rachel, she would want what was best for her and to make sure she was ok."
"I'd hope."
"Hiram, I think giving her a call is worth a shot. Rachel is alone right now. If something happened with Rachel beyond a run in, at least one of us should go there and check on her."
"We both agreed we wouldn't do that. She asked us not to."
"So?"
"So, Leroy, we have to respect our adult daughter's wishes. We might not agree on a lot right now, but we should agree on that."
"She didn't sound like an adult to me just now."
"No, she sounded like a child to us because she's our child. We can't jump without knowing and crowd her."
"We have to do something. I'm worried."
Sighing, Hiram nodded, "Let's try Shelby and see what happened today."
They hoped for a better understanding of what was going on, but they weren't sure they were going to get it.
They approached the call with the same hesitancy that Rachel had with them. Leroy's hand hovered over the call button until Hiram pushed it for them.
It was for their daughter.
"Hi. You've reached Shelby. I can't come to the phone now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you."
There was almost a sense of relief when she didn't answer, but they looked to each other to leave the message.
"Hi Shelby," Leroy started, "This is Leroy."
"And Hiram."
"Right, and Hiram. Look. We know this may seem out of the blue, but it's important that we talk to you."
"It's about Rachel," Hiram added. "Please call us back."
"Bye."
The men exchanged a look. They bought themselves some time, but it only prolonged the anxiety.
Meanwhile, they caught Shelby in the middle of a conversation with her father.
After the restaurant, Jack and Maggie took them shopping.
"We want to spoil our granddaughter," Maggie had said. "She's the only girl. Three children, three grandsons, and only one granddaughter."
Jack stared at Shelby as she listened to her mother while they were dragged around the boutique. His daughter's head bowed just enough that he could see. He saw the way her hand went to Beth's head, running through her light locks.
Beth was a trooper, she loved playing dress-up and getting new dresses when Grandma was around. Jack and Shelby loved it a little less.
The family went from store to store until all their arms were full of bags. Shelby finally called it enough, and they returned to her apartment.
"Take out?" Shelby asked.
It was past dinner time, and they were all due for some food.
"Nonsense, Dad and I will cook," Maggie insisted.
"Mom…"
"Shelby, baby. I know you've learned a few things about cooking, enough to keep you and that precious girl alive, but let us give you a real home-cooked meal that doesn't just happen to fall on a holiday."
Who was she to argue?
Her parents got to work on that while she took Beth to her room to put away her new things and wash up before eating.
Seeing her family was always a mix of exhausting and exciting for Shelby. She loved them and she enjoyed the occasional visit, but she always felt the need to put her best foot forward. Usually, that meant keeping a lot of herself to herself.
After dinner, the bedtime routine started. Beth pulled the whole family in to watch a short cartoon before bath time. Shelby poured the colored bubbles that Beth liked, and she stayed in the tub playing for almost exactly 30 minutes. Par for the course.
Evening rolled in, and Maggie jumped on the chance to read Beth a bedtime story. Shelby took that opportunity to rinse off the dishes and load the dishwasher.
Jack had been quiet all afternoon. He joined in his family's conversation, but he spent most of the time in his head. There was a thought that he just couldn't shake, and he was waiting for the right time to bring it up to Shelby. That time finally came when he caught her doing the dishes.
He was sitting at the table, phone in hand, staring at the screen when Shelby joined him. Toweling off her wet hands, Shelby sat across from him.
"What are you looking at Dad?"
"Pictures from today. Beth's growing so quickly. I remember when we first met her, and she was a tiny little thing. Now she's a little lady."
"Ha. Is that your nice way of saying a spoiled princess?"
"Well, she is spoiled, and she is a princess, but she's a good little girl."
"No arguments from me."
Jack cleared his throat.
"I couldn't help but notice the way you stared at her," he quietly stated.
"At Beth?"
"No. The girl we met at the restaurant? Rachel."
"Oh…"
"Just a student, huh?"
She didn't answer.
Finally looking up from the phone, sliding the device with the image pulled up, he asked, "It was her, wasn't it?"
Shelby looked down to the phone. Displayed was the picture of her, Maggie, and Rachel. It was snapped in an in between moment, a candid picture of the three of them. Maggie was all smiles, but Rachel's show face was cracking. There looked to be a grimace on her face as she looked uncomfortably at Maggie's hand on her shoulder. Shelby was looking at Rachel, only catching a glimpse of the back of her head as her mother pulled her closer.
Pushing the phone away, Shelby looked to meet her father's eyes, but said nothing.
"That's the baby you had for those men?"
"Dad…"
"Shelby, before you come up with some crazy response that I'm sure you spouted time and again, let's have a real talk, and let's do it quick before your mother comes back. If she catches wind, then we both have to have an uncomfortable conversation about why we never told her about her long-lost granddaughter."
She bit her tongue and nodded.
"Let's start with confirmation. Was that her? Rachel?"
Nodding, Shelby said, "Yes. Her name's Rachel Berry."
Jack smiled, once again studying the picture. The family resemblance was too uncanny. Kim, his other daughter, was more a mix of him and his wife, and Dan, their son, looked more like him. Shelby, though, looked a lot like his wife. So did Rachel.
"She has your mom's eyes."
"Yeah. I thought so too when I met her."
He knew that Shelby had met her but could never get more information than that.
"I see a lot of you in her," he said. "She's beautiful. She definitely got your voice."
There was a sense of pride that Shelby felt whenever she saw Rachel perform, but it always came with a rush of other emotions like guilt and sorrow… yearning.
"When you adopted Beth, and fled Ohio, you came to us. Do you remember that?"
"Of course."
"You said you did that so we can all bond as a family, so we can get to know Beth and you can be around family while learning to be a mother."
"I remember, Dad."
"No, you remember your side of things, and I remember mine. You know what I remember about that time?"
"What?"
"I remember seeing my daughter running from one thing and into another, just like she did 16 years before that."
"Dad…"
"No, Shelby. We skirt around it, but you told me about her for a reason, so that you didn't have to carry that on your own. Now while it's just the two of us, we need to talk about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"That's a horrible thing to say, Shelby. Whether you're an active part of her life or not, she is your flesh and blood, your daughter."
"I know that."
"I know it's hard for you. It has always been hard, but ignoring it, especially when confronted with it, does nothing for you."
Silence.
Jack tried to give her a moment to say anything, but Shelby just looked down at the table. Impatiently, Jack sighed and spoke, "Shelby, baby, what did you do to that poor girl? She looked miserable in every picture."
Defensively, Shelby questioned, "Why does that mean I did something to her?"
"Because she looked like she wanted to run from you. She couldn't even look at you."
"That doesn't mean I did anything!"
He gave her the patented Jack glare, the one he used on her and her siblings to get them to spill anything.
"What happened when you adopted Beth?" he asked. He always wanted to ask, and maybe now wasn't the best time, but it was where they were, and the opportunity was there.
"I'd been in Ohio teaching at Carmel for a few years, enough to garner a real name for myself."
"I know, Shellie, we were always so proud – a little less so of the horrible things the rumors said you did to be great – but proud nonetheless."
"Right… Well, Rachel had been on my mind a lot. I knew I was thinking about her, and I wondered if she ever thought about me. I didn't even know her name at that point, but I started looking for her."
She confessed everything from the initial search, to using Jesse to get close to her, to meeting her for the first time.
"It was everything I wanted and not at all," she explained. "She wasn't the baby I saw all those years ago. She was a grown person."
"That's how time works," Jack said.
"I know, but it felt, for so long, like time stood still. I was stuck in that moment after she was born."
"Daddy," Shelby cried into the phone. "I need you to come get me."
On edge from the moment he heard her voice, Jack Corcoran was already up from his seat and looking for his keys.
"Where are you, Shellie?"
"I'm…" she looked around. "I'm at the payphone outside a diner in Lima."
"Lima, Ohio? I thought you were in New York."
"Daddy, please?"
"Ok, Shellie. What's the name of the diner?"
Shelby told him and he quickly scribbled it onto the pad they kept by the phone.
"Alright. I'm going to hang up now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Go wait inside the diner where you're safe. Ok?"
"Ok."
Jack had never driven as quickly as he did that day. Shelby was supposed to be in New York, yet she was a few towns over, crying and begging him to pick her up. It scared him to death. He hopped on the I-75 south and sped through the normal hour-long drive, shaving off as many precious minutes as he could.
He was unfamiliar with Lima. He hadn't spent any time there and never had reason to visit, so it took him a little time following street signs to find the diner. As soon as he did, he spotted her through the window tucked away in a corner booth.
Jack practically ran in there.
"Shelby," he called out to her.
Upon hearing her father, Shelby jumped up and ran into his arms, quietly crying into this chest.
"I couldn't be there anymore," she muttered into his chest. "I didn't know where to go."
"You can always come to me Shellie. Let's get you home."
"No… No, we can't go home. Not like this."
"Ok," he promised. "Let's just go somewhere, the two of us."
Jack left a bill on the table, a tip to cover the water and service before escorting his daughter out of the restaurant. Even as he aimlessly drove them, he couldn't help but search her for answers.
Spotting an abandoned park, he pulled into the lot and shut his car off.
"Talk to me Shellie. What's going on? I thought you weren't coming here until Christmas Eve."
"Daddy…"
"Talk to me. Please. You're scaring me."
Shelby looked at him, green eyes glassy and red. It looked as if she had been crying for days.
"I can't tell you."
"You can tell me anything. You don't look well, honey. Are you feeling alright?"
"No," she cried, "and I don't know if I ever will again."
With one more comforting hug, Shelby spilled everything. She admitted that she had been in Lima for the last five months. That before leaving, she went to the doctor. Instead of going to and staying in New York like she had told them, she briefly went, packed her apartment, and when she came back to Lima, she was four months pregnant. Three days ago, she had a little baby girl. She birthed a baby girl who she would never get to call her own.
"I didn't even get to hold her, Daddy. A nurse took her away and brought her to her fathers."
It was a lot for him to take in, and he had a lot of questions, but in the moment, he just wanted to comfort his daughter. She was twenty-three years old. She made a big life decision without a lot of forethought. Her ambition often blinded her. She was a hard worker, but so one tracked that she didn't always see the consequences of the choices she made to get there.
"Shelby, baby. Why didn't you come to us before doing this? We would have given you money."
"I wanted to make my own money. I didn't want to rely on you and mom. I didn't think it would be this hard," she told him.
"I wish we could have been there for you from the start, Shel. I wish you discussed this with us."
"You would have tried to change my mind."
"You're right. I would have to avoid exactly how you're feeling right now."
He put his hand under her chin and turned her face toward his.
"I know you're hurting, but we'll get you through this."
"I didn't think I would love her like I do. It was just supposed to be a job. But she lived inside of me. I felt her move. I sang to her every night. She was never mine. I'll never know who she'll be or who she'll look like."
Jack realized that there were a hundred things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her she made a stupid decision that she didn't think through, but those were thoughts he would keep to himself. It wouldn't help her. Right now, she needed support. Like he always did, that was what he would offer.
"I just wanted to hold her. I just wanted to say goodbye. Now, I don't even know her name. But she's beautiful, Daddy."
"You were a mess after she was born."
"I didn't get to hold her. I wanted to be able to say goodbye, to know that she was ok, to tell her that I loved her before I never got to see her again."
"But how could you expect her to still be that newborn sixteen years later?"
"I don't know what I was expecting. I was in the middle of a mental crisis. I… I was feeling a yearning. I wanted to be a mother and I was finally in a place to be one, but my doctor told me it was impossible. There were complications after a cyst removal… The medical stuff doesn't really matter. I was faced with the fact that the only baby I'd ever have was never really mine to begin with. I always thought about her, but that just made me want her more. I had to know where she was and what she was like. I wanted her in my life. I had to meet her, but the contract I signed with the Berrys prevented me from doing that until she was 18."
Shelby sighed. She knew she would have to share things that painted her in a less than flattering light.
"So I orchestrated a way for me to meet her… And make it her idea."
"How did you do that?"
She gave the bare bones version of everything – of how she saw Rachel perform at sectionals and dragged Jesse into the mess. All of it… just sparsely detailed.
"So, you played with this girl's heart?"
"Not intentionally."
Jack shook his head. He didn't like what his daughter did. She may not have set out to hurt Rachel, but she did, and she wasn't truly owning up to that.
"Shelby…"
"Don't 'Shelby' me, Dad."
He knew he needed to let her finish – to get it all out.
"She found me, and I was so happy… But it wasn't right. None of it was right. She didn't need me. She wasn't a child anymore. She wasn't what I was looking for."
"Shelby!"
"I told her that we should be grateful for each other from afar…"
He didn't even make a peep, just palmed his face.
"I know, Dad. I know. You don't have to say anything."
"Why do I have a feeling things get worse?"
Because they do, she thought.
"Rachel… She's ambitious and driven and sometimes crosses the line to get what she wants."
"Sounds familiar," he said.
She rolled her eyes and continued, "It made her an outcast. She was… It's my understanding that not everyone treated her well… Including Beth's birth parents."
"She knew them?"
"Yes."
"Shelby… Honey."
"Dad. I know, ok?"
"I don't think you do."
His head shook vehemently.
"I love you, Shelby. So much. Despite my best efforts, it was no secret that you were the favorite child."
"Yours, maybe."
"Yes, mine. I love Kim and Dan so much, but there was always a special place in my heart for you. But I'm so disappointed in you."
He really didn't know what to say.
"I supported you. I held this secret for you, but this… Shelby. This was selfish. I understand you went into the surrogacy naively. I understand that you were going through a tough time when you sought her out, but never, not once, did you think about the child on the other side of the equation. That's not who I raised you to be."
Shelby felt like a child being scolded by her father. Everything he said was factual, and she knew what happened wasn't right.
"No wonder she looked so…"
"Broken?"
"Yes. You dangled the carrot in front of her, snatched it away, and then made a meal of it that she has to watch you eat."
"I didn't mean to hurt her, Daddy. Really. I know now that what I did wasn't ok. Mentally, I wasn't in the right space to reach out to her. You're right, I was selfish and then I continued to be. I shouldn't have done it the way I did it. A year later, after I had some time to process and heal, maybe things would have been different. But then I wouldn't have Beth, and I can't regret that."
"But then you went back there," he said. "You went back to Lima for work. At her school."
She really didn't want to get into this. She couldn't handle how her father would look at her if he knew about Puck… About all the things she did.
She took what he had to say. She listened as he put more of the pieces together. The timing of certain emotional breakdowns were finally making sense for him – the way she ran to them after adopting Beth, how she came back about a year later for a visit looking emotionally messed up. It was the same Shelby he saw crying in that diner all over again.
Eventually, her phone buzzing couldn't be ignored anymore, and, honestly, she needed a break from his hard glare. No one could make her feel as disappointed in herself as her father.
Pulling out her phone, she stared at the missed call and new voicemail alert.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
Curiously, and a little worriedly, she looked at him and said, "I missed a call from Leroy Berry… Rachel's dad. They never call me."
"Well, call them back."
"They left a message," she said, opening the voicemail.
Putting the phone to her ear, she listened to the message. It started with some mumbling about her potentially screening their call before she heard Hiram say that they were already leaving the message.
"Hi Shelby, this is Leroy. And Hiram." Pause. "Right, and Hiram. Look. We know this may seem out of the blue, but it's important that we talk to you."
Important why, she questioned.
"It's about Rachel," Hiram added. "Please call us back."
A collective 'Bye' sounded, and she closed the voicemail without addressing the voice prompts to save or delete the message.
"What is it?" Jack asked.
"They said they had something important to talk to me about. Something about Rachel."
"Well… What are you going to do?"
"Call them back, I guess."
"Shelby," Jack said, reaching his hand across the table to place it atop hers. "Before you do that. Let me say one last thing."
She nodded.
"Whatever they want to say, whatever is going on with Rachel, think about it clearly and fully before doing anything. You messed with that girl enough – intentional or not – and you can't do that to her again. I may not know her, but if there's any of us in her… You just can't do that to her."
"I promise, Dad."
At just that moment, Maggie came back down asking if they had a nice chat. They looked at her like two deer in a headlight.
"What? You two always had your secrets and your chats. I was never part of it, but I know how you work. Did you finish, or should I go back up and pretend to still be unpacking?"
"Maggie…"
"Let me stop you right there, Mister. I don't want to hear whatever you're going to say. You and Shelby always had that bond. I love that girl, but she has all your stubbornness and all my attitude. We butt heads sometimes, but I was always happy you two have what you have, even if I felt left out sometimes. I love all my kids, I just don't understand them all the same way. I never asked about your secrets, and I won't. So just answer me. Do I need to go find some busy work or are we good here?"
Shelby and Jack looked to each other before looking to Maggie.
"I brought a good book to read. Maybe I'll have a nice soak in that fancy tub you got," Maggie said, excusing herself.
"Make the call, Shellie," Jack said.
Shelby planned to make the call in private but opted to sit back down at the table. What the hell, right? Everything was out in the open anyway.
"Shelby, hi."
"Hi Hiram. I got your message."
"I'm so glad you called us back."
"Is everything ok? You said it was important. About Rachel?"
"Yes… She called us this evening. Hang on, I'm putting you on speaker so Leroy can hear too."
"Hi Shelby," Leroy said.
"Hi. Can someone tell me what's going on?"
Leroy and Hiram went back and forth explaining that they got a call from Rachel that worried them.
"She mentioned that she ran into you today."
"Yeah. My family and I went out to eat at the Spotlight Diner. I didn't know she worked there."
"Did she seem ok to you?"
"Did she look alright? Sick or tired or anything out of the ordinary?"
"Hiram," Leroy said, nudging his husband. "She doesn't know what ordinary is for Rachel. She has no baseline."
That stung.
"Why are you asking this? Is there something wrong? Do you not think she's ok?"
Sighing, the men knew that if they wanted any answers, they would have to give a few of their own.
"Rachel is a very dramatic and emotional young woman," Hiram started.
"But she has been better about that."
"She has," Hiram agreed. "Which was why it seems like…."
"It has been a hard year for her," Leroy finished.
"A very hard year. I'm sure you heard that Finn passed."
"I did," Shelby confirmed. "I was sorry to hear about his death. I know how much Rachel cared for him and how much he cared for her."
"Yes, well… Things with Rachel haven't been the same since. The first few months were hard."
"She was a mess."
"But we started to get her back over the last few months."
"Leroy's right. She has been better. She has been working hard, focusing on school and her performing. She has been more of herself."
"She has just kept herself so busy."
"When you saw her, did she look ok?"
Hearing the question again, Shelby responded, "She looked like Rachel… She sang and was amazing. She looked a little sad, but I knew about Finn and everything, so I didn't think too much of it."
"Did you talk to her? Did anything happen between you two?"
"What?" Her defenses were back up. "What are you getting at? I didn't do anything." This time.
"We're not accusing you of anything, Shelby. We just need to know if anything happened other than her seeing you. Did you have a conversation? How did she react to your family being there?"
"Hiram and I just need some answers to understand what's going on with Rachel."
"Leroy, Hiram… I still don't understand. What is it that you think is going on with Rachel?"
"That's the thing, Shelby. We don't know. What we do know is that she called us last night and, out of nowhere, started sobbing."
"Rachel is a crier, but it has mostly been show tears… Out of frustration or to visually show what she's feeling."
"But this… This was worse. This was worse than when she came home for Finn's funeral, and we found her sitting on the floor in her old bedroom gripping on his old jersey that she kept."
"Worse because that was expected. There was no cause here, Shelby," Leroy explained. "She said she missed us and was just dealing with spending so much time alone in the apartment without her roommates around for the holidays."
"But it felt like more than that," Shelby finished for them. "Why?"
"Shelby, you're a mother now. Your daughter is how old?"
"She's 4. Five soon."
"And she likes when you read to her? Holiday themed stories this time of the year?"
"Loves it."
"Imagine her in 15 years. Do you think she'll still be asking you to read to her? To tell her stories?"
"Probably not."
"No," Hiram agreed. "Probably not."
"Rachel stopped asking us to read to her and tell her a story at 8 because she realized she could tell us the story and perform for us instead… It was theater, she told us. She let us narrate sometimes, but she was the star."
"It was wonderful. We all loved it."
"So, imagine our surprise when our 20-year-old daughter asked us to tell her the story again – to do something we haven't done with her since she was 8 years old."
"It scares us, Shelby."
"At school, she won her winter showcase. She performed a beautiful song and dance. She did so well, that she was invited to help out in classes over the winter break and do workshops with the underclassmen next semester."
"She didn't mention it once. We had to hear more about it from Kurt. We know how important it is to her… how much work she put into that performance, and she didn't say a word about it."
"She hasn't been answering our calls either."
"So, Shelby, we're coming to you as worried fathers. We need to know if how she was acting tonight was because she had an awkward or horrible interaction with you, or if there's more to it than that."
"We need to know our baby is ok."
Shelby didn't know what to say. She could understand where they were coming from, but she wasn't the best person to tell them anything about Rachel. Maybe, she thought, that showed how desperate they were to understand what was happening.
"I saw her. She was uncomfortable, and it wasn't the best exchange, but nothing happened. We had a brief conversation. I did bring up Finn… I… I don't know what else to tell you."
She neglected to share the part about the panic attack. In the moment, it felt like she was invading Rachel's space by just witnessing it. Now, it felt like sharing that would be overstepping, and she didn't want to give Rachel more reason to hate her.
Shelby listened as the two men spoke to each other about how they knew it was a bad idea to leave Rachel alone for the holidays. They should have forced her to come home so she wouldn't be alone.
"We'll find flights. I'll go," Leroy said, "You stay here, Hiram. Take care of things. I can get a few extra days off work. You can't."
"We should both go. Maybe she needs us."
"Guys," Shelby interrupted.
"Oh. Sorry."
Getting back to task, Shelby asked, "Rachel's spending the holidays alone?"
"Yeah… We couldn't convince her to fly out and we couldn't get the time off to go there because of some projects at work. We offered to pay for her to come, but she said it wasn't about the money."
"I believe her exact words were, 'Daddies, if I wanted money, I'd ask for it. This is about the experience. Think about my career.' That's the Rachel we've missed lately."
"But that was months ago, and she has since been holed up in a dance studio, in classes, or at that diner non-stop. Before yesterday, it had been a few weeks since we got anything beyond a quick text."
"She mentioned an orphan's dinner at school for kids staying on campus, but I don't know…"
"She's too quiet for us. We just need to know she hasn't fallen back into her depression. Finn's death hit hard, and I know there was some drama with the roommates."
That didn't make Shelby feel better. None of this did.
Shelby surprised herself with what she said next.
"Why don't I go see her?"
"What?"
"Yeah…" Shelby was second guessing but doubled down. "I kept my distance from her because I didn't want to do anymore damage. New York's a big city, but we'll be running in the same circles sometimes. We're bound to run into each other again. I… I don't want to ignore her or for things to be awkward. I can reach out. Talk to her. If she says anything worrying, I'll tell you."
"I don't know," Leroy worried.
"No matter how it seems, I love Rachel," Shelby said. "I know I hurt her. Let me help."
There was a moment of silence when the men exchanged a few looks and came to an understanding. They echoed her father's earlier words.
"Shelby… We're in a bind. Bad weather's coming and we probably won't be able to get to Rachel before the holidays anyway… But if you do this… If you open that door again, you can't be the one to close it. If Rachel decides it's not what she wants, then it is what it is, but you can't keep popping in and out of her life and expect her to be ok. She hasn't been ok with it."
"I know," Shelby told them. "It's on her terms. Just let me do this."
They didn't have another choice.