Chapter 1

Love Me, Lights Out

Marriage is the material and immaterial union of two people. If it's a marriage born of love with your soul-mate, then it's even more. That kind of marriage is a union of two halves of a spiritual whole, and it's the solidification of your completion in the face of society, a completion of a void felt or unfelt that has existed for each person's entire life.

The ceremony is superfluous. What matters is the meaning of marriage itself, the exchanging of the vows, and that you're formally promising yourself to another person until death.

Only when she said the words did Bonnie understand the weight of that promise.

The younger version of herself had romanticized the idea of marriage. Like most other girls, she'd simply hoped to marry the love of her life, build a family, and have a house with a picket fence. But when she grew older and more jaded, she began to doubt she would ever have the opportunity. Between the supernatural crisis that constantly occurred and dying more than once, she had thought her time on earth was limited. In those days, she didn't dwell too hard on marriage, only wistfully thinking that it would be nice if she one day could. Even after everything settled down and she was free to live her life, it was still the last thing on her mind. But when she started to spend more time with Damon, when she started to fall in love with him, the idea gradually began to float along the peripheral of her conscience. And even then, it didn't take form until he actually proposed.

She would have been happy to spend the rest of her days with him as an unmarried couple. It was enough knowing he was hers and she was his. But once he proposed, the joy she experienced was only matched by one other moment in her life.

Of course, with him being him, he had pulled out all the stops, sparing no expense. He did that often and with no regard when he was in a particularly romantic mood, so the surprise trip to Florence hadn't taken her off guard. The historical Italian city was one of her favorite places they'd been, and they'd been numerous times, so she suspected nothing when he told her to look pretty and treated her to her favorite restaurant and shops in the city.

Afterwards, they had returned to his villa in the countryside where he took her into the center of the expansive gardens for an exquisite dinner at sunset overlooking rolling hills of green. At the time, she had side-eyed the string quartet, buying his excuse of further enhancing the already beautiful atmosphere, but she should have known something was up. By this point in their relationship, Bonnie was used to his bouts of extravagance, but this was slightly more extra than usual.

Goading her into a dance when they finished eating, they had swayed against one another as the quartet played a lovely classical piece. She'd been leaning against his chest, watching the sunset, and he'd been watching her when the proposal slipped from his lips with no preamble. Marry me, he said, and Bonnie thought she was hearing things on the wind. Repeating himself, he'd dropped to one knee in front of her with a short declaration of love and a boyish hopeful look on his face as he pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket.

Bonnie was shocked to say the least. They had only discussed marriage once before, neither one of them really seeming to care for it because they knew how they felt about one another, but Damon explained that he wanted to give her this moment, this life milestone, and he wanted to be able to call her his wife.

It took a second, but the shock gave way to elation, to a blushing grin at the yes he said when she asked if he was serious. Her eyes went to the ring, perfect and not too much, a simple but elegant round brilliant cut diamond framed by two leaves that tapered off into a pave diamond band. She held out her left hand, heart swelling as he slipped the ring onto her finger and it fit perfectly. And something clicked inside of her then, a hope and excitement, a realization that she might have wanted this, a marriage with Damon, more than she thought. At the time, the prospect of it had her smiling airily until Damon reminded her that she hadn't verbally said yes yet. With a roll of her eyes and a beaming smile, she quickly remedied that and practically launched herself at him, kissing him until the rest of the world disappeared into oblivion.

The only other time she had experienced such sharp and overwhelming joy was on the day of their wedding. Walking down the aisle to meet him, unexpectedly seeing a light sheen over his aquamarine eyes as he stared at her, steadfast and unwavering like she was the only woman in the world.

Damon would deny he ever came close to crying, but Bonnie knew the truth and her heart would warm every time she thought of it. She shed her own tears over the exchanging of the vows, his written ones professing her to be everything he ever wanted and needed in life. And when she finally said I do to the promise to have and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do them part, she meant it with the most profound poignant conviction behind those two words. His assuredness mirrored her own, a weight simultaneously light and heavy falling over her as they promised themselves to one another forever.

Fifteen years had passed since that day.

Somehow, they were still happily married, and their life consisted of a normalcy Bonnie never thought they would be able to attain. They built a life together in the suburbs of New York just outside the city, Damon running a few bars while she worked in marketing and owned her own apothecary on the side. They were successful and lived comfortably in part because of Damon's wealth, but Bonnie was making a substantial amount of money through her own work as well. Sharing everything equally, they didn't want for anything.

That's not to say that marital life was not all flowers and rainbows and happiness though. With both of them being stubborn, they argued occasionally, like any normal couple. But the arguments never lasted long because they loved each other enough to work through their issues. They understood each other on a fundamental level and knew how to communicate with the other. Because of that the push and pull of their relationship was easily mendable when one went too far or didn't go far enough. And after every time they made up, Bonnie was ever more grateful that he was her husband. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and at this point she wouldn't change anything about her life with him for the world.

Letting go of her ruminations, she turned towards him and brushed a hand through his silky dark hair while he slept beside her. She was half sprawled atop him, her face resting in the crook of his shoulder while one of her legs hung over one of his. A sated smile spread across her face. Their fifteenth anniversary was the day before and they had worked each other to exhaustion.

Never had she ever thought she would love this man as much as she did, and that they would be celebrating fifteen years of marriage together. It still amazed her after all this time how much she did still love him, how she would do anything for him and he for her. She couldn't imagine living without him, which was a far cry from how she felt when he first came strolling into Mystic Falls, wreaking havoc on everyone's lives. How far he'd come from that broken desolate man made her smile grow wider as she planted a kiss on his stubbled jawline.

He stirred, his blue eyes opening and head shifting to bring his lips to her forehead. His gaze was warm as it settled on her and he brought his hand up to brush a wild strand of hair behind her ear. "Good morning beautiful," the low rumble of his sleep-ridden voice was already planting naughty ideas in her head, but there was no time for that this morning. She had taken off work the day before so she had to go in.

"Good morning." She shifted her hand down his shoulder, and as if Damon could sense her intentions to leave the bed, he rolled slightly towards her and slipped his arm around her waist, making sure she couldn't. Giving in, she leaned into his embrace and they both relished in the skin to skin contact, her nipples hardening as they brushed against his solid chest. She brought her lips to his neck, and his hand slid down her back with a feather light touch until it landed on her ass. He pulled her against him until his hardness was brushing against her stomach and before she knew it, his hand had slipped under her thigh, and he'd maneuvered himself between her legs.

"Damon," she gasped. Her nails dug into his shoulder as he rubbed against her. "I'll be late." She turned her head around to look at the clock on the wall. The seven-ten position of the hands stared back at her. She needed to be at work by eight forty-five, nine at the latest, and it took twenty minutes to get there.

"Take the morning off," he whispered into her skin. The heat of his length against her was beckoning, and the temptation was almost impossible to resist. But unlike him, Bonnie was tired from the night before and a bit sore.

Her fingers squeezed his shoulder again. "You know I have an important meeting this morning, and I already made them push it back so I could take off yesterday."

He paused his movements. As he moved his head back to look at her, Bonnie raised her head to give him a peck. "Later."

"Now," he pouted, hand trailing back up her thigh to settle on her lower back. He tightened his arm around her waist and playfully nuzzled his nose against her cheek.

She giggled, running her hand down the arm around her. "You're insatiable."

Staring down at her, he grinned. "When I have a wife as breathtakingly gorgeous as you, can you blame me?"

He loosened his hold on her enough for her to roll out of his embrace and sit up. She slid to the edge of their king-sized bed and stood, brushing a hand through the tangles in her shoulder length hair. Feeling his eyes on her, she turned to look at him. He was stretched out, leaning on an elbow with his head resting on his hand. The heated way his eyes roamed her naked body tempted her to jump right back into bed with him.

"Shower?" He asked hopefully.

She rolled her eyes as she walked over to the bathroom door. "Last time I let you shower with me in the morning, we both got carried away and I was thirty minutes late."

"I promise I'll be good." He was getting out of the bed as he spoke and she watched him stalk towards her, eyes drawn to his hardness. She licked her lips.

"It's a shame I can't promise the same."

He grinned. "I'll be good for the both of us then."

Damon came up behind her as she walked through the threshold into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, she stepped in and he stepped in behind her. As the water pelted her body from the front, his hands slid down her slick torso from behind, and he slipped the soapy washcloth from her hand to his. "Let me," he said, and began to run the washcloth across her back. His touch was reverent and loving as he moved from her arms to her shoulders to her neck and down the length of her chest. He paid close attention to her breasts, and Bonnie leaned her back against him as he pinched and teased, but just as she was getting ready to half-heartedly complain about the distraction, he moved on lower to her naval. She sighed as he brushed the cloth low on her stomach, dipping it in between her legs to wash her sex. He was good about it, not playing with her like he had with her breasts, then he turned her so she faced him and he knelt before her. Her hand brushed through his hair affectionately as their eyes locked and reaching around her, he ran the cloth over her ass, a smirk pulling at his lips when he gave her a playful squeeze that made her smile widen as well.

As he finished and stood up, she leaned in to kiss him, meaning only to give him a quick one, but deepening the kiss anyway and letting her hand trail across his torso and towards his hard-on. The moment she gripped it, he let out a low groan, and she pumped him slowly twice before his hand covered hers to stop her.

"You're going to be late," he said, pulling back to grin at her again.

"Mmm," she pulled away, mad at her boss for having this meeting, mad at the company for existing.

Making sure she was rinsed off, Bonnie jumped out of the shower ahead of him so he could take care of himself, and she could get ready. Grabbing a towel off the rack, she started the rest of her morning routine, brushing her teeth and doing her daily skin-care. At forty-six, she didn't look a day over twenty-three according to Damon, but that was because she used herbs to curb the effects of aging. It was hard not to be worried about her appearance when her husband was a vampire and still looked like he was twenty-five.

She touched the outer corner of her eyes where a line of crows feet would be if she was aging normally, then closed up her moisturizer and exited the bathroom. As she wandered through their walk-in, picking out a suit for work, Bonnie heard Damon get out of the shower. In nothing but a towel, he met her in their closet as she was slipping into a pencil skirt, her eyes running down his chest appreciatively before she continued getting dressed. He was done in less than a second while she headed back into the bathroom to do her hair and make-up.

When she came out twenty minutes later, Damon wasn't in the bedroom. She found him in the kitchen where he had warmed a bagel for her, and was spreading some cream cheese across the top. The smell of coffee filled the air, and he turned as she approached.

"Thanks hubby." She pulled the coffee pot out and grabbed her mug.

His nose scrunched a little at the cute pet name she knew he wasn't particularly fond of because pet names were his thing. He wouldn't complain though because even after all these years, he secretly loved it any time she referred to him as her husband in any capacity. "You're welcome wifey."

She grabbed one half of the bagel off the plate he made for her and ate it right there in the kitchen. Checking her watch, she still had five minutes before she needed to be out the door. Munching on her warm cinnamon bagel, Bonnie watched her husband move between the refrigerator and the microwave as he made his usual cup of O-negative. When the blood was warm, he leaned on the counter next to her, drinking while she ate.

"So how did I do last night?" He asked, an eyebrow tipping up on his forehead.

She glared at him from the corner of her eye, knowing he was only asking so she'd boost his ego even more. "You know exactly how you did. I'm still a little sore."

He tsked at her, smile spreading wide as his eyes darkened. "I wasn't talking about the sex. I was talking about the gift and the dinner. But I must've done a number on you if your mind is still in the gutter."

Damon had gotten her a sentimental gift this year, a water color painting of her favorite picture of them done by one of her favorite artists. Bonnie always struggled on figuring out gifts for him, so she simply got him an engraved Jaeger Le-Coultre watch. He had seemed to like it at least and was currently wearing it as he sipped his blood. For dinner they had picked one of their favorite upscale restaurants in the city, and the food had been divine.

"I'll admit it was an amazing night as far as anniversaries go."

That didn't seem to satisfy him. "Next year, for our sixteenth anniversary, we'll have to take a trip."

"I still can't believe we've been married for fifteen years." Bonnie said as she drank some more of her coffee.

He looked annoyed. "You've said that every year since the third one without fail. I don't know why you're still surprised. I'll never stop loving you." The way he said it so casually made her insides warm, or maybe it was the coffee. Still, she hid a smile as she took another bite of her bagel.

"I should head out." Bonnie checked her watch again and left her unfinished plate, knowing Damon would finish the half bagel left for her. She put her coffee down beside the plate.

Heading towards the door, she stopped by the hall closet to grab a light beige duster to put on over her suit. It was early spring weather outside so the temperature was still a little low. After straightening out the lapels, Bonnie grabbed her purse and work bag sitting next to the closet and turned around to find Damon approaching her. He grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers and pulled her into his chest. She smiled as he leaned down to kiss her until she was left feeling lightheaded, then pulled her against him into a tight hug. "I expect you to make good on your promise of later," he said into her ear, lightly squeezing her waist.

It really did amaze her how when things were good between them, which was almost all the time these days, it was like they never left the honeymoon phase of their marriage. "Do I ever disappoint?" She had pulled out her most sultry voice, letting her breath fan against his ear in turn.

She could feel the shudder that past through him. "Never," he said, and pulled back to kiss her again once, then he went in again for a second kiss.

"Mmm, don't forget though, we are supposed to go out with the Andersons tonight."

He frowned. "Shit. I forgot all about that, do you think they'll be mad if we cancel. There's a contractor coming about remodeling one of the bars and I don't know how long they'll be."

Bonnie sighed. "I'll call Lola."

"Tell them we can do dinner this weekend."

"Alright." Her arms unwrapped themselves from his neck and glided down his shoulders and over his arms. He loosened his grip from around her waist and she stepped away from him, letting go with her right hand, but letting her left hand trail down the rest of his arm until his hand caught hers. Arm slightly outstretched as she reluctantly stepped even further away from him, he gave her a reassuring squeeze followed by a slight tug as if he could barely resist the urge to stop her from leaving. After another long second, her hand slipped from his and back to her side. Bonnie wanted to sigh again at the thought of going to work.

"I love you, shnookums" he said, trying to get her to smile once more. It worked as the corners of her mouth curled upwards and she rolled her eyes. His blue eyes were warm when she looked back at him.

"I love you more, pumpkin." His nose scrunched again at the pet name and she grinned as she reached to open the door, but as soon as her hand touched the metal she heard a rumbling sound.

She stood still on solid ground, but the rumbling escalated until earth felt as if it was shaking underneath her feet. Her first instinct was to think it was an earthquake, and she looked back at Damon. "Bonnie, what's wrong?" He stood there as if nothing was happening, but something was off about his appearance.

"Don't you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

Panic gripped her as he was beginning to look transparent. Bonnie blinked, thinking she was imagining things, but if this was a hallucination, it wasn't stopping. "What's happening to you?" She went over to Damon, trying to touch him to make sure he was still there, and she could but she could no longer feel him. "Oh god, what's happening? Damon! Damon!"

He opened his mouth to say something and then, just like that, he disappeared before her eyes and she couldn't feel him at all, a void left where he once was.

She blinked again and it was like her world fell off its axis. Dizziness overwhelmed her, and she sank to her knees, her work bag and her purse falling from her arms. There was a stillness in the air where she wasn't sure if she could see or hear anything, but her eyes and ears were open, and she was both seeing and hearing everything around her as normal. Her mouth moved, and vaguely, she could hear herself calling for Damon but her voice was far away.

What just happened? She could hear herself asking the question in alarm as her mind began to burn. Eyes wide, the sensation intensified. Her brain was on fire and her head felt like it was splitting in two. She was screaming, but she couldn't hear herself at all anymore. Nor could she feel the way her hands gripped her head or sense the ground beneath her feet. All she felt was the splitting pain of her headache and the fire engulfing her mind. She could swear her consciousness was trying to rip apart at the seams.

Ready to pass out, she teetered, her eyes closing, but an image of Damon flashed in her mind and for some reason she held on to it. It was as if she instinctually knew that if she let go, she would be letting him go, and she couldn't. Damon, who had just disappeared before her eyes, was half of her heart, half of her soul. She loved him with every fiber of her being and she needed to save him. Bonnie held onto that feeling, onto her connection with him, and she endured until the flames around her mind died down and her consciousness stitched itself back together.

Normal sensation returned slowly. Her mind still tingled, and she was hyperventilating when she came back into herself, her eyes clamped shut. Slowly, she let go of her head, loosened her eyes, and opened them. She saw double for a moment until her vision fixed itself, and she was looking at the spot where her husband had been standing. "Damon?" There was a hole in her chest when she uttered his name, an emptiness that had never been there before.

From out of nowhere, a deep sorrow filled that emptiness, threatening to suffocate her. She looked around their home as tears filled her eyes, and steadying her hands on their hard wood floor, she used them to rise to her feet. Still in a pair of black pumps for work and still recovering from whatever just happened, she lost her balance a little bit and stumbled against the wall. "Damon?" She called again, but she knew he wouldn't be there, she knew he was gone. She had seen him disappear.

She searched their home anyway, wandering around the rooms, noticing that some things were different and the painting he had done of them was no longer sitting against the wall of the hallway waiting to be hung. His clothes were no longer in the closet either and there weren't any pictures of them along the wall anymore. Above the mantle, she stared at the spot where their wedding photo used to be for a long time, knowing that everything was wrong and not able to consciously register what any of this meant over the dread and grief welling up inside her.

Returning to the living room, her hands shook as she pulled her phone out of her purse. There was only one person she could think to call and scrolled down the contact list to press the button beside Caroline's name. She would help her figure out what was going on.

Her best friend answered on the fourth ring. "Bonnie! Hey, how are you?" Her voice was bright and cheery, and in the background Bonnie could hear the noises of people shuffling around her workplace.

"Care-" Bonnie started, her grip tightening around the phone. She took a deep breath, trying to remain calm.

"What's wrong?" Intuitive as always, Caroline could tell simply from the tone of Bonnie's voice that something was off.

"It's Damon."

"Damon?" She sounded confused in a way that heightened Bonnie's anxiety.

"He's just disappeared, Caroline." Her voice wavered as she tried to hold back her tears, as she continued to try to remain calm. "He disappeared right in front of me. One second he was there, then he was gone! He wouldn't have left, and I can't find him. I don't- I don't know what's going on. It's like he's-" Bonnie cut herself off, unable to finish.

"Are we talking about Stefan's brother, Damon?" Caroline sounded even more confused.

Bonnie was full-on panicking now, her anxiety soaring. She was no longer able to sound even remotely calm. "Yes Caroline! what other Damon would I be talking about!"

"And you're saying Damon was just in your house?"

Why was she saying that like it was odd? "Of course he was just in the house. We live together. He's my husband. He's been my husband for fifteen years. Tell me you know that, Caroline. Please tell me you know that." There was desperation in her voice, a need so strong for all of this to be a dream. Her sanity was riding on Caroline's answer.

As if she knew, Caroline's voice was gentle and hesitant, like she wasn't sure what ground she was treading on and whether it would break underneath the weight of her words. "I…that's… not possible. Bonnie, Damon's been dead for a very long time."

A/N:

Hi,

I was going to wait to post this until I finished my other fic, but I just felt like sharing early to see if this was something people might want to read.

This one is also going to be another slow burn and a pretty long time travel AU, which I've always wanted to do because some of my favorite fics are time travel AUs and I love the idea of one person going back in time and knowing everything. I also wanted an excuse to write a fic within the confines of the show, which will hopefully be a little bit easier than creating a plot mostly from scratch lol. And as for which part of the show I'd be starting from, well, I'd be revealing that in the next couple of chapters.

Also, as you can see, this started off on a sad note and I feel like I should warn people right off the bat that Bonnie is going to be dealing with grief, guilt, and trying to rationalize putting herself through bs for a while. So if you're looking for something lighter and don't want to read about that and/or can't be patient to see how she gets past that and finds happiness again, then this is not the fic for you and you should probably not read this. But if that is something you're interested in, then by all means, keep reading, and maybe drop a review or comment to let me know if you do want me to continue this!