A/N: *Inhales deeply*

Sorry, this is short for a reason.

Can't bring myself to feel properly motivated with all the glitches on the site lately. Thinking about just giving up. Well, hopefully you guys and gals can see this. The site has gone bonkers again, what with new chapters and stories not displaying unless you're using the app. Lets hope this is visible.

Been awhile since I put something in here, so here you go.

You may consider this a fragment from "A Most Unlikely Avenger", one that never came to be.

Once again, not all the ideas in here are canon; this is merely meant as a plot bin. Folks were asking for this, but I refuse to post another new story until I complete a few. I had thought to include it an A Most Unlikely Card, but folks didn't like the idea of a triple crossover. A few were all for it, but the vast majority weren't too keen on the idea.

SO! With that being said:

This particular fragment is basically a NarutoxFatexRWBY story.Hope you enjoy it. Might even continue it through the "Collection" if enough folks like it.

I guess this is a triple crossover.

As ever, I own no quotes, references, media or memes.

"Is...Is that really you?"

~?

A Most Unlikely Surprise

It would seem the universe doesn't like its peas mixed with its porridge.

Or was it cookies mixed with cake? Avenger was fairly certain the saying was something along those lines. Semantics, he supposed. The Throne of Heroes was a strange thing; heroes from the past, present, and even the far flung future could be summoned here to Chaldea. Many had in fact. He even recognized a few new arrival. Or rather, they recognized another incarnation of him. Bloody confusing, that. Really, fun wasn't something one considered when trying to save the human order.

But this? This put a smile on his face.

"Damnit!" someone howled in the distance. "One more time!"

Naruto watched the light writhe and twist in the summoning chamber below, resolving into blazing rings of indigo radiance. Seemed the young Master was particularly determined today. This attempt would mark the ninth summoning this morning, and still not a single servant to be seen. Just useless Black Keys and craft essences. With the luck she was having it might yet be more of the same...or it might not. Who could say? Summoning a Servant was a bit like gambling in that regard; the risks were always high, but oh, the priiiiiize...!

"So," he jammed both hands into his coat pockets, "Are we taking bets, Alter?"

"Mmrph?"

Artoria looked up beside, a hamburger wedged in her mouth. Golden eyes blinked back at him guilelessly.

"Really?" a blond brow rose. "That's your tenth burger today. Aren't you being a bit of a glutton?"

"Ho?" Before his very eyes Saber choked the entire thing down without so much as swallowing, planted one hand on her hip and fixed him with fearsome scowl. "Do you have a death wish, Avenger?" her visage took on a hooded expression. "That wasn't what you said last night."

A faint flush touched whiskered cheeks. "Last night you weren't stuffing your face."

Her grin turned vicious. "No, but you certainly were devouring-

"MOVING ON!" He flung another glance back to the glass before she could finish that sentence. Below them the light built, as the orbs spun, framing three rings around the chamber. He'd glimpsed rainbow orbs for a sliver of a second there. That was a good thing, right? "Bets. Are we taking them or not?"

"And what is yours?"

"Eh." he shrugged. "Pretty sure it'll be a dupe."

Saber frowned for a moment, tilted her head in consideration, and favored him with a smirk.

"Then it will be someone new." she declared with the utmost of certainty. "I'll gladly bet against you."

"Woman's intuition, eh? Didn't think you-ow!" Her elbow slammed into his ribs, cutting him off. "What was that for?!"

His old friend shot him a withering glower. "For being you."

"Fair enough, he muttered, rubbing his side.

"And the wager?"

What wager? He'd hadn't been serious about it, but now he his fellow Alter looking at him most intently. Her fingers locked onto his arm, denying him an escape. Oh, fine. What would Saber be willing to wager? Servants had next to no resources to offer beyond themselves, and the idea of money interested neither of them. Food? Nope. Neither could cook to save their lives. That was a task best left to Archer. Wait. Archer! An idea struck him, inspired by Chaldea's resident cook. It might just be mad enough to catch Artoria's eye.

"Loser has to do whatever the winner says for an entire day."

Alter squeezed his sleeve with an eerie hunger in her eyes. "I'll take that wager."

Regardless, as the light burst and faded below them once more, Naruto found himself questioning his earlier bet. A hazy figure resolved itself against the smoke. That didn't look like anyone they knew and...well. That was a rather large weapon for one so small. Just what kind of Servant were they? From this distance he saw only a speck of red and black, dark hair tinted red at the tips. It did little to assuage his concerns; leaning forward even less so.

Alter mirrored the motion beside him. "Who or what is that?"

"Servant, Lancer!" A strangely familiar voice chirruped happily. "Hello~! I've come for cookies. Hey, is Yang here?"

An unfamiliar pain bloomed in the back of Naruto's head. he felt his right eye begin to twitch. "Well, she sounds chipper enough. Might was well go and greet the new arrival...

After making their way down, they founded themselves faced to face with a wee sprite of a girl, shorter ever than Alter herself. Bright silver orbs regarded them with open curiosity. As he'd seen before, she was clad in a red and black combat dress, but what truly baffled them was the towering weapon she held in her right hand. It was at least twice the size of her, yet she twirled it almost lazily before collapsing it behind her back. What a weight that must've been. Yet for reasons he couldn't understand, she seemed utterly unfazed by it...until she saw them. Silver eyes burned impossibly bright.

"You!" she stabbed a finger at Naruto.

"Me?" a blond brow rose.

"Eeeeeeee!"

With a delighted cry, the girl vanished in a cloud of red petals and slammed into Avenger, ripping him away from Artoria as she bowled him over. Naruto crashed onto his back and the self-proclaimed Lancer landed on his chest, pinning him there with her knees. When he tried to rise, she snapped forward, slamming her forehead against his. He growled and tried to push her away, but that only caused the little hellion to lean into him. A faint scent reached his nose vaguely reminding him of bullets and...cookies? A name came to him, unbidden.

"Ruby?"

It was the wrong thing to say.

"It really is you!" her hands flew across his body, searching for wounds where none were to be found. "I...you...how?! You vanished! We...I...thought you were dead!" she paused, wrinkling her nose. "I mean, you kinda look different and your eyes are weird, but still! Definitely you!"

The blond palmed his face. "Not another one...is that a scythe?"

"Yup." the new girl beamed.

"Are you a Saber?" Artoria asked next.

"Nope." she smacked her lips. "Never used a sword."

Avenger and Saber exchanged a mystified look. Finally, the former spoke.

...how in the blue hell does wielding a scythe qualify you for anything resembling a Lancer?"

"Dunno." the aptly-named Lancer shrugged. "But before I forget!"

She grabbed Naruto by his collar, eyes intent.

"You made me a promise...remember?"

Avenger grimaced. He really hadn't. They'd never met. Stupid Throne. It must've been another Naruto. Another of his incarnations. Had to be. He tried to ignore the voice crying out in the back of his head, but it rose up in him regardless. It would not be denied. For all his attempts to shove it down, it shouted all the louder.

Ruby Rose dipped her head and pressed her lips to his.

A/N: Aaand there you have it!

Not dead, nearly done with A Most Unlikely Berserker, and still kicking.

Next chapter we get right down to the nitty gritty! It'll be out soon, providing my health holds, so look forward to it ya know!

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview!

(Preview)

...Servant, Salem." the newcomer intoned softly. "My class is-

A thousand weapons were drawn at once.

"Nope, nope nope!"

"Stop that, will you?!"

Avenger flung up his arms.

"Nope. All the nope. Going back to bed!"

R&R! =D