Ass flat on the icy surface of the toilet, Mystery Incorporated De facto leader, Fred Jones, ejected a chunky stew of poopoo down the toilet's poor mouth. Tears welled up in his eyes as his sphincter was tortured by the never-ending barrage of rectal outpouring. He was gushing like a faucet that had been left open all night.

"I knew I shouldn't have eaten that!" Fred exclaimed in the middle of his shitstorm. "How the hell can the Shagster wolf down a box of Scooby Snacks and be all fine and dandy? Now he's back to sniffing poodle and Shiba inu asses like nothing's happened!"

It all started with a dare; Fred and his egotistical ass just had to prove he's the shit by accepting Shag's challenge. And just like that, he merely nibbled on half a portion of Scooby snack and his gut started identifying itself as deep fryers.

As the blonde man ate up a total of six undisturbed hours of defecation exhibition, he started to panic. His pooping showed no signs of weakening. God knows how long he'll be sitting. It could possibly take the whole day. His penis was throbbing erect already, with a leak at the tip from straining a number two. So when he tensed for another stream of shit, it didn't take long for Fred to shoot fluids from both sides, filling the toilet and ejaculating semen all over the bath.

Every surface of his body and the bathroom walls were painted white with spunk, worrying the mystery solver. Fred needed to tidy up asap. But all that was left when he went to get the toilet paper was a brown tube.

"Dad! We ran out of toilet rolls, Darn it!" Fred announced, "Come bring me a new one!"

There was silence in response to his call— That is assuming you disregard Fred sharting his ass inside out. Fred gave his father another minute to respond, and when that was due, he began to worry.

"DAD! don't you love me anymore?! Please answer me!"

Again, nada. That was it, the final straw! Fred took matters—mostly fecal— into his own hands and delved into the trash for some used toilet paper. It was better than nothing. He skimmed through the bin and pulled a piece with dry bloody dookie spread on to it. His mom's no doubt.

"We got a winner!" Fred waved. He then rubbed himself with said paper until there's no trace of sperm on his body. Now he's hygienic again!

After all of that, Fred didn't completely forget about his father's neglect. That punk ass needed to be reprimanded. Nobody ignores Fred Jones!

Fred dashed out, leaving a trail of feces in his wake like Hansel and Gretel—after all, he still needs to find a way back to the john after this.

"Listen, you deaf mothafuckah... Can't you hear me having a fit in the-" Fred erupted before being cut short by the scene in the living room. Donald Trump was lying on the floor bloodied and dead!

"Oh my God! DAD!"

Fred examined Donald's lifeless corpse. Stab wounds were all over him, his asscheeks cut into ham slices. "Don't die on me now, Dad! You haven't even taught me how to pay taxes yet!"

In dead person fashion, Trump didn't respond, not even a twitch or a spaz. It was as if he really didn't want to teach his kid how to pay taxes and instead to engage in tax evasions.

Fred's heart was broken. "Whoever did this to my old man will be facing major consequences!" He slammed his fists into Trump's cadaver before dramatically crying on his holey chest. It was during this moment of weakness that he heard rustling outside.

"What the fuck?!" Fred declared as he spotted three small red creatures fleeing with an emo wolf out the window. "Navajo Midgets!? I should've known!"

He scrambled to get his family sawn-off, but by the time he was ready to unload slugs on them dwarves, they were long gone.

"Well, looks like we have a mystery on our hands" said Fred, pulling out his iPhone. "Time to summon the posse!"

As soon as they receive Fred's call, the rest of the mystery gang arrived and huddled up in Fred's musty garage, just right next to their iconic green stoner van.

"So you're saying midgets murdered your dad while you're busy in the loo?" Daphne interrogated.

"It had to be!" said Fred. "Nobody else was there when the crime took place! My guess they're one of Joe Biden's lackeys!"

"Like, the child-groping president?" Shaggy wanted clarification and Fred answered him with a nod. "Makes sense, man... Maybe those dwarfs weren't dwarfs at all, but children he'd groomed!"

"But we can't be too sure..." interjected Daphne, " Not unless we figure out what they look like!"

"I might just be able to do that, Daph!" Fred touched the ginger's shoulder. "I have great memory! I've used this talent to forge countless checks and prescription frauds! Let me draw them for you!"

For ink, Fred hovered his hand under his still-shitting ass to catch liquid turd. Afterwards, he painted the fugitives on the mystery machine like a chimp splattering faeces on walls.

"Fred... Dwarves don't have horns!?" Daphne scolded.

"Of course they have! Midgets are evil little cretins!"

"No they're not! And why are they so damn red!?"

"A fault on my part! That's what you get when you develop severe colonic hemorrhage" Fred pointed out, "But hey! believe it or not, that's actually their skin tones"

"And this yellow thing?" Daphne saw an odd shape amongst the line art.

"Well... T-That's just... corn" Fred hesitated to answer. He immediately picked and hid it in his mouth in shame.

Uh okay... What's with the goth dog chick?" The furry art snagged Daphne's attention.

"Their mode of transportation!" Fred pointed a shitty hand, "Must've been too broke to buy remote-controlled toy cars lol"

Resting against the trunk, the brilliant dweeb, Velma scoffed her friends' incompetence. "What utter morons..."

Fred flipped, "Velma, you bodacious scholar! What did you just call me?!"

"I said..." Velma's glasses sparked, "Y'all are uneducated apes! Those aren't midgets... I ran the numbers, they're Imps! Hell-born scums who promote adultery into the minds of youth!"

"Velma... How do you know this?" asked Fred.

"Follow me" Velma opened the van's trunk and inside were swarms of demonic symbols, red candles, Helluva Boss summer merch, and a pentagram on the floor drawn with Fred's runny manure.

"Damnation, Velma!" Fred shrieked, "Since when did you turned my car into a fucking covenstead for satanic rituals!?"

"Just now, while you guys were talking..." Velma said. She soon explained how she once bargained with the devil for a yeast-free vagina and Satan made it a reality, giving her a bar of soap. She swore a lifelong commitment to serve Satan after that. That's why she knows so much about the underworld.

"Jesus! You know what? You do you... But those little bastards made me fatherless! Tell me how to find them!" Fred persuaded.

"Easy! Die and go to hell!"

And the gang took that as gospel and agreed to commit suicide.

Velma suggested sinning before offing themselves to increase the chances of hellbound. Perfect timing since Shaggy and Scooby-Doo were in the mood for classic man-beast butt intercourse!

"Like, Far out, man!" Shaggy became a nudist, showing his forty-nine inch penis complete with swollen lymph nodes, and most importantly, it's all natty bro! "Like if we're on death row, why I'd like my last meal to be fine piece of doggy derriere!"

"Dawg ass coming right up, Raggy!" Scooby buttered up his butthole with his spit then leapt on Shaggy's arms like in the cartoons, the only difference was Shaggy lowering the pooch down just enough so he can shove that cock hard up Scoob's dirty schnauzer, initiating the upright sex.

"Like, nothing tops being upstanding citizens, amirite Scoob?!"

"Boy you said it, Raggy daddy!" Scooby replied, grinding his anus in the direction of Shaggy's crankshaft. Shaggy didn't hesitate to devastate for it only took fewer than ten poundings to bring Scoob's ass on the verge of collapse.

Daphne did her sin in a very special and unique way. Something God wouldn't bother mentioning in his commandments since the mere idea of it is enough to know it's fucked up. Daphne let her upper-class cunt get railed by the van's exhaust pipe, attaching herself like an add-on.

"Wow! Never expect this coming from a prissy bitch like you, Daph!" Velma voyeured.

"You did say to sin like God's ultimate failure" responded the car fucker, "Don't restrict yourself to voyeurism, Velma... Come and join me!"

"Apparently, I don't need to do all that sinning..."

"Oh right! The devil worship thing..." Daphne realized.

"No, because I'm lesbo..." Corrected Velma, "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna reserve us a seat in limbo!"

Velma got a head start on this hell trip by shoveling a sawn-off in her mouth and blasting an exit wound at the back of her head.

"Damn that's hot" creamed Daphne. Daphne's pleasures only grew as soon as Fred started the engine, vibrating the exhaust pipe and scrambling Daphne's ovaries like it's fixing up a good morning meal.

"Oh my God, Freddy!" bemoaned Daphne. She orgasmed like crazy as mayhem befell on her fallopian tubes. "I wonder how my gynecologist will react to this!"

"Glad you like it, Daphne!" Fred said, revving up the gas as if to tease the pussy of his car-attachment girlfriend. "How about I take you out on a cruise. I'm game for vehicular manslaughter down by the school!"

"Fred Jones, you're such a flirt! Sure, let's ride shotgun!"

Fred pulled out the garage at max speed, no problem bursting through the door like it's paper. He went speeding around the neighborhood, kickstarting his massacre by running over old people crossing pedestrians.

Meanwhile, Daphne zoned the carnage out of focus. It's an afterthought compared to the pipe that's piping her filthy curtain, which had began puffing black cancerous smoke that charred her vagina flaps into smoked beef brisket.

Fred smelt Daphne's barbeque'd furburger. "Did we passed Arby's or some cookout shit? I smell roast beef!"

"Golly! Things are getting steamy around here!" Daphne said as plumes of smoke found their way out her nose, mouth and ears—let's include her nipples into the equation too why the hell not. Soon Daphne's snatch couldn't withstand the overheating exhaust pipe for long. The pipe was now above boiling point, ridding the vulva of moisture and plunging it into the same drought that starved Africa. "My ovaries are getting cooked!"

"Add fried rice to that and it would be a good breakfast combo" Fred joked, sticking his head out. There he saw Daphne dead like a toy hanging from rear bumpers. The smoldering heat had vaporized her organs.

"We'll reunite soon, my love!" In an effort to catch up to his dead girl, Fred sped towards a gas station. When it failed to end his life, he crashed into an oil refinery, and that did the job.

The last ones left were the shagging Shaggy and Scooby—which made sense, who would ever wanna break a sweaty homoerotic buttsex. Not these two! Especially when the intercourse was so uber.

Shaggy was hog wilding on that ass so much that they were stuck in a tight knot, cheeks against cheeks and balls to balls, so you know it's not some throwaway fuck for the sake of sin; there's at least some passion involved.

"We're left behind!" Shaggy said. "Like, we best wrap things up, Scoob!"

"R'Okay! Raggy! Rihehehehe!" Scooby agreed and nonchalantly wrapped his paws around Shaggy's neck!

"Da fuck!? Like, I mean to finish, Scoob! Ejaculate!" Shaggy struggled for words, "We can't die blue-balled!"

Unfortunately, Shaggy's sentence was even more incomprehensible than Scooby's retarded speech, so the choking continued.

"Screw you, Scoob!" Shaggy retaliated by straggling his dog too. Now it was a game of who suffocates first. Weirdly enough, all that choking made Shaggy pop a chub, leaking meat marmalade and Scooby-Doo came scoobert doobert yogurt. To cut a long story short, they both died from asphyxiations simultaneously.

Sometime later, Their ghosts rose from their rotten corpse, still tied in a knot.

"Like, at least I'll be stuck in hell with you, Scoob! Like literally..."

Shaggy took lead towards hell but all of a sudden, a beam of light shone above the two and started suspending Scooby in midair!

"RIKES!"

"Like, ZOINKS! Scooby, you're floating!?"

It was pulling Scooby! The light was forcibly separating their knot. Eventually it split them apart brutally and hauled Scooby's bloody ass into the clouds. All dogs go to heaven.

"AHHHHHHHRGH! MY COCK!" Shaggy squalled like a Ringwraith from the segregation. It hurt. Having his dick detached felt like dying for the second time. After constant screaming, he assed out.

TO BE CONTINUED…