Clumsy at Love
Chapter 33: Confess or Suppress
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½
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Ranma could still vividly recall the feel of her soft curves against his body. The hotness of her sweet breath caressed the skin of his neck. Her wide brown innocent eyes were staring back at him ~ He shook his head to break his train of thoughts. These unnecessary and intrusive feelings and mental images are seriously tiring him. He groaned as he leaned his head against the shower wall.
What the heck is she thinking? Didn't she think that that move was dangerous? He almost lost his mind.
Jeez! He got to be careful around her, or it would be their downfall.
His rumination was interrupted by his phone ringing. He stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and picked up his phone. "Ukyo,"
"Hey, it's been so long since our last call. So, I'm just checking if you're still alive."
"Alive..." He repeated, chuckling. "I've never felt so alive."
"Huh?"
"Don't mind me... What's up?"
"Anything good happens between you and Akane?" She asked.
"I don't know. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing... But all I know is, whatever I did set me free."
"You lost me. What did you do?"
"I confessed to Akane."
"Confessed? Confessed, what?" Tension could hear in Ukyo's voice.
"I told her I love her."
"What?! Why did you do that?!" She demanded hysterically. "I mean, are you sure that you really love her? What if it's just pity? There's a higher possibility that it's your conscience talking, not your heart."
"I don't think that's the case for me. And I've thought this over and over and over. Actually, there was never a night or day that passed by that I never thought about it."
"How did she take it? She hates you, you know."
Ranma chuckled darkly. "I know, I know... Believe me, I knew it by heart. And she still does. You wouldn't believe the look on her face when I first confessed. And it didn't get any better the second time."
"Ranma..."
"Really appreciate the concern, Ukyo. But the deed is already done... I decided to man-up, take my chance, and hope for the best... though I know it's impossible." He added, then sighed. "Anyway, there's no turning back for me now, and I've got nothing to lose... Confessing my feelings lightens my heart and sets my soul free though I'm sure it only burdens her."
God, I'm so selfish.
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She had to do this.
Coming here inside this building and purposely seeking advice from a family member. And then talk about her own predicaments.
Or maybe it's too much for her to accomplish?
She was about to turn and walk away when Kasumi spotted her. "Akane!" she gasped. "What a pleasant surprise, come on in…" she said, holding the door wide open for her but had to pull her in when she didn't budge.
"So, what brings my little sister into my humble office?" Kasumi asked as they sat down.
"Nothing... really." She lied. Embarrassment had completely taken over her.
Kasumi frowned and then said. "You're not gonna believe it, but you know… ever since you were young, whenever you were troubled, I always knew... even if you didn't say a thing. You see, the word "I have worries" is written on your forehead every time you have one."
"Oh," she suddenly felt hot and immediately hid her reddened face.
"Tell me, what's the matter? You know you can tell me anything, everything."
But she couldn't bring herself to speak.
"Well, it's all right." Kasumi then said after waiting and realizing she was not gonna speak. "No need to force yourself to say or do anything. Having you come here is a miracle enough for me. The Akane I used to know would never dare to drop by here in this building,"
That remark surprised her. She looked up and met Kasumi's eager eyes and warm smile.
She knew! All along, Kasumi knew. She couldn't believe it.
"You think I didn't know? That I never noticed that you hated this place,"
She tried holding back her tears, but she couldn't stop them from falling.
"Oh, don't cry..." she said, reaching out her hands to wipe Akane's tears.
"I'm glad, really glad that you're here… finally trying things you wouldn't dare before."
"Kasumi..."
"Huh?"
"R ~ Ranma confessed that he loves me." She finally spits out.
"Yay! Finally! That's excellent news." Kasumi exclaimed happily. "Did you tell him you love him back?"
She stared at Kasumi. "What? You ought to give response to confessions."
She gulped.
"But you love him too, right?" asked concerned Kasumi.
She looked away before mumbling, "yes."
"Then what's the problem? Tell him you love him, too."
"The thing is… I tried to show him, but he didn't get it at all. It's either he's too dense or too insensitive. Or just plainly didn't want my love." She grumbled, clearly irritated.
Kasumi chuckled. "That doesn't make sense. He'd just confessed."
Akane's shoulders sagged down low. "Right." She's doing it again, twisting his words, prejudicing his action. "I just want to let him know I feel the same way." She sighed.
"There's a big possibility that he hasn't picked up the message of your actions… or his reading it the wrong way considering your history. I think the best way to let him know is to tell him directly."
Akane paled. " I don't think I could do that," she muttered. Confession still gives her nightmares. She couldn't provide any direct admission, be it in writing or in person. That will kill her.
"He had done his part. I'm sure it was tough for him, considering it's you plus all the complications, but he man-up and confessed. And now, it's your turn to be brave and give him your reply."
"That's another issue. He made it clear that he was not waiting for a response. He said he just wanted to let me know."
"Hmn, then the answer to your problem all depends on you. On how badly do you want him to know your feelings? Why do you want him to know that you reciprocate his feelings? What are the pros and cons of either confessing or suppressing your love for him? And if it's all worth it? Suppressing his feelings might have been hard for him. That's why he decided to take it off his chest and then settled himself for whatever result there may be. Confessing is hard as well, but I believe it's worth the effort when it's all said and done. Lucky for you, you already know how he feels. Meaning, all you have to have is the courage to tell him in words how you feel for him. Tell him... if you think it's all worth it."
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Lucky for you, you already know how he feels. Meaning, all you have to have is the courage to tell him in words how you feel for him.
But before courage, there were so many things she wanted to be sure of. She wanted to ask him questions to erase her doubts and earn herself that courage. But is she allowed to do that? Ask him questions.
"Is there something on my face?" Ranma asked, drawing her attention back into reality.
"Uh, nothing." She blushed and withdrew her gaze in a flash. Apparently, her cup stopped midway to her mouth while staring at his face.
"Do you need something?" he asked.
She shook her head and convinced herself to focus on the warmth of her coffee cup. Or at the beauty of the city lights and night sky from the height of their balcony.
To her horror, Ranma closed his laptop, set down his cellphone on the table, and aimed his full attention at her.
"What? I said no, I mean, I shook my head, which means no," she explained frantically.
"There's something you wanted to tell me. What is it?" Ranma insisted.
She paused.
Tell him... if you think it's all worth it. She heard Kasumi say again.
Is this love she feels for him is reason enough to say it's all worth it? But, but ~
Gosh, Akane! Fire him already those questions you've been dying to ask. Like... Hey Ranma, are your feelings for real? Isn't this just a game for you? Aren't you going to trample my pride and dignity as you did before? Because seriously, if you ever would, I will personally send you to hell, darn it!
"Ranma..." She called out his name bravely. And it seemed to rattle him.
"Hmm," he grunted involuntarily.
She squared up her shoulders, looked him in the eye, and opened her mouth. That's right, spit it out, Akane.
But at the same time, his cellphone rings. Ranma reached for it, but he flipped it upside down without glancing at it.
Akane caught a glimpse of the caller id. It's his angel. His angel Ukyo. And then her newfound courage deflated in an instant.
"What?" He asked.
She can't possibly continue with his phone ringing loudly between them, could she? She then shook her head. "It's nothing important. You can answer your call first."
"Are you sure?" He asked, assessing if she really meant it.
"Yep, positive." She had already forgotten how to say what she wanted to say anyway.
Ranma stared at her for a long moment before deciding to answer his call. "I'll be right back," he said before turning away.
"No need," she muttered, watching him walk away to the far corner of the balcony.
She had already lost the nerve to speak up.
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Ranma woke up and found Akane had already gone to work. When he arrived at the office, he knew that something was off. Akane hardly looked him in the eye. He tried to corner her multiple times so they could talk alone, but she conveniently used Orihime to evade him. Yes, she was purposely avoiding him.
"You were gone when I returned." He said. Akane was walking unnecessarily far behind him. They had just gotten off the elevator and on the way back to their office from a meeting. Managers remained inside the meeting room to talk about their approach and strategy for the planned downtime for the system upgrade. And Orihime was gone to the washroom for the nth time. So, yep... He's taking the opportunity to talk to her finally.
"Yeah, I was tired and sleepy, so..." And she left it at that.
He glanced back. She was walking with her head bent down. "What are you trying to say last night?"
"Huh?" She looked up, startled, meeting his eyes for the first time of the day.
"Uh, that ~" she stuttered, looking away.
"Yes, that."
"I just want to inform you that Orihime is now ready to assist you without guidance, so... I'll quit. Immediately. If you don't mind."
That caught him off guard. He wasn't expecting that. No, he meant... He predicted she would quit once his new secretary settled in, but he felt she was trying to convey something else last night. But of course... It was something like this. He chuckled inwardly.
"Right," He agreed casually. "Leave your resignation letter at my table." He added, walking ahead of her and walking past their department.