Regarding AO3: Hey everyone! I'll try to keep this short. I'm sure we've all heard about AO3 going down earlier today. If you didn't know, this story is cross-posted on AO3, Wattpad, and Fanfiction net. I made the decision earlier today to continue to update on my usual schedule, regardless of the state of AO3 until they are back online and stable. If you are coming here from AO3, just know that any updates made while AO3 is having complications will be uploaded the second I can get into AO3 again. This story is intended to be AO3 quality and that will not change regardless of the platform you read it on.
Author's Note: This chapter went through HEAVY editing shortly before I decided to post it since some parts of it just didn't sit well with me. Some of these chapters get written while I'm drunk and can't sleep and while it helps push a chapter through when I'm struggling with a plot point or writer's block, sometimes they just don't flow well. I debated sitting on it for a few extra days before updating but that didn't sit well with me either since I'm trying to keep a regular schedule. So, that being said, please enjoy this chapter for what it is and know that the 'everything will be okay because I'm the OC' attitude isn't going to stick.
Chapter Note: Objective = Return to Konoha, Side Quest = Kakashi Fluff.
…
They buried Zabuza and Haku before the end of the day, wedging Zabuza's sword into a memorial on a cliff that overlooked the bridge with two small wooden crosses and wreaths adorning them. A lesson occurred about the principles of being shinobi between Kakashi and his students while Avurin sat at the base of a nearby tree, cleaning her katana that Kakashi had retrieved for her. It had sharp bite marks on the grip that would never come out, but she didn't find herself upset about it. The lesson with the Genin was a long, important conversation with an existential crisis many shinobi had experienced, now being questioned by kids who had seen too much on their very first C-Rank mission. She smiled softly, listening to Naruto declaring he would follow his own shinobi way. Kakashi was right, this next generation would change things for the better if this kid was the one leading them.
After a few days of rest and an unspoken agreement between Kakashi and Avurin that they would be sharing the futon for the rest of the days that they were in the village, clinging to each other all night to keep the nightmares at bay, they attended the opening ceremony for the bridge where they named the bridge after Naruto. After the celebration, they had packed their things and prepared for the trip home… Avurin had started to think of Konoha as home since she didn't have her cabin to go back to. It was technically home, but she could admit she was afraid. Her smile wavered as they waved to the villagers in the village, Naruto and Inari having a competition over who would cry first even though they both ended up crying.
The entire walk home, Naruto rambled about ramen, Sakura tried to convince Sasuke to spend time with her when they got back, and Kakashi walked silently. She walked silently beside him, feeling herself grow more tense as they got closer to Konoha over the next three days, their relaxed pace extending the travel time. She wanted to trust Kakashi, but she was still worried. She was a deserter. There were punishments for deserting and a social stigma that came with it. Kakashi knew the consequences of abandoning a mission all too well after what happened to his father, the infamous White Fang. It was a cautionary tale as well as a tragedy. Now that she was in the same shoes, she was terrified.
Konoha's red gates appeared much sooner than Avurin wanted to see them. The kids, mainly Naruto, ran into the village after Kakashi gave them the go-ahead, yelling about showers and food, just excited to be home. Kakashi stopped by the guards at the gate and filled out the paperwork for returning to the village. He waved her over and she quietly approached.
"Fill out the form for coming into the village. We're going straight to the Hokage to discuss everything. Try to relax. You look like a terrified rabbit about to get eaten by a wolf." Kakashi teased. She gave him a glance that conveyed her terror and his expression shifted to an apologetic look. She filled out the form with her basic information and handed it to the shinobi with a long bandage over his nose, Kotetsu, if he was who she remembered. His eyes widened when he saw her name on the paper and threw a glance at Kakashi who nodded.
"Welcome back. We'll handle the paperwork from here. Kakashi, you're expected for a report." Kotetsu said as he put the paper in a folder behind his desk. Kakashi sighed loudly, making a show of looking exasperated with the whole process and the unnecessary reminder.
"Yeah, yeah. We're on our way there right now. Mah, this is going to be a long meeting." With that, they started walking through the village towards the Hokage tower. Avurin took the time to observe some of the major changes to the village as well as the small ways that it was still the same. Kakashi walked in front of her as he led her through the village and she had a suspicion that he was walking so slowly so she had time to collect her thoughts. The walk into the Hokage tower was familiar and after only a couple of minutes, she was climbing the stairs with heavy steps. Kakashi must have seen the resignation on her face and stopped her on a landing in between flights of stairs.
"Avie, I promise you that I will do everything I can to help. Just be honest, from the beginning. The rest will fall into place. I'll be right here with you." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and she nodded, though she was still feeling a sense of dread. Kakashi sighed, realizing he wasn't going to be able to ease her terror the way he wanted to. They continued up the steps until they arrived at the office of Hokage. Kakashi knocked and waited for the "Come in" from the Hokage.
"Ah, Kakashi. How was your team's first C-Rank mission? And who is this?" Hiruzen asked as he took a puff from his pipe. Kakashi took a packet of paper from his backpack and put it down in front of the Hokage.
"That mission was at least A-Rank by the end of it. All of the details are in this report. I would have turned it into the mission desk, but I felt it would be better to give this to you personally. Essentially, there was pushback on the bridge being built and the S-Rank missing nin, Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mist, was the main enemy for the duration of the mission. There were a lot of injuries on our part and my team will need time to recover." He paused, gesturing for Avurin to step forward. "This is Avurin Okita. She joined us during our mission." Hiruzen kept a calm demeanor but he set down his pipe, folding his hands and focused his attention to Avurin.
"Ah. It's not often that we have a shinobi claim to be one of our deceased. I believe it's been several years since Avurin Okita walked in our village. What happened?" he asked. Avurin bowed deeply, her face red with an overwhelming feeling of humiliation at the circumstances she was about to explain. She straightened her back and faced the Hokage as she recalled Kakashi telling her to be honest and start from the beginning, so that was what she did.
Explaining everything from the treatment from her team members to her time in Southeast Konoha to hunting down Zabuza and Haku, then running into Kakashi and his team by chance. The only part that she had omitted was the previous run-in with Kakashi. She included her involvement in the mission as well as the current state of her Kekkei Genkai, sweating as she confessed to having had it since she was first promoted to Chunin and the circumstances of its development. She provided the picture of her with Gai and Asuma as well as her last mission detail scroll which had been kept separate from her kunai pouch. Kakashi hadn't known that she had it but she knew it would be best to provide any and all evidence she had. She had been practically possessed to grab it in the fire at her cabin, not knowing if it would be important if she returned to Konoha. Hiruzen contemplated her for a moment.
"I would like to verify your story with a mind-probe from Inoichi Yamanaka. While I do personally believe you and understand that you have been through quite the journey prior to your return, I must have the verification before I allow you to wander the village. Will you consent to a mind search?" Hiruzen asked. Avurin ducked her head down and didn't allow herself to think too much into the violation of privacy she would have to endure.
"Yes, I understand your reasoning and will consent to the mind-probe," she answered. Her fists were clenched through the sudden waves of anxiety that overtook her thinking. As the Hokage organized for Inoichi Yamanaka to come to his office, speaking with someone outside of the door, Avurin jumped as a hand rested on her shoulder. She looked back at the person the hand was attached to and met Kakashi's eye.
"It'll be fine. Don't worry so much. I'm right here with you." Kakashi reassured her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. She nodded and he took a few steps away as the Hokage refocused his attention on the two, walking back to his desk to sit down. He gave Kakashi a curious glance right before someone knocked on the door. The person on the other side waited a moment before coming in.
"Good afternoon, Lord Third. You summoned me?" A blonde man walked into the office, bowing to the Hokage as he noticed the other two people in the room. Hiruzen sighed and gestured to Avurin.
"Yes. This is Avurin Okita. She's been presumed deceased for over a decade now but she is a former resident of Konoha. Kakashi found her during his last mission and brought her back to the village. There are some key points in her story that I would like you to verify before I start putting together the paperwork and report for her return." Hiruzen explained. "This is Inoichi Yamanaka, he will be the one performing the mind-probe." Avurin shivered involuntarily but smiled at the blonde man. He seemed kind enough with the small smile he offered back.
The Hokage and Inoichi discussed some of the details that he would be looking for in the mind-probe while Avurin shifted on her feet. They would be looking for childhood memories of her father to confirm her identity, memories of her teammates' behavior towards her, memories of using her Kekkei Genkai, memories of the cabin, memories of her chase for Zabuza, and anything else of note.
"The memories will be brought forward during the mind-probe and will feel as if you are experiencing them again as I observe them so please take a moment to prepare yourself. This procedure can be… taxing to the mind. Please don't resist it or you could end up with a nasty headache. You may also want to sit down while we do this." Inoichi told her as he gestured to the couch pushed against the wall in the office that Kakashi was currently standing in front of. Avurin nodded to confirm that she'd heard everything he told her as she took her place on the couch.
"I don't have anything to hide so do what you need to do," Avurin muttered, crossing her arms and leaning back against the hard couch cushions. Inoichi crouched in front of her and held his hand out over the crown of her head.
"Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded and he placed his hand on her head.
The jutsu was almost instantaneous as she was dragged into an unfamiliar place in her mind. As her surroundings became more clear, she could see what used to be a library, torn and burned around her. Several large, wooden bookshelves looked as if they'd been broken in several places and others were covered in scorch marks. The room was dark, appearing to be lit by firelight, yet there was no fire. Books were scattered across the ground, several of them burned beyond recognition. As she turned to look around the area, Inoichi appeared with crossed arms, taking in the area with narrowed eyes.
"What is this place?" Avurin asked. Inoichi replied without taking his eyes off of the damaged wood of a nearby bookshelf.
"This is your mindscape. Everyone has a different mindscape depending on their experiences in their lives. Some see it as a safe haven, others see a neat area to organize thoughts, and some avoid it all together. Most don't know how to access it without prior training. However, it almost looks like yours was organized at one point. You don't recognize it?" he asked, turning back to her with a frown on his face. She tensed.
"No, I've never been here before. I don't think I've even physically been in a library like this." she answered, feeling defensive. Inoichi sighed and walked towards a book that looked like it had survived the fire.
"If I'm correct, your memories and thoughts could be in these books. Why they would be destroyed, I don't know. You're saying you've never been here but the only people capable of making a library like this to organize their thoughts are those that have been extensively trained in mind-walking. To have it burned down, someone else could have come in here and done this or you did this on your own at one point in time. Give me a few minutes to search and see if I can find the memories I need to verify your identity and give the Hokage what he needs." Inoichi didn't wait for her answer as he started walking through the broken wood, occasionally picking up books that looked legible.
She was a little upset that she had no clue what was going on in her own mind, but if anyone could help her figure out her new problem, it was the resident mind-walker currently digging through her thoughts. He returned after only a few minutes with a couple of books, smiling softly. He held the books as if they would shatter at any moment.
"Well, it's not quite as bad as I thought. Your memories are still organized and it looks like only a couple were lost, likely small ones. It's almost like the books were placed after the library was burned. These were actually pretty easy to find once I figured out they were placed chronologically and had titles on the covers. Let's begin, shall we?" he asked. She nodded. He opened the first book and she was pulled into a memory of her parents doting on her, likely one of her birthdays considering there was a cake on the table in the background and she was unwrapping a gift. Her father's face was smiling down at her and she could feel the overwhelming love in just that one moment.
She was drawn from the memory just as quickly as she'd been pulled into it. Inoichi gave her a smile and set the book down on a nearby intact shelf. She braced herself for the next one. This one was during her early training days with her team as Genin. At that time, they were all friendly with each other despite occasional spats. They teased her for not being the third teammate they wanted but they still tried to support her as a member of their team. That memory passed quickly. This time, Inoichi didn't waste much time in opening the next one.
This memory was of a mission that occurred only a year before her final mission. The feelings of confusion and hurt flooded her mind as her once-friendly teammates had suddenly turned on her with icy glares, discussing the logistics of what would happen if they cut her down and left her in enemy territory. Sure enough, they had put her under a strong Genjutsu, taking advantage of her dazed state to hit her in the head, making her vision swim and a pounding pain in her head blur her vision. She had fallen to the ground, unable to get back up as her teammates left, quickly abandoning the area as enemy shinobi closed in on her position. That had been the first time she used her Kekkei Genkai to convince her enemies to turn on each other, giving herself the opening to get back onto her feet and start running back to Konoha. She had reported to her Jonin sensei who had dismissed her concerns completely.
The next memory was of her final mission with those teammates, her conflict in deciding to not return to Konoha was overwhelming and Avurin had to keep herself from crying. She clutched at her arms where the scars were, wanting nothing more than to close her eyes to the memory. It was over quickly, Inoichi having decided he'd seen enough of that particular moment.
The memory after that was one of her struggling to build her cabin, learning how to properly cut wood and insulate the quaint structure she was building. The villagers had offered some advice but no one wanted to be acquainted with the shinobi that had shown up there, covered in blood, only a month prior. Flashes of concerned looks from the villagers, some hateful interactions, and a flash of her being handed a copy of Icha Icha Paradise by a large set of hands were brought up. She blushed lightly at the memory of receiving that book. The man's face was blurred in the memory, likely already forgotten. However, she could tell he wasn't the frail old pervert she had thought she remembered giving her the book. He was tall with impossibly thick, white hair that was tied back. He had told her the book was signed and to take good care of it.
Inoichi seemed uncomfortable as he closed that book in her mindscape. She raised an eyebrow in his direction but he just shook his head and sighed. He opened the next book.
Avurin wanted to slam the book closed as soon as he opened it. The memory he had opened was as clear as the day it had happened. An Anbu agent bleeding out in the creek, the long walk as she took him back to her cabin, removing his Anbu mask to reveal the one and only Kakashi Hatake, the days of his recovery. The revealing of her secrets at that kitchen table, Kakashi's cold demeanor as he demanded answers, his promise to not report her as the memory got blurry with the alcohol. Kakashi's departure, stealing her book before he left.
Inoichi slammed that book closed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Avurin stared at the ground at her feet. She knew that this implicated Kakashi and hinted at a previous relationship prior to running into him in the Land of Waves.
"Please… please don't say anything to the Hokage. I don't want Kakashi to get into trouble for that. It was… complicated." She found herself whispering. Inoichi gave her a stern look.
"I won't, only because my mission here today is to verify the ones he listed. This happened a while ago so there's no point in bringing it up. However, you need to be careful. If I find anything else that implicates you or Kakashi as a conspiracy to keep you hidden, I'll have to report it." Inoichi sighed and set that book aside. The next few memories were easy enough to get through, tearing through the country to get to Zabuza and Haku, meeting Team 7 in the Land of Waves, genuine surprise at finding Kakashi again, and completing the mission. Inoichi had thankfully stuck with the main points in the memory and nothing about her and Kakashi's intimate moments came up. Inoichi closed the book and smiled.
"I think I have what I need."
Avurin sat up on the couch with a gasp, clutching at her head. The sensation of returning to her body was almost overwhelming and she felt nauseous.
"Take a moment to get your bearings and I'll explain what I found. Lord Third…" She could hear Inoichi but she was too focused on trying not to throw up to pay attention to what he was saying. She felt a hand on her shoulder and relaxed as much as she could. She knew it was Kakashi. She had the urge to push him away after what Inoichi had found but she knew there was no point. As she swallowed down the last of her nausea, Inoichi smiled at her and waved, officially dismissed from the office. She turned her attention to Lord Third who smiled kindly. She stood from the couch, walking to stand in front of his desk.
"On behalf of the village, I would like to welcome you back to Konoha. I'm glad that you've decided to return, it certainly would have been understandable if you hadn't. I sincerely apologize for your treatment here, I will personally investigate why your concerns were never escalated despite the blatant discrepancies. You will be pleased to know that your previous teammates are believed to have lost their lives during the Kyuubi attack, so you will not have any trouble with them in the future. Unfortunately, after your passing, your home was destroyed by the Nine Tailed Fox during the attack. If you need help finding housing accommodations, please let me know and we will find something for you." Kakashi interrupted.
"Actually, with the estimated distrust that may occur in the village with the reappearance of the heir to the Okita clan previously believed to be deceased, in addition to the information regarding an abandoned mission, I would like to provide either my apartment or my family home for her depending on her preference. At least, until she can start missions again and save enough for her own accommodations if she chooses to move later on." Avurin stared at Kakashi in shock and sputtered, unable to get a word out.
"That's very kind of you, Kakashi. If she accepts, I will happily accommodate the situation. Please let me know if another decision is made or if you need anything to settle into the village, Avurin. You are dismissed." Hiruzen picked his pipe back up and Avurin felt a hand grab her upper arm, practically dragging her out of the office through her shock. They were halfway back down the stairs before she rounded on Kakashi, grabbing him by the shoulders and pinning him to the wall. Her eyes were wide and her breathing frantic.
"Why are you helping me?" Tears pricked her eyes and Kakashi's visible eye softened.
"The village is very different from how you remember it. I told you that we needed more shinobi who care. Right now, Lord Third and I care and we will do whatever we can to make you feel welcome back home." The tears fell and she rushed into a hug, clutching his vest tightly as he put an arm around her, gently patting her back. He gently shushed her and she accepted the comfort before pulling away. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled.
"Thank you…" She took his hand and pulled him down the steps. "Let's go get some food! Some actual food! I'm starving!" Her earlier apprehension and anxiety fell off of her shoulders, giving her a sudden explosion of energy she could barely contain. She didn't notice the looks pointed at them as she dragged Kakashi out of the Hokage Tower. She also didn't notice the smile on his face under his mask as he let himself be pulled by his hand through the streets.
They went to a noodle shop that she knew by heart. She was pleased to see that it was still standing and even the sign outside was exactly the same as she remembered it. Her father had brought her to this shop frequently after training sessions when she was young and seeing it again brought several pleasant memories to the front of her mind, pushing away the remnants of the memories that Inoichi had observed. Inside, she ate cold soba, happy to eat real food after so long of living in her cabin, being on the road, and eating Tazuna's family's completely fish-based diet.
Kakashi had simply ordered some tea for himself and watched her, content to have finally convinced her to come home. Despite the foreign feeling, he knew he was falling, whether his instincts were playing a part or not. He was falling hard for this woman who was eating her weight in cold soba noodles and excitedly talking about all of the things she wanted to do now that she was back in the village.
After she had eaten, she pulled him along behind her through the streets of Konoha, committing the new layout of the village to her memory and comparing the parts that were still the same. She just couldn't wait to see the village, knowing that she was officially back home. After some time, she wasn't pulling Kakashi with her anymore, yet he still followed her despite knowing that they were supposed to go to his apartment after eating so she could get settled in. She wandered for almost an hour before turning to him, raising an eyebrow.
"Where are we going?" she asked. He shrugged.
"You tell me, Captain. I was just following." he teased. She huffed and crossed her arms.
"You were just going to let me keep going, weren't you?"
"Well, you've been enjoying yourself so far. I didn't want to interrupt."
"I'm pretty tired so lead the way, Captain. I feel like I could sleep in the middle of the street after the interrogation and walking all over the place.'"
"Of course, Avie."
He took the lead, realizing he missed their joined hands more than he should as they walked to his apartment. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and forced himself into a familiar casual slouch. It wasn't far and he took his time, allowing for her slow steps to keep up. All of the energy she seemed to have earlier must have been sapped straight out of her. Climbing the stairs to the second floor of the apartment building, he pulled out his keys and opened the door. She walked in, looking around at the sparse apartment.
"Home, sweet home!" he said with a quiet laugh. She scrunched her nose, taking her shoes off at the door.
"Do you own anything personal? This place looks like a hotel room." she commented, walking further into the apartment. Kakashi scratched the back of his head, trying to calm his nerves at having her actually here in his apartment, before pointing to the plant on his window sill.
"I have Mr. Ukki. He was a gift from Naruto. I also had my Icha Icha book but that was repossessed." She smirked at him, taking the book out of her bag as she was setting her bag down.
"Oh, you mean this? What ever will you do without porn to read in public? At least get a picture to hang on the wall." She stuck her tongue and put the book back in her bag, her arms suddenly feeling heavier than they did before. She sighed. "So, judging by the two doors down that hall, one is a bathroom and the other is the bedroom. Who is taking the bed tonight?" she asked, almost nervous to even ask that question. Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her, slowly taking his jacket off.
"I thought you may want to share until I can take you to my family compound. We can do that tomorrow if you'd like so you know that you have other options. If you don't want to share, I'll take the couch." He hung his jacket up on a small hook protruding from the inside of his apartment door. She laughed.
"We can share. We've been sharing for at least a week at this point. A bed sounds so nice right now…" she trailed off and yawned. He pulled his mask down and smiled.
"Like I said, home sweet home. All the extra things are just decoration for the true goal, the bed." She playfully swatted at him before walking into the bathroom to take a quick shower, washing off the sweat of the trip from the Land of Waves back home and taking a moment to just enjoy having warm water available. When she built her cabin, she knew she wasn't a plumbing expert and had opted to bathe more traditionally, bringing water from the creek to her home to take a lukewarm or very cold bath depending on the day. Sometimes she just bathed in the creek to save multiple trips back and forth unless she absolutely had to heat the water at the cabin.
After her much-needed shower, she left her hair down and changed into a comfortable undershirt and loose sweatpants. She opted not to wear her arm sleeves since Kakashi had already seen the scars. She felt like she could sleep for a week. Walking out of the bathroom, she saw that Kakashi had also opted to change into something comfortable since he had switched to a sleeveless, form-fitting undershirt that had a mask attached along with a pair of sweatpants. The mask remained pooled around his neck, leaving his face revealed for her to see. He had also removed his headband, allowing his bangs to fall into his eyes.
"I'm crashing. Are you joining me? I know the sun is still setting…" She shifted from foot to foot, nervous, as he took in her relaxed appearance. She hadn't properly prepared for bed in over a month since her cabin was burned down and frankly, she didn't care if he wanted to sit there and stare at her all night. She knew that after the kiss they had shared, they would have to have an important talk soon but that was not a conversation for that moment. She cared about him and was thankful for his help, but a relationship was the last thing she needed during this whirlwind part of her life.
He seemed to catch himself staring and just nodded, following her into the bedroom. She wasn't surprised to see that it was just as sparse as the rest of the apartment with only a picture of him with the Genin by the bed along with another picture of a young Kakashi with his own team. The bed was pushed against the left side of the wall and it was small but it was a bed and she was more than happy to sleep in a bed after so long of not having one. Putting her arms out, she fell into the bed and groaned. It wasn't fluffy but it wasn't the floor or a thin futon.
"I wish I could say it was easy to get you into my bed but it did take a few years, a life-changing mission, the approval of my pups, and a meeting with the Hokage." he joked as he slid into the bed next to her. She grumbled into the pillow, not appreciating his innuendo and barely making a mental note about him acknowledging his Genin as being his pups, but she was too tired to do anything about it or tease back. She felt him pull the sheets over them and an arm slip around her waist, turning her on her side and gently pulling her towards him. They were both clingy and at this point, they weren't lying to each other about it. She closed her eyes and her breathing slowed.
She was home.
…
Author's Note: I'm going to need y'all to bear with me through these next few chapters. Avurin is finally relaxing and her personality will start to truly show following so long in isolation and fight or flight situations. This will seem like a drastic change to some but as someone who's experienced these kinds of changes in life, everyone acts differently when they get "out of the woods," including drastic personality changes and sudden emotional vulnerability. Some of her actions will seem cruel from a relationship standpoint but I hope that we all understand why logic will win over feelings for a while with her. Kakashi is driven by forces barely out of his control and his occasional OOC behavior is very noticeable to those around him so just know that it's not just you guys seeing it as it comes. Things will be weird for a bit but it's all relevant and just how the story goes. Things can't always be butterflies in the tummy and fireworks in a simple kiss.