Chapter 4: The Rite of Courage and Cowardice

Now I tried to do everything I could

To save our love

And make it feel good again

I can't fight it, there's nobody home

Hard-hearted and all alone

I give you love, you ain't giving it back

I can't take it

I need to see the soul doctor

Before the fever begins

You know I'm searching for the soul doctor

When love is wearing thin

Doctor Soul is in

I've been kicked in the corner

I'm down in the dirt

I can't feel a thing

But I know it ought to hurt

Now you're shaking my spirit

I'm breaking my back

I'm too blind to hear it

So I overreact to satisfaction

If I could get me some

I ain't talking, there's nothing to say

Misunderstandin', you're walking away

Maybe baby, it's gonna take time, time, time

The doctor's sole intention

Let it be understood

Can't pull the strings of my heart

I ain't made out of wood

Now I take what I get to get what it takes

Need a little bit a love, got a whole lotta heartaches

– "Soul Doctor" by Foreigner

Heian Period, Enchou Era, 5th Year (927 CE)

The familiar scamper of his son's steps altered Touga to Sesshoumaru's arrival just enough to anticipate the child plowing into his leg and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Father, don't go," Sesshoumaru murmured into his side.

"Oh son, you know I must. I've tarried too long as it is," Touga answered, rubbing Sesshoumaru's head. It already stood past his hip. He's growing so quickly. Before I know it, he'll be as tall as I am.

"Then take me with you," Sesshoumaru answered, looking up at his father. Determination burned in his golden eyes—the same determination he'd seen in Inukimi's. The same determination he hoped others saw in his. "Sensei says my fighting skills are superior to many of the new recruits in the guard!"

Touga smiled, ruffling his son's hair. "I have no doubt. I've watched you while I've been home. You've improved so much since I was last here. And one day, you will fight alongside me on the battlefield. But today is not yet that day."

"What about after my Rite? Sensei says I am almost ready for it."

"Does he now?" Touga asked. The Rite of Courage and Cowardice was a critical coming-of-age ceremony in the dog demon tribe. Though traditions differed between clans, it all boiled down to the same basic idea: the child would be left alone in the wilderness to fend for himself and make his way back home, using only his natural powers and abilities to do so.

There was always a chance that the child would perish during the Rite. But parents tried to make sure their children were as prepared as possible before letting them go. For once the child had completed the Rite, he would be seen as an adult.

"Yes! He and Mother have been discussing it."

"Have they?" Why didn't she say anything to me? Piqued, he forced his lips to remain in a smile as he patted his son's shoulders. "You've just reminded me that I need to speak to your mother before I leave."

It didn't take long for Touga to seek out his wife. She sat where she usually did: on her throne at the top of the front steps. He didn't know why she had decided to move her court out of the inner sanctum and into the open, but one day, he had come back to find her sitting there instead of inside. When he asked about it, she simply said that a change of scenery was in order.

None of the courtiers seemed to be about, but she was reading over documents. She looked up at him as he approached. "Are you leaving again?" she asked.

"Yes, but I wished to speak with you before I go. What is this I hear about you discussing Sesshoumaru's Rite of Courage and Cowardice with his instructor?"

"He told me that he believes Sesshoumaru is ready to undertake the Rite. After witnessing our son's prowess, I am inclined to agree."

"And you did not think to mention this to me while I was here?"

"I'm afraid I forgot."

"You forgot? Inukimi, I am Sesshoumaru's father—not some passingly interested courtier. You should have sent me a missive as soon as his sensei brought it up! We have much to plan."

"What is there to plan? Akuru will decide the trial of his Rite, as he always has for the leaders of our clan," Inukimi said.

"Akuru?" Touga echoed, puzzled. "I didn't take you for the, ah…religious type."

Akuru was the first dog demon, created from Amaterasu herself. Over time, he had been elevated to almost god-like status and revered by the dog demon clans as their primordial ancestor. But to put Sesshoumaru's Rite in the hands of Akuru? It just didn't seem like his wife. She liked too much to be in control, and to leave this matter essentially up to the whims of fate didn't sit well with him either.

Inukimi looked at him drolly. "My own Rite was decided by Akuru."

"I see. And…what did that entail, exactly?"

Her eyes grew downcast. "What Akuru reveals to us, we cannot speak of until it comes to pass."

Now this was sounding incredibly spiritual. Touga believed in heaven and hell. He had seen artifacts and weapons that used both divine and infernal power. In fact, he sought his own as he conquered Japan. Rumor told of a mighty sword called Sou'unga that had the power to open the gates to Hell and release an army of the dead. In his quest to conquer Japan, he sought such a weapon to aid him.

But what Inukimi spoke of sounded more like the words of human monks than a demon queen.

Inukimi sat back in her throne, staring at him. "You don't believe in Akuru, do you?" Her words were neither accusatory nor scathing; she simply stated it as a fact.

"Of course I believe in him—or rather, in what he was."

"He still exists, you know."

"Of course, of course," he answered in the tone of one who placates believers.

Inukimi rested her cheek upon her fist. "Then tell me, Touga: what did you have to do during your Rite?"

He was surprised they had never spoken about this before. But he grinned, excited that she wanted to know more about his past. "My father tasked me with eradicating an entire tribe of his political rivals. It was years before I came home, since I had to hone my skills even further to kill the leader of the tribe with only my teeth and claws."

"Well, that explains a lot," Inukimi answered with a smirk. Then it turned upside down. "I hope you didn't have any ideas about sending our boy to fight your battles for you. He is strong, but he is still a child and no match for Kirinmaru or the Panther King."

She's right. Children do not belong on the battlefield.

There was a time many years ago when he had thought otherwise. His own father had made him watch his battles from the sidelines many a time. Touga recalled those years as both mesmerizing and terrifying.

Even though he had learned so much about battle that way, he had come close to death more times than he cared to count.

So while he longed to show off his own battle prowess and military strategy to his son, he had never brought him to the warfront for that reason. Inukimi's words about how he endangered his own life still rang within his heart.

He might be reckless with his own life, but he would never be reckless with his son's. That was one tradition he would not continue.

"No. I thought Sesshoumaru's Rite should be more along the lines of giving him a quest. He will surely fight battles along the way, but as long as we pick the quest carefully, it should not be above his abilities."

"Akuru will decide his quest," Inukimi repeated.

Touga frowned. "Kimi—"

"That is the end of this discussion, Touga. If you wish to see your son off on his Rite, be here on the night of the next blood moon."

Touga bristled, ready to retort, but he pulled the words back into his throat. He knew by now how stubborn Inukimi was. He spun around and walked down the steps, preparing to leave.

Shouldn't I have a say in my own son's Rite? This is one of the most important moments of his life.

But as Touga flew back towards the battlefield, the cool wind filled his lungs, and the idyllic scenery below relaxed him. With a clearer head, he began to let go of his anger.

I forget sometimes that Inukimi comes from a noble family steeped in millennia of tradition. Not like mine. And Sesshoumaru is a part of that family as well. Maybe I need not worry after all. Surely she knows what she is doing if she and her ancestors went through the same Rites. Besides, he thought with a wry grin, that means less for me to plan. He already had his hands full with his war.

Let Inukimi handle Sesshoumaru's Rite. He trusted she would do what was best for their son. She might hide her affection for her husband, but Touga knew that, even if she didn't say it, she cherished their boy, and she would do everything in her power to protect him—even while testing him to his limits.

Touga stared at the giant contraption before him. How have I never seen this before?

He had been living at the palace for centuries now, but he had never seen this "windmill" before now. For such a vast piece of architecture, it was hidden away in the bowels of the stone foundation. Just how many other secrets did this palace hold?

The windmill was crafted of overlapping metal circles, but it looked like no windmill Touga had ever seen before. It stood still. How was it even supposed to turn when it was inside a building?

The court stood a respectful distance behind himself, Inukimi, and Sesshoumaru. This was so unlike his own Rite. His father had brought him to the edge of his rival's domain, given him his quest, and left him to figure out how to accomplish it on his own. There was no one to witness its beginning—only its end, when he brought back the heads of the defeated leaders and threw them at his father's feet in front of his generals.

Inukimi bent down and placed a hand on their son's back. "Go on now. Just like we practiced."

Sesshoumaru nodded, then looked up at Touga, his eyes all but pleading for reassurance. Touga smiled. He understood full well what the boy was feeling. The day he had been left at his father's enemy's doorstep, he too had feared what the future held for him—and if he'd be able to accomplish his task.

Touga placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it, and murmured, "Whatever your task, you will do it well, my son. I believe in you."

A smile flickered onto Sesshoumaru's lips before he took a deep breath and steadied himself. Then he strode forward and placed a hand on the wheel of the windmill.

"I, Sesshoumaru, son of the Storm and Moon Clans, beseech thee, Akuru, to guide me on my Rite of Courage and Cowardice."

With a strained grunt, Sesshoumaru shoved against the wheel. For a few seconds, nothing happened. But as Sesshoumaru continued to push, it slowly began to turn, creaking through the motions.

Suddenly, it seemed to take on a life of its own, and Sesshoumaru stepped back as the windmill whirled, blowing a gust of wind over the assembled peerage. Touga stared in awe as a white light blossomed inside the wheel, glimmering like a pearl.

And from that portal, the foreleg of a giant dog demon stepped out.

Touga couldn't keep his mouth from dropping open as the ferocious face of Akuru appeared before them, his markings just the same as those that had been painted and etched on artworks of their great ancestor. Touga knew what he was seeing, but she still couldn't believe it.

He had never thought Akuru still lived.

A tug on his pants leg made him look down, and his eyes widened in astonishment to find Inukimi kneeling on the ground, ready to bow. She nodded to the floor with an irritated look, and, in a daze, he followed her lead (and the rest of the court's), placing his forehead on the ground.

Touga waited for Akuru to speak, but the only sound in the room came from the spinning windmill. Curious, he peeked up.

Sesshoumaru stared up in silence at the god-like dog demon. Then, Akuru stepped aside, opening the way to the portal. Sesshoumaru stepped towards it. He hesitated at its entrance and looked back, meeting Touga's gaze.

Touga couldn't even give him a reassuring smile. He had no idea what was happening. Where is Akuru taking him?

Then Sesshoumaru turned back around and stepped into the portal, disappearing from view. Akuru followed.

"Wait!" Touga cried out, sitting up.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Even if he and Inukimi were going to leave Sesshoumaru to his own devices, they were supposed to know where he was. He was supposed to be able to watch his son from afar if he wanted to.

"Touga," Inukimi hissed.

But Touga ignored her, standing up and running for the windmill. Akuru must have heard him approaching, but he didn't acknowledge him, and his tail disappeared through the windmill.

In that second, Touga knew he was going to follow, no matter where the portal took him. He would not leave Sesshoumaru somewhere where he could not follow.

But as soon as he reached the portal, the light collapsed in on itself, winking out.

Touga came to a stop, staring at the windmill in dismay.

His son was gone. Sesshoumaru's scent still lingered on the air, but it stopped right there, as if he had just vanished from this world.

In the background, he vaguely registered the members of court leaving the room. In moments, the annex was quiet.

And then the footsteps of his wife clicked against the stone floor, echoing in the vast chamber like a death knell.

"What possessed you just now, Touga? You embarrassed me and Sesshoumaru in front of the entire court," she growled, her voice wavering from the thinnest restraint keeping her from lashing out.

"I embarrassed you? Kimi…did you know this would happen?" he asked, gesturing to the windmill.

"Of course. I told you I took the same Rite. I entered the Windmill of Time myself."

"Windmill…of Time?" He blinked at her, not comprehending. "Inukimi…where is Akuru taking our son?"

Her shoulders dropped a little, and a hint of pity found its way into the relaxing of her brows. "When is a better question. But even that I do not know, Touga. That is between Akuru and Sesshoumaru himself."

"And just how much time will this Rite take?"

"Time is of no consequence there. For us, it could be minutes or months. For Sesshoumaru, it could be days or centuries."

"W-What?" Touga gasped. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

She cocked her head. "You never asked."

All of the sudden, his blood boiled, and he roared, "You couldn't have just told me? How could you blindside me like this?!" Touga roared. "If I had known Sesshoumaru's Rite would take him somewhere we could not follow, I would never have agreed to this!"

Inukimi frowned. "Why does it matter whether or not we can follow him? He must complete his Rite on his own, without our interference. Or did you plan on helping him if he got into trouble?"

"I…." Touga swallowed, unsure of what to say. He knew the correct answer. He wasn't supposed to help. That was the demon way. But if my little boy was about to die, how could I sit back and watch that happen?

His heart rolled over in turmoil. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not supposed to feel this way about our son? Am I the only one who feels this way?

"A-Aren't you worried in the least?" he asked her, needing to know. "What if something happens to him? At least if he was still here, if he was hurt…we could do something for him. But now you've tied our hands!"

"Worrying does me no good. We were never going to help him, Touga. Did your father help you?"

"No, but…I know he was watching, at least. I could sense him there at times. He was still checking on me."

"Akuru will be with him. And should Sesshoumaru fail, Akuru will let us know."

"Damn Akuru!" Touga snapped, his vision going red. Inukimi's eyes widened. "Sesshoumaru isn't Akuru's son—he's ours."

"And that's precisely why you needn't be so upset, Touga. He is ours. Sesshoumaru will survive his ordeal. He inherited our strengths."

"Is strength all you care about?" Touga snarled. If Sesshoumaru dies…there's no replacing him!"

Inukimi's jaw tensed. "I am aware, Touga."

"But you don't care," he spat.

Inukimi slapped him, her claws leaving scratches across his cheek. His inner demon flared in fury, ready to retaliate—until her next words froze him.

"Think before you speak to me again," she answered, her usually placid tone vibrating with just the barest hint of anger. Then she spun on her heel and left.

Touga remained standing alone before the dead windmill, wondering if he truly knew his wife at all.

Touga did not leave the palace after that. Once more, he put his war on hold, waiting for Sesshoumaru's return. He did not want to be away, lest he miss any news about his son.

And so, when Sesshoumaru's scent suddenly appeared five years later, Touga ran to the Windmill's annex and threw open the doors. He paused on the threshold, his arms dropping to his sides in shock.

It had only been five years, and yet Sesshoumaru looked older somehow. It wasn't just that his hair had grown out from the short, child's bob he had worn or that he was a little taller. It was in his gaze and bearing. He stood like an adult now, tall, proud, and patient.

But his eyes were cool, calm, and calculating.

His mother's eyes.

There was no smile on his face when those eyes landed upon his father. Touga recalled the little boy who always ran into his arms whenever he returned from war.

There was no trace of that happy child now.

Touga shook off his shock, a smile flickering onto his lips as she propelled himself into the room. "Sesshoumaru, you've returned. Are you…are you well?"

"Yes, Father," Sesshoumaru answered in such a deep baritone that it brought Touga up short.

A breathy laugh escaped him. "My boy is truly all grown up now. Just look at you," Touga remarked, putting his hands on Sesshoumaru's broadened shoulders. What had once been a thin, bony frame was now taut with lean muscle. "Goodness, I hardly recognize you. What exactly did Akuru have you do in there?"

He meant the question to be playful, but if Sesshoumaru picked up on that, he ignored it. "I cannot reveal the secrets of time, Father. Surely Mother told you that."

"Ah, yes, of course," Touga answered, his hands dropping back to his side.

Is this really my Sesshoumaru? I don't recognize this boy.

He shook the thought out of his head.

No, no. He's just overcome his greatest ordeal to date. Perhaps he's just tired. I remember how it was to finally complete the Rite. Though I finally got to go home, I was exhausted and still on constant alert. I couldn't get used to the peace just yet.

"Come and take your rest, Sesshoumaru. Your mother will want to see you before—"

"Sesshoumaru."

Touga turned to find his wife standing in the doorway. Did he imagine the relief in her voice just then? Was that warmth in her eyes?

If there had been any inkling of her feelings, she masked them in the next moment. "You've returned. Congratulations."

Sesshoumaru nodded without even a thank you.

Inukimi smiled and held out her arm. "Come. We must plan a celebration for your homecoming."

Sesshoumaru wanted no pomp and circumstance, so the ceremony announcing his entrance into adulthood was simple, as far as courtly affairs went.

Sesshoumaru stood on the steps of the royal dais in the receiving room with Touga and Inukimi above him. His father proclaimed before the assembled nobility, "Sesshoumaru, son of the Storm and Moon clans, no longer are you a child. Now that you have returned to us and completed your Rite of Courage and Cowardice, you may take your place among the adults of our clan. You may grow out your hair in the adult fashion. You may wear armor and carry a weapon, as befitting your warrior status. You may take part in the affairs of the Western Province, as is your birthright. And you may now take a wife, to continue the lineage of your noble blood."

Inukimi then came forward and presented their gift to him: a set of armor fashioned by the great demon blacksmith, Totosai. Inukimi had also wished to give their son a sword, but Touga put his foot down there.

"A warrior must find his own sword. It is a part of him, and so it is his journey to seek it out," he told her. He was surprised when she acquiesced, but he was glad of it.

She tied the armor over her son's chest and hips and situated the spiked pauldrons on his shoulders, though his fur had grown so large, it completely covered the right one.

Afterwards, the court celebrated with feasting and the demons' favorite form of entertainment: a fighting tournament. While many members of court participated, they were all anxious to see Sesshoumaru's skills now that he had returned.

A female challenged Sesshoumaru to fight, and he accepted.

"Careful, Sesshoumaru—if she wins, she might just claim you as her husband!" Touga called out with a laugh, drunk on the revelry and the free-flowing blood.

"Tch," Sesshoumaru answered. "I have no interest in marriage."

"You say that now, son, but give it a few decades!"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. "I am not like you, Father." Then he walked into the arena.

What on earth did he mean by that? Touga wondered.

"My dear, I think our boy has reached that testy stage of pubescence," Touga said to his wife, who sat next to him, drawing circles around the rim of a goblet of blood.

"So it would seem. Speaking of marriage, Touga, now that Sesshoumaru is of age, I expect you will need to give him the talk."

Touga had just taken a sip of blood and choked on it, spewing it back into the cup. "I—the what?"

"You know exactly what," Inukimi answered as the duel began. Though she acted uninterested, her eyes followed every move their son made. "I've practically raised that child myself while you've been off making your wars. The least you can do is take on this parental duty."

Ouch, Touga thought, rubbing his heart where the arrow in her words struck. Alas…he couldn't refute it.

"I will leave the particulars of how to convey that information to you, though. What you choose to share is your prerogative, for I understand that it is…different for males. I only ask that you remind Sesshoumaru that he is a noble dog demon and that he should not sully himself on lesser creatures. Gods forbid there be consequences."

He was supposed to talk about sex with his son? How was he supposed to do that?

Touga's mind went numb as he started going over a million possibilities, just as if he were planning an invasion. What was the best way to bring this up? How should he start? How much should he share?

He was so wrapped up in his panic that he almost missed Sesshoumaru win the fight.

Inukimi applauded lightly as Sesshoumaru came to sit next to them again. "An excellent showing, my son. Truly, you have grown these last five years."

"Has it only been five?" Sesshoumaru asked.

That caught Touga's attention, and he looked up at his son. "Yes. Why? How long did it feel?"

Sesshoumaru's languid blink epitomized his answer. "I'm not sure. Decades. Centuries, perhaps."

Just what did Akuru do to you, my boy? Touga wanted to ask. But he knew he would not receive an answer.

When Sesshoumaru was called to fight again, Touga took the opportunity to voice aloud his worries.

"Kimi, is it just me, or has Sesshoumaru changed since he left?"

"It's to be expected. Powerful as we are, we are not gods. The secrets of time of often incomprehensible. Confusing. Frustrating. Sobering. You learn that no matter how much you fight against it, some things will never change. Others change with the slightest pivot. Eventually, there comes acceptance. But it takes time. Too much of it, perhaps."

Though she stated every word as a fact, there was a solemn cast to her eyes as she gazed out at the fighting ring.

Touga stared at his wife, seeing her in a new light just then.

Is this why she is the way she is? Did this Rite warp her personality as well?

His childhood memories were hazy—and truth be told, they were probably tinged with youthful nostalgia—but while he remembered a young Inukimi being obsessed with strength, he didn't recall her being so…aloof. Proud, yes. Vicious, of course. But he swore he remembered an openness about her, wherein she let the world know her thoughts and didn't care what it thought about her.

Maybe that was wishful thinking.

Or maybe his wife's Rite had been so traumatizing, it had been easier to give up all pretense of caring to keep her heart intact.

Had Sesshoumaru sacrificed a part of himself at the altar of Akuru as well?

As they watched the next set of fights unfold, Touga's heart sank deeper and deeper as more worries wrapped themselves around it.

My son is a completely different person now. I want to know what he's been through, but how do I breach that barrier? He's become as tight-lipped as his mother. Maybe more so. And I'm supposed to have a sex talk with him too? How can I possibly spend enough time with him to get him to open up when he doesn't even want to?

But as he watched the fights, it hit him. The answer was so simple!

Touga turned to Sesshoumaru, an excited smile unfurling. "Son, are you still interested in coming to the warfront with me?"

Inukimi cut her husband a glare, but Touga ignored it.

Sesshoumaru considered, and then nodded. "Yes, Father. I wish to see the territory you've amassed and how you have accomplished it."

"Amassing territory is not all there is to running a province, Sesshoumaru," his mother pointed out. "If you cannot manage it once you have it, it will only slip through your fingers once more. You would do well to stay and learn the skills of governing first."

"That's very true," Touga added, wanting to make sure his wife didn't feel slighted. "And I think both skills are essential to learn. Why, when your mother was pregnant with you and I had to fill in for her, I felt like I'd been tossed into the ocean without learning how to swim!" he laughed. He reached out and took her hand, which caused her to look down at their entwined fingers in curiosity. "But I don't want you to feel like you have to take on both sets of duties, son. There's no doubt that without your mother, none of this would be possible. In fact, I'd probably still be fighting in the southern islands, trying to keep hold of what I had taken. You can't run a kingdom and run a war at its helm at the same time. Not without help. So you should take this time to learn what your strengths and weaknesses are, and then you can find someone to balance those."

But I can already see your strength is in fighting, and I want you at my side on the battlefield.

Sesshoumaru regarded his parents. "Is that why you married Mother? Because you needed help?"

"Ha!" Inukimi barked. "He wanted land. And you make it sound as if your father made the decision all on his own, when in fact, it was I who allowed him to marry me."

"Yes, Mother. I can understand why you married Father. I only wished to understand why Father married you. So it was indeed for the land."

Inukimi's face darkened just a tad, and even Touga's heart constricted at the words. They didn't feel right at all.

"No, son. I admit, I approached her in the hopes that I could more easily gain land through marriage than war. But I admired your mother long before then. I mean, we were children when I pledged to marry her." He chuckled. "You know, if it weren't for her, I don't think I would have become nearly as powerful as I am today. Even as a young demon, she wanted only the strongest for herself, and so I strove to become that ideal."

"You didn't care that she wasn't as strong?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"What makes you think I'm not as strong as your father?" Inukimi asked, giving her son the stink eye.

Sesshoumaru didn't seem to notice—or at least, he didn't care. He really had turned into his mother during his Rite. He looked his mother over. "I rarely see you get off your throne. I cannot recall you ever fighting someone."

Touga cleared his throat. "Son, your mother is one of the strongest demons I know. I had to fight her to get her to even accept me. There were a couple times where I was even afraid she might win that battle."

"I don't believe it," Sesshoumaru answered.

"Do we have any other contenders?" a guardsman referee called from the arena just then.

Touga threw a look at his wife. "Inukimi, our son doubts your strength. What do you say we show him whence he inherited his power?"

Inukimi huffed, standing up and shedding her outer, fur-lined robe. "I suppose it has been a while since I partook of some decent exercise."

Touga hauled Inukimi into their room and slammed the doors shut. Last time he'd fought her, he'd gotten so aroused, he'd been ready to rut her right there in the open for all the court to see—but he'd had to reign himself in. This time, however, she was his lawful wife, and he could have her as he pleased.

But out of consideration for her refined sensibilities, he decided to take their amorous actions somewhere more private than the fighting ring.

He'd barely taken a step towards her when she pounced on him, latching her mouth onto his and shoving her tongue inside. His heart pounded in ecstasy and anticipation.

It seemed she desired him just as much.

She dragged him down onto their futon, yanking on the ties of his armor. When she had made short work of that, she tore off his kimono. Her hand slid over his arm, where a fresh scab had formed over a laceration her light whip left, and he winced. She pulled away and looked at his scarred body with mostly pity but a mixture of pride in there as well. "I roughed you up a bit, didn't I?" she asked, outlining cuts and bruises with the tip of her claws. The tingling sensations they left obliterated any remaining pain in the wounds.

"You are a goddess of war," he murmured, kissing her neck and then running his fangs along her jugular as it throbbed beneath his tongue. "As much as I'd love you on the battlefield beside me, I fear I'd become too distracted by you to actually stay focused on my fights."

"We can't have that now…." Suddenly, she pushed him so he landed flat on his back on the futon. She undid her obi, freeing her robes so she could straddle him. "Am I still a goddess now?"

Touga's eyes bled red. "More than ever."

She ground their pelvises together, and it took no time for his half-cocked member to jut up. She couldn't get him inside of her fast enough, and as she bounced up and down upon him, both of them writhing in a mix of bloodlust and pleasure, she raked her nails across his already-battered chest, seemingly unawares.

He didn't care. He adored every minute of the mixture of pleasure and pain.

Yes. This is the Kimi only I can see. I am the only one who makes her feel this way. So surely, she must feel something for me.

His wife looked down at him with blazing red eyes, her gaze proud and yet perhaps the most tender he had ever seen. He couldn't even describe that look, but his heart thudded with instinctual joy. He soon came within her, and a moment later, she followed as she finished herself off. She reached out and took a lock of his silver hair, twirling it in her fingers.

"I hope you don't think we're through, Touga. Tonight is a night of celebration. Our son has become an adult—a true demon to be reckoned with." Her fingers slipped out of his tresses, tracing down his chest and swirling over his heart. "I did well choosing you as my consort. You gave me a fine son and heir. I could not be more pleased."

Touga grinned, bucking against her, trying to stiffen up again. "Is this your way of asking me for another child, Kimi? Since we did so well the first time?"

She paused, a contemplative look flashing across her features. "…No, I don't think so. Though I have no doubt any other child of ours would become just as mighty, I am not ready to suffer through the weaknesses of pregnancy once again. Perhaps not ever."

Touga's heart faltered.

No, there's no need to feel that way. We already have a child. If she doesn't want any more, I can respect that. Sesshoumaru is enough.

He would have to be.

She reached out again and touched his cheek, her thumb tracing the jagged blue marking there. "You are disappointed."

He reached up and held her hand there, enjoying the rare feeling of it in so intimate a place. "No. How could I be, when you have already given me such a fine son?"

"You are a poor liar. Your face speaks volumes without your voice needing to," she answered.

He huffed and smiled wryly. "Very well. Perhaps a little bit. I admit that I miss having a little one running around."

Inukimi's brows puckered in thought. "It is possible my feelings will change in time. But for now…I would still reward you for siring such a splendid son. If not another child, perhaps there is something else I can give you that you want…?" She smirked and ground her hips against his again, making her meaning clear.

"Well, I can't say no to that," he answered as they began again.

They went at it over and over, and to Touga, it seemed as if Inukimi had never shown him more affection than in that night. He soaked up every caress and tender look she mixed in with the wild throes of passion. And as the night wore on, his determination and confidence grew.

Now was the time to ask her.

Inukimi was on her hands and knees, taking him from behind, and his demon already rumbled with primal satisfaction in this position. But as his gaze slid over the gentle curves of her back and the way her silver locks slid over it, her hair slipped over her shoulder, baring the crook of her pale, unmarked neck to him.

Take her.

He skimmed his lips across her shoulder, and when he found the fleshiest part, he opened his mouth, brushing his fangs across the skin. His demonic energy flared.

Inukimi stiffened beneath him and turned her head, moving her shoulder out of range of his teeth. "Touga, what exactly are you doing?"

He looked her in the eye, grasped her shoulder, and swallowed, forcing the words out of a mouth distorted by teeth that were too large for it.

"I…know what I want from you, Kimi."

She waited, not saying a word. So he finally asked.

"I want you…to be my mate."

Her eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

He had expected her hesitation, though he had hoped that in the haze of passion, her guard would be lowered. "I…want to share my everything with you. My feelings…and my life. I was hoping…you felt the same."

She twisted out from under him, and as his cock slipped free of her, it grew cold with foreboding. She turned her back to him as she sat on the futon, pulling her juban over her shoulders. "Mating is for fools in love."

"Is it?" he asked, sitting back and reaching out to slip some of that usually pristine hair off her neck. He pulled back the collar of her juban and kissed her nape; her hackles rose. "For fools, I mean."

"Why do you want this?" she asked. "Do you love me?"

Did he? She was his wife and the mother of his child. He admired her strength, wit, and confidence. He thought the way she tried to hide her emotions was cute, even though it irked him at times. But he enjoyed being the one demon who could bring more than her usual amused, placid smile to her face.

Are demons supposed to feel this way? Is there something wrong with me? Inukimi called him sentimental and foolish. Perhaps he was a fool of a demon.

And yet, he had no regrets for his feelings, because they had led him to this life with her.

"Yes, Kimi. I do love you."

She turned around then, staring into his eyes as if to read the truth of his words there. Her heart thudded loudly in his ears, out of time with his, though just as fast, and she stared at him with an expression he couldn't identify.

Was she…frightened?

He hadn't seen that look on her face since the incident with Kirinmaru. Not even in the times he had been on death's door or when Akuru had taken Sesshoumaru.

"You don't have to answer me now," he forced out, though his heart sank with the words. "Think on it. Let me know when you're ready."

Because he felt sure that someday, she would be ready. Her feelings for him had manifested in action tonight. Perhaps she was not ready to acknowledge them yet, but he could wait.

Even so, he was now quite deflated now in body and ego, so he slipped the covers over them and lay down next to her. Whether she would sleep or not, he didn't know, but he wanted some rest after their battle and their wild night.

As he was drifting off to sleep, he heard his wife ask in a whisper, "What if I'm never ready?"

He was too tired to consider the weight of that question.

AN: I know this chapter took a toll on the emotions. Things will lighten up next time—I promise! On that note though, alas, there will be no update next Monday. My sense of time will be way off, my access to WiFi will be spotty…but it's all good because I'm going to be on a Hawaiian cruise~ (～￣▽￣)～ Look for an update on Aug. 28!