Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Chapter Eleven

Issues

The kiss that resulted after they had confessed their love to one another was the best they had shared (so far). When they broke apart Hermione started nuzzling against Ron's neck only to squeak when he started to get up. "What …?"

"This is most definitely a bedroom conversation," Ron growled as he positioned her so she was straddling him and he stood up, his hands on her arse so he could keep her close to him. Her legs wrapped around him automatically, her arms moving so she could get into the right position to nuzzle his neck again, allowing him to handle their transit. When she moved up to his ear, sucking the lobe into her mouth, she was pleased when she felt his step falter slightly as he groaned and then quicken his pace. Then she was the one gasping again, as he had unexpectedly thrown her on the bed before he joined her quickly until he was hovering over her. Before he captured her lips again he said, "I love you so damn much, Mione."

Her heart felt like it exploded with happiness and desire, responding to his own. And those were the last words of their very nonverbal (if you don't count the moans) bed conversation.

Though their physical relationship had been steadily growing throughout their time together, she was now ready for a new level of intimacy. She knew she would feel this way last night after saying that she loves him out loud, and admitting to herself she loves everything about him, though she hadn't thought about it at the time (much). However, it was hearing his confession of love for her … telling her that she was the only one for him … that made her comfortable with … and even crave … more. Though she wasn't ready to be completely with him yet, she knew that he would allow her to set the pace, and it wasn't going to take her long to get there.

O

Ron couldn't wipe the smile off his face. What they had just done together was bloody brilliant … he couldn't get the images out of his mind. But it was this moment, Hermione snuggling sleepily into him, his hands playing with her distinctly messy hair, that kept the smile on his face. They were together again. She told him she loves him. She told him she had chosen him.

"You're my one and only too," Hermione said softly as if she was reading his mind … or just trying to add to his list of phrases she told him. "You're the only man I will ever love, Ronald."

"You better be ready for more, if you're going to keep saying things like that," Ron teased, though the words were completely true.

"I felt that way when you said it to me," Hermione sighed. "I thought it was only fair that you got to hear it too."

"Well, if it's fair," Ron laughed, kissing her head as he squeezed her to him. They continued to enjoy their time in bed, not talking about anything serious as they got reacquainted with each other. They didn't leave until Ron's stomach growled, he only had a small breakfast when Lavender was here (Merlin did that really happen this morning!). Hermione had order take away (using Ron's mobile) so they could delay the time they would have to leave the room. They enjoyed the dinner, but it was clear they missed the comfort of being in the other's arms, so soon enough they were back in bed together, both very pleased that tomorrow was Sunday. Though they knew they had an important conversation looming over them, they seemed to silently agree to wait for that until tomorrow to bring it up, so they resumed their idle chit chat (and plenty of kissing).

O

"It's real," Ron's grin might even have been wider than it was the last time as he saw Hermione standing in the doorway of his room, holding a tray of her delicious smelling (and tasting) omelets. This was definitely something he had dreamed of almost every day since they had broken up, but reality was so much better, he could never recreate that smell.

"I thought the same thing when I woke up," Hermione laughed as she set up the tray and they enjoyed their meal.

"Are you ready to talk," Ron asked as they were once again comfortable in bed.

"The way I feel now I think I could put it off for another few months … maybe forever," Hermione sighed.

Ron frowned but seeing how peaceful she was he continued to listen to her.

"You make me feel so comfortable, Ron," she went on as his actions right now just showed her point. "When I'm with you I feel safe … safe to me myself, because I know that even if you see my flaws, you won't hold them against me. Because even though you didn't say it until last night, I think I've always known you love me."

"Because I always have," Ron nodded, he knew what she meant, because he had felt her love for him when he had told her about the war and that was at the beginning of their relationship.

"That's why I never told you before," Hermione said bringing the conversation back to the point. "I've been so comfortable with you I never felt that pressure when I was around you. I even got better at handling my anxiety over my studies with you around."

"You call that better," Ron teased, remembering how flustered Hermione had been during her finals, but knowing that she wasn't lying to him.

"Shut up," Hermione slapped him playfully as she laughed.

"So, you feel pressure about more things than just your parents?" Ron asked seriously.

"I have issues with all authority figures," Hermione admitted. She had taken classes, even getting a degree in psychology, mostly so she could diagnose her issues (not that she realized it at the time).

Ron wanted to ask more questions about this, but he didn't want to distract her when she seemed to be willing to talk.

"There was only one time that I knowingly stopped myself from mentioning this," Hermione said. "But honestly Ron, I wasn't trying to keep it from you even then … er … at least not consciously …"

"Huh?" Ron questioned.

"Subconsciously, I've probably been burying these feelings a lot more than I realize," Hermione said clinically.

"When was the time you stopped from telling me this?" Ron asked.

"It was just after I told you what happened in my last relationship," Hermione said and paused there as she felt Ron stiffen, she knew how he felt about this, and she tried to calm him down by playing with his chest hairs.

"I should be trying to relax you," Ron sighed, he loved when she did that, but he knew this subject matter was harder on her than it was on him.

"Didn't I just tell you that you don't need to, I always feel safe with you," Hermione said, and then her heart skipped a beat because of the smile he gave her after hearing that.

"I love you," Ron said kissing her quickly.

"I love you," Hermione repeated, she wondered if she would ever get tired of saying these words to him … of hearing him say them to her.

"I had just finished telling you about what happened with Mark," Hermione then continued, not pausing when Ron grumbled again. "I thought about mentioning what happened with my parents after that …"

"What happened?" Ron asked alarmed, he could feel her tension growing.

"I think I've given you the complete wrong impression of my parents," Hermione sighed. "Especially my mum, she's not a bad person."

"I didn't think she was, Mione," Ron assured her.

"The issue is me …" Hermione started to say.

"You're stalling," Ron interrupted softly.

"I told my dad what happened … well, actually I told him that Mark was pressuring me for a more physical relationship … no, I didn't even say that much, more like pushing me for more, but he seemed to know what I meant," Hermione rambled and Ron let her because he knew if he opened his mouth he would shout (though he had no idea what) he was so upset with what he was hearing and what he feared he would hear when she got to the point. "Thankfully, Dad was all for me breaking up with him."

Ron's hand (the one that wasn't holding Hermione) clenched into a fist as a rage filled him … would she have stayed with that arsehole after what he did if her father hadn't been on her side?

"He even helped me talk Mum around, she was trying to encourage me to make it work, though she was under the impression that we just had a fight." Hermione paused there, just waiting for Ron to react to this, but he remained silent, though he was visibly shaking with his emotions. So, she added the last piece of information that she could think of. "I broke up with him the next day."

"Shite Mione, would you have stayed with him?" Ron asked through gritted teeth, forcing himself not to move a muscle because he didn't want her to think he was angry at her.

"I don't know," Hermione answered softly putting a voice to the fear she had felt that day.

Ron closed his eyes and pushed his anger aside as he turned so he could pull her into his arms. She gratefully buried herself against his chest.

"That's not really the issue," Hermione said some time later. "Because after I thought about it, I don't think there was a possibility that I would have stayed with him. My parents love me Ron, I know that. So, I know (now) that they would never want me to be with someone that could do that to me."

"But you had to ask their permission anyways," Ron said trying to keep the strain out of his voice, knowing that was what she was saying.

"Yes," Hermione's voice quivered. "Especially since Mum set us up. She was so happy that the relationship was working so well, and sometimes I wonder if I stayed with him for so long because I knew it pleased her." She paused when she felt Ron's stiffen again and added, "I don't think that was the reason, I did enjoy his company and had fun whenever we would go out. But honestly, after dating you, I realized how little we actually saw each other in the seven months we dated. We never got to truly know each other, and we had no business moving in together so quickly.

"Do you think you moved in with him because of your parents?" Ron asked.

"Not on a conscious level," Hermione answered. "I didn't understand anything about real relationships at the time. I thought seven months was long enough, not realizing that time has nothing to do with being ready to make such a big step."

"And you understand real relationships now," Ron asked trying to lighten the mood a little.

"I'm learning more every day," Hermione smiled at him.

"I think we've been sidetracked a bit," Ron sighed sadly.

"I was so afraid I would disappoint my parents," Hermione said. "That is the root of all my issues. I'm so terrified of disappointing my parents. Terrified isn't the right word, it's not strong enough, maybe … petrified …. I don't know how to describe how it feels ..."

"It's okay," Ron said softly, holding her closer silently showing her that he understood, and she didn't need to say more.

"I don't know when it all started," Hermione went on, "I know that when I was little, even before I went to school, I loved doing things and having my parents praised me. After a while, there were goals, like writing the alphabet in the right order or later reading a book by myself. I liked it when I was able to meet their expectations and even more, I loved it when I surpassed them. I'm not exactly sure when it changed. When it started to feel like pressure. Then even worse, when that pressure started to be a frantic need to show them that I could do everything they asked of me.

"I know by the last year of going to primary school I was terrified to go against what they said," Hermione shuddered as she continued. "I don't know why it started then, but it was like I would get these feelings that they would hate me or disown me or resent me if I didn't do what they wanted. It was especially bad when we were deciding what secondary school I would go to," she paused there thinking about those conversations and she remembered the true sense of dread she had felt. "They told me that my opinion was important, but I couldn't think of myself at all … I could only think about what they wanted for me. Luckly the secondary school they wanted, was someplace I wanted to go too, and I loved it there.

"The biggest decision of my life (up to that point) was when I decided to go to the University of London," Hermione went on, remembering the turmoil, "I wavered over whether I should tell them how I felt about the financial issues or if I should just go to Oxford like I knew they wanted me to do. They had thought that Oxford would be the perfect place for me to become successful, especially if I was going to be a solicitor like I had told them I wanted to be a year before. I was just so grateful they never wanted me to become a dentist like they were, because I never would have been satisfied with that career. However, I was terrified that putting me through Oxford would but too much strain on them financially, after all they had already put me through an expensive secondary school."

"I thought you have a full scholarship for that," Ron frowned.

"I did, but it didn't pay for all the extra expenses that came with going there," Hermione explained. "Mainly the field trips but there were other learning experiences, not to mention the materials, and they weren't covered.

"The actual talk I had with my parents went a lot easier than the turmoil I went through thinking about talking to my parents," Hermione said realizing how true that statement was, she had never really thought about it like this before. "Actually talking to my parents, especially when it was about a decision I had to make, all ended up going well, but I still agonized over what I have to say before talking to them. As if I think they were suddenly going to become monsters, or something."

"Do you know why?" Ron asked, he could hear the confusion in her voice as she continued, as if she was having a brain wave as she spoke.

"I have no idea." Hermione shook her head trying to come up with an answer, and she could feel the sense of dread that she associated with her parents, starting to build at that as she tried to think about the answer to his question.

"It's okay," Ron said, bringing her close to him as she when over her troubled thoughts.

"I've been trying to figure this out for years," Hermione admitted after she was able to think straight again. "Especially these last two weeks, I thought that if I could figure out why I felt this way, I would be able to fix things between us. If it wasn't for Harry, I might not have realized that our problem wasn't about fixing this issue, it was about knowing what was most important to me."

"And that's me," Ron stated smugly, hearing her words from last night in his head again.

"Yes Ron, you're the most important thing in my life," Hermione smiled at him (once again adding to his list). "Before I met you my parents were the only thing I had, and that only made my issue stronger since I was so dependent on them. Then I met you, and you filled my life with so much more than anything I experienced before, I can't even explain it all. But that's not all you did; you also gave me another friend that means so much to me."

"I didn't really give him to you, he's still mine you know," Ron teased her as he watched her tear up as she described how he made her feel.

Hermione rolled her eyes at him, loving that he tried to keep levity to this conversation. "Not to mention the relationship I have with Bess, that is so precious to me … and I never would have had any of that without you."

"They would have loved you even if you didn't know me," Ron pointed out.

"But I never would have met them," Hermione shrugged.

"So, I guess you don't care about your parents anymore," Ron teased, thinking (and hoping) this wouldn't upset her.

"Of course, my parents still mean a lot to me Ronald, though they don't mean everything to me anymore," Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Unfortunately, I don't think my issue with them is going to go away, but I know with your help that I can deal with it better in the future.

"So that's it, that's why I was so awful to you the last three weeks, seeing another guy and letting you walk away from me …."

"Hermione, you're not the only one that made mistakes in handling this situation," Ron sighed, it seemed that they had gone through her side of the conversation, and now it was his turn.

"And I'm not the only one that had a date with another person," Hermione said coldly and then voiced something that had been bothering her since she had seen Ron's ex, "did Lavender sleep in this bed the night before?"

Ron winched at the question, he was wondering when they would talk about this, he was expecting a little later in this conversation. "Yeah, she did, but I changed the sheets before you got here," which was true, after Lavender left and he went to his room to get changed he couldn't stand the sight of the bed so he worked on it instead.

"Hmph," Hermione huffed, though she was glad he had done that.

"I was on the couch," Ron added.

"I know that," Hermione rolled her eyes, she had noticed the couch had shown signs of being slept in the other day.

"Look, can we talk about Lav later," Ron groaned, "I kind of had something else to say … I promise I'll get there."

"Fine," Hermione sighed, trying to let it go, he had been so good to her today, she needed to do the same.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted when you told me about the date," Ron said.

"You're reaction was completely natural," Hermione said, her annoyance about the Lavender situation vanished as she now focus on her guilt for what happened.

"Yeah, the initial reaction was natural," Ron allowed, "but I shouldn't have let it last so long. It shouldn't have taken Harry talking me around, for me to realize that you wouldn't just do that to me. That the set-up date meant something more to you. Would you have told me all this, if I had let you explain at the time?"

"I was planning on explaining about my issue with my parents when I told you about the date," Hermione admitted. "But honestly Ron, I'm not sure if I would have told you all this. It would have been so much more difficult having this conversation without realizing how much you mean to me, without stating those words out loud."

"Then maybe things happened the way they needed to," Ron sighed softly, he wished that it didn't have to happen, but he knew that this separation had taught them something.

"Maybe," Hermione sighed, thinking along the same lines as him.

"Then when I thought you kissed that wanker," Ron went on, "and I was filled with rage … and confusion. I couldn't believe that you would do that to me, but I had seen it. You don't know how relieved I was when you told me you hadn't kissed him."

"Probably the same way I felt when Lavender told me that you didn't even kiss her," Hermione said.

"I didn't," Ron sighed in relief.

"You didn't know?" Hermione said not sure how she felt about that.

Ron shook his head. "I couldn't remember … and she never said … she just told me that I didn't want anything to do with her."

"Hmph," Hermione pressed her lips together so she wouldn't say anything.

"I'm still not there yet, I need to finish the other part first," Ron sighed and Hermione nodded for him to continue. "Like I was saying, I was so relieved that you didn't kiss the guy, but I was still emotional about the whole situation, so when you said you didn't want to tell you parents … that you didn't know if you would break up with me if your parents wanted you to. Well, I was filled with so much terror. I thought I was going to lose you … so I tried to protect myself by running away.

"I had tried, I looked at you when I first started to panic," Ron said gravely, "you've always been so good at making me calm down when I get emotional, but …"

"I was in no place to offer that to you then …" Hermione said, vaguely remembering him looking at her when she was having a panic attack.

"I know that Mione," Ron squeezed her to him, "but this is part of what I did wrong. The greatest mistake I made was that I never gave you a chance to talk to me. Harry kept trying to hammer that into my head, that I hadn't let you explain, but when I was in the situation I still reacted rashly."

"I still think you're reactions were only natural," Hermione said, though she had been hoping for his patients instead of his panic the night that they broke up. "Harry said he pushed you to talk to me before you were ready."

Ron raised an eyebrow at that. "That's probably true … but it had kind of hit a nerve when I thought of losing you. I know what it's like to lose someone I love, and though it wouldn't be the same, I didn't think I could deal with losing you, especially if it was due to something outside of my control."

Hermione hugged him tightly listening to him, he had associated her leaving him with the deaths of his brothers, she couldn't imagine how much pain (and panic) he must have been in. She felt so horrible about putting him through that.

"Lav sort of ripped me a new one when I told her how I left you," Ron went on, "how I ran away from you instead of putting up a fight. How I tried to stop myself from feeling instead of facing my fears. How I didn't even think about you … about how much you cared about me."

"Ron," Hermione sighed, bringing his head down so he was looking into her eyes. "It's okay Ron. You were dealing with a lot …"

"And so were you," Ron said softly.

"It seems we had to both faced are worst fears," Hermione sighed, "and since they happened at the same time, we weren't there for the other …"

"We won't make that mistake again," Ron said, and Hermione nodded her head in agreement. "This is the first real relationship I've been in too, so I'm sure I'll make more mistakes in the future …."

"Well get through them … and my mistakes, too … together," Hermione said, they were so much closer than they were those weeks ago. "Now are you ready to talk about Lavender, since you brought her up again."

"I suppose," Ron sighed. "I'm sorry Mione, I really effed up on Friday. I did everything I told myself I wouldn't do. I went to a pub, knowing that I wanted to drink myself into a stupor. I walked up to Lavender knowing how you felt about her, knowing what has happened in the past. I didn't walk away when she told me she broke up with her boyfriend too … when she started flirting … I did push her away. Then I continued drinking so effing much that I couldn't remember the rest of the night."

"You also fought off the advances of a woman despite being black out drunk," Hermione put in, seeing how he was beating himself up. Of course, she wasn't pleased with his choice to do this either, but he didn't need to berate himself. "She was trying to seduce you, wasn't she."

"Yeah," Ron said rubbing the back of his head, thinking about telling Hermione everything Lav told him, but decided against it. "You were right about that relationship … I never should have been carrying on with her like I had for the last few years."

"She has feelings for you," Hermione said, she had seen that the other day, but she also realized that Lavender had given up on Ron when she encouraged Hermione to talk to him.

"Yeah … she told me a lot of things yesterday … ending with the lashing I told you about," Ron said. "I felt like crap listening to her, knowing that she had wanted more with me, but after it all, when she told me that I shouldn't run from you … well I felt so much better. I had hope that I could fix things with you. I was starting to plan on what I should do … And then you showed up."

"I supposed I really can't be too angry about ...," Hermione started searching for the right words.

"The Lavender incident?" Ron supplied.

"The Lavender incident?" Hermione raised an eyebrow and then laughed, "that sounds like an accident at preprimary school."

Ron shrugged. "Are you really not upset about it anymore?"

"Of course not," Hermione sighed. "But she is your friend, isn't she." Ron nodded his head. "And you're going to see her every other Thursdays when you go out with your friends."

"Er …" Ron said rubbing the back of his head. "I guess … I mean she might not want to come the next couple of times … and I guess I don't really have to go either …"

"Ron, I don't want to stop you from seeing your friends," Hermione said, not sure how she felt about the other woman, but that much was true.

"Maybe you can come," Ron suggested. "I mean not next time," he added on realizing that he couldn't bring his Muggle girlfriend to his gathering with his wizard friends, at least not without warning them first. Not to mention they probably couldn't meet at the Leaky Cauldron …

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet," Hermione said thinking about meeting all of Ron's school friends. "We can talk about this later."

"Yeah … later," Ron agreed, knowing that he would have to think about this some more. "Do you think we're done talking about all this emotional crap."

"Yes, Ron," Hermione laughed. "I think we worked out enough of our issues for now."

"Good," Ron smirked and then kissed her. "Because I think of several things I'd rather be doing with you in bed."

A/N: I'm not sure how this came out, but I hope it was better than the original explanation that I gave. And I was right, this chapter ended up being 4,600 words long so if I included this in the last chapter that would have been over 11,000 words long.