Chapter 13: The Truth is Out There

Eyes wide, Santana asked, "Late? As in late…?"

"It was supposed to come a week ago."

"But Rachel… When did you… Who did you… What happened?"

Santana was obviously dumbfounded and wasn't expecting that to come out of this conversation at all.

Moving more to a sniffle, Rachel looked at her with watery, red eyes and answered, "The night of the showcase. After you left, I stuck around and drank some more. There was this guy and… I… And now I'm… I don't know what to do."

Santana had so many more questions and she wanted to ask them, but she could see that Rachel couldn't handle that. Her only focus was helping her friend. The questions would wait.

"Hey, it's ok. We don't know anything for sure, yet," Santana tried comforting her.

"But what if I am?"

"Then you have some decisions to make, but I'll be here."

It was so hard for Santana to hold back all her questions. The longer she did, the more popped up, but she was doing her best. The little angel in her head fought with her baser instincts to get her to make the better choice here. Alarm bells were going off now more than ever, so she needed to go about this delicately.

"Look Rachel. Let's skip the test and go right to the doctor. Last time in turned out to be a health issue. This time it could be too. Just breath, alright? Just breath."

She could see Rachel's breath start to come quicker and shallower, something that happened last time she had an "incident" or a panic attack.

"I'll call the clinic, ok? Maybe we can get you in today. There are always cancellations."

Tearily, Rachel nodded. Not wanting to leave her alone for long, Santana rushed to her phone to call for an appointment. The earliest they could give was first thing the next morning.

Longer than that, and Santana was sure Rachel would die of anxiety – if that was possible.

"Ok," she said returning. "I got you the soonest appointment. Tomorrow at 8. We'll go and we'll figure it out."

"You'll come?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

There was another reason Santana was adamant they skip the test and go straight to the doctor. Pregnant or not, she may have had unprotected sex… with a stranger, maybe? Though that didn't sound like Rachel. She could have caught something. Or… Well, Santana's mind was drifting to some dark places.

For now, Santana let Rachel calm down, whispering that things would work out and she just hoped she wasn't lying. As Rachel did calm, though, the questions she had weighed heavily on her mind. It was like, suddenly, all the pieces were fitting together, and she didn't like the picture they painted.

With appointment made and a line of communication open, Santana wasn't going to let her chance at answers slip away.

"Rachel, I'm going to ask you some uncomfortable questions, but I really need the answers."

Rachel looked at her with pleading eyes, like she was begging her not to ask, but Santana was not deterred.

"That night… With the guy… Was it something you wanted to happen?"

"What?"

"What happened that night?" Santana's voice was gentle and calm, very not like her typical self. "We went home and you stayed behind with Jasper. Did you… Was he the guy?"

"What? No!"

Terror filled her body. She couldn't tell. Santana couldn't know.

"Then what happened that night?"

"I told you. There was this guy and we… We hooked up," she lied, though it didn't feel like a complete lie.

She didn't want it, but it was her fault… That was basically the same thing, right?

"And you didn't use protection?"

"I…" she stuttered. Thinking quickly, nervously, she added, "I don't know if we did."

"How do you not know?"

"I was drinking… A lot. Like a lot and I don't know… I don't remember."

"Rachel…"

"Don't…"

"Rachel… The person… Did he rape you?"

"No," she exclaimed much too quickly. "It was a stupid night I'd rather forget about."

"Can you… if you actually are pregnant?"

She couldn't even if she wasn't…

She didn't respond.

"How did you end up with this guy?"

"He was there… At the club."

"And Jasper left you alone after we left? How did you end up with this rando?"

"I guess. Why are you asking so many questions? Why do you care?"

"Because you're my friend and I care, Rachel. You haven't been yourself and I'm worried."

"I thought we've been over that. Did the intervention and called it a day. I'm seeing a therapist."

"And that's all great, but it doesn't help if it's not all out there."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Rachel defensively said.

"I'm just trying to understand. You learned a lot after your last pregnancy scare. You realized you were making some reckless choices."

"That turned out to be a health issue."

"Hopefully this does too, but that's not the point."

"Then what is?"

"Hooking up with a stranger? Have you ever done that before? I have a hard time believing you just up and decided to do that on a night we were all out celebrating you."

"Well, it's what happened."

"If you said no… If he hurt you…"

"He didn't," she was adamant.

Lie upon lie upon lie….

"If he did, you can tell me. I just want to help you."

"I don't need help. I drank too much and made stupid choices. We know that's been a problem for me lately. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Fine, then let's talk about who is sending these messages. Is this guy harassing you now?"

Like a deer in the headlights, Rachel's eyes bulged. She was sure she talked her way out of everything, but Santana wasn't letting go.

"Do you know him? Have you seen him again?"

She still said nothing.

"Talk Rachel."

"It's nothing… I…"

She had to come up with something. Jasper's threats lingered in her mind, and she couldn't tell the whole truth, but she couldn't say nothing either. Her soul was screaming at her to be honest, to finally get this dark cloud off of her, but her mind couldn't commute that. No way would she let Jasper go after Santana because of her. She'd sooner let him hurt her again.

"I don't really know the guy. Not even his name… But he made a video and has photos. I don't know how or when he took them, but he did," she cried.

"What the fuck?! Have you seen him since then? Has he touched you? What kind of threats is he making?"

Rachel explained some things, keeping it all as vague as possible, even blaming her injury on him. This unnamed mystery man was her scapegoat, but it also allowed her to get some of her trapped thoughts out of her head. That, at least, was a relief.

"So let me get this straight… This asshole showed up at the train station…"

"No… We ran into each other near school, and he came on to me… I didn't really want anything to do with him and he grabbed my arm. I fell and that's how I go the bruises, but he didn't set out to hurt me…"

She couldn't believe all the lies coming out of her mouth.

"But I was scared and Shelby offered to have me over for Christmas. I just wanted to get away."

"Were you scared because he hurt you?"

"Santana…"

"Rachel… If something happened… You need to say it. You can't hold it in. Please. Did this guy hurt you?"

For a long time, the two just stared at each other. A war waged within Rachel and Santana just looked into her wet eyes hoping Rachel would open up.

But she couldn't. Wouldn't.

"Santana," she said, voice suddenly devoid of all emotion. "I made bad choices and it led to a weird situation that had consequences. I don't want to discuss this anymore. I'm fine… Or I will be once I know this is nothing. Ok? Please. Let it go."

Rachel's phone went off. The two women froze.

"Is it him?" Santana asked.

Deep breath, Rachel, she told herself before peeking at the name. Oh thank God.

"It's Shelby."

There's something I'd like to talk to you about. I'm not pressuring you, but I think it's important. Do you think we could get together soon? Coffee? Or you can come over and we can order out?

"There's something she wants to talk to me about and wants to meet."

"Are you going to go?"

"I should, shouldn't I? Says it's important."

I can come over for coffee if you're free now.

A response came quickly. Santana groaned and watched Rachel. She knew exactly what was happening.

Absolutely. Come on over.

"You're going?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"So you're just going to leave? Now? In the middle of this conversation that's important… Now when you're emotional and may be pregnant and avoiding that?"

"I'm not avoiding anything. We don't know anything. I'm fine. I'm fine," she growled.

"Real fine, Rachel," Santana hissed as Rachel walked away. "This isn't over."

"It's over for me," Rachel yelled back, slamming the door to her room.

Santana was angry… Not at Rachel, but at whatever happened. It wasn't 100% clear, but it was really. Her thoughts went there. Rachel denied it, and if she was right, Rachel would have to confront it at some point, but she also couldn't force her. For now, she just had to wait for Rachel to talk to her and be there for her… especially for the appointment the next day.

Until then, Santana sought answers of her own.

Rachel came out of her room 15 minutes later, dressed and brushed and ready for the day… As ready as she could be. There was a lot of denial swirling in her head. She admitted to a lot, but most if not all of it was veiled in lies and half-truths.

But all she was doing now was walking between minefields. Being with Santana and confronting the harassment and her maybe predicament that she couldn't verbalize well either, was jumping between lies, denial, and panic. But she was going to Shelby who, just being who she is, caused Rachel's heart to race whenever they were near. It usually opened up old wounds and ended with more turmoil.

Yet it still felt like the lesser of two evils.

"When will you be back?" Santana asked when Rachel was about to exit.

"When I'm back. Probably late. I have this weekend off at NYADA, but I need to finish some of the evals from the winter term and drop them off. Figured I'd just do them at school. Less distraction."

"Less confrontation, you mean?"

"Is that what this is, Santana?"

"No… It's not meant to be."

Rachel nodded.

"I'll see you later."

Santana sighed. She was conflicted. She wanted to make Rachel stay and continue their talk, but knew she had to let her go. Rachel was conflicted in her own way but couldn't really do anything about it. Shelby, once again, gave her the out she needed, but she wasn't in a good place mentally. She just hoped she could hold it together.

The trip to Shelby's was sobering. It allowed her to get her emotions in check. She was trying for a while now not to think about being late. Her period had been normal since her last incident, but that didn't have to mean anything. She was fine. The nightmare was over. It had to be.

But her mind kept drifting. By the time she made it to Shelby's she was in a tailspin, pacing at the entrance trying to get her thoughts in check and think about, literally, anything else.

"Excuse me, Miss," a neighbor stopped her, trying to get her attention.

Rachel jumped and looked for the intruder.

"Sorry I scared you," the woman said. "I saw you and you looked a little lost. Can I help you?"

"Oh… I'm not casing the joint or anything… I'm… My mom lives here… Kind of… It's complicated. I'm meeting her… Shelby."

"Shelby?"

"Yes, Shelby Corcoran. Do you know her?"

"Of course. I babysit Beth occasionally. Didn't know she had another daughter."

"She doesn't. Not really."

"Right. It's complicated," the woman said with a smile. "Do you want me to call her? Let her know you're here?"

"No. Thank you. I just need a minute."

"Sure honey. If you need anything, you can knock on my door."

"Thank you."

Once the woman disappeared inside, she took a deep breath before walking up the steps and knocking on the door to Shelby's brownstone. She had never been to Shelby's house before.

"Rachel. Hi. Come in," Shelby said when she answered the door.

"Hi," was all Rachel could muster as she walked past Shelby to awkwardly linger in the entryway.

"Let's head into the kitchen," Shelby told her. "I have coffee going and I ordered some food. I hope you're hungry. I figured it's around lunch time so I should at least have something to offer."

"Thanks… I'm ok. You didn't have to do anything special for me."

"I'm happy to, Rachel."

Shelby led her to the kitchen and told her to have a seat at the little breakfast nook. She watched Shelby flit about the room fetching cups and plates. Cream and sugar already sat in front of her at the table.

Finally, Shelby sat across from her, passing Rachel a steaming cup of coffee.

"I'm glad you could come," Shelby said.

"You told me it was important."

"I think it is.'

"So I came."

"How are you doing, Rachel?"

"I'm good."

Shelby frowned but wasn't dejected.

"How's therapy going? I don't mean what are you speaking about, just does it seem to be helping?"

"I'm not drinking, and she gave me some tools to help with the anxiety."

"Good. That's good."

Not in the mood for uncomfortable small talk, Rachel said, "We don't have to do this, you know? The weirdness. You wanted to talk… So talk."

"My questions are genuine Rachel. I care about you and how you're doing."

"I'm doing better," she stated. "I'm just… I'm better."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Shelby stood and passed Rachel a plate.

"Well, I'm ready for some food. How about you?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"Come on, just a little. I hate eating alone."

"Isn't Beth around? Can't she eat with you?"

"She's out with a friend. We actually used her Christmas gift from you the other day. She loved it. Thanks again for that."

"That's great. I thought she would."

Shelby proceeded to occupy Rachel with stories about their time at the American Doll store while passing her food and getting Rachel to eat. The first thing she noticed when she saw Rachel was that she lost some weight. She looked unhealthy. The more she could get the younger woman to eat, the better.

"Alright, Shelby. We drank coffee, ate food, and you showed me the 'Best of Beth' photo album. Why am I really here? What happened?"

"My mother and father were here recently."

"That's nice," she said, not making the connection.

"And it came to my attention that they both know who you are."

"Obviously… We have met."

"I meant, Rachel, that they know you're my birth daughter… That I was a surrogate for your fathers."

"You told them?"

"My dad has known since you were born. He was the first person I told about it. My sister knew a few months after that. My mom… If she knew, I was sure she would play PI and search the globe for you when I didn't even know anything about you, so I didn't feel I could tell her. Apparently, my sister, Kim didn't have the same concerns and blabbed a few years ago."

"O-kay…"

She wasn't sure what to make of this information. She got the feeling that Jack knew from the start. There was something so caring and paternal about the way he interacted with her. There were even some moments when she swore Maggie knew too, but neither said anything and she certainly wasn't going to.

"Rachel… My point is that they would like to spend some time with you… As their granddaughter."

"Why? Because I'm not. Not really. By blood, sure, but you're not my mom, so how can they be my grandparents?"

"Rachel, since we've had that conversation – one in which I think we both weren't ready for – I've been through a lot of therapy and had a lot of time to reflect. I was going through my own life events and selfishly sought you out. While I don't regret meeting you, I do regret how I went about it and a lot of what happened between us. I wasn't in a good place and I made a lot of wrong choices."

Shelby reached for Rachel's hand.

"I'm sorry. I know I hurt you. I know I did a lot wrong."

She would repeat that over and over again until Rachel believed her.

"But my parents want to know you. My family wants to be your family if you let them and want to come into town to spend time with you. And if it's what you want, I want us to have a relationship, one that you have more control over – at your own speed. I just want to be part of your life. I want an invite to your first Broadway play and your wedding," Shelby told her, arm reaching out to gently rest a hand on Rachel's cheek. "I want to meet any grandchildren I'll have… Hopefully many years from now."

Those were the words that broke the camel's back, sending her off the cliff. Tears fell. They had been just below the surface the entire time she was there, but the thought of actually being pregnant with Jasper's baby was a reality she didn't want to consider and Shelby mentioning grandkids made the possibility all too real.

"Hey. You're ok. What's going on? Did I say something wrong?"

Shelby immediately moved to Rachel's side. The girl had her head buried in her hands and was outwardly sobbing. Shelby's heart was breaking and she had no idea what to do. What the hell did she do to cause this?

"I've got you," Shelby whispered, pulling her against her chest. "Rachel, was it something I said?"

She shook her head no, unable to say the words as she rested her head deeper against Shelby's chest and allowed her mother to hold her.

Sensing her daughter's tenseness and rapid breaths against her, Shelby tried to help.

"Deep breaths, Rachel. Follow my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. That's it. There you go."

Shelby rubbed circles on Rachel's back, just as she did with Beth when she was upset. Rachel's breathing returned to normal, but she was still crying.

"Do you think you can tell me what's going on?"

She again shook her head no.

"Ok. That's ok. You don't need to say anything. Can I do anything to help?"

"Water," Rachel mumbled.

"I can do that."

Shelby reluctantly let Rachel out of her grasp and quickly fetched a glass of water for her daughter.

"Here you go. Drink this."

Rachel took the glass and started drinking. It didn't really help with the feelings, but it gave her something to focus on until it was empty.

"What do you need, Rachel?"

"Nothing," she answered. "I'm sorry. I… I don't know what came over me. I'm just…" She came up with another lie that maybe wasn't much of a lie at all. "I like your parents. They were kind to me. Kinder than they should have been. But I don't know what they expect from me. I don't know what you expect from me. It's all a lot."

"Oh, Baby. We don't expect anything from you. Everything is on your terms. If you want a relationship, we are all happy to have one, whatever that means for you. But if you're not ready yet, we'll all have to accept that as well. But when you are, know that there is a gaggle of Corcorans ready to shower you with their love."

"Okay…"

"Alright. When you are ready, they want to come into the city to spend time with you… with or without me there is up to you."

"I… I'd like that. Just… Soon. Not today."

"On your time, Rachel."

"Maybe… Maybe we can all get together next time they're here."

"They're coming back this week to help plan Beth's birthday. I'm sure they would love to see you."

"Can I… Think about it?"

"Absolutely. No pressure, Rachel. I just want you to know that you have us if you want us. I mean it when I say I want to get to know who you are now and build a relationship with you."

"Okay."

"Now, can I ask if you're ok? I don't know what I said that set you off, but I'm sorry."

"It wasn't you. It's not… This has been the most civil conversation we've had in a while, but I just have a lot going on and I didn't expect this to go well."

"I'm sorry to disappoint," Shelby teased.

"I'm not disappointed. If anything, I'm sorry. I… I keep doing this. I'm sorry."

"I'm not," Shelby told her. "Whatever you're dealing with, it's ok to feel what you're feeling. It took me a long time to learn that and I'm still not good at following that motto, but it's true. Pushing feelings down doesn't make them go away."

Rachel nodded.

"Now. Honestly, is there anything I can do for you?"

Rachel looked into her eyes, her own still wet with tears, and asked, "Can you just… without asking any questions, hug me and tell me everything will be ok?"

Shelby nodded, tears in her own eyes, and squeezed Rachel without hesitation.

"Everything will be ok, Rachel. Everything will be ok."

Rachel was ready to go home after that. Shelby had more she wanted to talk about, but felt they made some headway and Rachel was still in a fragile place. She opened another line of communication, and that was all she could ask for then.

"Let me drive you," Shelby insisted. "You're upset. I don't want anything happening on your way home."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

She didn't have the capacity to argue. Between her emotional morning with Santana to the differently emotional lunch with Shelby, Rachel was exhausted. She simply gave her silent approval and allowed Shelby to bring her home.

Santana was there when they arrived. She didn't look up to see who it was, but knew Kurt was at work still so it had to be Rachel.

Flipping through a magazine, she said, "I thought you would be gone longer to avoid me."

"I'm not avoiding you, Santana."

"The clinic called while you out. I forgot I left them my number. They wanted to confirm some insurance stuff for the appointment."

"Santana," Rachel squealed.

"Clinic?" Shelby asked. "Are you sick?"

"Shit," Santana hissed and mouthed a sorry to Rachel as she got up and noticed the mother-daughter pair.

"I'm fine," Rachel insisted. "It's a check-up."

Her narrowed glare bore into Santana.

"Which clinic?" Shelby asked.

Santana raddled off the name, thinking nothing of it and just going off of Rachel's check up story.

"The abortion clinic?!"

Rachel practically growled, "It's not an abortion clinic and I'm not going there for that!"

"Are you pregnant?"

Santana looked to Rachel with wide, nervous eyes.

"Rachel?"

Anxiety and anticipation was palpable between the three. Rachel felt backed into a corner. This was no one's business but her own.

"I don't know," Rachel screamed, looking like a feral animal. "I just don't know. Thanks a lot, Santana."

"Hey… Rach, she didn't do anything wrong."

"It's my business. No one else's."

The tears were back. She couldn't help it. She didn't think she could cry anymore, but there she was once again.

"And I don't want to talk about it. Thank you for the ride, Shelby. I think you should go now."

Rachel walked away without waiting for a response leaving Shelby and Santana alone.

"She'll be ok," Santana said to Shelby. "She's just scared."

"So she really might be?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Did she take a test?"

Shelby's heart fluttered. She wasn't ready to be a grandma any more than Rachel was ready to be a mom.

"No. She's late and the clinic gave her a last minute appointment. I'm taking her in the morning. If she lets me… She might be mad at me for a while. It's probably best you forget this ever happened."

"That would be hard to do, Santana."

"Well… It's not really your problem to worry about… or anyone's until there actually is something to worry about."

Shelby left soon after trying to talk to Rachel one last time. Rachel wasn't having it – wouldn't talk to Santana either. It was what it was. She needed time. They all did, and they all had a lot to think about. There were what ifs and questions without answers… A lot.

In the end, she wasn't pregnant, and a wave of relief settled upon all of them. The next day, Rachel went to the clinic. Shelby wanted to come, but didn't exert herself. Rachel didn't want that, and that had to be ok. Rachel did let her know after that she wasn't pregnant, which was a relief to her and everyone.

It was a combination of an infection, anemia from lack of eating, and stress. Someone tell her how not to be stressed in her situation… She was given some medication and told to check in with her primary care physician soon.

But Santana was with her at the appointment and saw the girl struggle through the exam. It was more evidence to her inevitable conclusion. Rachel may have had sex the night of the showcase, and she might have wanted to convince herself it was consensual, but she was a mess. Someone had hurt her. At minimum, it was dubious consent. At worst, it was a violent crime. She didn't have all the details, and she might never get them, but the evidence was clear. She wasn't sure how they didn't see it before.

What Santana didn't know was that her hunt for answers led Rachel right into a trap.

Sunday, Rachel had to work while Kurt and Santana had off. After dropping off some stuff at school, she started her shift at the Spotlight Diner. The lunch rush and then the dinner rush kept her busy and mind off of her abysmal life, which she actually appreciated.

After the last rush of the day, the shift leader asked her to empty the trash that was starting to overflow. Grabbing that, she took the bag out to the dumpster outside. She felt like she was being watched.

She opened up the lid to the garbage, tossed in the bag, and closed the lid when a body came up behind her, shoving her hard against the metal dumpster, knocking the wind out of her. A hand went over her mouth.

"Don't scream," he said, and she stilled, a petrified statue. "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth and you're going to stay quiet, right?" She didn't respond. "Nod so I know you won't scream."

She nodded.

"Good," he told her, and let her go. "Turn around," he demanded.

Slowly, she moved to face him, body still tense.

"I heard you've been talking about me."

"I haven't."

"Your little friend paid me a visit the other day. Asking about the night of the showcase. She was concerned someone might have done something to you."

He stepped closer, standing intimidatingly tall before her.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. I swear," she explained.

It only ignited his anger. Jasper grabbed her wrist frighteningly tight in his hold and pulled her to him.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. Please. Let me go."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told you, I didn't tell her anything. I lied and said I had a one night stand."

His grip got even tighter.

"So you lied to me. You did tell her something."

"You're hurting me," she cried.

"You remember what I said I'd do if you told."

"Please, Jasper… I didn't tell her anything. Not about you."

"You better not."

His nails dug into her skin and she cried out.

"Let her go," an angry voice boomed.

Immediately, Jasper released Rachel, making her fall to the ground. Keeping his head down and out of sight of whoever came to Rachel's rescue, he practically ran out of the alley.