"Hey, we'll find her," Sean approached Alex, smiling softly. She glanced at him anxiously, unsure of what else to do. The day hadn't gone exactly as they wanted it to. First, Katya was nowhere to be seen. By the time the two were able to escape the press to rush and find her, she was long gone- her destroyed room was the only evidence of her presence. Neither Semak nor Ari would tell them where she was, claiming they had no idea. Sean and Alex thought the black box might help (they'd destroy it after looking though it), but they couldn't make a grab for it either. They managed to swipe Ari's harddrive at least. It was encrypted. But fortunately, they had equipment Birkhoff had given them that could decrypt the drive while they searched for her mother- wherever she might've been.
The team was able to help them with that. They didn't go too much into detail, but they got intel on Semak for Alex to use. Maybe Katya was hiding in one of the multiple unlisted homes he had. She couldn't have completely disappeared. However, the only way Alex could think of to contact her mother and let her know she was going to ensure her safety was to send her a message through her next press conference. The coverage of Alexandra Udinov's return was being aired all over Russia (and possibly the world). Katya would have to hear it. She was just terrified her mother wouldn't listen. Handing her daughter to Semak could've been her way of finally getting rid of her, "What if she doesn't want me to find her?"
"She's your mom. No matter what she still loves you," Sean assured Alex easily. It was a lot to process- he was still trying to wrap around the idea of his mother's role in Oversight. Yet, Katya's and Madeline's actions don't negate their love for their children. It was simply their own obscure way of protecting them. Despite his confidence, she didn't believe him. Her blues eyes turned away, doubt overwhelming her. Gently, he lifted her chin. He was bound and determined to steady her, "My mother's got her issues too. But I know, despite all that corruption, she does her best to love me and protect me. In her own kind of way."
"Are we really going to bond over mommy issues?" Alex couldn't help but quip. When they had first met, she never thought she and Sean would have anything in common. But as their friendship and eventual relationship grew, she found that their similarities and differences made them a spectacular pair. As strange as it seemed to be, joining forces in that crusade actually helped them to grow closer. They got to see who they truly were, which was two people full of devotion. They would do anything for the people they loved. That, of course, drew them even closer to one another.
"I got daddy issues too," Instead of dwelling on any sweet remnants of the moment, Sean decided to joke. Alex laughed brightly as a result. They could be sentimental and sincere later. For the moment, the two deserved to be light- she deserved to be light. The feeling of being thrown into things without a clue of what was occurring or how to handle it wasn't going away. She needed some way to ground herself, so she could think clearly and move forward. He was the perfect person to help her. Her best friend turned boyfriend always had been.
Before she could properly show her gratitude, however, the room started to fill with the press. Her conference was starting soon; she had to prepare. Alex and Sean probably shouldn't kiss in front of so many cameras, anyway. He was supposed to just be her bodyguard while on leave from the Seals. Their exact relationship wouldn't support either of their covers. It could also lead back to the team. Reluctantly, the two pulled away from each other. It didn't have to be for long, though. Once the reporters were gone, they could relax in each other's arms again. She suggested the idea hopefully, "We can talk all about it with a date tonight."
"Yeah. I'll talk your ear off as we explore your old hometown," He agreed rapidly. Sean and Alex continued to beam brilliantly at one another. After the press conference to send a message to her mother and before Ari's harddrive was decrypted for information, the two could spend as much time as possible together. It was all about making things work, after all. They were well aware of what was worth fighting for and what was worth making time for. It had to all work out with those positives they could find. They didn't have to be completely overwhelmed.
"Hey," After he had finished cleaning everything, Michael softly approached Nikita. She sat still on the edge of the bed, staring blankly ahead of her. He honestly wasn't sure what to expect. He got her and Birkhoff to leave the livingroom and escape to their rooms, while he and Ryan cleaned up. It was awkward attempting to move on from such a tragedy. There were practical things to take care of, such as burying the body and clearing away the blood. But that didn't erase the events that happened. Birkhoff continued to shake and panic about shooting someone, despite all of their reassurance that he had done the right thing. And Nikita was silent and still, dried tears smearing her olive cheeks. Michael sat next to her, and wrapped her in his arms. She didn't respond to his touch. Pulling her into his lap, he tried once more with a gentle whisper in her ear, "You gonna talk?"
"What's there to say?" The murmur was barely loud enough for him to hear. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, and clung to him tightly. Michael had to readjust their position so they could both sit comfortably. He wouldn't complain, however. He knew getting Nikita to talk wasn't a small feat. At least she was allowing him to hold her. She could so easily pull away and force herself to go through that painful grief alone; he had seen her try to do it before. But that time it seemed as though she was making an effort to not push him away. He was able to run a soothing hand along her back and place tender kisses to her temple.
She had changed out of her mission gear. He caught that when he had showered and changed out of his own dirty and bloody clothes. Yet that was the extent of her attempt to become comfortable. Nikita hadn't showered, taken her hair out of it's tight updo, or even washed the blood from under her nails. It was as though shock had settled in while she was simply going through the motions. Michael couldn't help but notice she was wearing his sweats instead of her own. Whether that was conscious or not, he had no idea. He simply held her tighter, slipping her long dark hair out of its knot and massaging her scalp. His voice continued to be soft, but he added weight to his words, "Well, your friend was shot by your other friend…"
"It was self-defense," She was a lot more forceful than he thought she could muster. Nikita sounded pissed. Not so much at Carla's death, but at the fact that Birkhoff had to kill her to save the team. It was a one or the other choice she didn't think she'd ever have to make. And she hated that when it came down to it, she so readily picked her team over her old friend. It shouldn't have been a simple choice for her, yet it was; she knew she'd sacrifice someone she once loved for the family she built around her. She should've been able to have both, have everything she always wanted. Except, she was never that lucky. She always had to lose something. Anger boiled through her at how used to that she was.
"Carla still died," Michael did his best to soothe her. Although he knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, Carla's betrayal was unknown territory. He was shocked and hurt by her actions, as well. From what Nikita had shared with him, she was a kind and amazing person- all she ever wanted to do was help people. But that wasn't the woman they met at the train yard. It baffled him how different she was, especially with how willing she was to hurt someone she once cared for. He wanted to blame drugs or mind control, but he knew that was an easy way out. They had to accept the difficult facts for what they were. Carla broke Nikita's heart on purpose.
"I lost Carla a long time ago," Maybe her quiet statement was true; the woman she knew and trusted was long gone, only memories could hold onto her. But Nikita still had to grieve that loss. She didn't get to just pull away from it all, attempt to push it all behind her. Michael wouldn't let her. And he certainly wouldn't allow her to tear herself from his arms. He held onto her even tighter, cheating a little with the use of his prosthetic's mechanical strength. Brown eyes snapped to glare at green. But his stubborn sincerity made her melt instantly. He simply wanted to help her. Fighting against him wouldn't do her any good.
"Nik. You forced me to talk. Only fair you talk in return," His words emphasized his point. Nikita had made him talk about losing Hayley and Elizabeth in such a violent way. Although it was painful, it helped him continue to heal. She should have the same opportunity he was given. She didn't have access to a CIA therapist like he had had, though. And he was by no means a shrink. But talking helped nonetheless. It was just going to take awhile for her to speak. She trusted him with her thoughts and her heart. Sorting through all that pain and hurt was what was difficult. Besides, words weren't her strong suit. She had never gotten used to being able to express herself so freely.
Casting her eyes away, she wasn't so certain she could start then. Michael laid a tender kiss to her forehead. He shifted back on the bed, and gently laid against the pillows. Nikita might be more willing to talk if she didn't feel pressured to look at him. She could curl into his side, resting her head on his sturdy chest. He continued to run a soothing hand up her side, and place butterfly kisses to the crown of her head. She clung to his t-shirt as if for life. He thought it was to assure herself that he was there; they both usually needed that comfort after facing death. But the way her voice wobbled with tears, made him think she was ensuring he wouldn't run away, "It's just… too much. How do you deal with all of this?"
"I don't know. I don't think you really can. You just let yourself feel. And if it becomes too much, you can always share it with others," Whispering into her hair, Michael replied earnestly. There was no simple solution to what they had experienced. They just had to ride through the waves together, and make sure no one drowned. Nikita nodded slowly against her fiancé's chest, but she was soon overcome with tears. She curled even closer into him, wrapping her limbs tightly around him. He held her securely, and comforted her with soft, gentle words. Once she expressed her hurt from betrayal and death, they could work towards resurfacing together. It would all be okay. They had each other, after all. They could fight the storm as one.