Sailors of Mercy, Chapter 1
The Girl Behind The Makeup Counter
Legal Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters involved in this chapter. I do, however, maintain that my use of them is covered under Fair Use, as this story exists both as a way to show appreciation for the original work, and to make a commentary on it. Sailor Moon was a wonderful show full of positive messages about the power of love, friendship, forgiveness, and solidarity, as well as tons of PSA-style messages that helped me immensely growing up. But one thing I felt it never adequately explored was the implications of the various types of Monster of the Week being living, feeling beings, who sometimes showed signs of being redeemable. I wanted to explore what would happen if that changed.
Author's Note: Unless otherwise specified, the chapters in this story should be considered stand-alone. They do not necessarily follow one after the other, and it is up to you, the reader, to decide if they occur in the same universe, or if each one of them happens in its own, or a combination of the two. What is fanfiction, after all, if not the celebration of our ability to interpret works of fiction as we wish?
Also, I might occasionally take some liberties with the source material.
Usagi slipped on her favourite pair of sleek, black thigh-highs, finishing just as she heard a knock on her door. She went down the stairs and opened to find Ami.
"Oh good, you're ready!" Ami exclaimed with relief, "I was worried we were going to be late."
"Nope!" Usagi assured her a bit sheepishly, "Ready on time… for once. Is everyone else in the cab?"
"Yep! Just waiting on our fearless leader," Ami replied jokingly.
"You knew I was going to take the longest to get ready, didn't you?" Usagi asked rhetorically.
"Can neither confirm nor deny," Ami answered with a mock straightforwardness.
"Either way, let's get going. You know how Calaveras gets when we're late to these things," Usagi warned, more to herself than to anyone else. She stepped out the door and closed it most of the way, before yelling to her parents, "Heading out to the party now, I'll be back way later than you're comfortable with!" She closed and locked the door behind her, and bolted to the cab before any reprisal could occur.
The air was cool and heavy, the kind of late spring evening that infused you with a sense of hope and possibility. The full moon shone brightly over Tokyo, casting a light that was distinctly night time, but ever-present enough to enhance everyone's sense that the evening was only just beginning.
"Scooch over," Ami told Rei, who was sharing the back seat with Mako, who had already instinctively leaned toward the window of the door furthest from the house.
"Gross, I have to sit next to her?" Rei protested.
"Haha, we do get on, don't we?" Ami laughed facetiously, with just the right amount of firmness in her voice to make it clear that what she meant was, "Would you please shut the fuck up?"
"Like the very best of friends," Rei sighed, rolling her eyes and moving to the middle seat.
Ami took her seat in the front.
"Where's Mina?" Usagi asked.
"Had to pay the driver extra to let me do this, but I'm having the time of my life!" came Minako's voice from the trunk.
"I have no trouble believing that," quipped Ami as the driver took off.
"I've been looking so forward to this all week," Mako beamed, "No one throws a party like the Spectre Sisters."
"I'm just glad we're still able to keep in touch with them," Ami remarked, "I mean, they basically left their entire lives behind to do the right thing, it can't be easy to just boot your entire life back up after that. It's nice to be able to be a part of their social circle, I'm sure rebuilding it isn't easy."
"Having their own business probably doesn't hurt," Mako suggested, "Still, I take your point."
The Sailor Scouts all stared out the window contentedly for a few minutes until they got there. They paid the cab driver and walked up the front door to the house that the Spectre Sisters shared.
"You made it!" Petz exclaimed, opening the door and excitedly hugging the first warm body she could reach, which happened to be Minako.
"Wouldn't miss this for the world!" Usagi proclaimed.
"We brought Doritos!" Ami offered, holding up a trio of bags.
Petz ushered them through the front door, into the living room, where the party had already begun. The other Sisters had set up a Twister mat on the floor, and were currently gathered around the karaoke machine. Calaveras was giving her best shot to Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. Her English wasn't great, but her singing voice was strong, settling comfortably into the sultry, crooning range of the original. She was just coming to the end when everyone arrived.
"That was absolutely fantastic!" Mina exclaimed, "That's a tough one to get just right, but you absolutely nailed it."
"You're just saying that," Calaveras grinned.
"No, she's right," Rei laughed, "And would I bullshit you?"
"Can't argue with that," Berthier grinned.
"No, I suppose I can't," Calaveras sighed happily.
"Welcome to the party," Koan announced, "Strong Zero?"
"We're underage!" Usagi objected.
"Hey, just because we aren't bad guys anymore doesn't mean I can't engage in a little corruption of a minor," Koan protested.
"Hard disagree," Mako responded.
"Fine, there's soda and iced tea in the fridge," Koan relented with a smirk.
"I'll grab drinks," Mako offered.
"You know what we all like," Mina chimed in.
"Okay, now one of you absolutely has to be next at karaoke," Berthier insisted.
"Definitely not me," Rei insisted harder.
"I nominate Usagi," Mina piped up.
"Oh, I absolutely second this," Rei grinned.
"Is this like a good nomination or a so-bad-it's-good nomination?" Petz asked.
"Let's find out together," Rei smirked.
"I can do this!" Usagi exclaimed determinedly.
"That's the spirit!" Ami responded supportively.
"Yes, yes it is," Rei laughed.
"Okay, now I'm really hoping she's actually good at this," Mako remarked, "Rei, you know I love you, but I'm kind of pulling for that smirk to be wiped off your face."
"What do you want to sing?" Berthier asked.
"Do… do you have Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover?" Usagi asked.
"Are we just going to sing American songs all night?" Rei complained.
"We've been here for, like, a song and a half," Mako retorted.
"I'm just saying, if I don't hear some goddamn Malice Mizer by the end of the night, one of you fuckers is going down," Rei joked.
"So Rei's next," Koan laughed.
"Challenge accepted," Rei responded nonchalantly, her competitive spirit overcoming her hatred of karaoke.
"Anyway, yes, we do have Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover," Petz responded, queuing the song up.
"You sure you don't want a Strong Zero?" Koan asked.
"Immensely," Ami answered for her.
Usagi stepped to the front of the room and grabbed the microphone nervously. The music began to play. When it came time, Usagi began to sing, softly and timidly at first, but as the song progressed, she found her footing. To approximately half the room's surprise, she was… fine. Nothing special, but she carried the tune adeptly, and her voice was pleasant to listen to. She got a little pitchy during the chorus, but she held her own. When it was over, she put the microphone down gently and joined everyone else in the centre of the room.
"Damn, that was really good," Mako remarked.
"Yeah, girl, consider my words eaten," Rei laughed, patting her on the back supportively.
"Oh, you're still next," Berthier grinned.
"Goddamn right I am," Rei responded determinedly. She then proceeded to get up in front of everyone and deliver an equal parts terrifying and impressive rendition of Kioku de Sora. When she was done, everyone needed a good minute to recover.
"Hookay, I think that's a good place to end that," Petz suggested, a little shell-shocked, "Who's up for Twister?"
Ami took over refereeing duties. With eight players on the mat, they had to forego the usual rule of only one player per circle. It was a hazy, chaotic mess, with all eight women stubbornly refusing to go down, their flexibility honed by years of combat, some of it against each other, which seemed to create an undercurrent of old rivalry being renewed. Arguably without even realizing they were doing it, the game settled into Spectre Sisters vs. Sailor Scouts. Finally, Mina was the first to go down, taking Koan down with her as she fell. They were both pretty sure this was by accident, and sat on the couch next to each other, watching the rest of the game with laughter, and cheering on their friends.
Berthier followed soon after. Rather than sitting on the couch next to Mina and Koan, she walked out the front door, looking a bit dejected. Usagi noticed, and in her distraction, her left arm slipped out from under her and she fell, chin-first onto the mat.
"And she's down!" Rei cheered, "Who had her making it all the way to the middle of the pack? No one? Literally no one on the face of the Earth? Upset of the century!"
"Rei, did you take Koan up on the offer of a Strong Zero?" Ami asked.
"I took Koan up on the offer of four Strong Zeroes," Rei replied, "That's right, you fuckers can't even keep up with me drunk."
"I'll be right back," Usagi said, with a seriousness in her voice that everyone immediately registered as a bit out of tone with the rest of the party. For a second, it imbued the room with a dourness, but it quickly dissipated as they returned to their game.
Usagi grabbed her iced tea and stepped out the front door. The cool air hit her again, carrying with it a steeliness that was at once urgent and hopeful for resolution. She saw Berthier sitting on the steps, staring off into the distance, a sullen look on her face. Usagi sat beside her.
"I know you can't be that upset over being eliminated from a game of Twister," she probed gently, "What's on your mind?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Berthier assured her unconvincingly, "Just out here to catch some air."
"It's okay," Usagi responded, "We spent months fighting each other, most of it we were pretty sure it would be to the death. You're allowed to have complicated feelings."
"Oh no, it's nothing to do with you," Berthier clarified, "Well, I guess it is something to do with you. It's not your fault though."
"What's not my fault?" Usagi asked.
Berthier considered for a second, weighing whether or not she should answer. "It's just…" she began, "Nights like tonight really make me think of Atsugessho."
"Who?" asked Usagi.
"The… makeup monster lady," Berthier answered.
"Oh right… her…" Usagi responded dejectedly. Her mind was thrown back to that day in the makeup shop, ducking acidic clouds and fearing her luck was about to run out. But beyond the flashback, there was more to her unease. This felt like the other shoe that she hadn't let herself realize was still yet to drop. Subconsciously, she'd compartmentalized the Spectre Sisters as completely separate from their Droids the second they'd stopped fighting and become friends. Maybe in part it was because it helped her be comfortable with the whole situation, detaching the Sisters from the majority of pain, fear, and exhaustion they'd actually made her feel. But maybe it was because she wasn't quite ready to reckon with the truth that was making itself impossible to ignore in this moment: That she had killed a surprisingly high number of her friends' friends.
Berthier pulled her out of her slightly terrified contemplation by continuing. "She used to throw just the most absolutely amazing parties," Berthier continued, "We'd all hang out and do face masks, get completely shit-faced on Suntory whiskey cocktails, and stay up all night watching Korean dramas and women's wrestling."
"Women's wrestling?" Usagi asked, surprised.
"Oh yeah. Bull Nakano was always our favourite. Not just because of Dumbull. Petz always liked Aja Kong," Berthier answered.
"Aja Kong is my favourite," Usagi remarked, "I just never took you guys for wrestling fans."
"Next January 4th, we should all go to the Tokyo Dome together," Berthier suggested.
"Yeah, that'd be awesome," Usagi responded.
"But yeah, we used to have those parties all the time, usually after a long day of… you know, planning to take over the world and kill all of you," Berthier continued sheepishly.
These words struck Usagi with a feeling of novelty. Not the part about trying to kill them, she'd come to terms with that long ago. But the idea that they might get tired from doing it, that they needed to blow off steam just like the Sailor Scouts did. She wasn't really sure what she'd imagined her enemies doing in their down time. Just sitting around thinking of how much they were looking forward to doing evil, she had always just assumed. It was only now that she realized how ridiculous a notion that was.
Berthier continued, "After she died, we kind of just stopped. It didn't feel right doing them without her. They were her thing, and carrying on like nothing happened just felt like disrespecting her memory."
Usagi sat with these words for a while. "I'm sorry I killed your friend," she said softly. She wasn't sure she meant it, but she felt Berthier's pain, and knew it was valid. And, for the first time, she wished there had been some other way the situation could have resolved itself all those months ago in the makeup shop.
"Don't be," Berthier said bitterly, "We sent her to kill you. You were only acting in self-defense. You didn't have a choice. She didn't even have a choice. God, I'm such a fucking asshole."
"That's all in the past," Usagi assured her, "You're a different person now."
"I know, I know," Berthier responded, "It's just going to take a while to see it that way when I really look back at all the harm we caused."
"It's never too late to make up for it," Usagi promised, "And you're doing it."
"You know," Berthier opined mournfully, her eyes beginning to tear up, "I think that's the part I regret the most. Not the civilians we harmed; you guys were always too good at what you did, so there was never too much harm to bystanders. What I regret the most is that we marched so many of our friends straight to their deaths. They would have followed us anywhere, and the only place we led them was down the path of evil, to their own demise. They could be here with us now. You know how much fun Atsugessho could have had helping us run our store? Dumbull could be WWWA Women's Single Champion right now and we'd all be cheering her from the front row. Avocadora was actually really enjoying herself helping us run that grocery store. You know… the one that was actually a front to collect energy. But we could have set her up running an actual fruit stand. She'd be happy the rest of her life. Instead there is no rest of her life. And we did that. And we have to live with that for the rest of our lives. You didn't have a choice. We did."
Usagi put an arm around her. "It's okay to miss them," she assured Berthier, "But don't feel responsible for what happened to them. Trust me, as the one fighting them, they really didn't act like they felt like they were being forced to do anything."
Berthier shot her an angry glance.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Usagi backpedalled embarrassedly, desperately trying to figure out how to rephrase what she meant. "I just mean you were all caught up in the same thing. None of you realized what you were doing was wrong, all of you were answering to someone. And yeah, it sucks that they didn't get the same chance you did, to see the light and change your ways, but that doesn't make it your fault. You just made it out alive and they didn't."
"I guess you're right," Berthier said, "I just really wish they could be here right now."
They both sat in silence and watched the moon for a while. Berthier's mind was more settled, but Usagi's wasn't at all. She couldn't help but wonder if Berthier was wrong, if maybe she and the other Scouts did have a choice, at least some of the time. Did she always look for the opportunity to end a fight without killing her enemies? Did she offer every foe the same chance she'd offered the Spectre Sisters, and Ail and An before them? She wasn't so sure.
"Look," she offered, "I'm not so sure you should hold me completely blameless in all this."
"What do you mean?" Berthier asked.
"That night, in the makeup shop, it really was kill or be killed," Usagi explained, "But I can't say for sure that I never killed one of your friends who I couldn't have reasoned with instead. Maybe there were times when I acted too hastily."
"You were a scared teenager in the middle of a war," Berthier assured her.
"And so were you!" Usagi countered, "Minus the teenager part, I guess."
"So then offer yourself the same forgiveness you just told me to offer myself," Berthier suggested.
"Maybe we both need to try to do better in the future," Usagi pondered, "And to make up for our past mistakes."
"Maybe everyone does," Berthier offered.
"A toast," Usagi offered, holding up her can of iced tea, "To absent friends."
Usagi and Berthier drank together.
"Now let's get back inside," Berthier advised, "It smells like Koan is breaking out the weed, and you do not want to leave her unsupervised and high."
Usagi laughed internally, imagining Koan desperately trying to pass the joint to no takers. Then a sudden realization hit her. "Oh fuck, Rei!" she exclaimed.