The quiet ride home from school was the most nerve-wracking part. The unknown consequences she would have to face for her actions and behavior. Glancing at her mother behind the driver's seat, Alana Pope Grant wondered what was going through her mother's mind and she was terrified of the unknown. Less than five minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of their home in Marblehead and Alana watched as her mother put the vehicle in park and existed without uttering a word to her.
"I'm dead. I am soooo dead!" Alana muttered under her breath as she grabbed her schoolbag and exited the car as well.
She followed her mom inside the house. They both walked to the foyer and stripped off their jackets to hang and then discarded their shoes at the bottom of the stairs.
"Do you have homework?" Olivia finally spoke.
Alana nervously twirled her curls around her fingers and nodded. "Math and social studies."
"Great. Get it done." Olivia said sharply.
"Okay. But mom-"
Before she could finish, Alana was cut off by her mother in a tone that told her she would not be easily let off the hook and to tread lightly. And since she still had some ounce of sense left in her, she ran up the stairs to isolation without saying another word.
In the kitchen, Olivia busied herself pouring a healthy serving of wine into a glass while she waited for her husband to pick up her call. His handsome face appeared just as she brought her glass to her lips for a sip.
"Hi babe," Fitz greeted.
"Hi. Guess where I am?" Olivia said, moving the camera around to show her surroundings.
It was a Thursday afternoon at one o'clock. Fitz was puzzled as to why his wife was already home. And day drinking.
"Tough case at work?" Fitz asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I wish." Olivia rolled her eyes. "Lana's school called. Apparently, our kid is a liar and is quickly heading down the criminal path. She got caught skipping class and vaping at school." She informed. Olivia found herself getting annoyed all over again. Even as she said it, she could hardly believe the words herself. So, it was no surprise to her that Fitz responded in disbelief.
"Are you serious?!" Fitz exclaimed.
Olivia nodded. "Yup. Believe it baby. And you want to know what's crazier? I'm not even upset. I'm just annoyed as fuck. She's smarter than that, you know?" She vented, taking another sip of her wine. "I mean, we're raising her to be better than that, right? Are we horrible parents?"
"Of course, not babe." Fitz was quick shoot down any doubts and reaffirm that they were in fact doing their best with their teenage daughter. "What are we going to do about this, Livvie?" He sighed frustratingly. It was hard not to beat himself up. Of course, something like this would happen while he's out of town and couldn't present a united font with Olivia on how to resolve this. Sometimes he wondered if his job was even worth it.
"I don't know yet. And I don't want to think about it either right now. "Olivia said honestly. She could already hear the thoughts in his head and see the disappointed look in his eyes that he was desperately trying to mask. So, she decided to change the subject to a more playful topic. "What I do know though, is that I can't wait for you to get home." She flirted. "I miss you and I can't wait for you to fuck the soul out me after the last couple weeks I've had."
And that seemed to do the trick because Fitz blushed as he raised a perfectly sharp eyebrow and smirked. "You talk a very interesting game Mrs. Grant." He teased. "I miss you too baby."
Looking down at his watch, Fitz saw that it was already time for him to head back to work. He scratched his forehead in frustration. He didn't even have to say it. Olivia already knew and she wrinkled her nose in that cute way that absolutely wrecks Fitz. And he pleaded back with her for mercy. But she understood. He had to go and take care of business. And the sooner things wrapped up with his filming, the sooner he will be home.
"Go. I love you. I'll talk to you later." Olivia smiled.
"I love you too, babe."
Olivia hung up and drained the rest of her wine. Looking into the deep empty glass and back at the nearly full bottle of wine in front of her, she debated between pouring herself a second drink or dealing with her teenage daughter's newest bad behavior. Deciding on the latter, she took a deep breath and prepared for battle.
"Alana!"
Alana startled out of bed at her mother's calling. All too suddenly, her palms felt clammy. She buried her face in her pillow and muffled a scream. She was in so much trouble. She didn't know what was waiting down there for her. Did her dad already know what happened? She groaned. Surely, he already did. There are no secrets in this household. More than embarrassing and extremely nauseating, her parents are super close and tell each other everything. She was a daddy's girl and she couldn't bear the thought of him being upset and disappointed with her. She really messed up this time.
Taking a deep breath, she slid off the bed and put on her slippers to go face her consequences. She just hoped they wouldn't be as bad as she's thinking.
When she got downstairs however, Alana found that her mom was still awfully calm and even prepared her a snack. They sat at the stools behind the kitchen counter and Alana ate her after-school snacks as her mother silently answered work emails from her phone.
"Did you finish your homework?" Olivia asked without looking up from her screen.
"I finished my math. Still working on social studies." Alana responded timidly.
And back to silent they went until Alana was nearly done with her sandwich and she couldn't bear another second of her mother's silent indifference. The anxiety was killing her. Not talking was killing her. And the more this went on, the more frustrated she got even though she knew she was the one who was wrong.
Her nose flared as she looked up at her mom. "Mom, come on!" She pushed aside her empty plate and drummed her hands on the counter. "Just let me have it already. Aren't you going to yell at me? Tell me how stupid I am?"
Olivia chuckled. She knew they would get here; she just didn't expect it to be this soon. She was more than happy to let Alana walk on pins and needles and stew about her consequences for a little bit longer. As she gets older, Olivia wanted to take a different approach to parenting and problem solving. She wanted Alana to learn by herself. Own up to her mistake and figure out ways to make sure it never happens again. But clearly, Alana preferred the more common, structured approach. So, Olivia humored her.
"You're right, Lana. What you did was pretty stupid and reckless. And you knew better. Do you even know what's in that stuff and how it can affect brain function?"
Alana rolled her eyes. "It's not even that big of a deal! All my friends at school are doing it."
At that, Olivia snapped. She hated that excuse. That shit could get her angrier than anything else.
"I don't give a fuck what your friends are doing! You're my kid. " Olivia yelled.
Taking a calming breath, Olivia tried to remember what she's been practicing in yoga class twice a week. In through the nose, out through the mouth. She quickly pushed down the anger she could feel rising and continued to take deep breaths to center herself and try again. This time she reached for Alana's trembling hands across the table and kissed her knuckles.
She began with a sigh. "Babe, I know you're a teenager now. You're curious about tons of stuff and you're going to want to experience and along the way, test every last nerve in my body. Trust me, mama, I get it." Olivia said. "What I'm having trouble wrapping my head around is why you would jeopardize your academic career over peer pressure. You are one of the smartest in your grade. You're well liked by your teachers. I'm not upset about the vaping alone. I'm disappointed at the fact that you lied to your teacher and skipped class to go do something that you know is dangerous for you. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"
Alana didn't answer. She could feel the tears coming and there was no stopping the floodgates from bursting. She felt horrible. Her mom was right about everything. She knew better. But in the moment, she just didn't think it through. She didn't want her friends to think she was lame.
"Is this the path you want to continue down on?" Olivia asked.
"No. "Alana mumbled.
Olivia shook her head. "I'm sorry to say that I don't believe you right now." And she felt her heart break a little when she said it. "You're grounded."
This is what Alana feared she would hear. She had so many plans for the weekend.
"For how long?" She cried.
"A month." Olivia said firmly. "No TV either and your phone screen time will be limited to an hour daily."
Upon registering all that, Alana snatched her hands from Olivia's grip and stood from her seat abruptly. With tears rolling down her face, she stomped out of the kitchen and raced up the stairs to her room.
"You're ruining my life!" Alana yelled. "You are quite literally killing me, and you don't even care!"
Olivia had to suppress the urge to laugh as she rolled her eyes. Oh teenagers.
"The vaping will kill you sooner at this rate." She yelled back. She knew it was petty of her. And childish. She just didn't care at this point.
Unfortunately for her, her daughter could always do more damage to her heart than she knew she was capable of. Seconds later, she heard Alana growl and then slammed her bedroom door shut. "I hate you!"
Olivia stood up and poured herself that second glass of wine. While she drank, she wondered if taking Alana's door off its hinges would be taking things to the extreme.
"Being a mom is great," they say. "It's fulfilling. It will bring you so much joy." Clearly whoever said that has never had a thirteen-year-old daughter with all sorts of hormones firing off in their bodies.
This continued well past dinner time. Olivia made a mixed greens salad, garlic bread and spaghetti with meatballs. This was one of Alana's favorite meals yet when called down for dinner several times, she refused to come out of her room. Between dealing with Alana and trying to play catch up with work, Olivia was thoroughly drained, and she didn't feel like stressing over more of Alana's brat-like attitude. She figured when she's hungry enough, she'll come down for food.
Olivia had to give it to the kid though. She was pretty fucking stubborn when she wanted to be.
"Hmm, wonder where she gets that shit from." Olivia pondered. So maybe it was from her. But there will be no confirmation of that any time soon.
After eating her dinner and storing away leftovers, Olivia tried calling Fitz again, but he didn't answer. She took that to mean that re-shoots were running longer than predicted. So, with the determination to finish up her work upstairs in bed, Olivia made the rounds in the house by enabling the alarms, shutting off lights. She filled up her water bottle and took the stairs to her bedroom.
Once comfortably settled in her pajamas, Olivia turned on the TV to fox news and just let it play in the background while she resumed back to working. An hour passed and she was pretty in the zone with her work and close to an end when she heard the faint little knocks coming from the opposite walls.
Three little knocks. Albeit faint, they registered quickly through Olivia's ears and instantly, she saved what she was working on, powered off her laptop and set it aside. See, the knocks from the opposite wall meant something coming from her teenage daughter. This was something her and Fitz came up with to help Alana stay asleep in her own room when she was younger. They called it their own Morse Code. But over the years, it's also served as truce. A method of reassurance - that no matter how bad things got; no matter how big the fight; the love will always remain the same.
She heard them again in the same rhythm. Louder this time.
I… love… you…
Olivia closed her eyes and smiled. Her sweet baby!
She scoot closer to the wall and with he balled up fist, rapped back her response.
Four times.
I…love…you…too.
Then twice again.
Sooo…much…
Soon after, Olivia could hear movement on the other end. Ten seconds later, Alana appeared at her bedroom door with her monkey stuffed animal held to her chest. She had dried streaks of tears on her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. Olivia could feel her heart melting in her chest at the sight. Whether her baby is four or eight or thirteen – some things will never change, and Olivia realized that it's very important for her to remember that. Especially on long days like today where her patience and sanity is repeatedly tested.
"Come here mama." Olivia beckoned with open arms.
Alana rushed into her mother's open arms and broke into tears all over again. Olivia kissed her hair repeatedly and whispered sweet words in her ears while stroking her back.
"I'm sorry… I said… I… I-I hated you." Alana sobbed. "I didn't mean it mommy."
Aww poor baby!
Even as Olivia comforted her, she struggled with giving Alana an easy pass. Of course, she knew when Alana said it, it was out of pure teenage anger. She wasn't thinking. But it still stung as hell to hear it. And she didn't want Alana growing up thinking that she could say mean, hurtful things like that whenever she's upset. She may not always get the chance to apologize and take it back.
Kissing her forehead one last time, Olivia then pulled her away from her chest and looked into those familiar pair of beautiful blue eyes. "Why'd you say it if you didn't mean it?" She asked, already knowing the answer.
Alana was very self-aware for her age. "Because I was upset you took away things I like." She replied.
Olivia nodded. "That doesn't make it okay, though. It really hurt to hear you say that."
The young girl pouted and bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry, Ma." She whispered.
"Look at me." Olivia demanded.
And when she wouldn't, Olivia grabbed her face gently in both hands and brought her head up. And when she looked into those kind blue eyes, Olivia knew instantly there was nothing about that sweet face she wouldn't forgive.
"I need you to promise me that you're never going to try what you did today again." She pleaded softly.
Alana nodded quickly. She has learned her lesson and she didn't want a repeat of today again. It was too exhausting to fight with her mom. Plus, it made her too sad.
"I promise."
Olivia looked on apprehensively and gave a hesitant nod. She had to believe in that promise. Earlier she asked Alana if that's the road she wanted to continue, and she didn't answer. But Olivia knew the answer for herself. She refused. It was too draining, and she had to trust that though testy – she was still raising an intelligent little girl.
"Do you hate me now?" Alana asked in a faint tone; afraid of the answer.
The question scared the shit out of Olivia. "What?!" She exclaimed. "Oh baby. No. Never. How could you think that? You're the best part of me. I could never hate you, mama." Tears pooled behind Olivia's brown eyes and she begin to pepper Alana's face with kisses all over – hoping to erase all doubts. The tears fell and now she was crying. Goddamn it.
Pulling away, she wiped Alana's tears and stroked her eyebrows, her nose, her cheeks. "I mean look at this face!" Olivia sniffled. "Are you kidding me? It's like your dad and I conjured you out of our best dream."
She watched as a smile flourished on Alana's cheeks and her eyes shimmered. Olivia felt warm all over and goosebumps traveled from her skin to her spine. This was the first smile she saw on her kid all day. The kid clearly had no idea just how much she meant to her. She easily maneuvered Alana's body until she was cradled in her arms like a baby and then resumed peppering her whole face with kisses, even tasting a little bit of snot.
"Eww ma! Gross!" Alana laughed. But she wasn't protesting the kisses. She needed this moment just as much as her mom.
"I love you." She poked Alana's stomach and she wiggled in her arms. "I love you so much. You're the best thing I've ever done. You make my life, kid."
"Cheesy much!" Alana teased.
Olivia's jaw dropped.
This little shit! She thought.
"I'm kidding!" Alana roared. "I love you too."
Not a minute too soon, Alana's empty stomach growled loudly.
"What's for dinner?" She asked.
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Come on weirdo. Let's go eat."
"May I get a piggyback ride?"
Olivia was getting too old for this shit but the kid had those persuasive pouts and eyes. Something she also got from her. So, she saddled up and off they went, down the stair to the kitchen.
Once there, Olivia heated up Alana's dinner and they chatted about the better parts of their day as she watched Alana polish off her plate with way too much Parmesan cheese on it. Olivia didn't know where all the food was going though. She was tall and thin just like her father. Alana gulped her full glass of water and burped long and loudly.
Olivia made a face – both grossed out and impressed. "What the hell? You burp like grown man."
"I know!" Alana laughed. She got up with her plate and kissed Olivia on the mouth before she went to wash her dish. "Thanks for dinner, Ma! It was really good."
Olivia watched her and wondered what good she did to deserve such an amazing kid.
As soon as they returned upstairs, it was a race to get to bed and reset for the next day. Alana went back to her room quickly to change in pajamas and brush her teeth. She was excited to sleep in her mom's bed tonight.
"I want all the cuddles and kisses you promised me." Olivia beamed.
They got under the covers. Olivia hugged Alana to her side and threw her legs over her thighs. They were totally snug and comfy.
"Kisses, kisses!" Olivia sang.
"How many?" Alana laughed.
"Lots!" Olivia started by pointing to her cheek. And Alana counted each kiss she gave. And she could barely contain her laughter at how silly her mama was.
A tiring yawn later, her blue eyes started to get smaller and smaller until she was lulled to sleep by her mother's fingers playing through her hair and the sound of her mother's heartbeat against her ear.
Olivia stayed up a little longer, simply rejoicing in the closeness of holding her only child in her arms. She traced every line and commemorate every feature to memory. These were the moments she lived for. When she could hold her child in her arms and just be still. Her body felt relaxed and her mind was at peace. Just as her eyes begin to flutter close as well, her cellphone started vibrating with an incoming Facetime call from her husband.
"Hi babe, what's up?" She answered sleepily.
"Did I wake you?" Fitz asked.
"No." Olivia yawned. "I was just going to call it a night though. Impeccable timing as usual Mr. Grant."
Fitz smiled. God he loves this woman.
"You're so beautiful." He said. "How was the rest of your day?"
Olivia angled the camera so Fitz could see their sleeping child. She looked so peaceful and innocent.
"Great ending." Olivia replied.
She's so incredible. That was the only thought going to Fitz's mind. He was in awe.
"You're an amazing mom." He told her. "The best wife. I'm so lucky baby. Please know that I do not take any of this for granted. And I miss you guys so much."
Olivia could only blush. "I know baby."
YAY, you made it! I hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot. I know most of you have been on the lookout for Epiphany and while I can't promise an ETA on the next update, I'm definitely writing again and hoping to get back into the groove. Excuse the lack of Fitz/Olitz in this chapter. It was intentional and I'm hoping it didn't play out too awkwardly. This piece was hugely inspired by Ms. Washington's role in Little Fires Everywhere on the new Hulu Original series. I started last night and after the first episode, the idea for this chapter just wouldn't leave me. Seeing her play a mom just clicked for me. But also, the vaping thing is a real personal thing that happened in my family. My 13 year old little sister did in fact get caught vaping in school and the conversation/ emotions written is a combination of my mother and the character played by Kerry. Truly hope you guys liked it.
Lastly, I'm sending prayers to anyone who has been personally affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. My heart goes out to anyone who lost someone. These are strange times, but we can get through this together by taking all the necessary precautions. Stay safe and indoors! HUGE shout out to all the essential workers during these unprecedented times. You're all the best!