Notes: Prepare for some angst and drama...

I hope you enjoy it! 💗

Previously: Armin's first time trying anal sex with Levi and Erwin goes wrong when he's triggered by something from his past. He accepts their offer of a bath, hoping it will help him relax...

Chapter 15: A Change of Heart?

Armin

Armin sought comfort in the soothing, steamy water of the bath. But Levi's words reverberated around his head like an endless echo.

"… By the time we're done with you, you'll be nothing but a pitiful, whimpering mess."

The words had propelled him right back to what Floch said at the graduation party last year.

"… you're a pathetic weakling that everyone pities! Your friends despise you for being so fucking useless all the time. And you'll never change, you'll always be worthless and a burden on everyone else…"

Pitiful.

Pathetic.

Useless.

Yes. That all sounded accurate right about now.

Armin pulled his knees up towards his chest, wrapping his arms around them. The gentle lap of water was the only sound in the pristine bathroom.

Having a bath was a luxury – an indulgence few soldiers ever got to enjoy. Any other time Armin would be ecstatic over the experience. But right now, guilt jabbed at him like dozens of tiny blades. His little emotional episode had forced Levi and Erwin to bend the rules of their arrangement.

He'd ruined everything tonight.

Sure, he believed Erwin's reassurances that sex was complicated, and sometimes it triggered confusing emotions. It happened to everyone. It was nothing to be ashamed of.

That's all well and good in a normal relationship, Armin thought bitterly. But not for an arrangement like this.

He'd filled his head with foolish hopes and dreams for tonight, determined for his first attempt at anal sex to go well. He even felt brave enough to ask Levi to pin his hands down – something he'd enjoyed during his old encounters with Jean, before the act had been tainted by the incident with Floch.

Armin had loved it at first. He felt secure in the knowledge that the whole thing was a game, and Levi would stop at a moment's notice. It was just like one of his fantasies; with the powerful Captain asserting his dominance over him, and the calmly confident Commander taking control of his pleasure.

He was vulnerable, yes. But it was a delicious sort of vulnerability. He trusted these men; he was safe in their expert hands.

Until Levi spoke those ill-chosen words.

For a crushing moment, it was as though they could see right through Armin's valiant act – to the fragile, pitiful boy underneath.

His passion had vanished like a snuffed candle. The newfound confidence he'd forged with these men shattered like a glass flung against the floor.

He appreciated how they stopped immediately to check on him. But their gentle concern unravelled something inside of him. All of a sudden, his turbulent emotions crashed over him like a tide, refusing to be contained.

Then the tears had come – a confirmation of his weakness.

Having Levi and Erwin see him reduced to a snivelling mess was the worst part of all. They were unfailingly kind, with Erwin holding and soothing him, and Levi offering him this bath. But both were skilled at veiling their true feelings. And Armin had just thrown their whole carefully organised threesome into disarray.

Does Levi resent me for letting Erwin comfort me? Is he mad at Erwin too? Maybe I should have insisted on leaving as soon as I got upset… How do they view me now after my pathetic display?

Armin stretched out his legs, sliding deeper into the enormous bath. The surface of the water shimmered with an oily sheen in the candlelight. Whatever product Levi had used, it smelt heavenly.

His eyes snagged on a delicate, floral-patterned teacup sitting on the sink. He'd completely forgotten about it - Levi left it there for him earlier. He reached out for the cup and took a sip. Chamomile, with a hint of sweetness. Had Levi added a spoon of honey? He'd never done that before.

The taste was reminiscent of the current state of his relationship with Levi and Erwin – pleasant sweetness masking bitter undertones.

Everything would come to an end now.

This threesome was supposed to be fun for the couple, not about babysitting a hysterical soldier. He really couldn't blame them for ending things. No doubt they were debating how to break the news to him right now.

Floch was right – I'm still a pathetic weakling. A burden to everyone – Eren, Mikasa, and all my other friends. And now Levi and Erwin too. Is this my life, to always drag others down? Never to succeed in becoming a stronger person?

Armin's eyes burned again. He didn't bother swiping away the tears this time. Nobody was here to judge him, after all.

He'd tried making a new life for himself after graduation. But the ache of the old memories just kept returning to taunt him, no matter what he did. His conversation with Floch earlier had been like ripping open a healing wound. The helplessness and humiliation of his cadet years came rushing back to greet him. It was a shock to realise Floch still had the power to put him right back in that place if he wanted.

The new life he'd constructed now seemed full of cracks. Was his friends' happiness over his new job simply relief, that they didn't have to watch him struggle as a soldier anymore? Were Eren and Mikasa delighted to have more free time away from him?

The comfort he usually took in his job withered away like a dying flower. How could he face working in the library anymore, knowing Floch might approach him again? Could he live with that agony each day, waiting and bracing himself for the worst?

Is this my life now – living in fear of Floch Forster? I can't keep expecting Eren and Mikasa to save me from him… Should I just confront him myself?

The thought sent a shiver of dread through him, despite the hot water.

Right now he had a more pressing matter to tackle – how to deal with Levi and Erwin when he eventually got out of this bath. They'd want to talk again about what had happened. Armin didn't know how to explain why he'd gotten so irrationally upset, or if they'd even understand. The idea of Humanity's Strongest Soldier or Commander Erwin Smith displaying such weakness was preposterous.

Then again, Mikasa was the one of the toughest people Armin knew. But last year she'd been very shaken when Lady Azumabito visited Paradis, and revealed their family connections. The encounter trudged up memories of her mother and all the stories she told about their ancestors and history. Mikasa knew what meeting a member from her clan would have meant to her mother. The knowledge twisted what should have been a joyous occasion into something bittersweet.

Armin had been proud of Mikasa for sharing her pain and confusion with her friends, and not being afraid to cry in front of them. She'd asked Eren and Armin to attend her meetings with Lady Azumabito for their support.

Am I being too harsh on myself over what happened earlier? Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion…

On impulse, Armin drew a deep breath, closed his eyes, and sank below the surface of the water. The heat enveloped him like a comforting blanket on a cold night; like a friend's tender embrace. All too soon, he had to lift his head above the surface, and return back to reality.

The sweet fragrance of the water saturated his senses all over again. He'd never smelt anything like it before. It was perhaps a little similar to Mikasa's floral perfume? But entirely different to Levi's usual citrus scent, and Erwin's subtle cologne.

A smile tugged at his lips, as recent encounters with his Captain and Commander skipped through his mind. They'd truly helped him discover a different side to himself these last few weeks.

Am I really going to let myself fall apart over one stupid incident?

He might not be as tough as Mikasa, or Levi, or Erwin. But he sure as hell could behave like a mature adult, and explain himself to the men outside who'd been nothing but considerate and respectful to him.

This whole arrangement is temporary anyway. If it ends sooner because of this, then so be it.

Resolve flared up in him. He could face whatever happened, and accept it with dignity. No more tears. No more pointless regrets.

I won't let Floch win so easily… I can still become someone I'm proud of.

Armin pulled the plug out of the drain. The water slowly receded, and he leaned over the side to grab the towel Levi had left out for him. A part of him wished he could stay sheltered in this cosy, tranquil bath for just a bit longer.

But like so many other good things in life, it couldn't last forever.

Erwin

"Do you think I should check on him?" Levi sat folded in on himself, with both his arms and legs crossed. His fingers twitched spasmodically, picking at the fabric of his shirt.

Erwin didn't know for certain what the right thing to do was. He hardly ever did. But everyone always looked to him for answers. He was accustomed to taking charge of messy situations no one else wanted to deal with.

Although never one exactly like this before…

"I think it's best to give Armin some space for now," he replied gently.

He refilled both his and Levi's cups, mostly just to do something to distract from the endless waiting. Levi had scarcely touched his chamomile tea. He'd brewed up a pot an hour ago, while waiting for Armin's bath to run. Now the liquid was lukewarm.

Erwin pressed the cup into his partner's hands. "Stop punishing yourself Levi. You made a mistake; he said he doesn't blame you. I think other things in his life might have affected his behaviour tonight."

Earlier, during their pre-bedroom chat, when Erwin asked Armin about his day, he'd given a vague answer and changed the subject. Usually he loved discussing his library job with Erwin. Had something happened at work today? Or was it to do with his friends? There seemed to be some awkwardness there ever since Eren and Mikasa started going out…

And what did Armin mean when he'd said Levi's words reminded him of something? What exactly was he referring to?

It's not any of our business, Erwin reminded himself sharply. We shouldn't be getting too involved in his personal life. We're not his friends, remember?

But that wasn't entirely true anymore. While in theory this whole threesome was purely about sex, in reality the lines had grown far more blurry.

Yes, they'd established boundaries. They only met Armin once a week, and while they treated him with respect and did everything within reason to please him, he wasn't a proper part of their relationship. He and Levi never socialised with him casually outside of the pre-arranged meetings, and he was not allowed to stay the whole night with them. There was also limitations in the sexual activities they partook in.

They'd put these 'rules' in place to safeguard everyone from getting too attached to this arrangement. So how in Walls' name was Erwin supposed to deal with Armin's emotional distress, without overstepping his role as temporary lover?

Erwin took a gulp of tea. A migraine scratched at his temples – something that visited him more frequently these past few months. Being a Commander during these newfound peace times was incredibly satisfying, but also a constant challenge. His days were filled from dawn to dusk with meetings and diplomatic tasks. Not to mention the unending mountain of paperwork and correspondence that piled up on his desk.

It's exhausting being the strong, dependable leader everyone expects me to be. What I wouldn't give for a break from it from time to time…

He swirled the dregs of his tea. It was impossible to admit defeat. He wanted this role for so long, and more importantly, knew that few others in the Survey Corps possessed his range of skills for leadership. There was no question of showing weakness. The only choice was to keep pushing forward, no matter what.

Levi put down his still full teacup on the table, forgetting to use a coaster. He raked his fingers through his dark hair.

"Come here darling," Erwin said, mustering reassurance into his voice. He enveloped the Captain into a warm embrace, pressing the smaller man close against his chest.

Erwin had messed up earlier - by accidentally calling Armin 'darling', the endearment he only used for his partner.

The situation felt so similar to my early days with Levi. How many mishaps did we have over sex at the start? The word just slipped out of my mouth when I saw Armin so distressed.

Levi released a shaky exhale, before sinking into the refuge of his partner's arms.

"Do you think he wants to end things?" he asked, voice muffled against Erwin's shirt.

Erwin swallowed, for once lost for words. How bad were things with Armin? Was this something they could move past?

Despite his assurances to Levi earlier that the situation wasn't anybody's fault, Erwin's heart twisted with guilt. If only I'd been thinking more clearly, perhaps I could have done something to prevent this?

He forced himself to reply in a steady tone, "Our priority right now is Armin's welfare. If he decides to break things off with us… well, we knew it'd end eventually."

"Of course." Levi's words were flat. Like he was bracing himself to fight titans, not breaking up with a man they were only having a fling with. "It's just... fuck. I'll miss him. Not just the sex. It's been nice having him around, you know?"

Erwin's chest tightened. And not just with the weight of Levi's head resting against it.

No. This was more like he was about to lose something very important to him, and his body was preparing himself for the unpleasant shock of it.

It was impossible for this threesome to continue forever. A relationship like that could never work. The idea was preposterous. Not to mention risky – Levi was his top priority, and Erwin wouldn't gamble on their love.

And yet… Levi was right. Armin had become more to them than just a convenient way to spice up their sex lives. Take their pre-bedroom routine with him, for example. There had been no reason for them to continue this beyond the first few encounters. They were all far more comfortable with each other now, and Armin would probably be fine to head into the bedroom straight away when he arrived.

But somehow they kept repeating the same ritual week after week, serving him tea and taking the time to chat and swap stories about their lives. Why was that?

Because we value Armin's company for its own sake. Even when sex is taken out of the equation.

When this threesome ended, they'd no longer hear Armin's animated updates on his work in the library, or the antics he got up to with his friends. They'd no longer have someone they could be completely themselves with, without worrying about concealing their relationship or being judged. They would be losing something that had become even more important to them than sex – Armin's platonic companionship.

His thoughts shattered when the bathroom door creaked opened. A few moments later, Armin's light footsteps padded down the hall.

"If you want something more comfortable to wear, I left clothes on the bed," Levi called out, words tumbling together.

"…Oh! Um, thanks," Armin said, and they heard him move towards the bedroom.

Levi pulled out of Erwin's grasp and sat perched on the edge of the couch, like a bird ready to take flight. Erwin placed a hand on his knee. His partner's concern for Armin was touching.

He might be Humanity's Strongest Soldier. But his strength goes far beyond just the physical aspects.

Soon Armin emerged into the sitting room, face flushed from his bath. A rich, sweet scent hung in the air. With an affectionate pang, Erwin realised that Levi had prepared the bath using his favourite jasmine oil. Armin was also dressed in the casual clothes Levi had laid out – loose grey trousers and a long-sleeved top. Erwin's heart did a little skip, as it always did seeing the man dressed in his partner's clothes.

Levi sprang to his feet. Grabbing the teapot on the table, he poured out an extra cup. He walked briskly to Armin and handed it to him.

"Sorry it's almost cold by now. I can make a fresh pot if you like?"

"Oh no, don't bother. Thank you." Armin's voice sounded frazzled as he accepted the cup. After a brief hesitation, he sat down on an armchair opposite the other two men. His usual spot whenever he came over.

Erwin opened his mouth to make some trivial small-talk to ease the tension. But Armin spoke first, leaning forward in his seat, hands resting on his knees.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. Neither of you signed up to deal with that in this arrangement."

"You don't need to apologise Armin. It's not your fault." Erwin badly wanted to move closer to Armin, but perhaps some space was best for now.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Levi said, twisting the cuff of his sleeve. "You mentioned earlier that you were reminded of something else. Do you want to talk about that?"

"Only if you're comfortable telling us," Erwin added quickly. If the man had some sort of trauma in his past, it was up to him to determine what to share with them. Levi and Erwin needed to respect his decision. "But if it's something that's bothering you, I would recommend talking to someone you trust about it. Like Eren and Mikasa."

"They already know most of it." Armin stared down at his teacup. He raised it to his lips and took a large gulp. Then he placed the cup on the table, clasped his hands on his lap, and lifted his gaze to meet theirs with a steady look.

"I don't mind telling you the basics. Just so you're not assuming the worst or anything." He hesitated for a beat, brow furrowed, before continuing.

"Last year, I had an incident with another soldier in my Cadet Corps. I was used to him mocking me during our training over the years, making remarks about my ineptitude. But this time he physically confronted me. He'd just found out he hadn't made it into the Military Police, so I think that's what prompted his attack."

Armin dropped his gaze, fixing it on his twisting clasped hands. "I don't know, maybe 'attack' is too strong a word? It wasn't sexual either, in case you're wondering. He… he just grabbed my wrists so I couldn't leave and started shouting insults at me. Calling me stuff like pathetic and useless." His voice wavered, mouth set in a grimace. After a deep breath, he looked back up at the other two men. "Levi's words earlier reminded me of what he said."

Erwin's fists curled at his sides. The bastard! Lashing out at someone weaker than you is despicable behaviour for anyone, let alone a trained soldier.

"What happened? Did he do anything else?" he asked with trepidation.

"No, thankfully Mikasa and Eren found me and took care of Fl-" Armin winced and corrected himself quickly, "Took care of him."

"It was Floch fucking Forster, right?" Levi asked through gritted teeth. "I heard about Mikasa punching him in the face last year. Was that because of this?" His fingers spasmed, as if searching for the grip of his blades. "I'll kill the bastard."

The exasperated expression on Armin's face would have been comical in any other situation. He opened and closed his mouth several times. Finally, his features tightening, he said, "It's over now Levi. Please don't get involved."

"Has he done anything to you since that attack?" Erwin asked.

To hell with not getting involved in Armin's personal life. If Forster is still hassling him, I'll put a stop to it.

"Oh no, everything's fine!" Armin said with a self-depreciating smile. "Look, what he said upset me. And I was really scared at the time that he was going to hurt me. But now I'm just trying to get over the whole thing."

"Fuck, is that why you get uncomfortable being held down sometimes?" Erwin had rarely heard Levi's voice so raw when talking to someone that wasn't him. "Did you feel pressured to ask me for that earlier, because you thought I'd like it or something?"

"What? No, I really did want to try it out! I used to enjoy it when I was with Jean. But that was before the whole incident with Floch…" Armin exhaled, the noise full of frustration. "Anyway, it was all going fine, until the thing you said. Which was completely not your fault Levi. How were you to know?"

Armin took a gulp of tea before continuing. "I'd set my hopes far too high for tonight. When it started going wrong, it made me feel even worse." He stared into the contents of his teacup. "I really enjoyed our time together these past few weeks. You've been so patient and kind about everything. But I understand if you'd prefer to ends things now."

Disbelief knocked into Erwin like he'd just fallen from a horse into solid ground. He'd been expecting Armin to be the one wanting to break off their arrangement.

He shared a look with Levi, who wasn't hiding his surprise. Erwin leaned close to his partner and murmured, "From what you said earlier, I take it you don't want to end things yet?"

The Captain shook his head, mouth set in a hard line. "No. Not yet."

"Alright." Erwin kissed the top of his head. He fought to stop the grin threatening to consume his face.

Get a hold of yourself! You should ask how Armin feels about it too. Make sure he doesn't feel any pressure.

He pulled back and faced Armin, who was watching with a little frown. Erwin raised his voice to a normal level. "We'd like to continue things, but how do you feel about it?"

Armin's smile spread over his face like the sun appearing on a cloudy day. He visibly tried to restrain his relief. "Oh, well… I'd like to keep going if you both do too." He bit his lower lip. "Although I don't know if I'm comfortable trying anal sex again for a while… Is that a problem?"

"Even if you never feel like doing it again with us, that's fine," Levi said. Their talk with Armin had finally loosened the tension in his body. He casually sprawled his arm over the back of the couch behind Erwin. "It's not some sort of sexual milestone that you're obligated to reach. Erwin and I didn't rush into it at the start either."

Erwin wasn't expecting this admission from his partner. Usually he kept details about their early relationship private from Armin. But his words evidently soothed the young man, who relaxed his shoulders and took another sip from his teacup.

They chatted about trivial things for another while, before Armin said he was tired and needed to go to bed.

"Are we meeting again next week?" the librarian asked at the door, a mischievous edge to his voice.

Excitement bubbled inside Erwin at the man's eagerness. Before replying, he glanced at Levi, who nodded his assent. "Yes, we'd like that. But tonight was a reminder of how important communication is. We appreciate you opening up to us, and ask that you continue to be honest if we ever do anything that upsets you."

Armin's featured sobered, and he nodded earnestly at his Commander.

Levi snorted. "You're so serious. Come here Arlert." He made as if to wrap his arms around him, but suddenly hesitated. "Sorry, is it ok if I-"

Armin didn't even reply. He stepped forward into the embrace and pulled Levi tight. The Captain's face broke into a startled grin.

Affection for both men swelled to fill every part of Erwin. Despite Armin's insistence that he didn't blame Levi for what happened earlier, he'd worried that the lingering memory might taint their interactions.

Erwin stepped forward and enveloped his arms around the two smaller men. Levi squirmed good-naturedly and made a snarky comment, but Armin melted under the arms of both men.

A stray thought prickled at Erwin's consciousness, made even sharper by his joy of the present moment.

What will Levi and I do when this all ends?

Notes: What did you think of the resolution to the little disaster from the last chapter? Are you relieved the threesome isn't ending (yet!)? What do you think of Erwin's realisation of how much Armin means to them, aside from the sex? Are you still enjoying the dynamics between the trio?

Next chapter we'll get some developments for the threesome relationship. There's some kinky smut scenes coming up after that…

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