Alex couldn't believe Sean had stayed that long. She also couldn't believe she had let him stay that long. It must've been the withdrawal symptoms messing with her; she wasn't able to think clearly. She had to focus on healing herself and kicking that drug habit. Why that day was the day she decided to become sober, she had no idea. Normally, she would've fought someone off if they ever tried to help her. She didn't need anyone. She could survive on her own; she had for that long anyway. However, something in Sean Pierce's hazel eyes made her fight the drugs instead. Maybe she wanted to prove him wrong. Or maybe in that instance, she realized there might've been something worth living for.
She told herself that something was the kindness of strangers. But she knew it was more specific than that. It was kind of stupid though- Alex would never admit to that thought. She'd concentrate on other things, like getting clean. Despite feeling like absolute shit, getting past the withdrawal was the easy part. It was everything else about staying clean that was difficult. Sean was right about creating stability. Alex hadn't had stability in five years. She had almost forgotten what it was like. She didn't even know what she was supposed to be looking for. She knew she couldn't hang around that crackhouse anymore. But that was all she was able to come up with.
Sean volunteered to gather her things for her. That man really was devoted to helping her; he wasn't going to break his promise. At first, Alex was skeptical. It was too good to be true. But there he was supporting her. She wanted to question him. She never knew anyone to do things without an ulterior motive. However, he was so honest about everything. He told her about his friend and their tough job. Every question about her he asked, he answered for himself. And he was upfront with what he thought and felt. He wasn't hiding anything from her. That kind of openness was refreshing. She found herself opening up in kind. She also found herself trusting him just a little bit more.
It was enough to let him help her find a better place to stay after she was allowed to leave the clinic. Alex had squirreled enough money away to crash at a motel for a couple of nights. It wasn't permanent, but it was some kind of solution. Sean suggested a halfway house, yet she was hesitant. She managed to go without sharing too much of her identity at the clinic. However, the halfway house would be different. Her fake ID might help her for a while. Soon enough, though, someone was bound to realize she was illegal. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't go back to Russia. Her life literally depended on it.
No, Alex would figure something else out. She had escaped the brothel, and she had survived on the streets. She could get clean and stay that way. She simply needed a steady job and a place to live. But then what, she was supposed to live happily ever after. How. She was alone, and her future was so unclear it might have been nonexistent. She couldn't see herself working and living forever; she barely saw into the next week. Where was her next step forward taking her, if not the same place she had always been- alone and uncertain.
Those were feelings she had been running away from for years. She had never confronted the events of that night. But it wasn't her fault. She had been busy running for her life, sold into the sex trade, forced fed drugs, and stumbling on the streets just trying to make it to the next day. Then was as good a time as any to start processing her trauma. However, Alex was terrified. She didn't think she could handle remembering that fire, or that gunshot. She didn't want to think about her father lying there. And the things that occurred as a result, she didn't want to confront it. It was all too much.
Sean was a momentary distraction. His slightly annoying presence was something different Alex could focus on. He talked with her, letting her get to know him as he got to know her. She was grateful he kept it light and easy going. She wouldn't have been able to do anything serious. She had been running for so long, she didn't know how to settle. All she could do was stumble around for some kind of answer. Hopefully, that answer would let her wake up one morning without feeling sad. If she allowed herself to think about it for a brief moment, that was why she couldn't see her future. Being alone and sad forever filled her with too much dread.
What was it that Sean had said to her, though. She was strong. For once, Alex didn't want to prove the man wrong. She could keep going. She had done so much already after all. Things had been daunting and unimaginable before, yet she fought. Getting clean could be the same; she could force that to be true. She had a place to stay, saved cash from a couple of odd jobs, and a drug free system. She could keep putting one foot in front of the other, as long as she didn't dwell on the past.
Her own personal Seal bodyguard helped with that as he had with so many other things. Sean claimed he kept hanging around because she impressed him (he was also on a short leave). Alex knew there was more to the story, but she didn't dive into it. He never pried into her past or why she was an addict. They kept things not as personal as that; they had just met. Maybe if he continued to spend time with her, they'd reach that point. Alex kind of hoped that Sean would stay. She could use someone like him in her life. She needed a person to talk and smile with. She needed a friend.
Alex hadn't been at the motel for a full day when Sean returned with food and job listings. He wouldn't let her eat junk or anything like that. If she was committed to healing, she'd have to eat healthy. As long as he was paying, she didn't care. She was apprehensive about the job hunt, however. She didn't have any solid job experience besides things here and there, she didn't have formal education past highschool, and she was illegal despite what her fake ID said. The best she could hope for was some kind of minimum wage part-time gig, not all of the things he was describing to her.
"Look, Sean. I appreciate everything you've done. But I am way too underqualified for those jobs. I'll just take that bagger position at that corner store," Alex eventually got Sean's attention. She had passed by a small grocery with a 'Now Hiring' sign on the way to the motel. It appeared to be the best option for her. It was close by, so she didn't need transportation. And it was within her limited skill set. She wasn't excited about it, but it would have to do.
Sean considered Alex and her words for a moment. He seemed to have forgotten who he was talking to for a moment. He realized all over again just how young she was. Judging by the look in his hazel eyes, she figured he probably thought she was some kind of runaway. She wasn't planning on correcting his assumption. That was better than what she actually was. Regardless, he pressed forward, "My mother has this work program that helps runaways and former addicts."
"Thanks, but I don't need handouts," Alex would accept Sean's help, but she could get a job on her own. It wouldn't have been fair to use him to her advantage. That work program should go to someone much more deserving than her. She'd be fine with the bagger job for a while. It would get her what she needed.
"I didn't say the job was yours, Alex. Just that you'll have an interview," Instantly, Sean negated her idea. She had to apply to the program before she was given the best position for her. He had no doubt she could do it on her own. Alex was determined and smart; she'd go far. He would help her get her foot in the door, however. Someone had to support her and watch her back. As the week had gone by since he had found her, he gladly became that person. His promise to never leave her was much easier to keep.
"You don't think I'll nail it?" Alex copied his smug grin. She relaxed knowing she would get to continue fighting. She guessed that was her way of proving that she was right to get clean and keep living. Fighting meant she had spirit and will- it meant she had a spot to take up in the world. Forcing herself forward also kept her far away from her past. To ensure she never drowned again, that was exactly what she had to do.
"In those clothes?" Lightly teasing, Sean smiled even brighter. Alex was showing him a lot of trust in accepting the opportunity. It helped that he had told her his sisters were lawyers and his mother was a senator; those were all facts she could easily verify. He had also never betrayed her. Or slipped anything into her food or drink. He was genuine. She could begin to relax around him and lower some of her guard- not all, though, not yet.
"So you're gonna buy me new stuff, right? I mean, you've helped me so much already," It was a soft dare. Alex didn't actually want Sean to take her up on the offer. There was a thrift store nearby she could shop at. She didn't need high end items anyway, just something that didn't make her look like the eighteen year old street rat she was trying not to be any longer.
"'Fine. I'll get you a couple of things," Holding out his hand, Sean shrugged. His smile was earnest and his expression sure. Alex only hesitated for a brief second before slipping her hand in his. She attempted not to blush at the feel of his warm skin against hers. She had to slightly shake her head to hear his joke, "I'll even give you some pointers so you're not so hostile in your interview."
Laughter erupted out of her chest without her control. Sean laughed along with Alex, the sound bright and cheerful. Tightly squeezing his hand, she warned her new friend, "Oh I'll show you hostile, Lieutenant Commander."