Chapter Note: New feelings are a puzzle for our emotionally-repressed characters. Pakkun has some hard-to-hear advice.
...
They slept wrapped around each other well into the afternoon. Avurin felt like things had drastically changed after giving in to her feelings after their near-death experience. Kakashi held her impossibly close, keeping his nose buried in the junction of neck and shoulder, occasionally rubbing his cheek against her neck. They had stripped most of their clothes to get warm in the bed so their skin was sticking together in some places but she didn't care. He was incredibly clingy and she loved every second of it. When she'd woken from her nap, he was still dead asleep next to her, snoring softly next to her ear. She smiled to herself and brought a hand up to stroke the arm that was wrapped around her waist.
She didn't regret the decision to give him this chance so soon. Her admission in the office had really been her agreement to try, she just didn't know when she would have that talk with Kakashi. It seemed as if the world had created the scenario in the hidden room just for her to jump into it, bringing her feelings to the front of her mind by making them impossible to ignore. The look of pure pain and desperation on Kakashi's unmasked face in that tunnel, illuminated by one of those stupid glow sticks, had sent her feelings over the edge. He'd hurt himself pretty badly just to get her out of that room and she had no idea how he'd even found a way to get to her before she'd died.
She remembered seeing the shredded wood of the ceiling of that room after she'd regained consciousness. It had been at least half a foot thick and he'd found a way to tear through it to get to her. She sighed, letting the thoughts drift. She didn't think she'd ever be able to go into another small, dark, wet place like that ever again after that experience. She'd been panicking shortly after coughing up what felt like a gallon of water until his voice brought her awareness back to her. He'd grounded her in that moment. She'd never felt so relieved and safe despite the oppressive, stuffy air in that crawl space and the freezing water they were sitting in.
She tilted her head slightly to glance at his still-drying hair. At least they'd both gotten a bath. She giggled softly to herself. Silver linings were funny like that. He grumbled and tightened his grip for a moment before going lax again. She hummed quietly, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. It was still damp and tangled but she could see it starting to regain its fluffy nature. She gently untangled the strands that she could reach with her fingers, careful not to pull on his scalp. He had stopped snoring but his breathing was still soft and even. He would likely wake up in the next few minutes and she intended to spend that time running her fingers through his soft, silver hair that she couldn't believe she hadn't touched before that moment.
Sure enough, after a couple of minutes of playing with his hair, he started to shift and groan, the pain of the day probably catching up to him. He pulled away slightly, his eyes bleary as he woke to see her watching him with a soft smile, her hand still buried in his hair. He blinked and stared for a moment before tightening his grip again, burying his face back in her neck. She giggled and gently tugged on his hair, earning a soft growl from the man.
"You smell good," he mumbled as his nose tickled her neck. She squirmed a little, pulling away slightly.
"And that tickles!" she laughed. He pulled away with a crooked smile on his face, the scar that had taken his eye went so far down his cheek that it tugged on the skin near the corner of his mouth and she found herself wanting to kiss that crooked side of his smile. So she did. The blush that dusted his cheeks was well worth it. She removed her hand from his hair to turn to face him, bringing her arm around his midsection so she could gently scratch his back. He let out a low rumble that she almost wanted to call a purr. Wasn't he related to wolves? They don't purr. She giggled again and continued to scratch, feeling him slump against her.
"You are too nice. You can't possibly be real." His voice was dazed and she outright laughed.
"Oh, I'm real. I'm only nice when I want to be and you look like you need someone to touch you with some affection." She smiled brightly at his confused look before pulling away to stretch her arms high above her head, feeling a satisfying pop in her spine. She sat up in the bed, running a hand through her own hair to find that it wasn't any better than Kakashi's had been before she'd made it her personal mission to groom him. She winced as she found a small bump on her head, wondering where it had come from. So much had happened just earlier in the day that it could have happened at any point during their great escape.
"Please tell me that you packed another set of clean clothes," she heard Kakashi whisper. She turned to look back at him to see him averting his eyes towards a bare corner of the room. She looked down at herself, quickly realizing her mistake as her hand shot out to grab at the blankets, pulling them to cover herself. She had forgotten they'd stripped down to their basics so they could dry off. She was only in her underwear and the bindings that wrapped around her chest. Her face was hot and she could feel the embarrassment growing.
"Turn around so I can put them on!" she yelped. Kakashi groaned as he flipped himself so he'd stare at the opposite wall. She gave his back a concerned look, knowing he was still in pain. She would have to check her scrolls and kunai pouch to see if she'd packed painkillers. She usually did but with her luck on this mission, it was possible she had run out or forgot to pack them. She got out of the bed and quickly sorted through her storage scrolls, finding the one that had her spare clothes. Releasing it, she found a comfortable pair of black pants, a mesh shirt, and a green and white haori that she kept around for undercover missions. She quickly dressed before digging through her kunai pouch. Finding the painkillers, she let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay, it's safe. I also have something for you to take." she told him as she took out her canteen. She was running dangerously low on water but by the angle of the shadows she could see through the window and the orange hue that had enveloped the backyard, she knew the trip to find fresh water was going to be delayed until the next day. Kakashi slowly sat up in the bed with a hiss as she passed him the pills and the canteen. He took them in one gulp, chasing them with a small sip of water.
"Thank you," he muttered, still sounding exhausted. She nodded and took her canteen back, taking a sip of water from it. Despite almost drowning in the refreshing substance, she felt parched. She emptied the canteen and sighed, setting it down next to Kakashi's backpack. Their soaked vests were still piled in the corner of the room and she wrinkled her nose. Those were going to smell if she didn't set them out where they could dry.
"Stay up here for a little bit. I'm going to put these on the front porch where they can air out." She picked up the vests, wincing as her sore arms protested at the weight of the soaked clothing.
"I don't think I could get up if I wanted to," Kakashi grumbled from the bed. She glanced back at him, seeing that he had pulled his blanket around him and was facing the darkness on the other side of the room, likely nursing a headache along with his various injuries. Sighing, she carried the vests out of the room and down the stairs. She eyed the front door for a moment, entertaining her paranoia over exiting the house for a moment, before shaking her head and opening the door. She stepped out onto the front porch and quickly found a place to spread out their vests where they would be able to dry before the next morning.
Walking back into the house, she was hit with the reality that Kakashi was likely seriously injured and they were currently stranded in the outskirts of the Land of Fire without a medic. They would either have to cut the mission short to get him back to Konoha for medical attention or try to wait out his injury to see if it would heal on its own which could extend the mission, causing some unwarranted concern for his students and their friends. She detoured to the living room of the house and sat on the couch, sighing. She didn't mind cutting this adventure short at this point. She'd learned more than she truly wanted to and there was nothing here that would benefit her or Konoha. She'd learned her family history and, if anything, she had more fear for her Kekkei Genkai than she'd had prior to the mission.
Yet, she had this nagging feeling in the back of her head that she was missing something. She had noticed Kakashi observing every nook and cranny of the home since the day prior and was curious to learn what he'd noticed that warranted his increasingly thorough investigation into the home lately. Walking back into their room, she saw the slow rise and fall of his back from where he'd laid down on his front on the bed. The sun was fully setting now and she knew it would be best for them both to get a full night's sleep after their adventure. While she knew that she had rested plenty in their nap since the incident, she still felt exhausted.
Returning to bed, she left her civilian clothes on and left some distance between her and Kakashi, hoping not to irritate his injuries if she could help it. However, that didn't last long as the man turned to face her and dragged her to his side, nuzzling her shoulder yet again. She sighed with a smile and fell into a dreamless sleep.
…
The next morning, they decided on a plan of action. There was still too much that needed to be sorted through in the mansion. Kakashi managed to get down the stairs with her supporting most of his weight to set himself up on the couch in the sitting room next to the kitchen, a stack of documents laid out for him to memorize with the Sharingan. Avurin diligently dove into everything she could find in the upstairs office they had been digging through, finding important political documents that could be copied back in Konoha and continued to add to the stack for Kakashi as the day pressed on. Around lunch time, however, she decided they needed water. Both of them had been ignoring it but she was pretty sure Kakashi's mouth felt like hers, sticky and dry. Cotton-mouth, some villages in the South called it.
While Kakashi was hesitant to let her go on her own to find water nearby, Pakkun's presence on her excursion was enough to calm him down enough to promise to rest while they were gone. It was agreed that having Pakkun available to smell any water in the area would shorten the trip and he would be able to dismiss himself if the wards wouldn't let him back onto the property without using Avurin's kekkei genkai.
Avurin shut the back door to the mansion, almost gagging when she inhaled the air of the backyard of the home. She remembered Kakashi mentioning a body on the property, but apparently it was still decomposing against the back fence not far from the back door.
"That's disgusting. Let's get out of here and start looking for water so we can get back quickly." Pakkun suggested with a wrinkled nose as he started walking across the yard to get to a break in the fence where an old wooden gate to the outside of the property stood. It wasn't warded as heavily as the rest of the fence so Avurin was able to easily open it to let him out as she quickly followed.
Kakashi hadn't spoken about what had occurred the previous day and she was too nervous to bring it up while they were still supposed to be working on the goal of the mission. She was still debating whether they should go back to Konoha and cut the mission short or try to extend the mission.
"I caught a trail. Smells like a small river or creek not far from here. It's fresh water and will be more than enough for you two to stock up." Pakkun told her as she continued to follow him. They followed an unknown path until she could hear the burbling of the body of water they were approaching. Her throat was dry and she could feel the effects of dehydration starting to set in.
The trees parted for a small creek and she was quick to run to it, dunking her canteen in the water and taking a few sips to soothe her throat. They would boil the water when they got back to the mansion but for now, she could drink some of it without too much risk. After making sure she wouldn't perish from the beginning stages of dehydration, she filled both of their canteens to the top and took in the calm atmosphere of the creek. It was smaller than the one that had been near her cabin, yet it brought a smile to her face. It reminded her of home. She almost reached for a sifter that she knew she wasn't carrying.
Looking at the bed of the creek, she could already see small shells and smooth stones settled gently into the silt. Using her hands, she pulled a few out, feeling something in her chest uncoil and relax at the familiar activity. Sorting through her findings, she stopped at a small shell, similar to the one she had given Kakashi years ago at the cabin. It was dark gray, reminding her of his eyes, with an iridescent sheen on the inside. It was completely intact, not having been tumbled through the rocks for too long. Making a quick decision, she dried it off and pocketed it, happy to have found something familiar to ground her throughout the chaos of what she'd been finding in the mansion. She took a seat on the bank of the creek, just taking a few moments to breathe.
If she was honest with herself, she felt like she was suffocating in the home. Between the emotional turmoil of the hidden room, the trap in the hidden office, and the sudden emotions between her and Kakashi, she was overwhelmed. When she was living in her cabin, every day was the same. It was a routine that she clung to and was content with. Since coming back to the village, very little of her previous life remained and every day was inconsistent, always throwing something at her that she felt like she wasn't prepared for.
While she had complained about being assigned D-Rank missions constantly, at least it was consistent. Not that she would go back to it. She just appreciated having a routine at this point and she still felt like she hadn't truly settled into Konoha enough to have a consistent routine that sat well with her. She originally hadn't given Kakashi any of her time aside from seeing him on occasion because she knew a relationship would only further shake up the rudimentary routines she had. She knew that things would change yet again once they returned to the village and could focus on this new step between the two of them.
"Pakkun, has Kakashi had anyone in his life like he seems to want to have me? Or even just to satisfy himself?" she found herself asking the pug. Pakkun seemed to think for a moment before sitting down next to her.
"No, Avurin, he hasn't. It's not my place to butt into Boss's personal affairs, but I also know he won't discuss this with you until it's too late anyway. I don't even think he knows why he's doing half of the things he's doing. I'm sure you already know that Hatakes just don't see these things the same way as the rest of you humans. They build packs, mate for life, and their bonds are difficult to break. Boss already has his pack with his pups, Gai, yourself, and a select few others. However, not once has he taken a mate. There have never been any potential mates that caught his attention…" Pakkun trailed off before making eye contact with Avurin.
"Why?" she asked. It was no secret in a shinobi village full of emotionally suppressed shinobi that engagements without feelings were commonplace. So why had Kakashi never indulged? She wouldn't be upset if he had, he was attractive and he certainly had several admirers from what she'd heard around the village. It was genuinely strange that he hadn't brought anyone into his life, even once.
"Hatakes very rarely find a mate that 'checks all the boxes' but when they do, they don't let go. His father was the exact same way with his mother. For Boss, you are perfect. His instincts won't allow him to ignore it. When he first saw you on that mission that had gone sideways, he bonded with you despite not knowing a thing about you based on your appearance, your scent, your actions, and demeanor. You are complementary to him. You fill the gaps in himself. You make up for his own shortcomings. Pairings such as yours are intended to build on each other's strengths and fill in the weaknesses. What you humans consider 'flings,' just don't happen in our world. Those urges are only to be satisfied with a mate that you intend to keep and he's never had that. That being said, I think your pairing is beneficial for the both of you. He cares about you even if it's borderline pining. He's spent too long as a lone wolf, pun intended." Pakkun snorted, looking back at the creek.
"What if I'm worried? I still have myself to look after and even you just said that we hardly know each other. What if I find out that this isn't what I want?" Avurin gritted her teeth, finding herself clutching at the fabric of her pants as she glared at the creek. She always had an escape plan for everything after what had happened to her. She couldn't go into this knowing she couldn't back out if she had to. Kakashi had given her plenty of warnings and even Pakkun was digging the knife of the situation deeper.
"Keep your distance until you're sure. He's already utterly enraptured with you. Frankly, there isn't much you would be able to do at this point. It's a hard 'no' or a definitive 'yes' within the next few weeks. You can't keep him on the sidelines after your decision. Although, I believe you already made that choice just yesterday." Pakkun gave her a pointed look before continuing. "He'll reassure you that you can back out at any point, however I won't soften the blow of this. At this point, if you reject him, he won't recover. He won't repeat the actions of his father on principle alone, but I've seen him at his worst. He'll become a shadow of the village and make himself useful elsewhere with no regard to his own well-being. He's already self-sacrificing enough, he won't make it another few years like that. He'll pine for you until the day he dies. Give it a few weeks and make a decision but if you decide you don't want this, you need to acknowledge what it'll do to him. He may be the alpha of his pack, but as a mate you would be the control he needs and the light to bring him home."
Pakkun stood and stretched as she slumped, drawing her knees to her chest to hug them tightly. Did she want to be the reason Kakashi would be a shadow of the village or did she want to be the light that brings him home?