Alex knew she had done a good thing- a great thing. She had saved lives and helped the team achieve success. But she felt as though something was wrong. Maybe it was just her anxiety. Gogol and Semak were hunting her down to kill her; they couldn't let the heir to Zetrov live and ruin their plans. Instead of running to safety, however, she was facing the threat head on. She barely had any secret agent skills, and she continued to feel beyond overwhelmed. But she was fighting. She trained and learned on her way. She did everything she could to improve herself, and to not drag the team down. They were all great support, especially when she thought she wasn't good enough. Yet her anxiety was nearly crippling. It all just seemed wrong.
After returning from Division, the back of Alex's mind screamed that there were eyes watching her every move. Not the protective eyes of her team, it was something more menacing. It could've just been her strained emotions messing with her. Studying the Division agents in that hellhole, she could so easily picture herself among them. If Sean hadn't found her, there was a good chance she could've been another abused recruit. It was unnerving. She had been so lucky to survive, so lucky to be fighting for others and saving the day. Maybe guilt combined with her stress to make her paranoid. She was strongly reacting to nothing. The team had done a good thing. She had done a great thing.
Senator Pierce made a deal with the rogues. They were going to continue destroying Division with her support. And once everything was said and done, they'd receive pardons for their actions. However, Nikita didn't include Alex on her list of teammates. Sean had been accepted as a rogue. And Owen was offered the deal even though he hadn't been at the Clean Sweep attack. Yet she didn't mention Alex to the senator. In fact, Nikita told the young woman to never mention what she was doing. She'd go back to work as an assistant, she'd return to her apartment, and she'd continue utilizing the fake ID she had bought after escaping the brothel. Nothing about Alex's life could change. At least on the outside. She could help the team, train, and get her revenge. But she had to do all of those things in secret.
It took her a moment, yet Alex understood why that had to be. The name 'Alexandra Udinov' was still dangerous. There were enemies at every turn. If she wanted to save her mom and kill Semak, she had to stay under the radar. She had to be smart. It didn't sit right with her that she had to pretend everything was normal, however. She should've been as heavily involved with the crusade as the rogues; she should've been constantly assisting her team. Division took everything from her as well. Her heart and soul were beyond determined to burn that hellhole. Except, Alex was different from the others. She had never been an agent. She was just a girl that was supposed to be dead, still hunted by the man who murdered her father.
Talking to Sean relieved some of her anxiety. They finally had the chance to discuss everything that had been occurring. He told her about his mother approaching him about a special assignment while he was on leave from the Navy. His only mission was to supervise Division and take care of the rogue elements. After seeing the lengths Nikita went to in order to save Birkhoff, however, his views began to change. But it was Alex who convinced him to completely agree with the rogues and help them. She helped him realize who the true heroes and villains were. She helped to guide his moral compass.
If there weren't still so many things to work out between them, Alex would've kissed Sean for that comment. He was always so sweet and kind to her. She honestly didn't know what she would do without him. But before they could ever go on that date, he had to know everything about her. Michael advised her to be open with him. The Seal deserved to know her truth. She thought it would've been harder to share her entire story with him. The only other person she had told was Nikita. But she had had similar experiences; she was a survivor who understood her pain. Yet when it all came pouring out of Alex, it was just so easy to talk to Sean. It was almost like she was always meant to.
The two best friends continued to talk and process together. When Alex wasn't continuing her normal work schedule, training with the team, or planning her revenge, she was talking with discussions soothed their anxiety and complicated emotions better than anything else they had ever attempted. She helped him process his mother's corruption, and he helped her come to grips with her mother's betrayal. He showed her how to balance the normal life and the spy life, while she showed him that 'rogue' didn't automatically equate to 'wicked'. Being around him eased her paranoia that she was being watched. It was alright. She didn't have to worry about a thing.
Nikita, on the other hand, wasn't talking. She was wound tight, unsure what to do next. Percy was on the run. Ari had a black box. Semak was on Alex's trail. And with all but one Oversight member dead, Amanda was running Division unchecked. There was so much to do before they could get those cherished pardons. It was almost as though they took one step forward and two steps back. Whenever she saw her happily ever after in sight, it got ripped away from her. The war was nowhere near over. They were just starting a new chapter.
Michael was being optimistic about the whole thing. He laid out all the steps they could follow to finally achieve that little house on the beach- their freedom. The team simply had to work as hard as they always had been, and soon they would get there. A future was within reach. Her fiancé's eagerness and certainty was endearing. It definitely fought against the dark fog she found herself in at times. They could get through it all; they just had to. The fact that their team's numbers had grown and they had new allies to support them, only proved his point further. Nothing was lost yet.
Although Birkhoff agreed with Nikita's more realistic thoughts, he was striving to look towards Michael's positive thinking. With Shadownet and Shadowbot working in full force, it seemed possible. Sean and Alex were aiming for the bright side of things as well. After all the world they were in had taken from them, they deserved a chance at freedom and happiness. Ryan's view about the situation remained a mystery to Nikita, however. They still hadn't had a real conversation since he returned from London. They needed to. She needed to talk to her partner, her friend. But the topic was too complicated. Both of them had made poor choices, what could they say to make up for them. How could they go back to how things were.
That probably wasn't even an option anymore, though. The things they had done weren't redeemable. They were changed people. For better or for worse, Nikita wasn't sure. God, she really should've been talking all of that out. If she had learned anything from her outburst with Owen, it was that she had to be open with her team. She had just never received positive feedback to her emotions before. Except, she was with a different family then; she wasn't trapped inside Division, she wasn't in that house with Gary. No one would hurt her for expressing discomfort or unease. She should've known that. With Michael, Ryan, Birkhoff, Owen, Alex, and even Sean, her feelings would be validated. She didn't have to be afraid.
Over the years she had turned to Michael the most. Nikita trusted him more than anybody else. He never hurt her or broke her heart. He protected her as though it was his sole mission in life. God, did she love him so much for that. He was the strongest person she had ever met. He had rebuilt his life after everything was taken from him, and he was just so kind and wonderful. She didn't deserve him. How he could love her in return was beyond her. But it wasn't something she was going to take for granted. She would rely on it for her own strength. She could use it to break down her walls and finally talk.
And when she said what she could to Michael, she had Birkhoff and Ryan to turn towards as well. It didn't matter if they were fighting or not. They'd be there for her. As would Alex, as Nikita was learning. She was there to listen to the young woman process the rapid changes in her life, and she was there for the rogue in return. They had survived terrible tragedies, and they fought their way to the top. They would continue fighting, surviving all the bullshit that came their way. Yet that time around, neither of them were alone. They had so many people around them that loved and cared for them. It was all going to be alright. The team was going to get their freedom- that happily ever after. They already had a huge success under their belt. All they needed was just a couple more.