The hell is this story about, you may wonder

just read and see (im just lazy to give you a summary)

ok carry on

05-09-23 AN: It's happening again. I'm rewriting this entire story while also working on its next chapter, a smidgeon at a time. Ffs danz liek dis

IDFK MAN

Academy DxD

[Prologue]

||The Prodigal Son of the Dread Empress||

Prodigal

Definition:
1. spending money or resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant.
2. having or giving something on a lavish scale.

Issei fell on the first definition.

Not monetary-wise, but talent-wise.

A stolid underachiever who hadn't thought about his future as much as he should.

Actually, he never prepared much for anything other than not being himself. Not fully himself. His high school perverted persona that was hopelessly and utterly obsessed with the lumps of meat called breasts? Yeah, wasn't entirely a lie. He liked them as much as the next guy, but to be engrossed by them? To think they held the answers to everything? That grabbing and mushing a pair would bring him enlightenment? Maybe not.

When other people or beings, heroes or legends, good or bad, people who had long and expansive collection of cool-sounding titles and epithets and more than often depressingly sad and/or revoltingly sappy backstories strived to get what they wanted, to pursue their lifetime goal, to free their people, to rule the world, to get their missing fathers to finally come back home on his quest for milk only to discover he was the villain all along; all Issei wanted in life was to take it easy.

Every rudimentary education level he passed with a breeze up until high school, where then he was introduced to the pinnacle of human inventions; video games, video games with jiggle physics, anime, and movies (porno parodies included). Animated or live-action, he at least learned to never judge people by their interest alone. Motohama and Matsuda were two shameless skirts-chasers and degenerate peepers who happened to like animated works.

Granted, the 'animated works' they liked were essentially softcore porn. 'Highschool DxD' was a popular show among preteens for obvious reasons. Not that any male students with a social life ever admitted that out loud, but that was why he valued the Notorious Baldy and Scouter Glasses; they never pretended to be someone they weren't, even if the entire world judged and loathed them for it.

A rare breed, those two idiots were.

Issei would love to have done the same, if he didn't have to worry about those Devils trying to cajole him into their service and ruin his daily routine, or that one Fallen Angel that thought he'd agree to date her because she looked cute.

Excuse you? In a world where every girl he'd met was either hot or pretty or cute or an amalgamation of those three physical qualities, external beauty had lesser impact on him. It had gotten so bad that he started to categorize them according to their bra size — information which was supplied by his dear friend Motohama.

And so, his highschool routine was as the following; wake up, head to school, lunch time, get chased by a mob of angry Kendo/Track and Field/Aikido club members the Scandalous Trio decided to mess with that day, go home, binge-watch an entire series, or replay a beaten game or scream at some other Asian guy —most likely Korean— who kept kicking his ass in online games.

Compared to most, it wasn't a routine people would feel proud about. But it was his routine and it was a cycle that turned into a habit.

An addiction his parents did not appreciate much, but tolerated nonetheless since they considered it an improvement. Better this than having a low-life degenerate who would wait in public spaces for a gust of wind to flip a skirt or two just so he could giggle and cackle like a troglodyte with his fellow troglodytes.

That said, Issei wasn't downright irresponsible despite his addictions. Grades? Below average, but passable. Sure it had taken a plunge, but people like him didn't need to give a shit about high school grades unless they were aiming for 'elite' universities. Friends? Below average. He could have gotten more popular if he ditched the M&M, but they were too fun to simply be bartered for temporary reputation and connections that wouldn't matter much anyway once he grew up.

Issei had quaintly expressed his message in regards of dumping his two best mates, people who had been through hell and back with him (whilst also taking him there on a daily basis), and that was 'That's rude, please go away and kindly go fuck yourself.'

He'd gained a few admirers that day. They didn't treat him much better, but at least they respected the chivalrous pervert if only for a little.

Gained a slew of enemies too, but Issei didn't mind them. He didn't want fame to become him for one, and because it would be too much work. Maintaining a healthy public relation? Ew. Too much problem for someone who couldn't give two shits and march on the beat of his own drums.

But now that high school life had ended, and the holidays bridging the start of a new semester at yet another educational institution owned by the same megacorp who owned his last highschool; The Gremory Group, were nearing their end, Issei realized one thing he should have realized long ago. He really should start thinking about his future.

It came a bit late, as he was now about to set forth to his new place where he would be legally imprisoned for the next three and a half years; a dorm in Hell - which had been re-labelled as the Underworld. Apparently, 'Hell' inspired the idea of 'eternal damnation' which freaked out the more religious tourists, but that wasn't what mattered here.

His future was at stake.

"Mom, I think I'm gonna be an accountant instead."

"No," Miki Hyoudou responded in kind, but Issei knew better not to sense the brimming wrath and annoyance behind her words. "Issei, my dear boy, you're going to Lucifash. Don't be childish now; we've already paid the tuition fee."

"Well yes, but actually, no," Issei pointed out. "The Gremory did. I bet they're handing me free scholarships because they want to make use of me in the future. I don't want to be some corporate slave! What if they make me wear tacky uniforms?"

"What did I just say not five seconds ago?" His mom grumbled, starting to show her real colors. Ugly colors, according to him. "You're being childish."

"Well I got it from my mother."

Noticing his wife's descending patience at her offspring's snarky remarks, Gorou Hyoudou stepped in, being the more diplomatic of his tiny family.

"Issei, son, you won't be a corporate slave. You can learn many things from Lucifash. Treat it simply as a stepping stone for your future."

"Uh-huh, sure dad. None of those renowned-manipulative Devils will ever try to turn me into their literal pawn. Those Fallen Angels won't ever try to recruit me into their sketchy organization. Those "Mythical" Heroes definitely won't try to kick my ass either because Demon equals Bad Guys. Half-Demon? Doesn't matter, half-Bad Guys are still Bad Guys. Demon in Hell? Woof. Not to mention that uni have the Rating Game as their main attraction and focus, and they're gonna make me beat up girls and boys my age and applaud me for it. Mhmm, yep. Thanks dad, my clouds of doubt have now been cleared; I knew I've always wanted to be a pit-fighter."

Gorou sighed. Sometimes, his son could be too cynical and calculating for his own good.

"Ohohoho~, shut up, brat." The former Tyrant revealed a semblance of her true self. Ominous black haze emanated from her body, charring the air around her as well granting her a fearsome visage of an Archdemon in disguise. Didn't work that well on her own son, however. "We've raised you for 19 years and a half. Your father and I want to take a break from it."

Fortunately, Issei wasn't the sensitive kind to take his mother's words to heart. Maybe if he was a human he would be affected more.

"I've never felt so loved," and so he said, drier than a desert, with as much expression as a dead tuna.

"Now, now, Miki… That's something you shouldn't openly say to your son." Gorou placidly placed a hand on her shoulder, easing her rage as he spoke to this son of theirs. "It's never our intention to get rid of you, my boy. We want the best for you, like all parents would their child."

"You're literally sending me to Hell, pops."

"It's for the best," Gorou said with a sheepish smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Although your mother isn't entirely wrong... it's been a while since we've had the chance to spend some quality time together."

Words which mellowed the once Tyrannical Demoness almost in an instant, Sporting a tomato-red face like she'd just discovered the world's spiciest salsa. He figured that if he refused, his future diet might consist solely of instant noodles or plain raw meat. Issei had no clue how his very human dad managed to woo the late Dread Empress his if there was anyone in the world who deserved more respect than his mother, it was definitely his dad.

Since Issei would rather not have his own parents being lovebirds in front of his two eyes as that wasn't very nice for his stomach, he moved the discussion along. "That's great and all, but sending me to Hell is... you know. A bit much."

"You'll fit right in, like a glove," his mother retorted with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"You would say that, mom."

"Suck it up, child."

Issei let out a resigned sigh. "Alright, alright. I get it. You want to subtly get rid of me... What's the worst thing that can happen there anyway?" He couldn't help but feel like he might have just jinxed himself, but he shrugged it off. Surely, movie clichés and bizarre anime scenarios wouldn't apply to real life, right? ...Right?

Little did he know.

"Just don't get disappointed if I come out as some ordinary person. Like a farmer or something."

Gorou fixed him with a reassuring gaze. "We'll never be disappointed in you, son."

"Yes, yes, bless thee well and all that mushy goodbyes," his mother chimed in, her grin growing more predatory. "Now git!"

With the fond farewell from his father's warm smile and his mother's victorious grin as she eyed Gorou like she was going to devour a child, a swirling vortex of darkness consumed his vision.

The next thing he knew, he had finally entered a world he had stubbornly avoided, specifically at the Underworld University of Lucifash.

Issei had convinced, or more appropriately, resigned himself that he was prepared to leave behind his peaceful human life and embrace whatever chaos awaited him. But acceptance didn't make the transition any easier, unfortunately.

Oh well... Better to roll with the punches along and see where this crazy ride took him, rather than be mopey about it.

Break

Issei found himself in a situation that could only be described as a teleportation mishap of epic proportions, because he was transported into a room where he was immediately surrounded by naked hot babes with epic proportions. After a lightning-fast observation, which he swore was purely accidental, he deduced that he was smack dab in the middle of a changing room reserved exclusively for female occupants. These ladies appeared to be his future seniors and had apparently just finished some intense sports practice, given their glistening, sweat-covered bodies.

Armed with nothing but a black Adidas duffel bag containing his own clothes, Issei came to terms with the fact that there wasn't much he could do except fully embrace his fate. And embraced it he did. Quite literally, in fact. With a wide-eyed appreciation of the marvelously shaped boobies of various sizes that surrounded him. What else should he do? Politely explain it was all a misunderstanding like a normal person? Nah, that would be far too sensible and, dare he say it, boring.

But his newfound scenic admiration was cut short when one of the hot babes in the room suddenly spoke up, raising the room's hostility levels to an all-time high.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" she purred, her gaze turning positively predatory. "A living target practice."

"Hold up!" Issei quickly held up a finger, attempting to quell the impending storm of anger and superhuman abilities. "Wait a sec," he interjected, casting an uneasy glance around the room at the now-still girls. "Firstly, is this Lucifash?"

"Yes," a girl replied, her voice still a bit on the boyish side.

A trap?

"Aha! So at least I'm in the right place," Issei exclaimed, sounding rather relieved. "Evidently at the wrong spot and at the wrong time— wait there's no right time for a boy to me in a girls' dressing room but anyway — although I could explain why, but let's be real here, none of you would want to hear it or even bother to listen. So, here's what I'll say instead."

He pressed the palms of his hands together as if he were at a sacred shrine and bowed deeply. "Thank you profoundly for the amazing titty buffet."

Those were his last words before chaos erupted, with a dozen angry, topless females lunging at him faster than he could blink.

Or rather, where he was a split-second earlier. You see, 'Blink' was the very first supernatural ability his mother had taught him – an ability he'd picked up after playing a certain assassin-ish video game with a cool skeleton-ish mask and jumpy abilities.

It was a cheap, reliable move that had saved his behind more times than he could count since his mother had casually tossed him off a cliff into a formation of jagged rocks next to an open ocean. Motherly love, huh?

"It's been a pleasure!" Issei quipped as the horde of females shot him baffled glances, still simmering with anger. He placed a hand at the door handle; his escape. "But I kinda have to tidy my room a bit, so…"With a casual peace sign, he offered his farewell. "Adios amigos."

The girls practically seethed as Issei bolted out of the room, making a break for it through the vast recreation center of the Lucifash Institute. He ran at a speed that was only half of what his feet could potentially carry him, all the while thinking that he might as well take in the sights of the many sport-related establishments he'd probably never visit again apart from gym class.

Recalling from the brochure, he should be in the Eastern District of the sprawling prestigious campus – at least a mile and a half from the Central Site, home to the colossal Rating Game stadium, and another mile from the Western District, where the massive dormitories and his new abode awaited.

His safe house. Only a few miles away.

Speaking of which, that was also the place where his mother should have teleported him.

Did he blame her for the teleportation mishap? Not really. After all, he reasoned, "Tits are tits." Who could argue with that? Besides, it might just get him deported without any guilt, considering it wasn't his fault in the first place.

Unfortunately, that convenient reasoning for immediate expulsion only applied to normal students. Issei knew he wouldn't be treated like a run-of-the-mill student, and the idea already bothered him. Impossible for someone with his heritage to be not differently treated.

The cacophonous sound of rampaging young adults trailing behind him served as a stark reminder that groveling before a pair of bewildered Demons wouldn't save him from their fiery wrath. These girls were seeing nothing but red, and they were on the hunt for a viable excuse to unleash their righteous rage; him. Their ultimate goal was to paint him red, and not in a friendly way. Issei had no desire to see his own blood splattered around; after all, dying was hardly an epic end when he had barely taken the first step of his journey in this new world.

As he continued to abuse his supernatural Blink ability to navigate this perilous escape, a bittersweet memory replayed itself in his mind – one from the days when he was nothing more than a perverted degenerate, before descending to the depths of NEET degeneracy. Though the only difference was, back then, it was his intention to peek at anyone. This time it was an honest mistake.

But really, who was he kidding? Accidents or not, he wasn't about to complain. After all, in his world, there were no mistakes, only a series of pervy little accidents.

Break

Back at the girl's changing room, where most of its previous occupants had quickly dressed themselves to lay a world of pain to their falsely acclaimed wrongdoer, Akeno Himejima couldn't help but titter serenely as she calmly tucked her luscious assets inside the cusps of her purple laced bra.

"After those two quiet years, our little troublemaker has finally stirred up some new trouble... and all before his first official day even began, no less," Akeno mused.

"I wasn't informed he would be enrolled here," Rias Gremory said, a trace of annoyance in her voice, her crimson hair looking fiery even as she hooked her favorite black and red brassiere. "I didn't expect him to enroll here of all places."

"Ara~? Bitter still that he refused you, Rias?" Akeno teased.

"Don't make it sound like I proposed to him," the fiery-haired youth retorted. "I'm not Raynare; I only offered him a deal."

"My, my, is she in for a surprise…" Akeno tittered. "In fact, I think many will be. 'The Prodigal Son of the Dread Empress'... or so we say. Won't his arrival mean he'll soon reveal his true colors?"

Unambitious but still her son, and certainly not without talent. Rias was well aware of that fact. She could tell. If she was as perceptive to talent as she believed herself to be, Hyoudou Issei held a treasure trove of untapped potential. If only she could find a way to make him submit to her guidance, she could help him reach his potential.

"Who knows, maybe he's had a change of heart," Rias mused with a sly smile, already imagining the various ways he could be of use to her. "This should be an entertaining year... We may have just found ourselves a cute junior. All that's left is to find a way to get him to play along nicely…"

"Before somebody else snatches him up, no?" Akeno added, injecting a sense of urgency into Rias' thoughts.

"That's quite obvious. Aside from you, me, and probably Sona, I doubt anyone here knows who he is. It's been nearly half a century since the Empress faked her death, and our generations aren't exactly known for their thorough research," Rias remarked as her smile grew a mite wider. The smile of an opportunistic individual who recognized that an enticing opportunity lay before her, and she was already one step ahead of most of her competitors.

"An advantage we're unlikely to maintain for long, especially after the upcoming tests," Rias continued, pulling on her sleeveless red and white striped shirt. One thing she appreciated about her world's university was the absence of uniforms. Even the staff members were free to wear whatever they pleased, as long as it was presentable. Most of them still preferred stylish suits, though.

For two long years, she had tried and failed to persuade him. Now, with the same opportunity and the same deadline presented once more; a second chance to intertwine their fate. Rias Gremory was not known as a Devil who could accept repeating past failures.

"Stubborn as ever, I see," Akeno teased, her giggle carrying a hint of amusement. "What if he simply doesn't aspire to be anything extraordinary? Maybe he likes just being him."

Rias snorted dismissively. "That's impossible. Someone with a mountain of potential like him must have his own ambitions to pursue, especially now that he's enrolled here. Our task now is to discover what those ambitions are... Maybe he even wants to become a King of the Rating Game."

Issei really did not want to be a king of anything, but Rias couldn't see that. She couldn't see it for two years.

Akeno finished buttoning up her blouse and flashed a teasing smile. "Whatever you say, Buchou~"

Rias blushed and frowned. "…Please stop calling me that. It's embarrassing."

"Araaa~? Embarrassed now that you've realized you were a closet weeb all along?" Akeno teased, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Akeno."

To be continued…

Alternate Story Title: University of Arcane Magic and Shit

Story is AU. Don't try to enforce the canon storyline because it won't. In fact, it won't follow any canon plotline. Your canon can kindly fuck off :C

For some background, in short, all supernaturals said 'yo let's just get along and pit our youth in this totally legal fight club competition lol xd' at some time in the past. More background to be revealed in future chapters.

Oh right, Issei won't have Ddraig this time. Or any Dragons. Just wanted to write him as a single person without any cool entities inside him because doing {I am your partner} gets tedious as heck, and feels like most of the time, whatever entity in him just serve as an exposition spoonfeeder.

Since i don't have a good image for the cover, have a picture of hot 2D girl until I do

Follow, favorite, and feckin review if you want this story to continue. There's no other viable way for me to tell that the public wants this kind of story otherwise

aight cya