Don't go in the pool with Mo. Don't hit your sister because she's a girl and you're much stronger than her. Learn the price of a gallon of milk. Make sure you're sending a dick pic to the right person. All good advice that Roman has ignored on occasion.
He remembers one perfect summer afternoon. He and Connor are spending the day together, just the two of them for once. His oldest brother, or half-brother as he likes to remind him. Connor is trying to teach Roman to fish, but Roman gets bored easily.
"Can we play a game where you're the dad?" he asks.
"Sure," says Connor easily.
"You have to yell at me, okay? Say 'You're a fucking moron, Romulus'." Roman does such a dead-on impression of their father's voice that Connor can't help laughing.
"'Go to your room, Romulus,'" he says in his own Logan Roy impression. "'You're an embarrassment and a disgrace.'" They both end up lying on the grass by the river in fits of laughter.
"Can we play bitey?" asks Roman.
"What is that?"
"It's where we bite each other's arm and see who lets go first."
"Yeah, I don't think we should do that. What else do you like to play?"
"Dog pound!" Roman immediately jumps up on all fours.
"Dog pound?" Connor sounds quite alarmed. "What's that?"
"It's where Kenny puts me in a cage and pretends I'm his dog. Sometimes he gives me treats, like dog food."
"Dog food?"
"Not real dog food," Roman says, like Connor is an idiot. "Chocolate cake."
"Oh, okay. I see why you like that game. I don't have any chocolate treats."
"Can I still be a dog?"
"Yeah, sure."
Roman crawls around being a dog and amusing himself for a while, then crawls back up to Connor. "Did Dad ever hit you, when you were bad?"
Connor looks startled. "Well, no. I didn't really see him that much, even when I lived with him. Why, does — does Pop — I mean, Dad — hit you? Cause he shouldn't do that. I can tell him, not to do that."
Roman thinks about Connor's childhood, packed off to live with an aunt after his mommy went mad. He imagines being separated from Shiv and Kendall, maybe having to live with his mom in England.
"No. He doesn't hit me. I was just kidding."
"Oh. Okay." Connor looks relieved.
"I wish you were my dad," says Roman on impulse.
Connor really smiles then, blue eyes creasing around the edges. "I'm far too young."
Later, when they're saying goodbye, Connor says, "You know, Dad loves you really. You just have to learn to stay out of the way when he's in one of his moods."
More great advice that Roman doesn't take.