AN: Appreciate the support for this story, enjoy and see you Wednesday.
The morning announcements went off, waking me, and I look around my room for Eric, feeling a slight pang of disappointment that he's gone. I try to flex my sore hands, but I wince when I straighten my most swollen knuckle, realizing he was right about it possibly being broken.
I try to clear my mind during my shower time and as the warm water rushes over me I allow myself time to be lost in my thoughts. All I can think about is the fact that Tobias is alive, and that he's not made any effort at all to reach me.
As I'm pulling my clean scrubs over my damp body, I realize in order to get more phone time, I'm going to have to do the one thing I dread.
I'll need to talk to Myron.
I'm appreciative of the warm mug of coffee, and I wrap my cold hands around it as I take small sips.
"Thank you." I tell Myron as he sits across from me with his own mug.
"It's better than the shit they serve out there." He nods towards the door and grins at me, "I heard they had to escort Mr. Benton from your room very early this morning."
I then realize that he came back, even with my poor reaction to him yesterday.
I can feel my face flush, "We weren't... it wasn't..."
"I know," He waves me off, "You two were fast asleep and fully dressed. I told them I had no issues with your friendship with him, and that you should he left alone."
I raise my eyebrows at him, "Really?"
"Really. As much as I'd like for you to feel comfortable enough to talk to me, I'm still okay if you find someone else to talk to, as long as you're not hurting each other."
"That's actually really decent of you, Myron."
"Contrary to what you may believe, I'm on your side here. I'm hoping that one day you'll believe me." He retorts.
"I'm getting closer." I reply.
"I know you are." He smiles.
"Can I ask you a question?"
He nods his head as he pulls his mug away from his lips, "Of course."
"Are we in Chicago?"
I'm surprised when he easily answers me.
He shakes his head, "Chicago is still a bit unstable. We're about a hundred miles outside, we reached an agreement to take some of the injured from your city, also some of the vulnerable."
"The crazy people like me?" I hedge and he shakes his head.
"You're not crazy, you're vulnerable. You went through an extremely traumatic experience, and you're not even nineteen years old." He replies.
"I signed up for the possibility when I transferred to Dauntless."
"You signed up to protect your city from outside forces, just like some of our citizens do here in Milwaukee. You didn't sign up for a genocide within the walls you've been told your entire life was to keep you safe." He retorts, "I lived in your city before, I was raised in Erudite, and I can assure you that war was a long time coming."
That gets my attention, "Is that why you left?"
"That's enough about me for now, it's time for me to pick your brain for a bit," He smiles at me and I fight a smile back, "What about you, Tris? What brought you to Dauntless?"
I feel my hackles go up and my body is slightly shaking. Myron looks at me with his kind chocolate eyes, and there's a small part of me that wants to trust him.
I just don't know that I can trust anyone.
"I... I can't. Not yet. I just..." I say through tears.
"That's okay, Tris. Even if you don't see it, this is great progress." He says gently.
I cry harder and he passes me a box of tissues, and I grab some and clutch them to my face.
"How can you possibly call this progress?" I choke out.
"You didn't throw anything at me for one," He says and I can't help but let out a wet chuckle, "I haven't had to end the session early by calling security. I'll take that."
"Okay." I agree.
Eric doesn't coddle me, and he gives me space as we eat our breakfast in silence, even though I can feel his eyes on me. I know I look a mess, with my bruised and cracked knuckles and my swollen eyes.
"I'm sorry for the way I reacted." I say without looking at him.
"It's okay. I shouldn't have done that." He replies and I finally glance up at him.
"What were you going to do?" I ask.
"It doesn't matter." He shrugs.
"Did you get in trouble for being in my room after hours?" I ask, changing the awkward subject.
He shakes his head, "No. But when they came in this morning as a post-serum check up and found me there sleeping they did ask me to leave. No issues."
"Good. Myron said he basically gave instructions to leave us alone."
"Myron?" He asks me.
"My therapist."
He chuckles, "Well okay then."
"I'm surprised you came back." I admit and his silver eyes meet mine.
"I like being with you. However, if you want me to stop I will."
"I'm okay with it." I reply.
"You'll tell me if you're not, right?" He asks and I nod.
We end up depositing our trays and he follows me back to my room, where the two of us sit on my bed quietly. The silence isn't awkward at all, but when he does break it I am surprised by what he says.
"I want you to tell me who I was, even if you don't think I want to hear it."
I look over at him, "I already told you that your name is Eric."
"I don't want to just know my name, I want to know who I was. You said we weren't friends before, why?" He asks.
"Do you think this is a good idea?"
"They've fucked with my memories, and apparently altered my appearance based on the things you've said and done since meeting me. I want to know. You're the only one who can tell me. Why weren't we friends?" He presses.
"Because we didn't get along."
"Why didn't we get along?" He asks.
"Eric, this is dangerous-"
"You are the only person in this place who's been even remotely honest with me. Please." He pleads.
I adjust so I am facing him and he turns towards me, "We weren't friends because you weren't very nice to me, or to anyone that I saw really."
"Why?" He presses.
"I don't know. I didn't know you very well."
"But you did know me. How?"
"I already told you that you were one of the instructors for my initiation training." I reply.
"So we couldn't necessarily be friends?" He asks.
I shake my head, "It was frowned upon but not prohibited."
"Who were the other instructors? Was I friends with them?" He asks.
"A woman named Lauren and a man named Zeke helped the Dauntless born initiates. You seemed to tolerate them."
"Who helped me with your class?" He asks me.
"Four." I whisper.
"Four? Like a number?" He asks and I nod, "What kind of stupid name is that?"
"Get out!" I shout and I scramble off the bed away from him.
"What did I do?" He asks, stunned and I push him towards my closed door, "Tris-"
"No!" I sob and I feel his arms wrap around me. I am blinded by tears and rage, and I struggle against him but he doesn't let me go. I feel myself slipping and he holds me tighter and slides to the ground with me somehow on his lap as I wail against his shoulder.
I don't know how long it takes for me to open my eyes. I don't remember falling asleep, and I certainly don't remember getting into my bed but with Eric's large frame next to me I assume it was him who did it.
"Hey." He says and I blink away the sleep from my eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't. I pushed you too hard again." He replies and I see the slight redness and swelling of his jaw.
"Did I hit you?" I ask.
"It's okay, I can take it." He replies.
"I'm so sorry. I'm fucked up, Eric. You would be better off to distance yourself."
"I'll be the judge of that. Who's Four?" He asks me and I stiffen again. He doesn't move, except for one of his hands that continues to trail up and down my back.
"I can't."
"You can. If you can just get that one part out, the rest will be easier. Try." He says softly, "Did you meet him in Dauntless?"
"No." I whisper.
"So it was the place you grew up?" He asks.
"Yes. Abnegation."
"You knew him your whole life?" He asks and I nod, "Did you transfer to Dauntless together?"
"No."
"Not the same age?"
I shake my head again, "He's two years older than me, like you."
"You never did tell me how you know how old I am."
"You two were in the same initiation class. And to answer your question, no you weren't friends." I reply and that seems to appease him.
His hand never stops moving and I try to concentrate on that. Up, down, sometimes with just fingertips, sometimes his entire warm palm.
"Did you love him?" He asks.
"I did at one time." My voice cracks.
"Did he hurt you?" He asks and I feel the tears seeping out of my eyes. I nod my head against him, "Did he die in the war?"
"I thought he did."
"Is he the friend who called?" He asks and I shake my head.
"No. But my friend said his name, talked about him like nothing had happened. He's not dead."
"What led you to believe he was dead?" He asks.
"The day of the war he was shot in front of me. I thought...I mean... he never came back... and I spent weeks in Dauntless without him...it was my fault, everything was my fault and he died and he never even wanted to be there..." I'm full on sobbing now and Eric just holds me against him and listens, "He was dead, and my parents, my brother, Will... they're all dead and it's my fault. I didn't stop it in time. I couldn't," I choke out and Eric just lets me cry, "It's all my fault."
"Even if any of that were remotely true, you're still going to need to find a way to forgive yourself, or else you'll never make it out of this place alive." He finally says and I just close my eyes and wish for darkness to come.
I wake up alone again. The room is darker, and I can tell it's much later in the day. I head down to the bathroom and wash my face, scrubbing at the dry paths the tears left behind. I walk around and look for Eric, foolishly believing after todays emotional breakdown he'd actually still be around.
I see him in the phone bank and when the orderly asks me if I'm there to make a call I hand my badge over to be scanned and the shake of a head and frown tell me that I won't be making any calls today.
Eric is walking out as I'm handed my badge and he stops and takes a good look at me, "Hungry?"
I'm surprised at the normalcy, "Yeah."
"Dinner will start in a few minutes, let's go before the good shit is gone." He smirks at me and I shake my head and suppress a smile, "The best food is when you first get there. I think they're having burgers tonight."
Once we're seated with our dinner I realize that he was right, the burger is delicious even without condiments and it reminds me so much of Dauntless that I could almost start crying again.
"I have something to tell you." He says as we're eating, "I don't want you to be mad."
"Why would I be mad?" I ask and he pulls a wrinkled note from his pocket and smooths it out.
It's Uriah's phone number.
"I get a lot of phone time now, but have no one to use it on. So, I called your friend thinking I could help get you some answers." He says carefully.
"Eric-"I hiss and he grabs my hand across the table.
"Let me finish, please?" He asks and I nod, "It went well. I told him that you and I were friends, and we were looking out for each other in here. I explained we have a lot of questions and hoped he could answer them. He's planning on coming out here once he's discharged. He could tell from your last conversation something was wrong and he's worried."
"What did you tell him?" I ask.
"That you had no idea this Four person was alive. He said that he gathered as much from your reaction, and from how weird that guy was being now that he knows that you and Uriah have talked. He said he'll be here very soon, I already gave him the information on how to apply for a visitors pass."
"Eric... why? Why would you help me?" I ask.
"You're the only friend I've got." He shrugs, "And you deserve answers."
"We deserve answers," I squeeze his hand and he smiles again.