There was a shift in Alex the instant she and Sean returned to Division. They parked their car outside the barn, and all of a sudden, she wasn't her smiling bubbling self again. She became intense, serious, the weight of the world resting on her soldiers. Sean watched the shift in utter surprise. He had thought the break from Division would've been the reset she needed. She'd rest, recuperate, and be stronger and more awesome than ever- just like she always did. Yet after being captured by Amanda, she was different. She wasn't herself unless she was completely removed from all things Division related.
A quick thought of the operating chair with the terrifying needle crossed his mind. It was like the one Amanda had strapped Owen to when she was altering his mind, and the one Amanda had strapped Birkhoff to when she wanted to scramble his brain. When Sean had asked Alex about it, she swore she had never seen that char. She had only been in one room- the room Larissa had died in. After talking about that tragic incident, Alex would then fall into bitter silence. So, Sean just dropped it. He didn't want to upset her more than she already was.
But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was, not wrong, but off. The woman he had seen Alex grow to become seemed to have disappeared at times. It was like she was back to the stubborn, standoffish, spiteful young woman he had found on the streets. He couldn't make sense of it. Was that just how she was dealing with the guilt and grief of Larissa's death. Or was she dealing with more. She continued to not talk much about her experience with Amanda. Had something else happened to her. If so, why wasn't she letting Sean in.
He assumed it simply had to do with Amanda. Days trapped with the bitch was bound to fuck with anyone's psyche. Alex was simply copping the best way she knew how without resorting to drugs, which Sean would definitely take a shift in her attitude than a relapse. However, it was still concerning how angry and distant she was acting, especially as they returned to Division. Maybe she should take a few more days off. She wasn't needed in the bunker. The team could handle an op without her; she could keep resting and returning to herself, "You don't have to be here if you don't want to. You don't have to go on any more missions."
"I have to be here," Alex ignored Sean's offer to go home and brushed past him into Ryan's office. Ryan had called her in to help with a new mission; he had asked if she was okay to come back before he did, and she had answered with a resounding yes. After all that time resting, she was ready to be back in the action. She felt as though she had a renewed purpose. She was going to shut down Division once and for all. No blue files from the President, no running around in reaction to something Amanda had done, no distractions from the real reason Division had been kept open, Alex was going to shut the place down and free everyone trapped inside.
Whereas she had believed the next mission was Dirty Thirty related (they hadn't had one of those in months) and would eventually lead to Division closing shop, Ryan proved her theory wrong the instant she walked through the door. Apparently, the CIA had gotten themselves into trouble, and it was up to Division to bail them out. The fact that the mission also coincided with one of the blue files the President had given them (after Nikita had fucked up in Kosovo) was a fantastic coincidence. Division could take out a bad guy and be put in the President's good graces at the same time. For Ryan, it was perfect.
For Alex, however, it was horrendous. Why did Division have to be called in to clean up the CIA's mess. They had caused the problem, they should be the ones to handle it. Besides, Division was only supposed to be focused on missions that led to them permanently shutting down. They couldn't keep operating just because the President said so. And they definitely shouldn't be doing anything she or Danforth said. They had agreed to not follow orders from the government. They controlled themselves. They just cleaned up, not followed kill orders, "You're talking about another assassination: something we keep saying Division doesn't do anymore."
"The list changes things. Batouala's seen it. American agents all over the world will be exposed if we don't make that list disappear," Ryan wasn't sure why he had to clarify. He thought it was clear why they had to kill Batouala. He had stolen the CIA undercover list and was going to sell it to the highest bidder. Countless agents would be killed if that list was exposed. Since the CIA was burned, it was up to Division to kill Batouala. Yes, it was an assassination. But it was for the greater good. It wasn't like they were killing for money or power. They were stopping a corrupt man from killing hundreds- one kill to save many.
"So go do your magic trick for the President. You don't need me," Marching right out of Ryan's office, Alex decided. Sean was right; she didn't have to go on any more missions. No one was forcing a gun to her head; no one had their finger on a button to trigger a killchip in her head. Alex could pick and choose which Division missions she wanted to go on. And from then on, she only wanted to go on missions that'd shut Division down and free their agents. An assassination sanctioned by the government, no matter how good the cause, would never do that.
"What now? Our resident Russian oil heiress was supposed to be the way in," Watching Alex purposefully storm away, Ryan knew there was no way he could call her back. She didn't need convincing to know that killing Batouala was a good idea. She had heard the pitch, had understood it, and had still decided to walk away. Although Ryan understood why- she was committed to Division never following governmental kill orders- he was frustrated by the fact. The mission was already a tightrope walk. Having their plans fall apart before the op even began didn't bode well. They couldn't afford those kinds of losses.
"Division managed long before there was an Alexandra Udinov. Get me a way into the party. I'll deal with Batouala myself," Nikita huffed. She honestly didn't want to deal with Alex at the moment. She had tried to call her about what had happened in South Ossetia, yet Alex had ignored her. Nikita assumed that had been because she needed space, so she had given her that. Yet as time went on, the former rogue realized that the heiress was intentionally avoiding her. She refused to talk about what happened. If Alex was going to be like that, then Nikita didn't care if she walked away. She'd just focus on the next mission and do what she did best.
As Nikita prepared for her new mission, Birkhoff eyed her curiously. That was not the reaction he had expected from her. He thought she would've stormed off like Alex had. He thought she would have argued with Ryan about listening to the President and following a blue file mission. Instead, she was preparing to go through with another assassination- something she had always hated. There was no way Ryan and his reasoning had convinced her to change her mind. So what was she thinking, "Nikita, what are you doing?"
"Come on, you've read the file. Batouala isn't innocent. He runs a corrupt government who tortures and murders anyone who gets in his way," Sighing, Nikita glanced up from what she was doing. A part of her wasn't okay with killing for the government again. But hundreds and hundreds of lives were at stake. If she could protect them all, then she would. Besides, killing Batouala wasn't something politically or economically motivated. No one was gaining money or power from his death. The world would simply be made a better place. That was something she had always wanted since she was rogue. So why shouldn't she save the world.
"Sounds like half the people on the President's speed dial," Birkhoff couldn't help but snark. Every political leader he knew was corrupt and murderous. That included their own president who was always two seconds away from killing all of them. Singling out one guy, even though he had world destroying intel, seemed counterintuitive. There would always be another threat coming out of the woodworks. Where was Division going to draw the line before they became just what the rogues had tried to destroy. How many missions was it going to take before they became exactly what they had fought against.
"You know what? Forget I asked. Michael can run the op without you," Gathering her things, Nikita stormed out of the office as well; she could find another place to think and to plan. She knew all the negatives of going through with the mission. She didn't need to be constantly reminded by Alex and Birkhoff. Especially when the negatives of not going through with the mission were way worse. Weren't the two sick of the war. Weren't they ready for pardons and freedom. Making the President happy could let them finally escape. They could finally put Division behind them and have those lives they dreamed of- the ones they should've had by then.
"That was probably a bit of an overstatement, but I'm sure he's gonna try his very best," Birkhoff shouted after Nikita. Michael could plan and execute a great mission, but he definitely could not hack. If Nikita wanted any kind of tech support, it couldn't come from Michael. However, she was too far gone to hear Birkhoff. She was on her stubborn path, and no one could take her off of it. Well, one person could. But Michael was planning for the mission as well. The team of former rogues had been sucked into the assassination plot, believing the murder truly was for the best. All except Birkhoff and Alex.
Although Nikita knew she could survive without Birkhoff- or at least convince him to still hack for her- she needed to talk to Alex. She needed to talk to Alex about a lot of things. But it was easiest to confront her about the assassination then. Alex had to participate. Her connections as an oil heiress would get the team close to Batouala without suspicion. Though, honestly, Nikita could figure out how to do that on her own. What she really needed was a partner. Alex was the best one to have. She had the same passion for protecting innocents, after all, "Paris mission's still on. If we don't go through with this, a lot of innocent people could die."
"People inside the CIA, or the people inside of here?" Frustrated that Nikita had found her, Alex instantly argued. Why was the team so obsessed with saving the world when everyone around them was still suffering. They had to save themselves, not people who didn't give two shits about them. What would even happen if they saved the world- people would continue to live their lives like nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, Division agents would continuously be killed and cast aside. The team had to finally put a stop to that like they had promised months ago. They couldn't keep losing focus. They had to choose Division over the world.
"Both," Nikita responded flatly. Yes, the CIA agents on the undercover list Batouala had managed to steal would be in grave danger if that list was released to America's enemies. But if Division didn't follow the President's orders and recover the list, they were dead. It had been made abundantly clear that Division staying open was conditional. If the powers that be weren't happy, then all three hundred agents would be wiped from the face of the planet. They wouldn't be able to escape; they'd be erased like the disposable weapons they continued to be seen as.
"So you're trying to win over Danforth and the President?" Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. Since when had Nikita cared what anyone else thought. Her whole focus as a rogue agent had been to defy what others wanted. How could she have possibly changed her mind then. Was she so twisted up with her need to be a hero that she had lost the meaning of the word. Alex wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case. After all, the acts Nikita claimed were heroic were simply self-serving. She had started fighting for herself, not others.
"As long as they see Division as an asset, they won't try to wipe us out. If it's the life of one really bad guy versus three hundred lives, guess who loses?" Even Nikita had to admit that what she had said was a bit heartless. Ideally, no one should die. But, then again, weren't they trying to kill Dirty Thirties and Amanda so all the agents in Division could be free. What was the difference between Amanda and Batouala. Both were evil, corrupt, murderous, and trying to kill hundreds of agents. If it was okay to kill Amanda, why not Batouala. Both assassinations would save Division, so weren't they both worth it.
Alex was already shaking her head before Nikita finished her ridiculous explanation. The problem wasn't Batouala. The problem was believing that Danforth and the President were the only ones who could grant them their freedoms. Division was full of powerful agents capable of anything. They could take their freedom and screw the government. It'd be better that way, anyway. Then, they wouldn't be falling into the corrupt traps others had- traps the team of former rogues should've seen but surprisingly didn't, "We're supposed to be cleaning this place up, Nikita, not making it dirty again."
"It's not like it was before. No one's holding a gun to anyone's head anymore. I have the gun now and I choose when and if I want to use it. It's under control," Nikita honestly wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or Alex. They didn't have that much control when the President determined if they lived or died at the end of the day. Though, they did have control when it came to their voices and their choices. Nikita was using hers to save everyone she could. She wouldn't be an agent of destruction, only good. She'd take out corruption to save innocents, just like she had always done.
"As long as the government is calling the shots, we'll never be in control," Before she walked away again (that time hoping to find someplace the others wouldn't be able to find her so easily) Alex warned. The team could believe whatever self-soothing lies they wanted. But the truth was, they were being as controlled by the government as Percy and Amanda had when they had run Division. There was no escaping until they actively fought for their freedom. Instead of killing more people, Alex was going to do that. She was going to save everyone once and for all.