Kakashi's POV
Father's death two years ago made me even more wary of people. I kept to myself most of the time; to my training and missions that kept me occupied, to my books that kept me company, to Sumire's chakra essence that was left within me.
I would visit Hideo oji-san once in a while and talk to him about my father. I told him about my anger, grief and regret.
I felt angry at my father for taking his own life and for abandoning me alone, and I resent the village and his comrades for the unfair treatment they gave to the man they once highly revered. The grief and sorrow of my father's passing affected my emotional well-being greatly, it turned my personality even more obnoxious than before. I feel regretful that I hadn't done anything for my father after he became depressed with his situation. If only I could have done something to make him feel better like he always did for me, things might have turned out differently.
If Hideo oji-san was awake, he would know what to say to ease the negative emotions that I am feeling now.
I begged him to wake up.
He was the only familiar semblance I had in my life that connects me to my father and to Sumire. He would understand my pain and heartache- the sorrow of father's death and the despair of losing Sumire.
He would know because he is part of the pack.
Everything in the old clan grounds brought painful memories. I see the dead figure of my father inside our house and the empty place echoes with nothing but deafening silence. Every time I do my morning run in the area, I would remember all the walks I had taken there with my purple-eyed girl and my heart ached from longing to see her, embrace her, and just be with her. Sometimes I would find myself standing outside their clan gates, mindlessly dreaming that she would somehow magically come out from there.
The peaceful vibe of the outskirts suddenly became too silent for me to bear, the privacy of the clan ground became too empty, the dirt roads of the old district became too unbearable to walk on.
Even looking at the sunrise becomes dreary, how can something bright and beautiful turn to dull and drab in only a couple of passing seasons.
I hated the spring because I saw the flowers that reminded me of what I've lost. The violets, roses, sakura, wisteria, and all the beautiful things I once enjoyed now only brought me misery.
I loathed the summer because I am not happy like the people who enjoy the warmness of the day. Seeing them smile and laugh with each other as I suffer in silence made me feel envious.
I disliked autumn because each September made me remember all the moments that I only get to relive in my memories. My birthdays became depressing and dispirited.
I dreaded the winter because I felt cold without the warmth of the embrace that I have been yearning for. I felt alone because those who I consider family are either dead, unawake or lost.
I hated everything beautiful because it reminded me of her.
It had been a few years since Sumire disappeared. I still look for her in every village I go into, hoping to feel her presence among the sea of people I encounter at unfamiliar places. I never fail to send chakra pulses to her everyday after waking up and before I sleep at night. It was my way of greeting her good morning and goodnight wherever she may be.
There is a big void inside me that I cannot fill since she disappeared. I am incomplete without her and in a state of total wretchedness.
My unhealthy emotional state made me decide to leave the Hatake house, bringing with me the only important things that matter. The pictures, the poem, my books, my weapons, my necklace, some clothes and myself.
I already have enough money to live independently by myself since I became a genin and did not bother using the clan funds I inherited from my father. I moved to a shinobi complex in the town center, a furnished studio apartment located a few blocks away from the hokage tower. My rent was paid quarterly and it has just the right amount of space for me.
The place was not big, comparatively smaller than the rooms I previously had at the Hatake's or the Senju's clan compounds, but it had everything I needed at the moment. A bed next to a nightstand, a tiny bathroom, a small kitchen area, a dining table in a corner, and a bookshelf by the couch.
Despite the small space, it was still better than staying at the outskirts where the old clan grounds were. That place has too many memories and I would be deranged if I lived in a big house by myself in a very quiet neighborhood.
After my father died, my thoughts and questions about life or death, comrades or village, morality or honor, and the likes were stopped.
It did not matter any more.
I chose to read instead since books provided answers and this is what I liked to do best when I have time to spare. I read the guides on how to be a good shinobi, what rules should a shinobi adhere to, and all the important things a shinobi must know.
I did this so I will not be dishonored like my father.
I still have a goal to achieve and a promise to fulfill. I need to be the best so I could advance my rank and be able to protect Sumire better once I find her. I aspired to be promoted to jonin, or even ANBU if I could. I need to rise higher, become stronger and more powerful. That's my ambition and I cannot achieve that if I sully my reputation as an accomplished shinobi, so I make sure I complete all the missions assigned to me and stick by the rules. No questions asked.
Because of my credo, I have not been integrated into a permanent team since people cannot stand my strict adherence to the shinobi standards as well as my very disagreeable personality. I did not mind it because I hated most people, they could dislike me as much as they wanted but I couldn't care less. The feeling is mutual anyway.
I became mad with the world.
I was more aggressive in pursuing my ambitions and I did not care if I disregarded other people while I did so. Nothing mattered as long as I got the things I wanted and my plans came to fruition. In my mind, doing this would make me achieve my goals quicker.
I do not know how I am still able to function everyday without giving in to insanity as the negativity consumed my being. Maybe, the constant training and mission assignments helped since it made me focus on something else rather than my emotions and thoughts.
Minato-sensei told me one day that I would be assigned to a genin team for the foreseeable future.
I was furious because I felt like this would hold me back from my goals. I was already a chunin so it felt like I was getting demoted since I would be getting genin missions with my new genin teammates. It was a total genin nightmare!
I was even more unsatisfied when I learned who my teammates were. It was the annoying and loud Uchiha kid named Obito. The other one is Rin, I don't like her but at least she is not an annoying fangirl.
The two genins were weak and undisciplined, smiling and laughing all the time as if being a shinobi is a pleasant occupation. They probably did not realize the hazards that came with the job not just included having injuries or bruises, it was deeper than that.
From my experience, it was the emotional trauma as I strike and maim the enemy. It was the sleepless nights that reminded me of the opponent's face as life slowly departed from their eyes. It was the tormenting feeling of taking a life that somebody else treasures.
It definitely isn't all about rainbows and sunshine, it irritates me that they do not look like they are taking this seriously like I do.
The only consolation I got from being assigned with them was we were able to pass the Bell Test, even though our performance against sensei is very appalling.
I kept in mind that at least I would still be able to train with Minato-sensei, he teaches me a lot of things. He even helped me develop my sensing ability and made sure my progress was increasing each time.
Sensei explained that I was put into my new team to help me develop a sense of camaraderie. The two genins were in the same age group as I, so the adults thought that I would probably interact better with them than the older shinobi I was assigned with before.
He said I would not be promoted further if I cannot learn to work well with my team. He explained that a jonin leads most of the mission assignments and I wouldn't be able to fulfill that role if I do not know the essence of teamwork.
I sighed at my current predicament. I tried to look on the bright side, but I cannot help myself from feeling dejected. So for now, I must endure. I just needed to get through this so I could achieve my goals soon. For now, I would tolerate the pair of annoying genin I got stuck with.
The same thing happened almost everyday.
The annoying Uchiha would come late for training, he would have all sorts of ridiculous reasoning about his tardiness and I hated him for this since it is not within the standards of being a good shinobi. Then sensei would train with us relentlessly the whole morning, this appeased my hunger for further improving myself and lessened my frustrations regarding my teammates. The afternoons are for the genin missions that often bore me to death,
I would still prefer the rush and adrenaline of dangerous missions than this.
My genin days are definitely different from what my new genin team is doing now. It had been months since we formed the team but we were still doing the same routine everyday. I also did a couple of D-ranks after I graduated, but it was not for this long. Sensei even let me tag along with him on missions outside Konoha. Those low rank missions were challenging because most of them got upgraded to higher mission classifications.
Now, it's all about finding the damn cat, weeding someone's garden, painting stupid fences, babysitting annoying children, or doing deliveries like an errand boy. I can't wait for my teammates to get promoted to chunin.
Maybe things would be more challenging then, and maybe I could tolerate them better.
Being a shinobi is my true calling.
I have been praised by many not because of my disagreeable and my insufferable attitude but because of my skills and abilities. I do what is asked of me as a shinobi without batting an eye, and I execute my missions flawlessly. I am not the friendliest or the most compassionate among my peers but they couldn't complain much since my reputation precedes my undesirable characteristics.
Training under a brilliant sensei helped a lot in advancing my rank since my improvements were noticed by the hokage and jonin commander. I have already been evaluated recently for the promotion and the result will arrive in a few days. I was certain I was able to perform well and I would finally have the jonin rank that I've been aspiring for ever since I was young.
Since I've been training relentlessly with Minato-sensei, he helped me a lot with the different areas I could improve on. He knew that I liked learning new skills to add up to my growing arsenal of techniques.
One time, sensei showed me how the Rasengan worked. It was a very powerful technique he invented, but he said it was still incomplete and an elemental affinity could be added to it to make it more formidable.
His genius work inspired me to apply my lightning-nature into it. Sadly, my attempts did not work though.
I did what I could to compensate for my failure by creating my own technique through the use of my lightning chakra- the Chidori. It is a jutsu that uses a very high concentration of lightning that is channeled to the hand and the sound it produces is similar to numerous birds chirping simultaneously, hence its name. I haven't perfected it yet, so sensei advised me not to use it in battle for now.
It's been a few years since I have been assigned on the team with Obito and Rin. I tried my best to get along with them, just so I could finally have the promotion I have been yearning for.
I could say that my two teammates have also improved over the years and we can at least work together a little bit better now than we did previously. Although, an argument with Obito happens most of the time, it couldn't be helped since we were like the opposite sides of the same coin. Rin was always mediating between us, so I am a little bit thankful for that.
Since my teammates got promoted to chunin, I managed to lessen my frustrations towards them and try to act more civil with them if I could. Even though we are a team, I am still wary of having a close association with them though. I do have boundaries I set against other people, but I did let them be acquainted with me almost like how friends do, which is more than I would have preferred.
Something big happened recently.
People were in a constant state of panic and fear as the shinobi villages razed each other's territories to the ground. The third great shinobi war had arrived.
It all happened so quickly. The disputes along the borders with the smaller nations had started as minor strifes, but the battles had continued on different fronts and resulted in prolonged conflicts that eventually led to a large-scale war.
Konoha is facing multiple enemies on different territories and the hokage had been sending out men and women into the battlefield where many never came back again. The shinobi force in the village is slowly weakening in numbers and it's only a matter of time before my team and the rest of the shinobi my age will be sent out as well.
I feel my chest tighten at the thought of dying in this war without seeing her again. I get anxious when I think of the day she finally comes back to the village and sees that no one was there to welcome her home.
With her father still in coma, and me being sent to fight a bloody war along with the peers we had from the academy, I fear not for my life but for her reaction to coming home without the familiar faces of the people who care for her. All of us could die at any moment when stationed at the frontlines, where we could just end up being additional figures to the number of casualties that continuously rise with the ongoing bloodshed.
A different set of thoughts came to my mind.
What if it was the other way around? I do not know where in the elemental nations she was currently living in, but what if she got caught in the middle of a battle? What if something happened to her and the Shinigami would finally claim her from this world?
Those latter thoughts scared me even more than the former.
My Sumire dying is something I could not bear. Her being lost is something I could endure because I always had that hope in me that I could see her again one day. But if she died, I wouldn't know what I'd do. I hope she is somewhere far from all of this mess and she would never have to face the dangers of war like we do here in Konoha. She had always wanted to be a shinobi when we were younger, but I wish she was living a happy and peaceful civilian life instead. It would be better that way than for her to lose her life in this bloody war.
I would continue to look for her after all the war had passed, I wouldn't want her to arrive in the village with smoke and fire rising from the horizon. I would make sure to give my best in every mission I would be assigned to so she can come home to a safer Konoha where she could paint as much as she wanted to, create all those experiments she liked doing all the time, read on the gardens without worrying for her safety, or even just hang around the village peacefully like how we used to.
I would fight and survive this war for her.
I sighed as I touched my necklace and sent her a pulse to let her know I was thinking of her.
During the time of her disappearance, her chakra had been wavering all the time like it was about to finally run out at any moment, and it scared me a lot. It only started to calm down and be at rest after a few weeks, she probably had recovered from the ambush by then.
Even though she was lost, knowing that I could still feel her and that she was somewhat safe and alive was still better than nothing. I am infinitely grateful for our bonded connection.
From then on, I would always check how her chakra felt within me. I would know if she was in danger, even though I couldn't do anything about it. I am relieved to know that her chakra felt calm throughout the years she had disappeared. It gave me a sense of comfort that she was living in peace in whatever place she ended up in.
I just hope that wouldn't change in the coming days as the war continues to tore the elemental nations apart.
Every abled shinobi in the village was occupied with the war, the battles weren't stopping any sooner and the hokage needed every team he could send out to missions since Konoha had been fighting against multiple nations on different fronts. Our village's biggest threats were attacks coming from Iwagakure, Kumogakure and Kirigakure.
I recently received my jonin rank and the team gave me gifts for my promotion. Minato-sensei handed me one of his three-pronged kunai that he uses for his teleportation technique, Rin gave me a medical kit, and my Uchiha teammate said he forgot to get me one.
Shortly after my promotion was announced, my team was assigned to a mission in Kusagakure to destroy a bridge within the territory. It serves as a route for Iwagakure's supply line for the war. It would cripple their operations if we were able to complete the mission objective, making the situation more favorable for Konoha.
It had been a very strenuous mission since we had to proceed by ourselves without sensei since he was needed elsewhere on the frontlines. I was designated as the team captain to lead my teammates because of my rank as jonin. Eventually, we faced a couple of mishaps along the way but I intended to do my best to complete this mission under my leadership.
Everything about it went out of our control.
I know I was partly to blame for it as I was willing to leave Rin behind when she was taken by the enemy just to complete the mission objective. Obito had said a few words that made me really think about my decision and made me have second thoughts about the shinobi rules that I strictly followed.
He said firmly, " In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are even worse than scum."
His words affected me, so I went back to help him save Rin and I lost an eye while doing so. We managed to rescue the girl but not without cost. Understandably, injuries are unavoidable while on field duty but so is death.
Obito Uchiha died in my place, and his death changed something in me.
I took his words to heart. He gave importance to his comrades the same way my deceased father did. The kid I used to hate had given his life in exchange for mine. I was the one who was supposed to be crushed by the boulder while our team escaped but he saved me.
I was the one who should be dead.
His sacrifice and words awakened a part of me that I've intentionally forgotten about- my emotional ability to be compassionate towards my fellow shinobi, the young Kakashi who thinks that morality is as equally important as a shinobi's reputation, the part of me that I've buried along with my father when he died.
The young Uchiha even gave me one of his newly awakened Sharingan eyes as a replacement for the one I've lost. He said he would be able to see the future with me through the eye he had given to me, and that it was his gift for my jonin promotion.
It was priceless.
A last testament to the friendship and sacrifice that Obito had given me despite my shortcomings. I never even tried to be his real friend when he was still alive nor be a dependable teammate for him and Rin.
I feel ashamed that it took Obito's early demise for me to realize this. The only way for me to repay his selfless sacrifice was to honor his beliefs and wishes. He asked me to protect Rin, and I intend to fulfill this to the best of my ability.