Roan decided they would spend the day introducing Clarke to the other ambassadors and any other high ranking person remaining in Polis. He left the Azgeda for last; because Clarke would be his eyes and ears, they would all meet for dinner so Roan could reinforce to them that Clarke spoke for him.
Roan made introductions, and left Clarke to do the rest. Watching her made him understand why so many people were loyal to Clarke. She had something, a spark that made people pay attention. Most of them were interested anyway, wanting to know what power Wanheda held that she could destroy the Mountain and convince Lexa to change customs held for generations.
Clarke was bored and tired by lunch, which she and Roan were eating with the Sankru ambassador. Clarke answered questions and asked a few before asking about the City of Light.
"Pah. A myth."
"I know someone who says he's been there."
"He lies. There is desert, there is the great lake, but there are no cities and no City of Light."
"Guess he got into the Jobi nuts too many times," Clarke said, and the ambassador laughed and agreed.
100 – 100 – 100
Dinner was more of the same, except this time Roan did most of the talking. Clarke mostly sat beside him and answered the few questions sent her way. She paid attention and memorized the names, faces, and titles of everyone at the table. She listened while they drank and talked. Clarke stayed sober although all she would have preferred to drink until she was numb. Lexa whispered to her throughout the day, one word appraisals of everyone Clarke met. Clarke mostly agreed with those assessments.
She was happy when Roan finally sent everyone away. He was sober, too, she noticed. "It has been a long day, Clarke. Tomorrow, you will train."
"Train?"
"To fight. A gun is insufficient protection."
"Ok."
"You have questions?"
"More than you can imagine."
"Can they wait?"
"Sha. Reshop, Haihefa."
"Good night, Clarke."
Tired as she was, Clarke couldn't get to sleep. She didn't know who to trust. She wanted to talk to her mother about the A.I. chip, and Marcus about how to deal with Titus. Most of all, she wanted Lexa beside her. The furs still bore her scent, and it was the only comfort she had.
100 – 100 – 100
Roan woke Clarke again, even though she was tired. He heard her cries through the night and knew she carried burdens beyond Lexa's death. No one knew how Lexa died, and some rumors in Polis laid responsibility on Clarke; Heda failed to take Wanheda's power, and Wanheda took her life for the attempt.
Having spent time with them, he knew that was untrue. He suspected Clarke knew how Lexa died; Murphy may have been a witness, as well, given that Titus locked them both away and separated them. Murphy knew something important, something he would not discuss without Clarke's approval. Clarke was holding her cards close to the vest, but it was taking its toll.
Breakfast was quiet. They ate and read reports, and when they finished, Roan took her to one of the practice areas. It was obvious that Clarke hadn't been formally trained, but her instincts were good, and Roan was pleased when he finished assessing her. He knew who would continue her training when he left.
They returned to their quarters to clean up and have lunch. After, Roan gave her a pouch of coins and the afternoon off. She went to her room, closed the door, and laid on the bed beside the pile of furs and cloth from Lexa's bed. After a while, she drifted to sleep, and dreamed of Lexa.
It was like they were in fog. She couldn't see or hear Lexa clearly or understand what she was trying to say. Lexa was frustrated, too, and even in her dreams Clarke was grief stricken when Lexa disappeared. What followed was bad: hundreds of bodies in a field, hundreds in Mount Weather, hundreds around the drop ship, dozens in and around the Ark. Clarke worked to save the dying, and could save none of them. Her friends lay dead around her, and she tried again to save Lexa.
Clarke jerked awake and sat up. She looked at her hands, expecting them to be covered in blood. Instead, they looked as they always did. She checked her pocket for the disc Marcus gave her, relieved that it was still there. She needed to talk to someone she could trust about all of it, and didn't know who that could be.
None of her options were good. She could remove Titus from his position, but replacing him with someone less experienced could cause more problems. Exposing the secret behind the commander spirit would destroy their culture and probably lead to yet another war. More likely, it would get her killed. Letting anyone know how Lexa died left her with the same conundrum. Staying quiet would keep her protected by both Roan and Ontari, but if she wasn't able to navigate the minefield of coalition politics, she would wind up imprisoned, banished, or most likely, dead.
Clarke swung her legs off the bed to the floor. It was still bright out, so her nap was brief. Maybe she should just go to the market, or walk through Polis, or ride through the woods. Anything to get out of here for a while.
She got up and left the suite, two guards trailing her. Roan changed them all the time, and she didn't have time to get to know them. Unlike Trikru guards, they weren't interested in anything beyond their duty to keep her safe.
The streets were busy and loud, the market more so. Stall after stall offered food, weapons, clothing, and odds and ends. She wasn't interested in any of it, and went to the stables, wanting some quiet. She missed exploring the forests around TonDC, missed the dappled light and fresh smell. Clarke wondered whether she would ever be free of this. Roan would not let her escape as she had after taking down Mount Weather.
She thought about visiting Niylah, but didn't want to expose her to danger again. News traveled fast, so Clarke was certain Niylah knew she was alive. Clarke felt as if she still owed a debt to the other woman, but had no idea how to repay her.
There was little forest left around Polis, so Clarke followed the road toward TonDC. It was habit, sticking to places she knew and spent time with Lexa. She veered off the road when she saw the large company approaching, and didn't notice the riders who left that group to follow her.
They met her at a stream where Clarke stopped to let her horse drink. Clarke's palm began to itch and she realized Ontari must be near. Clarke looked around and saw her coming out of the trees. She suppressed a sigh. "Heda." Safe.
"Trying to avoid me?" Ontari asked with a small smile, her eyes green.
"Not you, Heda, everyone."
"Something on your mind?"
"Much," Clarke confirmed.
"Skaikru is with me, even that loathsome Skaiskat. Is he truly your friend?"
"It's complicated."
"Relationships often are."
Protect you. "Can I see Skaikru?"
"When they are settled. Roan wants the Skaiskat. Your mother and her lover will stay near you in the tower. The others will share one floor. Acceptable?"
"Very generous of you."
"I am glad it pleases you. Ride with me."
"Sha, Heda."
"You may call me Ontari, Klark."
Safe, Klark. Hod yu in. Clarke nodded and tapped her horse's sides.
"How is Roan?"
"He is well. He plans to return to Azgeda in a few days."
"There is much there he needs to personally address. I will speak with him before he leaves."
"I'm sure he will appreciate that."
"I will need your help to keep the coalition together."
"I'll do as you wish."
"I was led to believe that peace is your desire."
"It is." Together.
"Then we should have no problem working together."
'Yeah, except for the part where I'm going crazy because I hear and see Lexa half time I'm around you.' "No problem," Clarke echoed. Hodnes laik uf. "I talked to the Floukru ambassador a few days ago, convinced him to suggest Luna give you time to show your intention before withdrawing from the coalition."
"Well done, Clarke. Mochof."
"Pro. Is there anything else you want me to do?"
"Meetings," Ontari sighed. "You will stay with me at meetings."
"Isn't that Titus' job?"
"Titus has not left Polis in many years."
"Do you trust him?"
"I trust no one."
"A lesson from Nia?"
"Many lessons from Nia." Ontari's jaw clenched.
In that moment, Clarke saw Ontari as she was, another young woman like herself, like Lexa, thrust into a position she didn't want and uncertain about how to best do her job. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," Clarke said. Ai hod yu in.
Ontari looked at Clarke. No one ever suggested that she didn't deserve the way Nia treated her or offered any sympathy for the many severe punishments she endured. Ontari was at a loss as to how to answer.
They rode through the forest without talking for a while. Clarke was glad for the silence because every time Ontari spoke Lexa whispered. Seeing the other woman's eyes change was disconcerting. It had to be a function of the A.I. chip. Could Lexa's personality overtake Ontari's? Clarke didn't want to think about the ramifications of that, or how strong Lexa must have been to overcome the others, or that Lexa may not have been Lexa, but the powerful voice of one of her predecessors.
"The forests at home look nothing like this."
"What are they like?" Yu laik ai houm.
"Green all the time. There is always snow deep in the forest. It is beautiful at night."
"The leaves will change color in fall."
"Fall?"
"Between summer and winter." Sanch at the lake.
"Harvest."
Clarke nodded.
"We should return. They will not enter Polis without us."
"Without you." Ogeda.
"Without us, Klark. My army did its job, and you did yours. This victory belongs to both of us. You will sit with me at tonight's feast."
"I don't think that's wise."
"Do not fear Titus. I will protect you."
"I don't want to make things difficult for you. People will assume all the wrong things."
Protect you. "That I'm a bad influence on you, as I was on Lexa. That you do not know your mind, or that you can't lead alone."
"These things are not true."
"I know that, Ontari, and you know that, but gossip causes problems. I can serve you just as well seated with Azgeda or Skaikru." Don't be afraid.
"You are the bridge between the old ways and the new, Clarke, and you will sit with me tonight."
Clarke sighed.
Reshop = Good night
Hodnes laik uf. Love is strength.
Yu laik ai houm. You are my home.
Sanch = lunch
Ogeda = together