This was originally gonna be a one-shot about the pilot. But since only 12 episodes were made before it got cancelled, I figured I might as well write the rest of the series. It'll also mostly focus on Mondo and Male!Jeena (named Gene here).
Chapter 1: Pilot
A taxicab brought a voluptuous woman named Babs Brando to her new apartment home in the morning. She recently moved here in Playa Del Toro, California from Bayonne, New Jersey, with her son, hoping to start a new life. She hiccuped while opening the door.
She then went to her son's bedroom. "Mondo, wake up." She finds her son sleeping with her butt sticking up, showing off his butt-crack. There are unpacked boxes everywhere. "Egh, talk about the crack of dawn." She quipped, staring at her son's butt.
Mondo wakes up and sits up, yawning. "You're were just getting home?" He leans forward to sniff his mom. "Mmm, you smell like Old Spice and balls. I mean, eww!"
"Just getting the feel for our new town. I met a lot of potential uncles for ya." She opens the shutters in Mondo's room. "We've been here three days and you haven't even been to the beach yet."
"I don't fit in here. Even the bums are ripped." Mondo gestures at a shirtless and barefoot hobo with huge pecs wearing only a rasta hat and jeans. He's pushing his cart which has a soda vending machine. He then sits back on his bed, feeling very down. "Face it, in a world full of Kardashians, I'm the Khloe."
Babs sits down next to him. "Honey, you're just unique. This town has never seen anybody like Mondo Brando." She gives him a hug, unknowingly suffocating him with her large breasts.
"I can't breath!" Mondo muffled between his mom's breasts.
"Here." Babs hands him a cardboard box full of stuff. "To get you started, I made you a California Preparedness Kit."
"Boogie board. Spray tanner. Season 1 of Laguna Beach." Mondo said as he takes out each item from the box. "And a rubber pickles?" Mondo stares at it eagerly, knowing where to put it.
"Oops, that's mine." Babs snatched the vibrating pickle-shaped dildo from Mondo's hands. "What?! Mommy can't have a kit too?"
"Damn." Mondo thought.
Babs is taking a shower when suddenly someone fell from the ceiling window, startling her.
"Mom are you okay?!" Mondo asked as he barged in, and found some weird kid in a blonde afro standing up. He wears a light green T-shirt and knee-length tan shorts, and brown sandals. "Who are you?"
"I'm Woodie." The kid introduced himself. Babs puts on a towel.
"Why are you in my bathroom?" Mondo asked suspiciously.
"Oh..." Woodie then stares at Babs' bust, "I was getting my frisbee."
Said frisbee then landed on his head, and he didn't noticed as he was busy staring at Babs' jugs.
"So Woodie, how old are you? Fifteen?" Babs asked.
"Yeah..." Woodie droned, still not taking his eyes off.
"Me too!" Mondo stands in front of him, blocking his view.
"Mondo, give Woodie some ice." Mondo leaves the room. "His head is looking a little swollen."
"Swollen..." Woodie covers his crotch.
"I know what you were doing up there." Babs said sternly, then chuckled. "It's alright, I don't mind. But..." She lifted Woodie's head to face her, but he's still looking at her boobs. "I was wondering, if you would do me a little favor."
"Anything for you, Mondo's mom."
"Call me Babs. I was hoping that you'd show Mondo the ropes around her. You know, to help him fit in."
"For sure... Babs."
Mondo returned with an ice pack. "This aughta help with the swelling."
"Thanks!" Woodie grabbed the ice pack and pressed it on his crotch with a relief sigh.
Mondo and Woodie are hanging out at Mondo's room.
"Yankees ore Dodgers?" Mondo asked.
"Surfing." Woodie replied.
"Pizza or burgers."
"Burritos."
"Hmm, okay last one, think it through. The hills or the city."
"Neither. They don't have a vagina."
"Right answer!" Mondo said, giving Woodie a high five.
"Let's do our back." A girl with a heavy valley accent said. Woodie gasped and sat up.
"To the window, hurry!" He ran to Mondo's balcony. Mondo followed and looks at what Woodie was staring at, a couple of sexy bikini girls about to take their tops off. Woodie pulls out a pair of binoculars from his pocket. "They're about to tan their backs but they don't want tan lines, which means they must unhook their straps," he allows Mondo to see, "and for one brief but glorious moment, you can see nipples. I call this moment the Aurora Areolas."
"Yeah, that's sexy." Mondo said in a disinterest tone, which Woodie took notice.
"No need to raise your voice, man."
"Sorry, it really is hot. I love it." Mondo said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
"Wait... are you gay, man?" Woodie asked.
"What?! No, I'm not! I love chicks!" Mondo said defensively.
"Okay, then you're definitely not interested in the bodybuilder with large balls lifting weights at the beach."
"Where?! Let me see!" Mondo grabbed the binoculars from Woodie's hand to see. But only saw a fat hairy guy in a speedo getting a tan.
"Eugh!" Mondo reacted in disgust.
"Ah ha! You ARE gay!"
"Yes, I'm gay. I like dudes. But only sexy ones. Go ahead and hate on me, and tell everyone about it."
"Whoa, easy man. I'm not judging here. It's cool."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I respect your alternate life choice. In fact, I kinda always wanted to have a gay best friend."
"Oh thank god. You have no idea how hard it is keeping it a secret. And that last part is oddly specific."
"Does your mom know?"
"No, and she can't know."
"But I'm sure she'll accept you for who you are."
"Promise me you won't tell her!"
"Okay, man. I promise. Your secret's safe with me, bro."
"Thanks, so how about showing me around?"
Mondo rides his bike across the boardwalk with Woodie skateboarding next to him.
"This is the springs. Pretty much all the usual stuff you find in any town across America. Tattoo shop. Surf shop. Weed shop. Celebrity rehab."
A skinny blonde girl slowly walks up to the celebrity rehab building. A happy-looking redhead walked out of the door.
"Lindsay." The blonde said.
"Paris." Lindsay Lohan replied, as they give each other a high-five.
"Have you ever been to any other town in America?" Mondo asked.
"No. Why?" Woodie asked.
"No reason." Mondo said, having gotten his answer.
"The boardwalk's like a great big melting pot. Emphasis on 'pot'." Woodie then gestures to different groups of people. Like a hippie chick dancing gypsy-style surrounded by male hippies banging on drums. "Hippie drummers." Then points to a couple of performers, one painted gold and the other silver, having some sort of dance off, while people watch them. "Street performers." Lastly, a tan-skinned mustached man with a beer gut who appears to be in his 50's or 60's, standing next to a mustard yellow van, wearing nothing but a hat, sunglasses, and short red trunks, and smoking weed and listening to music from his large earphones. "The righteous dudes and vans!"
The two finally reached their destination. "And here it is, the center of it all. The natural force that sustains life and draws us all together... the beach." Woodie said in awe. Mondo is also amazed by the beautiful scenery. But then his expression turned into a frown as he looks at his big belly, his insecurities kicking in again.
"What's up?" Woodie asked, noticing Mondo's worried look.
"In case you haven't noticed, my stomach is more of a keg than a 6-pack. I haven't seen my penis since I was 6."
"The only thing holding you back is a lack of surfing in your diet", said Woodie, who then touches Mondo's right man-boob, "and maybe that sweet set of chesticles you got there."
"You're kidding me, man? Girls totally relate to a dude with boobs. It's familiar to them. It has a calming effect."
Mondo and Woodie walked down the stairs when Mondo caught his eye at a jogger. He appears to be about their age and about the same height as Woody. He has a slender build with some muscles. He has spiky magenta hair. He wears a tight blue muscle shirt, black jogging shorts, and gray running shoes. He listening to music from his MP3 player. He has a confident smile.
Mondo stopped walking and halt Woodie to ask, "Who is that?"
"Him? Oh, that's Gene." Woodie said.
"Geeeene." Mondo said dreamily. He suddenly envisioned himself with Gene - at graduation, at a gay bar with both in biker gear and black leather, at their wedding with himself in a white tux and Gene in a black one, and finally at Gene's deathbed with his ghost (looking like his teen self) still remaining in the living world for elder Mondo and the two lock lips.
"He's like the most popular guy in school. But he's pretty cool and very approachable." Woodie explained.
"I'm gonna introduce myself!" Mondo takes one more step and suddenly trips down the stairs until he hits head first on the sand. Gene saw what happened and winced at his pain.
"Are you alright, man?" Woodie asked as he walked down the steps.
"I'm good, I'm okay-" Mondo said as he got on his feet again, only for his boogie board to slam his head back into the sand.
"That ain't no situation, that's a damn tragedy!" sneered a jersey girl walking by with her friend.
"Alright, let's wet up." Woodie said. Mondo stood up, grabbed his board and followed Woodie to the water.
"Locals only, pussy!" A guy with spiky brown hair in a motorcycle said as he ruin a little blond boy's sandcastle with his back tire. He and his two buddies - one is a blonde kid who looks like he's buzzed and the other is a large muscular African-American - drive off, leaving the boy crying.
"Who are those dirtballs?" Mondo asked in disgust, as he looks at the trio high-fiving each other and flexing their arms.
"Shh, keep it down, bro." Woodie lowered his voice. "That's Turk and his crew. Trust me, you wanna stay under their radar."
"Got it." Mondo then spotted Gene sitting on his beach towel, doing some stretches. He plans to make a good first (or rather second) impression in front of Gene by showing him what a badass he is at surfing. "Hey, watch this awesomeness!" He said out loud, hoping Gene would notice.
Mondo jumps into the water to ride his boogie board, but the tide suddenly moved back, making him land on the sand and accidentally breaking his boogie board. Turk and his crew saw it and laugh, but dodged as one of the board pieces fly towards the lifeguard's tower, demolishing it, which causes a powerline to snap and whip a seagull, electrocuting it as it flung over Turk, inadvertently dropped a turd on his head, bounced on another lifeguard tower and landed on Gene's lap, freaking him out with a huge gasp. Then its head fell off and landed on Gene's crotch and appears to be staring back at him with glassy dead eyes, making him scream his lungs out.
Turk wipes the seagull poop off his head and glares at Mondo and Woodie. "You kooks are dead!"
Mondo and Woodie run, with Turk and his crew chasing after them.
"I couldn't have possibly made a worst impression!" Mondo said. As if on cue, a PDT Beach patrol car parked in front of them. The driver got out with a ticket book and pen.
"Look, ma'am, it's illegal to go topless at the beach." PDT Beach patroller said.
"Officer, I'm afraid-" Woodie tried to explain but was cut off.
"Ma'am, tell your hippie boyfriend to zip it!" The beach patroller said sternly. "You both going downtown." He gives Mondo a ticket.
Mondo reluctantly takes the ticket and hears Turk and his crew laughing at him.
The next morning, Mondo is still in bed sleeping. A tissue box is sitting on his stomach, he has his left hand in his pants, and the latest issue of Heartthrob Boys magazine on his bed.
His phone rings, playing a rock song as a dial tone. It's Woodie. Mondo wakes up and answers. "Hello?"
"Oh man, are you ready?!" Mondo opens the drapes to find Woodie parked his green car up front. "You've never been to this school. I heard the football team are packing."
"I'm on my way!" Mondo yelled. He jumps out of bed and pulls out a pair of Man Spandxx boxers, which he struggles to put on because of his huge gut. Having finally accomplish it, he looks at himself in the mirror. Despite being a tight squeeze, he starts posing and flexing his arms. "Hey guys, what's up? I'm new around here. Let's head to the gym." Then the boxers ripped. "I'm fat." he said despondently.
After getting dressed, Mondo get into Woodie's car and they drive to Del Toro High up on the hills.
"Like any school, this has your basic cliques." Woodie explained.
"Sup, Woodie?" Said a group of four sandal-wearing stoners.
"Hey Woodie." Said a trio of cheerleaders.
"Greetings, Woodford." Said a group of goths in flat monotone.
Woodie parked his car, and the two got out when suddenly Woodie gasped in horror. "Oh no, Gleeks!" He exclaimed, as a group of singing teens walked up to them.
A brown-haired boy in a yellow shirt sings, "Just a yellow-haired boy who got a chubby friend..."
"From Bayonne!" Mondo finished while jumping back on Woodie's car.
"I should have known you'd like musicals." Woodie said.
"Hey man, that's an offensive stereotype!" Mondo said, jumped off the car to face Woodie. "But you're right, I do like musicals."
Suddenly a yellow hummer van speed to the disabled parking, nearly ran over the Gleeks. The driver puts up a disability sign on the rearview mirror, and get out, revealing a slutty-looking girl with huge blonde hair and unusually large breasts for a girl her age.
Mondo gasped and tells an uninterested Woodie. "Check it out, my first celebrity sighting! That's Milan Stone, the star of MTV's 16 and Bitchin'! My god, this is the first time I've ever met a celebrity I like to play dress-up as!" That part made Woodie shudder, but then was grabbed by Mondo. "What do I do? What do I say?"
"Hey, sis." Woodie said.
"Sis?!"
"Sup, Coons twins." Woodie said to Milan's friends. They're also blonde, done in a ponytail, and wear short sleeveless dresses and platform sandals, one being pink and the other blue.
"It's Kuntz." The twins said in unison.
"You have a friend? Incredible. This brings the total to... what, one?" Milan giggled. "Well he's fat enough to make it 1 1/2."
Mondo laughs. "Hilarious-"
"Shut up, white precious!" Milan cut him off rudely.
"White precious?" Mondo asked confused.
"If either of you get within 15 feet, I will tase your ass." Milan threatened and walked away. The twins raise their noses at them and followed Milan.
"She's even nicer in person." Mondo said. Woodie stares at him with raised eyebrows.
Mondo and Woodie went to their first class. There are eight desks. Turk and his crew are sitting in the back, along with Milan. While Mondo and Woodie sit in the front row next to some short nerdy kid with glasses and a light mustache who sits in front of Turk, who shoots a big spitball on his head with a toilet paper tube.
Mondo gasped as Gene walked into class. He's wearing a black T-shirt that says "Free Tibet" in red bold letters, knee-length jean shorts, and brown flip-flops. Again listening to his MP3 player. He sits in the remaining desk which is in front of Chester, one of Turk's friends with blonde hair who's making a blunt, and next to the nerdy kid.
"You're thinking about him again, huh?" Woodie asked.
"He's like the perfect guy. He wears sandals, I own sandals and you, my first friend, are wearing sandals too." Mondo said, looking at Woodie's sandals.
"Uh... okay." Woodie said awkwardly as he looked down at his sandaled feet and then stared at Gene's. He didn't get why Mondo pointed out that specific detail. Turk's other friend Casa, the muscular black kid who also wears sandals, also found it weird as he looked at his own feet.
Mondo continues. "He's listening to music, I love music. And his T-shirt says 'Free Tibet'. What was I telling you this morning?"
"That most stuff should be free?" Woodie answered.
"It's meant to be!" Mondo exclaimed.
"Go talk to him, man." Woodie encouraged.
Mondo gets up and walks to Gene's desk, talking to himself. "Hi, what's up? I'm Mondo. I'm new to town, as you can probably tell I'm one of those off-beat guys-"
"Hey, man." Gene greeted Mondo.
"Hi, I beat off to good-looking men." Mondo rambled.
"Really? Looks like we have something in common, huh?" Gene winked at him.
"Huh?!" Mondo blushed. He wonder if that means Gene was gay too. Gene suddenly laughed.
"Just kidding, man." Gene pats Mondo's shoulder. Mondo giggles nervously in response. Turk and his crew were glaring at Mondo, they don't seem to like that he's talking to Gene.
"So was I." Mondo lied, he actually does beat off to pictures of handsome guys in his computer. Turk suddenly stood in front of him.
"Hey kook, I'm still pissed off about that bird poop on my head because of your lame-ass excuse for surfing. I'm gonna send you a dork-seeking heat missile!" Turk grabbed Mondo's collar to punch him in the face, until Gene got up from his desk and grabbed Turk's fist.
"Turk, cool it! It was an accident and you know it, so just let it go." Gene said.
"Whatever, dude." Turk said, then glares at Mondo. "You just got lucky, fatso." Turk drops Mondo to the floor and went back to his desk.
Mondo goes back to his desk too, feeling down-spirited.
"Sorry I forgot to tell you, man, Gene is best friends with Turk since elementary school, so he hangs out with Turk's crew. And for some reason, they don't like it when someone tries to be friends with Gene. Last week, they beat up a kid who was Gene's lab partner just for asking Gene to hand him a beaker, and he's still in the hospital."
That made Mondo nervous, and it also complicates his plan to befriend Gene. Suddenly Casa walked up behind Mondo and gave him an atomic wedgie.
"Whoa, that's 11 minutes since a new kid got a wedgie. A new record!" Woodie cheered.
"What is that!" Mondo shouted, pointing at a really obese woman who entered the classroom in a moped.
"Wipe those horny smiles off your pimply faces!" The woman said in a deep masculine voice, she turns out to be their sex ed teacher. "This is human sexuality, before you think that this is all fun-and-games and hot carls..."
"Yes, please." The nerdy kid giggled, putting his hands together in a prayer and looked up.
"Wadska, settle down or I'll send you to detention." The obese teacher ordered.
"Ms. Teets, I think you should know that, although this is an institution paid for by U.S. taxpayers, I am unfit for captivity within its walls! I am not programmed for public education!" Wadska emphasizes the last sentence with the robot dance moves.
"Well it seems you are programmed for vandalizing the markee with filthy shenanigans."
"Freedom of expression!" Wadska gets up and walks towards Ms. Teets. "My cultural poetry is being shot down by character assassins! An uprising is in order!"
"Sorry, Ms. Teets, our parents have him on new meds." Gene explained, as he puts Wadska back to his seat.
"That's Gene's brother?" Mondo whispered to Woodie in surprise.
Ms. Teets skids towards them. "Woodford, new child, quit your jibber-jabbers now!" Then she went up closer towards Mondo. "You're a portly one, aren't you? I also know you're gay, and you're in love with Gene. I can sense these kinds of things." This made Mondo nervous. "But don't worry, your secret's safe with me, and you'll grow into your frame. I did." She then belched, and backs into the blackboard. "Now today's lesson is about something that threatens us all, sexually transmitted diseases. So please put on your 3D glasses." Ms. Teets then pulled down the screen. The students put on the glasses as Ms. Teets turned off the lights.
"STDs in 3-D!" The film narrator announced. A giant red crab-like monster pops up on screen, terrifying the class.
"Old foe, we meet again." Ms. Teets muttered.
After school, Woodie took Mondo to Spunk's Surf Shop to find a board for him. Mondo found the right one, a longboard with a hot dog design on it, but it cost $400. So Woodie suggested a plain wooden board which only cost $100, and let Mondo know that one must have a surfboard in California. After Mondo bought it, Turk showed up and spray painted on the tip of it to make it resemble a penis.
They return to the beach in their swim trunks. Mondo is once again depressed.
"I'm holding a dick board. A dick board, Woodie!" Mondo noticed a tanned blonde bodybuilder in a speedo walk by, making him raise his dick board obscenely.
"Trust me, just one wave and your troubles will disappear." Woodie reassured.
"Eat it, loooooserrrrs!" Turk yelled, while pulling down his shorts to moon them. "Yo Gene, check this out!" He called out to Gene who's standing on the pier above him, and made a killer move.
"Good wave, Turk!" Gene complimented while making a shaka sign to Turk. He's wearing short purple swim briefs, showing off his lean body. Seeing Gene shirtless and his bulge made Mondo raise his dick board up even more. Then he shook off his daze.
"Okay, no more gawking! It's surf time!" Mondo said determinedly. "I've got a lot of surfing to commence. Um, what are we supposed to say when we wanna surf?"
"Busta mucha!" Woodie yelled as he and Mondo run to the ocean.
He made several pathetic attempts at being a surfer. At one point, he was trying to wax his board, which looks like he's jacking off with his dick board, making everyone at the beach laugh. Though he's finally riding a wave. But a little girl, a cat and dog surf past him, a lot better than he could.
"Head's up, newbie!" Ms. Teets said in an orange bathing suit riding a jet ski.
Mondo stands on his board, but accidentally crash into Turk and washed up on the beach.
"That is it, blue crush! You're dead!" Turk grabs Mondo by his hair and prepares to punch his face when Gene ran up to him.
"Dude, just leave him alone!" Gene said. Mondo noticed Gene is barefoot too.
Turk groaned in annoyance. "God Gene, you never let me have fun anymore!"
"I don't see how beating people up is fun." Gene stated, rolling his eyes. He also emphasized the word "fun" with air-quotations.
"Fine!" Turk whined, rolling his eyes. Then he turns back to Mondo, letting go of his hair. "I'm gonna let you live. But you're banned from surfing this beach, ever again!"
"Seriously, Turk?" Gene argued.
"Hey Turk, come on, man. He's local." Woodie pleaded.
"You're banned too!" Turk added.
"NOOO!" Woodie screamed.
"This is a public beach, you can't ban people from surfing." Mondo stated, putting his hands on his hips.
Both Woodie and Gene gasped, since no one talks to Turk that way, even in the face of being banned.
"Mondo, shut up." Woodie whispered.
"Oh yeah? I'll tell you what, you survive Baby Beach, I'll let you two surf here." Turk explained.
"Baby Beach? That sounds easy enough. Where is it?" Mondo asked. Turk points at a part of the beach that has jagged rocks and a large sign that says "Baby Beach".
"It used to be called Jagged Death Rocks." Woodie explained. "Chamber of Commerce thought it was bad for tourism. We should probably change it back, could have saved a lot of lives."
"You got til 4 o'clock tomorrow. High tide." Turk said. Then he breaks Mondo's surfboard in two out of spite.
"My dick board!" Mondo cried, as he fall to his knees.
"If I back out, you think Gene would still think I'm cool." Mondo asked Woodie as he stares worriedly at the rough waves.
"Oh sure, he might be okay being friends with a sensible stable coward than the fearless risk-taker." Woodie said. Though his words didn't fill up Mondo with much confidence.
"Gentlemen..." The two turn to see Wadska walking up to them carrying a green man-bag. "Forgive my tardiness. Now I've taken the liberty of preparing a computer simulation of Baby Beach." He pulls out a laptop and shows them a map of Baby Beach with a miniature Mondo for visual.
"Hey, it's Mondo!" Woodie exclaimed.
"I just used the body of a pregnant woman and added Justin Bieber's head." Wadska zooms close to Mondo as he shows them a way for him to surf his way through Baby Beach. "Okay, you drop in at the end of the pier. From here, it's up to you to make it alive. Your best bet is go left, surf between the first three rows of rocks and your exit will have to be through Miley's Hole. So named because it has never been penetrated by man, nor Jonas."
Suddenly Mondo is breathing rapidly into a paper bag.
"Are you hyperventilating?" Woodie asked.
"A little, but I think this bag had a hamburger in it, and I like the smell!" Mondo panted.
"Are you really gonna surf it?"
Mondo stopped breathing into the bag and sat down nervously. "I don't know. One minute I think I should, and the next minute I think about touching Gene's chest, and the next minute I think I shouldn't."
Woodie sits down besides Mondo. "Okay, your problem is that your head is all over the place. You need to relax and get your mind right, so you figure out what you wanna do."
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"Lonnie's van!" Woodie and Wadska exclaimed at the same time. They took Mondo to the mustard yellow van Woodie pointed to yesterday, hoping that the righteous dude living in it can help with his words of wisdom. Lonnie is playing a guitar. Mondo was able to relax, no longer stressing over high tide, because he breathed in the smoke inside the van.
"Hey Lonnie, you found yourself faced with a tough, potentially life-ending situation?"
"Yeah, man. It was the third and final month of Desert Storm. Oil fires raged, the skies were black at noon, three clicks north of Kuwait City, I got separated from my platoon."
"What did you do?" Woodie asked.
"I freak the F out! I was in a mental hospital for 3 years! How the hell do you think I ended up living in a van?" Lonnie got out of the van and ran off. "I can still smell the hummus!"
Wadska walked up to them with a bowl of hummus eating a pita bread. "You guys want some pita?"
"Are you still worrying about surfing Baby Beach?" Woodie asked a still-relaxed Mondo.
"What beach? I'm totally chill. I'm totally freaked! I'm totally hungry. I'm totally gay. Your nose looks like a penis." Mondo said, poking at Woodie's long nose. "This van's awesome."
Mondo is back at the pier near Baby Beach. Then Wadska shows up holding a burlap sack carrying a dead sea lion.
"I found it at sea, let's dump him in the water and sea where it goes."
"Why?" Mondo asked.
"He'll take the path of least resistance. That's the one you wanna take." Wadska explained. He and Mondo push the dead animal into the choppy waters.
"Where did you get a dead sea lion?"
"You ask too many questions!" Wadska sang.
The two look to see the sea lion forcibly pushed towards a sharp rock. It splattered upon impact and a bunch of sharks started eating the remains.
"Okay we learn something here... those sharks are hungry." Wadska said as he walked away.
Mondo suddenly hears a distant fanfare. "Oh crap, it's high tide, I gotta get out of here." Mondo quickly turned to run out of the pier before anyone sees him. But alas, Gene, Turk, his gang, Milan and the Kuntz twins already showed up on time. Casa was holding a sea shell he blew music from. Wadska stands besides Gene.
"Wussing out? ...Wuss?" Turk mocked.
"No! I love to surf this. But I don't have a surfboard thanks to somebody." Mondo glares at Turk. "So, you know, maybe another day." He tried to walk away, hoping this would get him out of the challenge, at least for a while.
"Mondo!" Woodie ran up to Mondo, with the hot dog surfboard Mondo wanted. "Here, you've been a real bro to me. I've never had a bro before. I've always been kind of a loner. But it's been fun, being loners together." Woodie hands the board to Woodie.
"Wow, thanks man." Mondo was so touched. "This means a lot to me."
"It was nothing."
"But your timing sucks!" Mondo gestures at the crowd repeatedly chanting "Baby Beach!".
Seeing as his first real friend giving him the board and Gene giving him a smile of confidence, Mondo decide to finally step up. "Give me that board, I got us into this mess and I'm gonna get us out. I came to this town to make a name for myself and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Even if I die, at least the man of my dreams will remember my name forever."
"You can do it, Mongo!" Gene encouraging him, having forgotten Mondo's name.
"Close enough." Mondo shrugged.
"Wait! Good luck." Woodie grabs Mondo's man-boob.
"Dude, not in front of everyone." Mondo whispered angrily, slapping Woodie's hand away. He jumps board first into the water and paddles to Baby Beach, thinking things might go a little smoothly. But then...
"ROGUE WAVE!" Wadska yelled. Mondo turned back to see a giant wave is coming up from behind him. But Mondo manage to ride the wave, much to the spectators' excitement (except Turk), but especially Gene's. Mondo shows off by waving his arms and shaking his butt, which made Gene laugh.
Mondo is in the zone.
"MILEY'S HOLE!" Wadska warned.
Mondo sees that specific rock formation coming up fast.
"Balls."
Mondo's board hit a rock, sending him flying towards Miley's Hole, hitting his head and fell into the water. Suddenly he finds himself swimming towards a purple PT cruiser underwater, surrounded by multitude of mermen who look like Gene.
Woodie, dressed as the driver, opens the door for Mondo and they gave each other a high five. Inside the limo was a naked Gene in a hot tub. A bottle of hand lotion magically appear in his left hand and squirt a dap on his right. Then he spreads his legs and smears the lotion on his long hard dick. "I've always had a thing for short chubby guys." Gene said seductively, and then deeply tongues Mondo.
"Oh yeah." Mondo moaned as he started waking up, being given CPR by Lonnie. Mondo coughs out water.
"Thank god, man, you're alive!" Gene exclaimed, getting on his knees to see if Mondo is really okay.
"What happened?" Mondo asked.
"You ate it on that monster wave!" Woodie explained, then whispers, "Then you French kiss Lonnie for like 4 minutes."
Mondo looks at a smiling Lonnie, showing his yellowed teeth. "Oh God!" He started spitting and gagging.
"The badass news, yo, is that at least your reproductive organs remained functional." Mondo is confused by that statement, until...
"Mondo has a boner!" Turk chuckled, pointing at the tent that has formed on Mondo's swim trunks.
Mondo glanced at it, yelped, and quickly sat up to cover his embarrassment.
"It's not what it looks like! Well, it is, but it's not because Lonnie stuck his tongue down my throat. I mean, I'm not gay or anything." Mondo rambled. "Yes I am gay." he thought, feeling ashamed.
Everyone had dispersed from Mondo except for Turk, Gene, and Woodie.
"Dude, I can't believe how hard you ate it!" Turk laughed.
"Turk, c'mon man." Gene nudge Turk's arm.
"And you're officially un-banned from my beach." Turk announced, unenthusiastically. He then walked away, while Gene stayed with Mondo who gets up after his erection went down.
"You were awesome, man." Gene congratulated Mondo and lightly punched his arm. "And I have to say, you're pretty cool to be around with."
"Thanks!" Mondo said, glad to have impressed him, and rubbing where Gene punched. "So, uh, can I ask you something? You, like, maybe wanna hang out some time-"
Mondo was interrupted by the sound of a motorcycle, ridden by Turk. It's dark red with flames painted on the front. It also has a sidecar attached to the right.
"Let's go, man! The other guys found a dead body down by the freeway." Turk said.
"Sweet!" Gene replied. He hops into the sidecar and puts on a helmet. "See ya in class, Mondo."
"SUCK IIIIIIT!" Turk yelled, getting sand on Mondo as they drove off.
"At least he knows your name now. Step one, dude. Come on, let's go surfing!" Woodie said, giving Mondo back his surfboard.
"Busta mucha!" Mondo hollered as he and Woodie run back into the water.
"Everyone gathered around me. Gene thought I was pretty cool. Even Turk gave me respect. Kinda."
"That's great, honey! I'm glad you like it here." Babs puts her plate on the coffee table and heads to the bathroom. Mondo then heard a crash in the bathroom, again. Then Woodie is lead out by Babs.
"I was looking for my frisbee!" Woodie explained, wearing night-vision goggles.
"That one?" Mondo pointed to the frisbee that was placed on the TV stand.
"Uh, yeah."
"I'll fix another plate." Bab said, walking to the kitchen. Woodie took a seat next to Mondo.
"So you're working at Tiki Taco? How do you like it?" Woodie asked Babs, while taking a bite on garlic bread.
"It's alright. I'm just grateful that I don't have to be a hooker anymore." That made Woodie cough up his bread, and suddenly imagined Babs in various jobs that requires the use of a hook of some kind.
Mondo and Woodie are back at the beach, leaning on their surfboards, relaxing in the sand.
"So is California everything you'd thought it'd be?" Woodie asked.
"No, it's better." Mondo replied.
"Ah, the boob solar cycle is complete as they rehook their bikini tops." Woodie said, staring at the same two girls from before.
"Ah screw it, this is for you, bro." Mondo tells Woodie, while grabbing some seaweed.
"What are you gonna do?" Woodie questioned.
"I'm gonna do it, Jersey-style." Mondo smiled, and chucks the seaweed in front of the girls. "It's a rat!"
The girls ran passed them shrieking, allowing Woodie to get a good look at their bouncing breasts.
"I may not be into tits, but that was awesome!" Mondo chuckled.
"And the student has become the master." Woodie said.
They continue watching the sunset, knowing it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Feel free to give me any ideas on how the rest of the series would work with Mondo being gay and Jeena as a guy.
Since there are only 12 episodes, I plan to post one chapter/episode each month this year.