Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter in any way, shape or form. We also do not support J.K. Rowling's transphobia.
November 1978, 6 months after graduation
Mariah's footsteps echoed loudly off of the wooden floor and walls she half-jogged down the hallway the venue staff had pointed out to her. She counted the doors on the right until she reached the fourth and took a jackknife turn. She pulled up short of throwing the door open and took a deep breath to steady herself, and then knocked softly and opened the door.
"It's me. Sorry I'm late," she said at the squall of protests.
"Oh thank Merlin," said Mrs. Evans from behind a long lock of Lily's hair that she was currently teasing. "We were beginning to wonder."
"No we weren't, Mother. Mariah, don't worry about it," said Lily, twisting around to Mrs. Evans' displeasure. Mariah clapped her hands to her cheeks with a gasp.
"Lily, you're gorgeous!" she shrieked, and Lily smiled. "You look like such a bride!"
"Well that's good, given the circumstances," laughed Lily, but she was glowing with pleasure.
"There will be plenty of time for gushing later, dear, we need to get you fixed," said Euphemia Potter, forcefully removing Mariah's bags and ushering her behind a folding panel shade. She threw the emerald green bridesmaid dress robe over the top while Mariah discarded her very worn mediwizard robes.
"There you are, lovely," said Mrs. Evans, and the room stilled as Lily got to her feet and turned to face them. Mariah felt the fatigue of the last few months fall away at the sight of Lily smiling so purely. Her long red hair was clipped back with a small charmed barette of a pearled flower, cascading over one shoulder in long soft waves that curled sharply at the ends, giving way to a simple but elegant white wedding dress that fell to the floor. Mariah couldn't remember the last time she had been so purely happy as Lily, and the thought made her sad.
"Beautiful," said Euphemia with an approving nod. Mrs. Evans was misty-eyed as she turned Lily back around towards the mirror to admire her own appearance, and the feeling soon spread as Lily fanned her eyes and both older women laughed, breaking out their handkerchiefs as one. Mariah wiped her own eyes on the hem of her mediwizard robes as she returned to her dressing.
"No more crying or I won't be able to stop!" ordered Lily, dabbing her eyes with her mother's handkerchief.
"You'd best hang onto that for the whole ceremony," said Mrs. Evans, smiling. "You barely made it through to the vows at Tunie's—"
She broke off suddenly, and Lily's smile flickered for the first time. Mariah straightened back up, catching her eye sympathetically. Lily's sister Petunia had sent a short, curt letter declining both her invitation and the position of bridesmaid. At Petunia's wedding, Lily had been left out of the wedding party all together, and it had broken her heart.
"Are you decent, girl? We need to get your hair sorted," said Euphemia, breaking the awkward silence by tugging Mariah out from behind the panels without waiting for an answer and setting her in an empty chair next to Lily.
She began liberally coating her hands in a potion from a purple bottle on the table and running clawed hands through Mariah's long, light brown curls.
"When was the last time you combed your hair, goodness sakes," Euphemia exclaimed after a minute of hard effort.
"Don't ask," said Mariah, who had been working overnight and afternoon shifts for the best part of 4 months.
"Lily, hand her the lotion potion, she looks three steps from death with those dark circles," said Euphemia, and Lily handed Mariah a small red bottle with a badly smothered grin.
"Thank you Mrs. Potter," said Mariah dryly, dabbing the potion on her face.
"Euphemia, please," said Euphemia. She twisted Mariah's hair up in one hand, her other hand waving her wand, which sent a small army of pins flying off the vanity in an elegant flight pattern to hold the hair where she positioned it. "Ugh, I was wasted on a son. I should've loved a girl." She smiled at Lily. "I suppose I'll have one before the day is out, though."
"Do you have work in the morning, Mariah?" asked Lily.
"Not until the evening, thank God," said Mariah, wincing as Euphemia tugged her head to the side. "It'll be the first good night's rest I've had in months."
"Not if that Sirius Black has anything to say about it, though I'll bet," said Mrs. Evans, raising her eyebrows. Mariah raised her eyebrows, her lips tightening, as Lily gasped.
"Mum, NO," said Lily loudly. Mrs. Evans rolled her eyes, taking a sip of a large champagne flute. It was then that Mariah noticed the other glasses on the vanity surrounding an empty bottle.
"All I'm saying is that as far as who might be next to get married, I know who my money's on," said Mrs. Evans, winking at Mariah.
Mariah took note of Mrs. Evans's flushed cheeks, and in the mirror, she saw Euphemia's face was just as flushed.
"...Are all of you pissed already?" asked Mariah.
"Not me," said Lily quickly, "it was these two's idea to open the bar early."
"Well…" started Mrs. Evans.
"It's a celebration," said Euphemia. "We have to take every opportunity we can to celebrate these days."
"I don't suppose there's any left?" asked Mariah. Mrs. Evans lifted the bottle, shaking it experimentally to test its emptiness.
"Ah, no matter, as Lily said, the bar is open already," said Euphemia, grinning. Mrs. Evans replaced the bottle on the vanity, sipping from her glass again.
"What is it you do again?" asked Mrs. Evans, eyeing Mariah's discarded purple robes. "Some kind of wizard emergency room doctor, right?"
"Mediwizard," said Mariah. "Like a paramedic."
"Oh I see. And will you be going to medical school then, or…" led Mrs. Evans.
"Er...they don't really have medical school, it would be direct into training at St. Mungo's – the hospital – and then after two years of training there are tests to become a staff Healer," said Mariah. Mrs. Evans smiled.
"Like your father? He was a doctor, too, wasn't he?" she asked. Mariah nodded mutely, feeling Euphemia's fingers catch in her hair as she did so.
There was a knock at the door and the three of them looked up to see Fleamont Potter stick his head in, eyes covered with one hand.
"We're decent, dear," said Euphemia, shaking her head.
"Oh, good. The photographer's just arrived, Lily, if you want to get started on the photos."
"Oh, yes," said Lily, standing. Mrs. Evans grabbed her train and veil, and helped her out of the room in her cumbersome dress.
"I'll be along soon, darling, just finishing up the Maid of Honor," said Euphemia.
The others closed the door behind them and their cheerful chatter faded down the hall with their footsteps. Euphemia summoned a few more pins, and fixed them in place before handing Mariah a hand mirror.
"Take a look, then," she said, spinning Mariah around to look at her hair from the back.
"Where on Earth did you learn to do that?" asked Mariah, impressed. "There's no way James let you practice on him."
"I was immensely popular in school, and ended up a bridesmaid fifteen times," said Euphemia, smiling grimly. "Eventually I managed to get quite good at it. Here, let's get your face now that the lotion's set."
Mariah sat still as Euphemia broke out a number of compacts, turning her face every few minutes. The room was quiet without the chatter of the Evans women, save for the clicks of the compacts and the quiet swishing of the brushes.
"I was sorry to hear about your father's passing," said Euphemia after a few minutes. "It was last spring, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," said Mariah, her spirits faltering.
"I just want you to know, if you ever need a place to stay, our doors are always open," said Euphemia. "We love company. Consider it an open invitation, and holidays, too. We'd love to have you for Christmas again. It was such a joy having the house full-up last year, grim though the circumstances were."
"Again?" repeated Mariah, opening her eyes as Euphemia finished the eyeliner. Euphemia nodded, searching through a bag for the mascara.
"Oh yes. I know last time was a bit cramped with you, James, Lily, Sirius, the boys, and the Mansfields all in the house at once and only three guest rooms to split, but Sirius has been at his own flat, as you know, and James and Lily are bound to get their own place soon no doubt. Hard to believe we'll be empty-nesters soon. So please, bother us when you can, I don't know what I'd do with a quiet house."
Mariah remained silent as Euphemia finished her off with a bit of lipstick and spun her chair back around to the mirror on the vanity.
"Beautiful," she said, smiling at Mariah. Mariah nodded, forcing an appreciative smile.
"Thanks, Mrs. Potter," she said.
"Euphemia," corrected Euphemia. "Now, let's go track down the others."
Mariah followed Euphemia out of the room, but she felt as though her mind was trailing behind her body as she walked down the hall. Her heart had dropped out of place at the mention of her father, bringing back fleeting memories of a numb funeral.
Sirius had taken her, but she had no memory of arriving, only of the image of her father's coffin being lowered into the ground, the feel of damp dirt in her hand, and of her brother Devon pulling her aside after the ceremony and demanding that she leave. Sirius had been waiting outside for her, had shouted at Devon, and led her away. She remembered the feeling of the cold rain mixing with warm, quiet tears on her face as Sirius had led her back to his flat, and the crushing realization that she could never go home again.
Between the loss of her father and the horrors of their graduation, Mariah had had little escape from grief, and that helplessness had ultimately driven her to apply to St. Mungo's. At least if she helped people she could feel like something was within her control.
But something else haunted Mariah as she followed Euphemia, barely listening to the older woman's words as she chatted cheerily about the wedding. And that was that she had no memory of ever having been to the Potters' home, let alone with so many people, or last Christmas. Last Christmas...she had stayed at school. Her father and Devon had been attacked by Muggle burglars in her absence, and she had visited them in the aftermath. But then Devon had said something. I won't forgive you no matter how hard you want to pretend Christmas didn't happen.
"Are you alright, dear?" asked Euphemia, and Mariah realized she had stopped walking several steps behind.
"Oh...yeah, just, still in the work headspace, sorry," said Mariah. "Would you mind if I caught up to you?"
"I know what you need," said Euphemia, winking. She put an arm around Mariah's shoulder and pointed toward the far door at the end of the hall. "Bar's right through there, get yourself a drink and relax."
She clapped Mariah's shoulder and bustled off into a large social hall to the side enchanted to look like a grassy hillside in summertime, where the rest of the wedding party had begun photos.
Mariah stepped through the doors at the end of the hallway, glancing around for the bar. All at once felt herself harshly jerked from the deep currents of her thoughts as she saw who already stood there, glass in hand. She almost didn't recognize him. He cut a long figure in a fine black suit, and his hair was longer, carelessly swept to the side off of his face, and he had grown some short facial hair since she had seen him. She tried to backtrack, but before she could move, he turned, his grey eyes meeting hers.
She saw him arch his eyebrows when he saw her, and then he slowly raised a hand in greeting, jerking it in a small wave. Knowing she couldn't leave easily now, Mariah crossed the room towards him.
"I was hoping you would be with the others taking photos," she said.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," said Sirius. Mariah reached over the counter for a bottle of wine and a glass.
"Why are you hiding by the bar?" she asked.
"Well I considered hiding by the altar, but they need that wine for later," said Sirius sarcastically. Mariah frowned.
"Judging by that comment, I'd say you'd already had enough," she said, raising her eyebrows. Sirius smirked, leaning in.
"I'll let you in on a secret," he said in a stage whisper. "I've been unceremoniously dumped recently. And my girlfriend – sorry – ex-girlfriend...is at the wedding. This wedding." He glanced around conspiratorially. "And I thought I should get a little liquid courage in before I ran into her unexpectedly."
Mariah looked at him flatly as he dropped the tone and returned to his drink.
"Strangely enough, I did notice that everyone seems to think we're still together," she said. "Mrs. Potter, Mrs. Evans, even Lily."
"That is strange. Almost as if nobody told them," said Sirius, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you serious?" exclaimed Mariah. She held up a hand almost immediately after the words left her mouth as Sirius looked at her. "Don't answer that. It's been two months, I figured you would have told James at least by now."
"That's funny," said Sirius, "because I kept waiting for you to tell Lily, and you never did. Pot, kettle, Jaeger."
"I've been a little busy," said Mariah dryly. "And I didn't want to bother her with this right before her wedding. I was hoping you would have told James and she could've found out through relationship osmosis."
"Right, well, I missed the memo on that strategy," said Sirius. "Maybe if you'd left a note I would have received the message. If it had been my decision to break up in the first place, maybe I would have mentioned something to James, but seeing as you were the one who walked out, I figured I'd leave it up to you to spread the word. Unless...you're having second thoughts?" He raised an eyebrow at her.
"I am not," she said sharply. "Whatever, I'll tell Lily it didn't work out between us after the wedding."
"You still haven't told her?" laughed Sirius.
"I'm handling it," said Mariah.
"Is that what you're going to call it?" asked Sirius, the humor gone from his voice as he sipped his drink. "Not working out?"
"Yes...I'd say 'not working out' is a great descriptor of what happened," said Mariah. Sirius snorted into his glass, and Mariah felt a surge of anger. "Just because we have good banter doesn't mean we should be in a relationship, Sirius."
"We have a lot more than just banter, Jaeger," said Sirius, still grinning with disdain.
"Yeah, we have massive problems, too," said Mariah pointedly, "but instead of working on them, we avoid each other, and we drink, and we fight, and we have sex, and feel better, but then the problems are still there the next day, and nothing gets better." Sirius regarded her darkly, then drained his glass.
"If it didn't work out, it's because you decided to give up instead of staying to work it out," he said with finality, replacing his empty glass on the bar counter and moving towards the exit.
"Hey," said Mariah loudly after a moment, and he stopped, looking back at her ruefully as she marched after him. She glared at him, but sighed, "Look, can we call a truce for tonight? I don't want to ruin Lily's wedding with our bullshit."
Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, then dropped his gaze down to where she was offering her hand. He took it, but instead of shaking it, he pulled her in closer, slipping his other arm around her waist.
"Sirius–" started Mariah, flustered at the proximity and the sudden smell of his cologne, but the next moment she felt his hand trace up her back, fastening the zipper on her dress with a small zip.
"Truce," said Sirius, smirking at her blushing face, and letting her hand go with one last shake. He let out a short barking laugh as he exited through the door into the summery hall, and Mariah wished she'd left him drinking alone.
Sirius had so far successfully managed to avoid several glaring problems of the past year until the day of his best friend's wedding. The first and foremost of these problems had just joined them on the enchanted lawn, a bit red in the face and tripping a little on the grass as she approached, but otherwise a picture of perfect grace.
"Let's get one with the happy couple and the Best Man and Maid of Honor," said the photographer, a small twiglike man whose angular joints and quick movements made him seem a little like a spider, shuffling the different pieces of equipment that hung from his neck between shots.
Sirius took his place at the groom's side, putting an arm around his waist jokingly in a prom pose until James laughed. He grinned at the camera, hoping they would be done soon. The sun and the drink were making him sweat in his layered suit, and his feet ached from miles of walking the night before. His empty apartment which confronted him every night with its ringing hollowness had tormented him to the point that he had taken on extra reconnaissance that kept him busy and out at all hours as a distraction, and he was paying for it now with this photo parade.
"Just the Maid of Honor and Best Man now!" called the photographer, and James led Lily away.
Sirius stepped in and put his arm dutifully around Mariah's waist, feeling her stiffen. He closed his eyes so he could roll them without her seeing. He tried to smile through his annoyance, but he was still mad at her.
It had been two months since Sirius had come home to find her things cleared out of his flat, a threat he had not taken seriously at the time. She had been living with him since graduation when the Mediwizards had sent him home with one arm in a sling for two weeks. At first it had been a temporary arrangement of convenience – she could be around to help him as he recovered, and he could give her a place to stay until she found her own flat, since she was no longer welcome at home. But their feelings eventually caught up with them and a year's worth of sexual tension exploded into a passionate relationship that had quickly burnt out when the real world came knocking.
With James making a new life with Lily, Remus spending all his time trying to find work, and Peter interning at the Ministry, Sirius had grown used to spending all his free time with Mariah. As far as he was concerned they had a life together. But when Mariah applied to be a Mediwizard, he found himself for the first time since his early Hogwarts days alone. And Sirius hated being alone.
He had already been working with the Order of the Phoenix under Dumbledore's orders, but he began to invest more and more of his time into missions, reconnaissance, and surprise attacks. Dumbledore had not changed his stance since modifying Mariah's memory and wiping the Order from her mind, and so Sirius had had to keep his involvement a secret. That had been fairly easy, as the other Marauders were in the Order, and Sirius would regularly use them as excuses for where he'd been. But a particularly nasty slash from a Death Eater attack across his back had led to questions he couldn't answer, and he had begun to take on even more Order work by the end just to avoid the fights.
But that didn't mean she had to move out in the dead of night without a word while he was out, he had reasoned to himself as he had paced the room in a confused frustrated fury the night she'd left. 'Just because we have good banter…' he thought with equal frustration. Was that all she thought they had? His secrets of the Order aside, there were bigger things they had not addressed, and they were hers to confront. He knew the real reason she hadn't told Lily yet.
"Mr. Black, can you smile a little less like a hungry wolf, please," said the photographer, and Sirius closed his mouth, smiling again with a little less strain. "A little closer, please."
Sirius pulled Mariah closer to him, and heard James wolf whistle. Poor bastard, he doesn't know we're finished, Sirius mused. Then he laughed to himself. If anyone's the poor bastard, it's me.
"Tremendous," said the photographer, shooting off the shutter of his camera in quick succession.
It was a while before photos were done, but Sirius and Mariah were finally released as the photographer moved on with Lily and James to take photos of them alone. Mariah disentangled herself from the group and returned to the side hallway, probably to hide in the bridal dressing room, Sirius thought. He returned inside, but avoided the same path, instead retracing his steps towards the bar and the main social hall.
The venue staff had completed their setup, and the main hall was full of wooden benches facing a small curtained arch that served as the altar. The walls were lined with an enchanted curtain projecting perfect vibrant eternally-autumnal trees in explosions of color, so that it felt as though they were standing in the middle of an October forest, and small, glowing fairy lights clustered high above, enchanting the grove with their cheery light.
There was already a man sitting in the third row. Sirius felt a small trickle of dread as he walked up the aisle and caught more and more of a view of a long, silver white beard, but dread was a regular occurence now at the sight of Dumbledore. Dumbledore usually came with news, and these days the news was always bad. Sirius briefly entertained the idea that the headmaster had come just to celebrate, but from serving the Order for the past six months, he knew better. At some point in the evening, there would be news.
"Mr. Black," said Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling upon seeing him. Sirius nodded in greeting as he approached.
"Dumbledore," he said.
"You're looking tired," said Dumbledore. "I hope that your efforts last night were rewarding."
"Reasonably," said Sirius, taking a seat next to Dumbledore on the bench. "The usual suspects were quiet, no odd movements in or out of the Ministry, etc etc."
"Good, good," said Dumbledore. Sirius nodded, but his leg began vibrating in the following silence. Dumbledore regarded him warmly. "Anything else to report?"
"No...well…" Sirius hesitated, the second glaring problem of the past year rearing its ugly head. For weeks, Sirius had been taking on more and more missions to avoid his empty home, but had remained out wandering, aimlessly searching in the night to delay his return. The direct result of which was that earlier that week he had unexpectedly run smack into the long lost Geoffrey Mansfield in a Muggle town outside of London. "I may have found Mansfield," he said after a moment.
"Interesting," said Dumbledore, interlocking his fingers. "Was he still with Miss Delacroix?"
"Er, no. He was alone when I saw him," said Sirius. Dumbledore nodded slowly.
"Very well. It will be your job to go to that address and Obliviate Mr. Mansfield's memories of the Order," he said. Sirius felt as though something had hit him hard and left his ears ringing.
"O-Obliviate?" he repeated, stunned. "Profes- I mean Sir...now that we've found him shouldn't we try to give him an assignment, maybe get him back on board with–"
"Mr. Mansfield sent a letter of resignation from the Order shortly after the battle at graduation. His association with Miss Delacroix aside, Mr. Mansfield's past with the Order makes him a target. And any information pertaining to the Order that a Death Eater could extract from him puts us at risk," said Dumbledore.
"Of course," said Sirius slowly. "But ahh...I'm not sure my particular Obliviation talents are...quite up to snuff."
"Oh I'm sure they're quite adequate," said Dumbledore. Sirius nodded, staring at his hands as he caught upon the next snag.
"But...sorry, might a memory modification run the risk of...overdoing it?" he asked. He rushed to elaborate at the look on Dumbledore's face. "I only say this because...when Mariah's memory was modified, you were forced to erase all memories of the Death Eaters' attacks on her father. Don't you think someone might notice if Mansfield suddenly has no memory of his uncle's death?"
"That is why it's called memory modification, and not memory erasure, Sirius," said Dumbledore. "Miss Jaeger remembered the incident, just differently. You were there when Mr. Mansfield discovered his uncle, you were close to him during all of his tragic losses. You are the best candidate to modify Mr. Mansfield's memory, and so this unpleasant job must go to you alone."
Sirius grimaced, and Dumbledore looked at him over the rims of his half-moon spectacles pointedly.
"Right," said Sirius. After another silent hesitation, he nodded to Dumbledore and got back to his feet, striding off in search of shallow conversation to distract him. He hadn't even asked Dumbledore if there was any further news, and given the orders he'd just been given, he'd need several more drinks in him before he absorbed any more disappointing information that day.
He felt a very small twinge of guilt amongst the devastation at his upcoming job. He had indeed seen Geoffrey Mansfield alone, while wandering an unfamiliar street in the early hours of the morning as a dog. He had spotted Geoff jogging out of a garden gate and through the small town to the store, returning shortly after with a small shopping bag. Shocked, Sirius had continued to watch the house all night, but while he did not see Emilie Delacroix, he did see what was almost certainly an Emilie Delacroix Mansfield waiting to happily welcome her husband back home again.
Shortly after Lily J. Evans was declared Lily J. Potter, wife of James Potter, under a rain of stars cascading from the officiant's wand, the benches were moved away to make room for a dance floor, and several tables were summoned to hold a veritable feast provided by the bride and groom's friends and family. The wedding was small, smaller than even they had even expected. The attendees were family or close friends, but with the escalation of the war, the turnout was around just 35 people.
Mariah glanced around, her eyes skimming over James's and Lily's parents, who were laughing and congratulating each other near the altar, ultimately landing on Dumbledore sitting at a table to one side next to Alice Prewett and Frank Longbottom. Or, Alice and Frank Longbottom now, she corrected herself. There had been a slew of hasty weddings and elopements following their catastrophic graduation. Alice and Frank's wedding in particular had been in the backroom of a pub a month or two after graduation, just the immediate families and some scattered close friends on such short notice.
Very soon the room had transformed from pleasant chatter to boisterous laughter and dancing. Sirius and James in particular were doing a rather jaunty hoedown that sent several partygoers scurrying out of range.
Mariah was laughing and clapping alongside Lily, and soon Peter and Remus had joined in with their own dance arm-in-arm, switching partners with James and Sirius until they had a dance going that almost looked planned.
"No!" shouted Lily as James reached for her for his next handoff, and Mariah barely managed to grab Lily's glass before she was pulled into the fray. The next second, however, Mariah was pulled in by Remus, sending both Lily's and her own glasses flying. Luckily, someone caught them with their wand and set them on the table, but Lily and Mariah had successfully joined the dance and were soon red-faced with merriment as the song ended a few bars later.
"No more!" laughed Mariah, breathless as she staggered off the dance floor. "No more dancing!"
"If we're going to be dancing like that all night I'm going to need a shorter dress," said Lily, hitching up her skirts as she nearly tripped. James grabbed her around the waist and kissed her to wolf whistles from Sirius.
"'Scuse me, can I get a photo," said a man whose name Mariah had not caught, but who she thought might be related to James. He had been taking photos all night.
Lily pulled Mariah in at her side, and the four of them posed quickly and the man snapped a photo, blinding them momentarily with the large flash on his camera.
"I need a drink," said Mariah after the man had left. "Be right back."
She extricated herself from the dancefloor quickly as the next song started up with a jaunty tune. She waded through the small crowd at the edge and made her way to the bar, waiting for it to clear. Mariah started to fill her glass from the water jug, only to turn and find Sirius facing her with two cups of punch.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Truce," said Sirius. "Truce juice," he added, extending the punch glasses.
"Sirius, I can't, I have work tomorrow," she said.
"Didn't you work today?" asked Sirius.
"I work every day," said Mariah dryly. "Magical maladies and injuries never sleep."
"When do you have to be up?" asked Sirius. Mariah shrugged.
"Not til afternoon, but–," she started, and Sirius scoffed. She went on, "But I have a night shift tomorrow, so I need to be rested and alert."
"Come on, one drink," said Sirius, grinning and presenting her the glass again.
"No, no, one drink is never just one with you, and I really need to get a good night's sleep tonight, Sirius. It's my first evening off in I don't know how long," protested Mariah.
"You're not even going to celebrate for your best friend's wedding?" asked Sirius. "Come on, when's the next time you think you'll be able to have a little fun?" Mariah paused, then took the offered glass.
"Fine. Just one," she emphasized. She moved to cheers Sirius's, but he wrapped his arm through hers, glass in hand, and she made a face. "Come on," she snorted. Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"One, two, three," he counted. The two of them took a drink from their own glasses, then clumsily extricated their arms from each other's, grinning.
"I swear, I don't know you," said Mariah, trying to temper her smile.
"I dunno, I'd say you've got the measure of me pretty well," said Sirius, raising his eyebrows. Mariah shook her head sharply.
"No, nope, stop it now, you're not going to win me over again with that charisma, Sirius," said Mariah.
"I'm not doing anything," said Sirius innocently, but Mariah shook her head again.
"You know exactly what you're doing," she said. "We shouldn't be drinking together."
"We're just talking, calm down," said Sirius. "Truce." Mariah closed her mouth, but eyed him suspiciously.
"Whose suit is that?" she asked after a moment.
"Benjy's," said Sirius. "Stylish bastard, no?"
"Who the fuck is Benjy?" asked Mariah.
"You know, Benjy. Fenwick. He's over there," Sirius finished, waving at a general cluster of people in the corner.
"Is he a work colleague?" she asked, her smile thinning. Sirius shrugged, taking a sip of his drink.
"Maybe," he said, avoiding her eyes.
Mariah nodded, her humor completely diffused. She tapped a burn on Sirius's wrist showing just below his sleeve. "Is that where you got this?"
"Could be," said Sirius. "But you know me, this could've been a barfight, misfire, errant cauldron handle…"
"Oh for sure," said Mariah, nodding. "Give it here." She took Sirius's hand without waiting for a response, set down her glass and pulled out her wand, muttering a small spell. The burn hissed and bubbled, and knitted itself quickly into pale white scar tissue.
"That's handy. I should learn that one," said Sirius, but Mariah lifted his sleeve further, exposing a plethora of recent scars and scabbed lacerations running the length of his arm. Sirius pulled his sleeve back down, taking Mariah's hand in his own. "Come on, Mariah, you're off the clock tonight."
"Right," said Mariah, smiling humorlessly. She took her hand from Sirius's and crossed her arms.
Sirius brought his drink to his lips, surveying the crowd. Mariah eyed his arm again, but said nothing. The jaunty hoedown music finished playing, and they applauded. When the next song began, it was a slower, sweeter number. James and Lily swayed against each other center floor, and couples were joining them, leading each other onto the dance floor hand in hand. Sirius caught Mariah's eye.
"Dance with me?" he asked. Mariah glared at him, and he grinned. "Just one dance? Then I promise you can avoid me to your heart's content."
Sighing, Mariah put her drink down, and allowed Sirius to lead her back onto the dance floor. He positioned her hands on his shoulder and in his own before putting a hand around her waist and leading her in a small waltz. Mariah watched her feet for a few bars to get the rhythm, then lifted her head. Sirius was looking at her with an expression she had only seen when they were alone, his face relaxed, softer, his eyes fully engaged with her. And then he winced, as she stepped on his foot, and she looked back down, trying to regain the rhythm.
"Sorry, I don't really know how to dance," she said.
"Are you telling me you never danced at any of those Slug Club parties at school?" asked Sirius, his softer expression gone, replaced with amusement.
"Only well-adjusted kids danced at those parties," said Mariah. "What's your excuse?"
"Fourteen years of training to be head of the family at endless posh pureblood parties, not by choice," said Sirius, turning her. "So, where are you living these days?" Mariah eyed him suspiciously, and he rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to show up unannounced or anything, I'm just making sure you're not living out of a cardboard box or–"
"I'm at the Leaky Cauldron," said Mariah. "Still looking for a flat I can afford but it's hard to do visits when I'm working round the clock. I work with first responders every night, I train at St. Mungo's every morning, I eat when I can, and I don't sleep."
"Jesus, Mariah, you know if you wanted to kill yourself there are other ways," said Sirius, but Mariah shook her head.
"I want to do this. Besides, they're very understaffed at St. Mungo's these days, and it's a good opportunity to learn the most I can to be a healer. Not to mention the overtime pay. Rent isn't cheap."
"You wouldn't have to pay rent if–"
"Sirius," said Mariah warningly, and he rolled his eyes again, but didn't press the issue.
"You could've left a note," he said after a minute. "I was half crazy thinking maybe you'd been..." he trailed off, sighing angrily.
"I couldn't think of anything to say that hadn't already been said," said Mariah.
"'Goodbye,' maybe?" offered Sirius, shrugging. Mariah felt a twinge of guilt.
"I'm sorry," she conceded. "I should have at least let you know I was safe."
"You should have," said Sirius. "Luckily I figured out you had at least left voluntarily when I saw that all your clothes were gone. I figured if you'd been kidnapped by Voldemort that he'd have left your trunk."
"I'm surprised you noticed at all," muttered Mariah. Sirius's amusement vanished.
"You say we never work on our problems, walking out will definitely ensure that we don't."
"It's not walking out if there's nothing left to walk out on. When we weren't fighting, we were avoiding each other so much we barely saw each other," said Mariah. Sirius laughed suddenly.
"That's bullshit, Jaeger. The fact that we fought so much was at least evidence that we were still trying to find a middle ground. That only changed when Lily and James told us they were engaged, and then it became too real for you and you bailed."
Mariah felt a small shock to her system at this, as Sirius laughed some more.
"You want to find a middle ground? Tell me what happened last Christmas?" she asked, the shock giving her a cold edge to her tone. Sirius stopped laughing.
"What?"
"Tell me where you got all those injuries," said Mariah, clapping Sirius on the arm. He winced, and took hold of her wrist.
"I told you, it's nothing," he said. Mariah's eyes burned at him.
"And I told you, I can't be with you while you're keeping things from me," she said. "You're giving me shit for not leaving a note, but you refuse to tell me what dangerous mystery bullshit you're up to, and everything out there's getting worse and worse. You were coming home with injuries every day, Sirius!"
"It's not up to me," hissed Sirius, pulling her closer.
"Then who is it up to?" asked Mariah. Sirius opened his mouth, but he couldn't speak. He gagged on the words, the sound coming out like a scoff, and he laughed with the futility of it all.
"I can't tell you," he said. Mariah shook her head again.
"I can't be with another person who lies to me," she said softly. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment the song ended and people broke apart, applauding. Sirius caught her eye as she clapped, but before he could say anything, Remus approached them through the crowd.
"Benjy asked me to remind you to take off the suit before you pass out tonight," he said to Sirius, handing him a new glass of wine. "And Dumbledore wants a word."
Mariah turned and walked off of the dance floor, and Sirius sighed, nodding absently.
"Of course he does," he said, downing half the glass in one and striding away into the crowd.
The winter hall was much smaller than the autumnal hall or the summer hall, but Mariah appreciated its quiet stillness after so much rambunctious activity. Like the autumnal hall, the winter hall was set in a forest, only the trees were bare and thickly layered with glistening enchanted snow that fell from the ceiling and clustered softly on the floor without leaving a chill in the air. It was nighttime, and small jars of blue fire hung from tree limbs every few feet, giving the dark forest a periwinkle glow, and the snow a small glittering shimmer.
She had no trouble hearing the doors open, but she didn't look up as the soft crunching footsteps reached her.
"I don't know what you possibly think we could have left to say to each other," she said after a minute.
"Oh, I can think of a few things," said Lily, taking a seat on the bench next to her. Mariah jumped, looking around.
"I thought you were Sirius," she said, breathing out slowly.
"I noticed," said Lily. "What did he do this time?"
"I...don't worry about it, Lily, go back to your wedding," said Mariah. "I'm fine, I swear."
"As the bride, I command you to tell me what's the matter," said Lily, raising her head high. Mariah raised an eyebrow, but Lily narrowed her eyes. "It's my special day. I make the rules. Spill the goss."
"Fine," said Mariah, shaking her head. "I...it's just...we are...sort of broken up." She looked up at Lily, who looked surprised.
"Like...just now?" she asked. "Did you break up at my wedding?"
"No, no, this was months ago," said Mariah.
"Months?" repeated Lily incredulously. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I'm sorry," said Mariah, running a hand through her hair, dislocating a few bobby pins. "I didn't want to bother you, and I thought you would hear from Sirius."
"What happened? What did he do?" asked Lily. Mariah paused, Euphemia Potter's words flitting across her mind. Whatever secret had happened at Christmas that she was not allowed to know, Lily was in on it. And that above everything made her feel lonelier than ever.
"It's not just him, it's everything...Ever since graduation...ever since I got this job...everything's just been life and death every day, and I just kept thinking 'if I don't have Sirius, I don't have anyone.' And...I don't know that it should be that way...because I'm not sure that I can trust him with that much of myself."
"You have me, too," said Lily. "Me always, and James, and Remus and Peter."
Mariah smiled, but the smile did not reach her eyes.
"It doesn't always feel like it," she said. "You and James are about to have your own lives. Everyone has their own life now. It sucks. Like, I knew we'd be on our own after school, but I didn't think that meant we'd be alone."
"It's different, sure," said Lily. "But...I don't know. When everything went down at graduation, I had serious doubts about what I was going to do. Like, would James and I be safer living in the Muggle world if we were going to get married. I still haven't told my parents what happened, they think it was a freak incident. But whenever I asked James about it, we would get into a huge fight, because there was no way he could leave the Wizarding World, and he thought it was outrageous I was even considering it. It was a whole thing. It was like asking him to consider the safest option was also asking him to abandon his family and friends and entire way of life. We didn't break up, but there was a lot of tension for a long time. But eventually we talked about it, and laid out all of our options in pros and cons, and we decided we would rather go down fighting for what we believed in, and live our lives to the fullest at the same time."
"So kids and everything? How are you going to have kids in the middle of a war?" asked Mariah.
"The traditional way, I suppose," said Lily, and she laughed. "I don't know about kids, yet, but it's not off the table. James and I love each other, and we made the decision to be together because even if we aren't sure about anything else, we're certain of that. And if we stopped planning our futures because of the war, it'd be like He'd already won. Like we'd died before he even had the chance to kill us."
"But how do you know you'll still love each other after the war?" asked Mariah. "How do you know this isn't a mistake?"
Lily shrugged.
"We just have to trust each other, and try our best to tackle whatever comes our way as a team," she said.
"What if you can't trust him?" asked Mariah. Lily raised an eyebrow. Mariah elaborated, "Like...what if you found out James was hiding something from you."
"I would talk to him about it," said Lily. "And if he knew what was good for him he'd be honest with me."
"And if he still wouldn't tell you?" asked Mariah. "How do you trust anything he says after that?" Lily crossed her arms, considering.
"Then...I would consider whether or not I trusted his judgement," she said. "James and I share everything. We're in love, we're moving in together, we're getting married – are married. If he hid anything from me after all of that, I'd trust that he had a good reason, and that he would share it with me when he was ready."
"Do you trust Sirius?" asked Mariah. Lily nodded.
"With my life," she said. "James loves him, and trusts him, and I love and trust James."
"Do you trust me?" asked Mariah. Lily smiled, and nodded.
"With all my heart," she said.
The party was dying down significantly by the time Sirius returned from speaking to Dumbledore. A few staggering couples were swaying on the dance floor, but most of the attendees had dispersed into smaller groups. A loud chorus of "Ode to the Wandering Wizard Yorick" was bubbling up from a few wizards sitting with Hagrid near the food table.. A quick look around told Sirius that Mariah was nowhere to be found. He spotted Remus sitting alone near the bar and approached.
"Where have you been?" asked Remus as he sat down next to him with a full bottle from the bar.
"Order business," said Sirius, uncorking a bottle and drinking from it. "Justice never sleeps. I'm being sent on a mission tonight if you can believe. Dumbledore just gave me another rundown of the plan as though I wasn't already dreading it enough."
Remus made a sound in his throat in response, staring into his glass. Sirius watched him.
"What'd I miss?" he asked warily. Remus ran a hand over his eyes.
"Oh, James and Lily had a boisterous sendoff, more drinks were had, Peter was sick in the coat room and had to go home, etc etc." He leaned on one hand.
"What? So soon? I'd have expected more action from James's wedding, it's not even midnight," said Sirius, shrugging. "Oh well. Did Mariah leave?"
"She left," said Remus.
"Did she give you the potion?" asked Sirius.
"Yes, Dad," said Remus. Sirius eyed him, taking in the number of empty bottles that flanked his current beer.
"Why are you drinking alone, Moony?" he asked. "That's my job."
"Oh, you know," said Remus, shrugging with a large sigh. "The usual."
"The registration," guessed Sirius. Remus glanced at him.
"Mmm yes, that," he said after a moment. "I suppose the upside is that while I can't afford to eat regularly, once a month I definitely get a free meal. It's just a mystery every time. Sheep? Pig? Human?"
"But the potion lets you keep control, right?" asked Sirius. Remus nodded.
"Not like it helps my case," he said. "With the registry it doesn't matter if I'm tame or not. No one will hire me."
"There's always the Order, mate," said Sirius, reaching out a hand and clapping Remus on the shoulder encouragingly.
"The Order doesn't pay, Sirius," said Remus.
"Then come stay with me, Moony," said Sirius, but Remus shook his head.
"Why, are you looking for a roommate now that Mariah's dumped you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Did she say something?" asked Sirius, his heart sinking. Remus played with the neck of his beer bottle.
"No, but it's obvious something's happened. You couldn't keep your hands off each other at the Longbottom wedding, and now you're tense just to be near each other. James thought maybe she kicked you out since you're over at his house so often."
"What makes you so sure she dumped me?" asked Sirius.
"Because you're lazy," said Remus. "You get into all of these relationships but when the fun stops you just avoid them until they break up with you."
"Name one!" said Sirius, indignant.
"Gwenog Jones," said Remus immediately.
"Not that one," said Sirius, waving the matter aside.
"Christina, Corvenia, Daniella, Margot, Gwendolyn, Ebony–"
"Ok, I get your point, but that's not what happened this time," said Sirius. "She thinks I've been lying to her. It's been a little hard to keep these under wraps." He rolled up his sleeve, pointing at each injury in turn. "The Malfoy watch, the watch on my parents' house, the Hogsmeade watch, the tail to Knockturn Alley, the Ministry infiltration…"
"Jesus, Padfoot, use a shield charm," said Remus, shaking his head.
"I've had to make up a bunch of excuses to cover them up. And then she moved out two months ago in the dead of night while I was out without a word or a note."
"Could it have been because she was sick of your lies and half-assed attempts to cover them up when things got hard?" said Remus.
"You're really being very ruthless this evening, Moony," said Sirius, putting a hand to his chest.
"Am I wrong?" asked Remus, looking up at him. Sirius didn't respond. "You're an incredible self-sabotage artist, Padfoot."
"She thinks I'm as bad as Lovell keeping shit from her," Sirius went on, rolling his sleeve back down. "When I'm literally spellbound from telling her about the Order. I don't want to lie..."
"Do you think Kurt Lovell wanted to lie to her?" asked Remus. Sirius looked affronted.
"What kind of question is that? This is completely different," he said. "That bastard made his bed." Remus regarded his bottle again.
"You chose a side, too, Sirius," he said. "And you chose to fight. If you don't want to end up like Kurt Lovell, you'll have to choose differently than he did when it comes to Mariah."
"Again, you're missing the point where I don't have a choice to make," said Sirius, leaning in. "Dumbledore is the secret-keeper for the Order," he said so quietly that his lips barely moved. "Even if I wanted to, I physically can't tell her anything, it's impossible. I tried."
"You really need to get over yourself," said Remus sharply, rolling his eyes. Sirius broke off, a little stunned.
"What?"
"Sirius Black is so bound by rules he couldn't find a way to break them if he wanted to? Who am I talking to right now?" said Remus. "Stop hiding behind excuses and fight for what you want, fuck. Being in the Order didn't stop Geoff from doing what he wanted. And you always treated him like he couldn't handle himself, but he's running laps around you right now."
"That's uncalled for, Remus! There's no need to bring Mansfield into this!" said Sirius, a little choked.
"Whatever, mate." Remus rolled his bottle in his hands, looking down its barrel. "Some of us can't ever have what we want."
"Wow, it's been a while since I saw you this dark, Moony," said Sirius.
Remus gazed into the grooved wooden rings of the table moodily, twirling the neck of his bottle between his fingers.
"You know I love you, Sirius," he said finally. "But it's so hard to support you when you are so willfully ignorant of the freedoms you have. Especially here, at our best friend's wedding, where it's so clearly laid out for you. You finally have a relationship with a girl who really knows you, and who loves you despite your many, many flaws, and with that comes the possibility of a real partner, a future, a family. Do you know what I'd give to have that? Look at me. I am a registered werewolf. I will never be able to hold down a steady job. I will have a hell of a time finding someone to marry, and even then, I will never, ever risk having children, because I refuse to feed this curse any more lives than it's already taken. I effectively am a man with no future."
"Remus..." said Sirius, reaching out, but Remus stopped him with a glance.
"And I have to sit here and watch you blow every chance you're given," he said, glowering. Sirius frowned.
"Well who says I want those things," he protested. "If none of us are getting out of this alive, what's the point? I'd rather go down fighting than try to pretend-play house in the middle of a war."
"Then why does it matter if she's left you?" asked Remus.
"Because...it…she..." Sirius broke off, flustered.
"Unless you can answer that question, Sirius, I'd think twice about playing the victim card when you tell the others how you broke up," said Remus. "Because it sounds to me like she left because you were being a selfish git. You lied to her because it was easier for you, not because Dumbledore wouldn't let you tell the truth, and then you'd blame her when she reacted negatively."
"Alright, I get it," said Sirius loudly, waving a hand. Remus took another drink from his bottle.
"Here's another question," he said, "If you could tell Mariah the truth without getting caught in the Fidelius Charm, would you be prepared to be honest with her?" Sirius sighed and sat back, deliberating.
"I…" Sirius paused. The memory of Dumbledore Obliviating Mariah in his office flashed before his eyes, and he cringed. "Even if I did come clean, there's a good chance I would have to tell her why she was Obliviated and who turned her in," he said. Remus grinned darkly.
"There it is," he said. "The festering splinter at the core of the problem."
"But see, even if I was honest with her, she might not take me back," said Sirius defensively. Remus sighed, getting to his feet.
"Nobody said an honest life was easy. But I'd say at this point you have very little to lose considering she's already left you," he said, turning to go, but Sirius caught his wrist.
"Remus...are we cool?" he asked. Remus nodded, scratching his forehead with the hand holding the bottle.
"Always and forever, Padfoot," he said. Sirius got to his feet, as well, taking the bottle from Remus and replacing it on the wooden table.
"Here, let me make sure you get home alright before I go on this Order business. I don't think these bottles are the only ones you've polished off, tonight, Remus, you're ruthless."