Alex and Nikita avoided Division the next couple of days. Although that was a terrible strategy considering how much they had to talk to each other, it was good for their mental wellbeing. Alex needed a break from everything related to spies, assassinations, and death. She needed to get her thoughts in order and her emotions in check. And she needed to make herself relax. She had been on edge for days. Being safe back in Division couldn't even help her calm down. She needed to get away- far away.
She didn't want to go anywhere without Sean, however. So, rather than travel the world to destress as she had after the raid on Division that had turned it over to the rogues' hands, Alex stayed in her apartment in the city. She holed up with her boyfriend and ignored the entire world (besides a few calls to her mother). After a day of rest, relaxation, and distance, she soon returned to herself. She found herself smiling easily and even laughing with Sean. The weight of the world and her broken promise lifted off her shoulders. She had hope and brightness again- as long as Division and Nikita weren't mentioned.
Sean had feared for a moment that the Alex they rescued wasn't the same old Alex. her behavior on the trip home, in Medical, and in Division wasn't the same. Though, once she was home with him, she truly was herself again. It must've been the grief and anxiety and fear controlling her. Days with Amanda had messed her up. The kind of torture she had been forced to endure couldn't be easily survived. She needed time to adjust and heal. Spending that time with him seemed to have been the perfect medicine. As soon as she laughed again, Sean knew everything would be okay. She was still his Alex, even after all that hell.
Though, there were times when she seemed to disappear from him. When Sean dared to ask about her time with Amanda, Larissa, Division, or Nikita, Alex seemed different. He couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was exactly. But, he did know that her bright blue eyes dimmed as she thought about those topics. So, after a while, Sean decided to drop those subjects completely. Alex obviously hadn't healed from them yet. He should give her more time and space there. After all, all Sean wanted was for his girlfriend to smile. And when all she had was him to think about and fell, she did just that.
While Alex took time away from Division to heal, Nikita took time away to calm down. She was certain that if she spent one more second with Ryan, she'd tear his head off for his decision. She yelled at Michael again once they were home, and all he had done was keep the secret from her. Although the killchip hadn't actually been used- Ari had been killed by a bullet- the fact that it was even considered enraged her. Forget that it went against her plan to rescue Ari from Amanda. The killchip was a despicable piece of technology. It shouldn't have been used again. The one time it had killed someone had been enough.
After she had spent a few days stewing in anger, Michael suggested Nikita just go yell at Ryan. She wouldn't feel better unless she confronted him. Also, Ryan deserved to be yelled at a little more for his decision. Nikita didn't need a lot of convincing to meet Ryan in his office. She had a lot of things to get off her chest, and there was only so much she could rant to Michael about. So, as soon as she could stomach being in Division again, Nikita marched into Ryan's office. He had been expecting her. Once she locked the door behind her, he tensed for what he knew she was going to do next, "Go ahead. Punch me."
Seeing that Ryan's jaw was clenched, waiting to get punched, Nikita decided against striking him. Instead, she swiftly kicked him in the groin. He instantly crumbled to the ground. She ignored his pain and began to shout, "A killchip, Ryan? You used a fucking killchip! I thought we destroyed them after we deactivated everyone's. What'd you do? Save one, just in case. What the fuck? We're supposed to be better than this. We are better than this. There were so many other options besides killchips. There are always more options than death. You told me that. So what they hell were you thinking?"
"I did it to save you," Ryan wheezed. He didn't bother trying to push off the floor. Nikita had kicked him with all her might. Moving while he was in that much pain wasn't worth it- he was fairly certain that he'd throw up if he did. He just thanked God that she had worn flats that day. He didn't want to consider what she would've done to him if she had been wearing heels. Though, there was a chance that he would have deserved it. Implanting the killchip into Ari Tasarov's head had not been his best move. Even if the ends justified the means, he had still done something terrible. And he'd still be yelled at for it forever.
"Well, here I fucking am, alive and well. And the killchip wasn't even fucking used. Do you have that little faith in my abilities? Do you seriously think I can't handle myself after all these years? You and Michael, I swear to fucking God. I don't need fucking protection. What I need is trust in my team. And after the stunt you pulled, I don't know if I can trust you," Nikita paced the office, refusing to look at Ryan in her fury. Shouldn't they have been at the point where they trusted one another to not obsess over their safety. She was fine. Always had been and always would be. Everything shouldn't be risked for her safety. She wasn't the concern.
"I know what you can do. But I also know what Amanda can do. She'll use that black box to expose Division, drag your name through the mud, kill everyone you love, then kill you. Killing Ari was the only way to kill the black box and save you," Breathing through the sharp pain, Ryan continued to excuse his actions. Amanda could never have access to the black box. It wasn't just the world at stake; it wasn't even just Division at stake; Amanda would mercilessly torture and kill the team of former rogues with the black box. Ryan had to stop that from happening by any means necessary.
"Keeping Ari under lock and key would've killed the black box too. And you don't fucking think Amanda wouldn't have gotten some other super genius to decrypt the box? There is always more at play than life and fucking death," Nikita snapped. Amanda had found a hacker to decrypt the black box before she had found another one to lock it with hers and Ari's code. Believing she wouldn't find another after Ari died was ridiculous to believe. Ari's death wasn't Division's solution to the problem. Amanda's death was. Or, destroying the black box for good.
"So you can almost kill Ari trying to get information on Saalim, but I can't kill him for you?" Managing to prop himself up on his elbow, Ryan questioned harshly. Although no one said anything about it, everyone knew that if Michael hadn't intervened, Nikita would've killed Ari weeks ago as she had tortured him. She had been so close to that line, it was a miracle her husband had pulled her back from it. So if she had done that in the name of saving innocents from Amanda and the Crimson Resistance, why couldn't Ryan kill the former head of Gogol to save her and to save the world from the black box.
"At least he would've seen the bullet coming," Nikita seethed, half-tempted to kick Ryan in the groin again. That was low hanging fruit, though. He was still suffering from her powerful kick. If she wanted to hurt him further, she had to go for the heart. Glaring at him as she stood above him, Nikita dared to say the worst words that had come to mind when she had discovered Ari's killchip- words she hadn't thought to utter until then, "And don't act like this is all about me. We both know it's just about the black box, Percy."
Ryan almost said 'God forbid I try to serve my country' in response, yet he stopped himself short. That was exactly what Nikita had meant by calling him Percy. Ryan was starting to make the same excuses. He was beginning to fall into the same mindset. Hell, he had found a way to excuse implanting a killchip- something he despised- into an enemy's head. Ryan wasn't acting any different to Percy; he wasn't making that many differences to Division. Nikita was right to call him out. However, it stung that his friend- his closest friend- thought so lowly of him. Was he really that bad. Was there no redemption for him, "Do you really think that?"
"Not until you used the killchip," Sighing, Nikita reached down to help Ryan to his feet. In all honesty, she had regretted the words as soon as she had said them. Ryan had definitely made mistakes while running Division, but he wasn't the only one. He also wasn't the only one who had been in the wrong. None of the former rogues had been at their best lately. It was as though something was happening to them inside the bunker- changing them. But, no matter how much they struggled, they'd never be as bad as Percy. He had been an abusive, manipulative monster. And none of them could ever be like that.
Pulling Ryan off the ground, Nikita helped him lean against his desk. The worst of the pain had subsided, yet her kick really did a number on him. He was going to be sore for a while. Nikita only felt a twinge of remorse. Ryan wasn't bitter towards her about it. He knew he deserved the kick to the groin far more than he deserved to be punched. Honestly, he should've been kicked sooner. It would've definitely brought him back to his senses- something he had been lacking for too long, "I've been an ass, huh?"
"Yeah. You have. And I've been too," Nikita sighed again. Her stubbornness on missions and in Division had gotten worse lately. Although Michael wouldn't say it outloud, she knew her husband would agree with that. More than ever, she kept believing her way was the only way. And that thought process had lost her Alex. The two seriously had to discuss what had happened in South Ossetia. There were so many things that they had to say- that Nikita had to say. However, she was afraid that Alex wouldn't speak to her. She hadn't before she had left for her time off. Who was to say she'd speak to her afterwards. Nikita knew she wouldn't.
"There must be something about this place," Glancing around his office, Ryan muttered. Nikita couldn't help but laugh. It was such an understatement. There absolutely was something about Division that drove them crazy, always had been. Nothing was new there. Ryan chuckled along with Nikita, yet only briefly. It seemed wrong to laugh while there were still things left unsaid between them. He had to get them off his chest, even if he risked Nikita getting mad at him again, "Look. I know using the killchip was wrong, but…"
"Don't. Don't explain it. Just promise you'll never do it again. Promise you won't do anything else Amanda and Percy would do," Nikita interrupted. She didn't want to hear anything else about killchips. She didn't want to hear any excuses. And she didn't want to hear about how everyone on the team would do everything to protect each other (that was obvious). All she wanted to hear was that nothing like that would ever happen again. The team would talk to one another about their decisions, and they wouldn't choose horrendous shit. They had to promise at least that, especially since they should've been doing that the whole time.
"I promise," Ryan smiled softly. He held out his pinky finger, and Nikita hooked it with hers. The two laughed as they pinky swore. But, again, Ryan's laughter only lasted for a brief moment. That time, though, it was because laughing too hard hurt his sore groin. Chuckling, Nikita finally took pity on him. She helped him to Medical where he could get some ice and some pain reliever. The two continued to laugh and joke along the way. They were going to be okay- the whole team would be- as long as they kept their promise.