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Chapter Five—Arguing With Anger
"I don't understand why you're so angry with me."
"Because it was a stupid thing to do."
Harry folds his arms. Theo glares at him. They at least didn't discuss this in front of Malfoy. And Harry managed to play coy and not really promise Malfoy anything except vague "future considerations," which Theo supposes is as good as he could have hoped for.
But still. He didn't need to reveal himself at all. He didn't need to endanger himself.
"I wanted to help."
Theo stands up from where he's been sitting on the couch in front of the fire and stares blindly through a window that looks out on the meditation garden. The dark green walls and furnishings around him make him already feel as if he's standing in the middle of a garden. But Harry's silent, stubborn presence behind him is like having a fire lit in another hearth.
"I know," Theo says at last. "But we didn't discuss that you would do that beforehand, and you put yourself in danger for no good reason."
"How was I in danger?"
"You told me that Malfoy already tried to curse you once before," Theo snaps, spinning around. "And that was in Hogwarts, with Dumbledore right there! Why do you think he would have hesitated to do it in another public space? Especially if he could step out of the garden and Apparate immediately afterwards?"
Harry's eyes widen. "But the rules of the garden meant he couldn't use magic on me—"
"He could have waited until the end of the time we'd agreed on. He could have asked you to walk with him outside the garden and discuss something sensitive. He could have gambled on the fact that you followed me in under an Invisibility Cloak and we don't know for sure if the rules would have covered you." Theo takes a deep, frustrated breath. "I know you wanted to help, Harry. But this is why you should discuss that kind of thing with me in advance."
Harry stands still, searching Theo's eyes. Then he turns his head. Theo feels the pressure on the wards at the same moment.
He blinks at Harry. It seems that Harry might have become a little more sensitive to the operations of the Nott wards, which would be an interesting thing to contemplate if it's true.
"Think that's Blaise?"
"I don't see who else it would be." Theo takes a step towards the door from the green sitting room, and then spins around. "I'm still angry at you."
"I didn't give anything away."
"You didn't win anything, either. There was no reason to reveal yourself in front of Malfoy, and lots of reasons to stay hidden."
Harry swallows, but says nothing. Theo waits one more moment, then sighs and leaves the sitting room to greet Blaise and learn how his meeting went.
"I think the old man believed I was you."
Blaise is speaking to Harry, and discreetly ignoring the way that Theo can't help sitting on the edge of his seat. Or the way he can't help folding his arms. Theo takes a deep breath and uncrosses his arms.
Blaise turns his head to eye Theo, but continues speaking to Harry. "The first thing he did was ask me if my scar hurt. Then he kept looking at it even when I said it didn't. And when I asked him why he asked, he just shook his head and smiled at me and said that all would be revealed in time."
Harry snorts. Blaise grins back at him, a fierce expression that makes Theo realize with a jolt that Blaise enjoyed pretending to be Harry.
"He mostly hinted vaguely, though. That dark times are coming. That I should learn Occlumency, but when I asked why, he shook his head. And I noticed that he didn't meet my eyes directly at any time."
"That means he didn't use Legilimency on you!"
"Well, no, he probably didn't. But either that means he suspected I wasn't you, or he has some other reason for not doing it."
"Did he say anything solid?" Theo asks. He's starting to feel that both of these conversations were failures, even though Blaise didn't get caught and Theo and Harry got away cleanly. Vague hints mean nothing.
"One thing, near the end." Blaise sits up, his face abruptly solemn. "He said that we wouldn't be able to choose our sides for much longer. I asked what that meant, and he sighed and said, 'My dear boy, it means that you will not be able to stand at a Slytherin's side unless you want to fight Gryffindors.'"
Theo laughs. He hasn't been around Dumbledore often, but it does sound like Blaise has captured the old man's intonation almost perfectly.
Harry doesn't laugh. "Do you think he means to force me away from Theo?"
"And me, maybe, if he knows that I'm visiting you." Blaise leans back and shakes his head. "I said what I thought you'd want me to say, about how Theo was your boyfriend and you trust him, but Dumbledore said, 'Sometimes the deepest friendships give way to the deepest wounds,' and left."
Harry lowers his head. Theo watches him, and so does Blaise. After a moment, though, Blaise shoots a concerned look at Theo and cocks his own head.
Theo shrugs. He doesn't know exactly what Harry's thinking, but right now, he doesn't see any cause for concern.
"I think he does have some plan," Harry whispers, and sits back up. "He didn't scold you at all for the pictures of Voldemort in the Prophet?"
Blaise flinches for a moment, then gets himself under control. "He said that they were unnecessary and I should have known better. I told him I did it to help Theo. He just sighed and repeated that it was unnecessary."
Theo knows what that sounds like to him. Dumbledore was unsuccessful in detaching Theo from Harry's side last year. Now he appears to have come up with some means to do so. If he thinks it's "unnecessary" for Theo to be released from prosecution by the Ministry…
Theo doesn't like to think what that means.
Harry glances at him and reaches out to put his hand on Theo's arm. "Thank you for helping, Blaise," he says, not looking away from Theo. "I know you took a risk and it couldn't have been fun."
"I thought it was fun, or I wouldn't have agreed to do it." Blaise stands up with a small smile. "Now, the really fun thing would be to Polyjuice as you in front of Black and see how long it takes him to realize something is wrong."
Harry gives a small smile, but it fades almost at once. Blaise seems to realize that the moment isn't one for joking. He nods to both of them, catches Theo's eye one moment in a silent stare, and leaves.
Theo snorts. Blaise isn't as subtle as he thinks he is. Take care of him. Do something.
Yes, Theo knows that he needs to do those things. He doesn't need Blaise to tell him.
"What?"
Harry has noticed that communication of some kind passed between Theo and Blaise, it seems, although probably not what it meant. Theo turns to Harry and puts his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I think Dumbledore is going to try and drive me away from you somehow. Blaise either thinks the same thing or thinks that you're upset."
"I am upset. When Dumbledore sent that message that he wanted to see me, I thought…"
"That he really wanted to work with us? That he'd managed to accept your dating a Slytherin?"
Harry sighs unhappily. Theo draws him close and holds him, although he knows that a gesture that simple won't bring the spark back to Harry's eyes. "Yes," Harry mumbles into his shoulder. "I don't know why that hurts when I'd already accepted that he didn't want Ron and Hermione writing to me or telling me the truth, but."
Harry doesn't finish the sentence. Theo strokes Harry's shoulder and says nothing. He thinks that Dumbledore means more to Harry than Harry thinks, a hero and symbol of indomitable power. Even if he didn't get Harry out of the Tournament or rescue Harry from the Chamber of Secrets, he listened to Harry, believed him, and rescued him at the end of his first year. And he provided the hints that let Harry and Granger rescue Black at the end of their third year.
Harry takes betrayal hard.
"I'm sorry for revealing myself to Mr. Malfoy," Harry whispers. "I thought that there would be a way to manipulate him and make him give up more than he wanted. I thought I was protecting you."
"It's all right," Theo says, and takes a deep breath, and lets his anger go. Holding onto it would be useless when Harry's apologized. "Just…please don't do something like that again without warning me."
"I won't."
Well, he can promise that now. Theo isn't blind to Harry's impulsiveness. Something like this probably will arise again, and then Harry will apologize and they'll have to deal with the consequences of it.
But Theo is in love with the person Harry is, not the idealized version it seems the press wants. He will deal with it, and he'll accept the whole of Harry, the way that Harry is accepting the whole of him.
"What do you see?"
"A door."
Theo flicks his eyes open. He and Harry are sitting in the meditation garden, and Harry is once again concentrating on his Occlumency, breathing slow and deep, his face slack. He hasn't looked at Theo even though he's speaking. It's Theo who's been startled out of his deep, calm Occlumency, something that hasn't happened in ages.
Theo closes his eyes promptly and speaks in his same low, droning voice that he's been using so far. "You see a door. Where is it? What is the material made of?"
"It's at the end of a long corridor. The corridor is dark, and I can't see it well. What's behind the door is important." A hint of strain enters Harry's voice that indicates he's probably losing his hold on his Occlumency. "I don't know why. I don't know—what it is."
Harry opens his eyes with a gasp. "Seeing a vision that way means he's probably got a body back, doesn't it?"
Theo nods, because he has to accept that. "It could just be a homunculus body like the one he had before," he reassures Harry. "If he were back in a real body, I think the connection would be stronger and you'd be seeing more than this."
"I wish I knew where the bloody door is. Whatever's behind it, Voldemort really wants it."
Theo reaches out and gently gathers Harry into his arms. Harry slumps over Theo, but he's tense and tightly vibrating with frustration. Theo sighs. "We'll find out eventually. Voldemort can't conquer us."
"He'll keep trying."
"Let him. He's an idiot, and he relies on Death Eaters who will either be cowards like Pettigrew or fanatics. We can take both of them."
"Why are you so certain of that?"
Theo smiles, and he knows it's his coldest smile, the one he wears whenever memories of dear Father rear their heads. Harry just looks back at him. He isn't frightened of Theo in any mood. It's one of the many reasons Theo treasures him. "I listened to Father's stories all through my childhood. There were no other kinds of Death Eaters."
Harry nods, his eyes half-closed. Then he sighs, sits back, and starts to say something else, but there's a hard crash against the wards of the meditation garden. Harry whips around, his wand falling into his hand.
"Harry!"
Theo grimaces. It's Black, and he sounds unhinged again. Wonderful. But he steps back and shakes his head. Their meditation has been interrupted anyway. Harry still shoots Theo a narrow glance before he walks up to the wards and Theo relaxes them so that Harry can get through.
Black is dancing up and down in human form outside the wards, although he looks only a moment away from transforming into a dog. "Harry! There you are!" He snaps his head around and narrows his eyes as he fixes them on Theo. His upper lip trembles in a snarl. "Stay away from my godson, you monster."
"Sirius, we've been over this—"
"Harry, no! You need to see this!"
Theo expects Black to be waving a letter over his head, but instead, he's waving what looks like a Potions vial. There's something sparkling and clear in it. Theo takes a step forwards. If Black has somehow got hold of Veritaserum and intends to force it down Harry's throat, then Theo will do everything he can to keep Harry free. Including hurting Black.
If he intends to force it down Theo's throat, he won't have the opportunity.
"I don't want to take Veritaserum, Sirius."
"It isn't a potion! It's memories!"
Theo blinks. Technically, one of the safest ways to send memories through the post is in a Potions vial. He just didn't think that anyone would bother when it came to any memories that could be important to Black. Surely they would have sent them before his trial.
"Sirius—"
"I have a Pensieve!"
Black must have bought it, is all Theo can think, as Black whips it out of his robe pocket and resizes it. He thumps it down in the middle of the grass and dumps the memories from the vial into it. The Pensieve sloshes back and forth for a moment, then stills, and Black begins tugging on Harry's hand. "Come on, we have to watch—"
"Whose memories are those?" Theo asks.
"Dumbledore's!"
"The man who thought it would be better for Harry to go back to the Muggles than live with you? That one?"
Black visibly wavers for a moment, but then he bares his teeth, and Theo knows he's torn out the throat of any common sense he has. "You're only trying to keep Harry from seeing what you did," he snaps.
Theo lifts his head. He thinks he may know what this is, but that doesn't mean that he's backing down or giving up any kind of claim to Harry. "I'll go in and view them as well, given that you seem to think they concern me."
Black smiles grimly. "Maybe it would be best for Harry to see your reaction, at that."
Theo reaches out and clasps Harry's hand. It's waiting for him, and Harry squeezes Theo's fingers once. Then they're both moving forwards and plunging head-deep in the Pensieve, rippling colors rising around them as they duck into the basin.
Theo knows where he is even before he hears the hoarse cheers ringing out. At the conclusion of the First Task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, when Harry was being bustled away from the Hungarian Horntail to the hospital tent.
"Watch," Black says, vibrating with hatred. He'd watching Theo instead of the memories, or even Harry. "Watch what he did to your best friend, Harry, and then tell me why you would want to keep him as a boyfriend."
Harry starts to say something, but then Weasley's voice speaks up, and he turns around to look. Theo has the perfect perspective, Dumbledore's perspective from higher up in the stands, to watch himself hit Weasley with the Confundus Charm.
"What?" Harry whispers.
"He wanted to keep Ron from apologizing to you," Black says, speaking so fast that his words are tripping over each other. He tugs on Harry's hand, even though the only place for them to go is rapidly fading. Dumbledore's memory is ending with Theo hurrying to the hospital tent as well. "He wanted to keep you all to himself. He assaulted your best friend. Imagine how much more quickly you would have had Ron back after the Tournament if not for that!"
Harry just shakes his head and turns to face Theo. "Are these memories altered?" he asks. "I don't know how to watch for that."
Theo takes a deep breath. It makes a place deep inside of him warm that that would be the first conclusion Harry would come to. "No," he admits. "I did hit Weasley with the Confundus Charm like that, on that day."
Harry swallows. Then he says, "Why?"
"Because he was being an idiot," Theo says. It won't win him any points to say that he still thinks Weasley is an idiot now. Besides, Harry knows he thinks that. "And because I knew that if he just apologized, then he'd also rant about Slytherins, and he would turn you against me, and I'd lose you."
"You—you thought I'd give up on someone who supported me during the Tournament when almost no one else did? Theo."
There are harmonics of disappointment in Harry's words that sting all down Theo's spine and strike into places in his soul that he thought he didn't have anymore. But he just meets Harry's eyes and said, "Yes. We'd only been friends for a few weeks. Maybe not even that. You and Weasley were friends for three years. Yes, I thought I'd lose you."
"Lose the chance to manipulate you, Harry! Lose the chance to manipulate you!" Black is once again hopping up and down, pointing straight at Theo. It seems they're in the midst of another memory now, one where Theo is sneering at Weasley and Granger across the Great Hall, but Theo doesn't care. He only has eyes for Harry. "You have to see that!"
"Why didn't you tell me about the Confundus Charm later on?" Harry asks.
"Because I thought the same thing would happen. You would turn against me."
"So you were—manipulating me to try and remain close to me."
"Yes."
It's strange. Theo thought that if this moment ever came, he would be spinning and spiraling into panic, sure that he would lose Harry forever. But instead, he feels calm. Not happy, but calm.
He thinks he already knows what the outcome will be.
Harry breathes out and then abruptly jerks himself backwards and out of the memories. Theo didn't know he knew how to do it. Of course, Theo follows.
They're in the middle of the gardens again, and Harry is watching Theo with thoughtful, darkened eyes as he says, "I need some time to think about this. At least two hours. Give me that, okay?" He's speaking directly to Theo, who links his hands together behind his back so that no one can see his whitened knuckles and nods.
"Harry! Why do you need time to think? Let's go!"
"I need time to think," Harry repeats, and turns to face Black this time. "Free from everyone, Sirius. You and Theo and everyone else here." And he turns and marches away, in the direction of his bedroom.
Left alone, Black blinks for a moment and then turns to face Theo. "Do you think he'll choose you after everything?"
Theo smiles, and watches Black recoil from the smile. Then he turns away. Black isn't worth answering.
He will wait. And he will do whatever Harry needs him to do, including apologizing to Weasley.
But in his heart, he thinks he knows what the decision will be.
