Nikita couldn't form an explanation at first, and maybe that was a good thing. She could simply let her boyfriend hold her in his strong arms as she cried. She had held onto the sob all day. After bringing in Brandt and hearing Percy call her evil, she swallowed down her feelings and ran home as fast as she could. She had done her best to scrub away the blood, and she thought she had gotten it all. But hours later as she waited to surprise Michael home from work, she spotted the stains on her hands. Memories of the mission and what she had done flooded her. She couldn't shake them loose.

Her sweetheart missions were becoming more and more frequent as of late. Amanda claimed it was because she was their stellar agent, and Percy called her a star. Ryan remained silent over the issue. He knew how much she detested those types of missions. Although he supported her and comforted her when he could, he made no move to fight against orders. Nikita thought the increase of honeytrap missions had something to do with Michael. Division wasn't made up of fools, her relationship with him was bound to be discovered. She hadn't heard anything about it though. It probably had to do with Michael's CIA connection; they were able to remain on the downlow because of their combined counter security technology and skills. The longer their relationship continued, however, the more likely they were going to be found out. Nikita was dangerously playing with fire when it came to Michael.

But she didn't want to end their relationship. The months they had been together were the best of Nikita's life. Being around Michael lifted her heart and eased her mind. Despite the neverending Division missions, she had begun to smile easier and laugh brighter. Michael was wonderful and amazing, and she was starting to think that she was in love with him. Although Nikita was willing to risk her life for their relationship, it wouldn't have been fair to Michael. None of it was fair to Michael. Her lies and secrets were concerning him, she knew. Yet she couldn't stop. Knowing about Division would've been worse than being in a relationship. Especially since he was CIA.

Was it stubbornness, or was it stupidity that kept her around him, Nikita didn't know. And she didn't care. The way Michael held her made her feel safe and sound. Returning home to him always improved her mood. He supported her and loved her. Never in her life had she had someone so willing to be there for her and love her as he had. The care was something she so desperately needed, that she didn't give a shit anymore. The need to share was about to erupt in her chest. Fuck the consequences, and fuck what Division might do. She was going to spill her secrets to her boyfriend.

"Michael. We have to talk," Her voice was shaky and quiet, yet she was determined to push through. Although tears continued to swim in her brown eyes, she swallowed them down. She could process everything later. At the moment, she needed to ease the concern in Michael's usually bright evergreen eyes.

"We don't have to right now," Michael was focused entirely on her. He was studying her bronze skin for any abrasions, and eyeing the faded blood stain with intense apprehension. Nikita was fine- physically at least. Except he had to make certain for himself. She nearly started crying again at the tenderness and care he showed her. It was so genuine and true, without any ulterior motives. How had she gotten so lucky as to find someone like him.

"No. We do," Regretfully, she pulled away from the warmth of his arms. Nikita needed to look at Michael as she confessed. With a steadying breath, she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. She was going to need all the strength she could muster, "It's about my job."

Michael was trying his best not to show his excitement about the subject. He was constantly trying to discover more about what she did for a living. She never gave him full answers. And though he would back off and give her space, he was dying to know why she would come home so distraught. Noticing Nikita struggling to form her thoughts into words, Michael went to get a washcloth and one of her sweaters she kept lying around his apartment. She was startled and confused until he returned to her, wrapping her in warmth and washing away the blood stains, "Whenever you're ready."

Nikita's heart was going to burst. She used the emotion to help calm her nerves. It would carry her through, "I don't know if you could tell, but I'm… I'm not an airline consultant. That's just a cover. A fake identity. And- God, they'll kill us if they find out I told you, but- a couple of years ago I was taken and forced to work for a secret black ops unit of the government called Division…"

"Wait. You mean Division's real?" Upon hearing the name of the unit, Michael interrupted Nikita. Nothing else she had said appeared to shock him. A cover job and working as a spy made sense to him. He worked with spies, so of course it would. But hearing that Division was real, threw him for a loop. Not that Division existed, though, just that it was real.

"What the fuck? You know?" Nikita shot to her feet. Her eyes rapidly roamed around the room, attempting to spot a camera or a listening device. She thought Michael's apartment would have been bug free- it was one of the things that helped her tell the truth. But after hearing his reaction, she was afraid she was wrong.

"I'm a military analyst for the CIA, Nikita. Of course I've heard about a secret black ops group. But I always thought it was a rumor or a conspiracy," Michael was quick to assure her. Abandoning the washcloth on the couch, he followed her pacing. He wasn't connected to Division, only another intelligence agency. Nikita eyed him cautiously, yet she allowed him to approach her.

"I can't have one normal thing in my life," Eventually, Nikita muttered. She was getting sick and tired of constantly jumping through hoops. All she wanted was a moment of peace and quiet where she didn't have to think or be action ready. She was supposed to have that with Michael. However, things just continued to become increasingly complicated.

"You're the one who told me," There was a lightness to his voice; Michael was attempting to brighten the mood. It might've worked if Nikita wasn't as worked up as she was. That was the effect Division had over her. It screwed with her emotions over and over again. She wanted to gain control over herself for once.

"Yeah, so we could run away together!"

"What?" Both Michael and Nikita were shocked by her shout. Michael was surprised by the suddenness of the statement, while Nikita was surprised by the statement in general. She didn't know she had been considering the possibility. Yet since it was out there, it made sense.

Gently, Nikita closed the gap between herself and her boyfriend. She clasped his hands in hers, holding on tight for fear that he might let go, "I have to get out, Michael. The things I've done. The person I've become. I want out. I need to after Alexandra and Brandt and…"

"You did that to Brandt's eye?" Again, Michael interrupted her. The connection was easy for him to make. The circumstances of Brandt's capture, the two weeks she was gone, and the half-washed blood, all of it led him to the conclusion that Nikita was the agent to bring him down. Despite the distress it seemed to cause her, he was in awe of her actions.

All she did was roll her brown eyes and sigh, however. It was getting ridiculous how similar and connected the two of them were, "You interrogated him."

"Of course you did," Michael and Nikita echoed one another. They almost laughed, yet the overall seriousness of the moment weighed them down. She stepped into his warmth, wrapping his arms around her waist. She returned to her previous point, glancing up at him as earnestly as she could, "Please, Michael. I love you. I want a life with you. And the only way I can do that is if you and I escape together."

"I love you too, Nikita. I love you so much. But I can't," Running his hands along her back, Michael admitted. He seemed guilty over the second part of his confession. He loved her, that was for sure. However running off with her, that was where he hesitated.

"Why?"

Despite her attempt to not portray her hurt and anger, Michael caught Nikita's tone. He tightened his arms around her, ensuring she wouldn't leave him, "Do you know why I joined the CIA, Nik?"

"Navy mission made you lose your hand. The CIA wanted a top notch analyst. So they recruited you with a prosthetic and therapy," With bitter bile, Nikita said what she had gathered from the information Michael had shared. Judging by his expression, her assumption was correct.

"Uh. Yeah kinda," Forgetting how smart Nikita was, was Michael's first mistake. But he didn't intend to make another one. He strengthened himself with an intake of breath, and the feel of her so close, "I was married before, and… and had a daughter. But they're gone now. They were killed in the same car bomb I lost my hand to March 21st, 2001."

Oh. Nikita softened in his hold, apologizing for her anger, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Nobody knows. Only my boss and the agency shrink. Now you," His green eyes connected with her brown, the weight of that sentiment apparent. She laid a soothing hand on his bicep as he continued, "And Kasim."

"As in Kasim Tariq?" Although her confusion was palpable, she only asked that one question. Everything else could be answered later. Until then, Nikita was giving Michael the space to talk- just as he had done for her.

"In 2001 Kasim wasn't a famous terrorist. He was a low level snitch. And all that changed when he betrayed me. After he killed my family, he became a hero in the ranks of Al-Qaeda. That's the reason why I joined the CIA. To find him," Michael shared with Nikita. She stayed still, patiently listening to his story. He somehow pulled her tighter into their embrace, pressing his forehead against hers.

"And until I kill him, I have to help others in the same situation. I can't just leave. I need to help," His eyes slipped closed, wanting a second to relax. Nikita didn't say a word. She simply caressed her thumb across his cheek, and thought things over. She had been so willing to risk it all for Michael- his life, her life, all because she loved him. Nothing had changed, however. She'd do anything for him.

And she knew he'd do the same for her, "So we destroy Division."

"Wait. What?" Michael pulled slightly away from her, just enough to see the intense determination brewing in her brown eyes. She was completely serious about her plan.

"I want out. You have to help. Our common ground is burning that place to the ground. It's corrupt. It's dirty. It forces streetkids to kill and se… seduce… Division needs to be obliterated," Nikita couldn't comment on the sweetheart missions, they filled her with too much hatred. But everything else she said with complete conviction. Destroying Division was the only solution, and she was prepared to see it through.

"You and I are gonna take down a top secret organization- so secret my boss doesn't even think it's real- without getting killed in the process. How's that gonna work?" Starting to pace, Michael's prosthetic twitched. Nikita wasn't talking nonsense, but she was being reckless. Declaring war on an organization like Division (one he thought was a conspiracy until recently) was insane. For some reason, however, he was drawn to the idea.

"I don't know. You're CIA. I'm rogue. It worked for Alias," Referencing the television show, Nikita shrugged. It was a lame excuse, she knew it. Except she didn't have anything better. Her action plans were mostly made up on the fly anyway, much to Ryan and Birkhoff's annoyance. She paused for a second- how would her going rogue affect them. She didn't want them getting hurt. Maybe she could get them to see her side. They backed her up on missions, they'd have to back her up on that as well.

"Nikita," Michael was serious. His green eyes were set and his smokey voice was low. He needed her to hear every word he was saying, "If we do this, we have to be smart and careful. And we have to tell each other everything."

"I know. So. Are you in?" For the first time, Nikita felt nervous around him. She didn't know what he was going to say, or how he would react. He was standing there with her, though. That had to count for something.

"For you? Always," Nikita kissed Michael fiercely in response to his words. They were in it, all the way.