Planning and performing the operation to stop Zoe from selling the CIA list was easy once they were all working together. Nikita and Alex intercepted the Dirty Thirty and the buyer at the club, took down both, and stole back the list. The damage was contained. And afterwards, Division was able to spin a story that placed the blame for Batouala's death and the stolen list on Zoe and foreign agencies. The black ops group could remain completely in the dark and safe. At least from the President. Danforth, on the other hand, required a more complex plan to deal with.
Alex continued to advocate for his death. However, Nikita had a less destructive option. She knew that Ryan recorded all of his conversations with Danforth and the President for insurance. If Division took the recording of Danforth ordering the operation to kill Batouala, then they could use it to blackmail him into calling off the strike. He would never let that recording see the light of day; it would mean his head if the President knew. As long as Division had that power over him, they could be safe from his Seal team. And to ensure that Danforth never stole or destroyed the evidence, Division could put it on the black box Birkhoff had decrypted.
Since it was her plan, Nikita had been the one to break into Danforth's apartment and blackmail him with the box. Danforth agreed to their conditions and would call off the strike. Although it was another victory for Division, it didn't feel like one for long. Ops briefly celebrated that they had been saved, while Nikita and Alex somberly met with Ryan in his office. There was a lot they needed to discuss. Their arguments couldn't hang in the air between them, even if they had managed to do something great together, "We'll continue to monitor the Seal training facility, but it looks like that is one crisis averted. It was a good idea, Nikita."
"Wasn't exactly my idea," Nikita muttered. She had debated with herself the entire time she had come up with the idea to use the black box to keep Danforth from threatening Division. She hadn't wanted to go through with it. She hadn't wanted to stoop to that level. She hadn't wanted to act like Percy had with Oversight. Unfortunately, there was no other choice. If Division hadn't threatened to expose Danforth, a Seal team would be storming into the bunker ready to kill them. The black box was their only source of salvation. Though, opening that damn thing up again felt a lot more like opening Pandora's box than a saving grace.
"Percy," Ryan sighed heavily. No matter who ran Division, it always came back to what Percy would've done. The bastard was dead, yet he continued to have a hold over the hellhole. Ryan couldn't help but scoff at the idea. That idea sounded like something Percy had once told him. Ryan had wanted to roll his eyes at it. But it was consistently ringing true. And it consistently made him feel like he was failing at leading Division, "You know, he told me why he created the black boxes. It's quite a story. He was the hero, of course. His actions were the inevitable result of other people's shortsightedness."
"Sounds like Percy," Nikita echoed Ryan's scoff. Although she didn't know what conversation with Percy he was referring to, she understood his sentiment. She was also annoyed and disappointed with how things were progressing in the supposedly new Division. The only thing that had changed was the no cancellation rules. Agents could at least live their lives, fall in love, make mistakes, whatever. But everything else- even the killchips and the black boxes- was the exact same. The team taking over didn't make anything better. Sure, there was hope for a happy ending and a life to live. But one more mistake and that would all go away.
"And I mocked him. Because he was so concerned about defending Division from outside forces that he completely missed the real threat. The one from within," Ryan glanced at Nikita proudly, but only for a moment. The hell she had raised as a rogue was remarkable. But there was no place for it anymore. The team didn't need to cause dissent or trouble on their missions. They should act as one cohesive unit; they should be the team they kept claiming they were, "Now, hearing you guys argue last night, it reminded me of that conversation. Division can survive a lot. But not a war between the two of you."
Ryan soon left Alex and Nikita alone in his office so they could talk. The whole team needed to discuss what was going on between them. Yet Nikita and Alex specifically had to resolve their arguments and clear the air. Unfortunately, after weeks without talking, neither knew how to start the conversation. The women simply stared at one another, wondering who would apologize first. Neither of them did. Neither would back down from their positions. Nikita, because she believed she was right. And Alex, because she believed no one understood what was occurring but her, "Ryan's wrong. This was never about you and me."
"Then what was it about? You've been fighting me so hard. Tell me, did you get what you wanted?" Nikita snapped. Rationally, she knew that was not how she was going to get Alex to tell her what was wrong; yelling at her would not get them to start talking again. However, she was so tired of being rational and of thinking several steps ahead. She simply wanted her emotions to win out. She wanted to lash out and scream and shout about everything that had been occurring. She didn't care if that never solved anything. She only wanted to quiet the thoughts in her head. Screaming seemed like the best solution.
"I wanted you to listen. To open your eyes at the mistakes that we've been making," Alex matched Nikita's shout. How was it that she was the only one who saw what was happening to the team. How was it that no one else noticed that they were self-destructing and turning into everything that they had fought against. Her friends were smarter than that. They should've known better- been better. Division must've corrupted them and made them turn a blind eye. Alex had to snap them out of it. She had to return them to who they were supposed to be.
"And who opened your eyes? Was that something Amanda did for you?" Nikita continued to let her emotions rule her. Again, her rationality pulled at the back of her mind and claimed that what she had said wasn't fair. She should calm down; she should think; she should listen. However, it was difficult to hear what Alex was saying and not think of South Ossetia and Amanda. Ever since they had gotten her back, she sounded different. It was almost as though she wasn't Alex anymore. She had become someone else while in Amanda's grasps.
"Because why else would I disagree with you? It can't possibly be that I have a valid point of view. Amanda must have done something," Alex was so fucking tired of everyone believing that she was acting that way because of South Ossetia and Amanda. Yes, knowing she could've saved Larissa but wasn't able to because she hadn't had support stung. And being stuck with Amanda had left some negative thoughts in her mind. But Alex hadn't been changed from that hell. She was as she always had been. Just because she wasn't following orders didn't mean she wasn't herself, or that there was something wrong. It just meant she was right.
"Someone did something. Because you don't sound like Alex anymore," Nikita still believed that Amanda had done something to Alex to make her act how she was. It wasn't just what had happened to Larissa. The manipulative bitch had to have done something to Alex to make her different. Amanda had managed to change recruits' minds and attitudes with her 'therapy' sessions. Who was to say that she hadn't done the same to Alex. The bitch had to have manipulated the young woman and fucked with her head. Why else would Alex have changed so drastically. Why else would she have planned an assassination.
"I sound like you. Like you sounded before running this place started to change you," Recalling the stubbornness, the forcefulness, the sheer awesomeness that was the rogue she had met over a year ago, Alex shot back. Nikita had acted exactly like Alex was acting not even a few months prior. She had been a force to be reckoned with. And now, she was following Danforth's orders. Alex couldn't make sense of it. The rogue Nikita could never be compliant. That was what was wrong, not whatever had happened to Alex.
There was nothing for Nikita to argue against. She wanted to say that Alex had changed after being captured by Amanda. But the truth was that Nikita had changed first. Being back in Division and being thrown into the life changing situations had made her become someone she didn't recognize. She knew she had lost herself along the way- undoubtedly somewhere during the miscarriage. But she didn't know how to find herself again. She didn't know what to do to fix it, "One mistake leads to another, like dominos. I lost… I lost the baby and… I had to go to Kosovo to fix things for Michael. And then we ended up working with Danforth to fix that."
An angry, bitter argument about Division not having to do anything with the government formed on Alex's lips. Yet as Nikita's words caught up with her, the rage quickly died out. Everything Nikita had done had been to correct the mistakes she had made. Although Alex could claim that the rogue had made several, the miscarriage definitely was not one of them. She didn't have to carry that burden; she didn't have to make up for it; and she absolutely did not have to fix anything for Michael. The miscarriage wasn't a sin to atone for. There was nothing to correct.
No matter how many times Nikita was told that, however, she'd continue to bear everything on her shoulders. She couldn't let those she cared about suffer like she had. But that didn't mean she had to suffer in return. She didn't have to make everything worse just because something had gone so tragically wrong. Nikita hadn't done anything wrong to cause the miscarriage. Which meant she could stop making mistakes, "You tried to shoulder the burden so the rest of us wouldn't have to."
"I tried. And the funny thing is that I've always wanted everyone at Division to know the truth about this place. And then we take over and start lying to them again," Nikita sighed, defeated. Her best intentions always fell to ruin at her feet. It didn't matter what the situation was- saving Alex, going rogue, trying to live happily ever after. Every good thing that she attempted to do got twisted up and broken. Maybe she should just stop trying to listen to her own heart; maybe she should just stop trying to be good; maybe she should just stop trying. Division and everyone else might be better off for it.
"We don't have to lie to them anymore. The government can't back us up into that corner again. We are free," Gently, Alex promised. Nikita could stop carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. It wasn't on her to save everybody anymore. She didn't have to be the hero- the martyr. They could protect themselves. They could also free themselves. Blackmailing Danforth was just one glimpse of the power that they had. Division was more unstoppable than they knew. The agents could fight back. They could save themselves and be free.
"We're free?" Nikita attempted to ask for clarity, yet Alex was long gone. Nikita couldn't even guess where she was going. Whatever was running through the young woman's mind was a complete mystery. How she had jumped to her conclusions or came up with her ideas didn't make any sense. And not just with how she had handled the Danforth situation. Alex's comment about Division being free utterly confused Nikita. How had them fighting and planning an unjust assassination set them free. How had using the black box set them free. They were no closer to the end of the war than they were before. Sometimes, it felt like they were still at the beginning.
Sean had been waiting for Alex outside Ryan's office. The instant she and Nikita finished the conversation they needed to have, he was going to take his girlfriend home and force her to relax. She obviously was not ready to return to Division after South Ossetia. The woman who had snuck around behind the team's backs and had planned an assassination was not his Alex. She clearly needed more time off to recover and return to herself after the trauma she had faced. However, when Alex finally left the office, she just breezed past Sean; she hadn't noticed he was there. He had to jog to catch up with her, "Hey, Alex, slow down. Where are you going?"
"This thing with Danforth and the President is over yet. We need a better solution. A more permanent solution," Hardly responding to Sean's hand on her arm, Alex replied urgently. Her conversation with Nikita had been enlightening. She realized that there was more she could do to help the agents in Division and her team than by just shifting blame and doing things all on her own. Nikita had tried to fix things on her own, and she had consistently failed. Alex wasn't going to make the same mistakes.
"Yeah, I agree. But that can wait until tomorrow at least," Sean continued to hold Alex by the shoulders. A part of him feared that if he let go, she'd keep running. She didn't seem to be fueled by her grief or anger anymore. But he wasn't sure he liked the sudden and fierce determination she had. She needed to slow down, rest, and think. Whatever problems Division and the team were facing could be saved for later. They'd keep returning to that bunker for the foreseeable future, after all. They could take some time to breathe before saving the world, or whatever it was she thought she was doing, "It's been a long few days. Let's just go home."
"Someone needs to fix our mistakes. I'm not going to let it get any worse," Pulling away from Sean, Alex hurriedly continued with what she had begun to plan to do. Her boyfriend remained in his spot, attempting to understand what just happened. Alex had never not wanted to go home with him before. She could always set aside what she was doing to go home and relax with him, or he could always easily drag her away. Alex didn't dismiss Sean or ignore him, especially when he had her in his arms. She still wasn't acting like herself. There had to have been something Sean could do to snap her out of that- to truly bring her back from South Ossetia.