Roman hates Thanksgiving. This one feels especially painful, with Logan's new wife there. She's sitting next to their dad, with Tom and Shiv on the other side. Roman is opposite Shiv, next to Kendall, Rava and Connor.
The stress of the forced family occasion makes Roman want to act out. After one dirty joke too many, Kendall says, "Cut the shit, Rome. You can talk the talk, but we all know you're a pathetic little virgin." Shiv laughs.
These words sting, and they're only technically true. "Yeah well, you can fuck your wife all you want, but you can't impregnate her, can you? Maybe I should do it, at least the kid might look a bit like you."
There's a deathly silence at these words, then Rava says calmly, "Thank you for that, Roman." She gets up and throws her napkin down, leaving the table.
Roman doesn't even have time to feel guilty before Kendall hisses, "The fuck did you say that for?"
"What? It's okay for you guys to diss my sex life but I can't mention your slow swimmers?"
"Roman, that's enough," says Connor warningly. Everyone is looking at him like he's the bad guy, so fine, he'll be the bad guy.
"Oh come on. Rava will be fine. I'll go check on her, shall I? Maybe we can start the babymaking right now."
"I'm warning you, you little shit," Kendall growls. "Talk like that about my wife again…"
"What are you gonna do, huh? Lock me in a cage? Tell me I'm a bad dog?"
"That's enough, son." Logan finally speaks.
"He started it," says Roman. Kendall gets up and grabs him by the shirt. "Come on, hit me!" Shiv and Connor are looking worried; Tom and Marcia, the two interlopers, look fascinated.
"Sit the fuck down," Logan growls. Roman basks in his father defending him from Kendall. "You're embarrassing me."
Kendall slowly releases Roman and sits back down. They continue to eat in silence and Rava returns a few minutes later, rejoining the table and smiling at Kendall like nothing happened.
Despite not getting the punch to the jaw he wanted, this will go down as one of Roman's better Thanksgivings. "My, this turkey is delicious."