Clumsy at Love

by largabmar

7 years ago, a young and sincere Akane tried to confessed to an older yet immature Ranma who ignorantly made fun of her and then left to study abroad. 7 years later, a matured and successful Ranma returned, asking a vengeful yet vulnerable Akane to marry him. Can they find love despite their past and present clumsiness? (AU, OOC)

40. Chapter 40

Clumsy at Love

Chapter 40: The Pitiful and The Compassionate

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½

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Drunk, her feet brought her to Ranma's deserted penthouse. She felt the need to check the place again and make sure that she had left nothing behind. It would be awkward if Ukyo stumbled upon any remnants of Ranma's ex-wife. The thought of being Ranma's ex-wife stirred a complex mix of emotions in her heart, bringing tears to her eyes. The mental image of Ukyo wandering around the place, with Ranma looking at the lady doctor with such happiness instead of her, prompted her to cry out in despair.

Akane woke up the next day, glanced around, and found herself in a well lit, familiar environment. Right, she had fallen asleep after hours of crying and wallowing in self-pity and regret. She realized she needed to search for any belongings she might have left behind. Getting up, she began checking each room one by one, eventually ending up in the luxurious bathroom connected to Ranma's dressing room. Her intuition paid off; she discovered some of her things still present, inadvertently mixed up with Ranma's wardrobe.

After finishing her task, Akane realized she needed a bag to carry her belongings. She began searching around and spotted a large shopping bag placed on the topmost shelf. She reached for it, pulling out a fancy box from inside and setting it aside absentmindedly.

"This should work," she muttered, examining the paper bag.

As she was about to leave the room, she accidentally stumbled over the box she had left on the floor, causing its contents to scatter across the floor. She groaned in exasperation and began picking up the items one by one. She discovered that the box contained a collection of photos of her from a young age, along with a journal. Each journal entry was accompanied by a corresponding photo. She picked up the journal and started reading randomly.

"I have always liked keeping my hair long even when I was a kid, maybe that's the reason why I was bullied back then. That girl was no good, too. She was being bullied as well for being such a tomboy. But unlike me, she fought back while I was being a coward."

(attached is the picture of them together as a kid)

Since her mother died, she changed. She became withdrawn and no longer fought back. I promised myself that I would make myself stronger so I could ward off those who bullied her. But in the end, I ended up being the one who hurt her the most.

(attached is the picture of young Akane sitting underneath the beautiful cherry tree in the middle of their school ground)

Thanks to sis Kasumi for sending me these recent pictures of her. It makes me sad that she just stayed home a lot and didn't have fun with her friends anymore. I wish I could see her or even hear her voice.

(attached is a picture of her frowning next to their Christmas tree. She remembered Kasumi taking this shot)

My intentions were totally changed since day one of my return here. I just couldn't shake off Akane's image while sitting on their building's rooftop. I hated the sight of her hair cropped so short while hating myself as much.

(attached is a picture of her back profile running away from Ranma on the rooftop on the day of his return)

2-year contract, huh? I'm that desperate. Luring her into a forced marriage so that I could have the chance for forgiveness that I've been yearning for. But would that time be enough when I've been trying hard all this time without any outcome?

(attached is a picture of her back profile in their kitchen. She remembered that was the night he came back from Malaysia.)

Today I realized that no matter how much time passed by, no matter how perfect he turned himself into, it didn't matter to the girl; he didn't understand why it mattered to him too much.

(no photo attached)

Like a fool, I got distracted. Her smile and gaze, everything she says and does, makes me forget all the clever things I wanted to say, leaving me spouting nothing but nonsense. Ugh! If I'm always like this, there's no way I could ever achieve even half of my goals.

(attached is the picture of her wearing that frilly off-white dress and her favorite white sneakers. The picture was taken on the night of their dinner rehearsal)

I expected things to be problematic between us. I thought she would throw tantrums, lash out with her anger and frustration, holding onto those old grudges against me. I believed I could handle everything smoothly, but... I didn't anticipate something like what happened today and yesterday... the unpredictable, moving variables.

(attached is their wedding picture, the same one that was printed full-sized and hung on their wall)

Did she manage to get a job? The answer is yes. They told me she was accepted at The Shangri-La Hotel.

But what happened after she started working there? I don't know. Nobody seems to have that information. They can't tell me if she left on her own or if she was let go... just like how she was expelled from our school.

Why was she expelled from school? They said she got into a fight and hurt someone, but WHY?

Why does she keep her hair short? Why has she been working alone at home for such a long time? Why does she seem to detest crowds even more? Yes, she used to dislike crowds, but not to the point of isolating herself inside our home for such extended periods.

(attached is a picture of her seated at her desk. The photo appears to have been taken from inside my office through a glass wall.)

I finally understand why she withdrew from the world. She has every right to hold onto that hatred, even if it spans across time and space.

I can now let go of the hope of gaining the forgiveness I've yearned for all these years, the forgiveness I've fought so tirelessly to achieve.

Why does it hurt like hell?

(no photo attached)

To be in the front seat of the replay of what had happened to her years ago is extremely maddening. How could she simply take the stones they've been throwing at her all day so calmly?

(no photo attached)

The journal slipped from her trembling hands, crashing onto the floor. She couldn't bear to continue reading. The words inside had ruthlessly validated her deepest doubts and fears.

There was a significant possibility that what Ranma felt for her was not love after all; it was all pity and guilt coursing through his veins. In his eyes, she was nothing more than a pitiful girl and he was an exasperatingly compassionate foolish person.