Chapter 5

Joy woke up sprawled on the couch still wearing yesterday's clothes. She forced herself to get up, went to wash her face and tidy herself up and without having breakfast because her stomach was still closed, she went to the general store.

Thompkins, when he saw her, asked: "What happened to you? You look devastated"

"Oh it's nothing, last night I didn't digest dinner, I was sick all night and I didn't sleep a wink. I'll pass soon"

"You could have stayed at home and taken care of yourself if you wanted"

"It's not necessary, thanks, I'll be fine"

Thompkins shook his head: he hadn't believed a word the girl had told him.

Buck returned late in the morning and did not eat breakfast. He immediately went to the stable and began to take care of the horses. Rachel had noticed that he had returned and with some coffee in a cup she had joined him: "How are you Buck? You made us worry. Here, I brought you some hot coffee"

"Thank you Rachel. I had a lot to think about and had to be alone"

"AND?"

"And what?"

"What did you decide?"

"I don't feel like talking about it"

"Buck, please don't throw away something beautiful because of your fears and your bias. Joy is a really good girl, she doesn't deserve you to treat her like that. Do you really have no feelings for her?"

Buck decided to be honest. He sipped some coffee and then said: "I don't know Rachel, I really don't know. I feel attracted to her but I can't let go, I'm afraid of making mistakes again"

"Follow your heart Buck, it can't always go wrong, there's the right woman out there for you, but if you ever let yourself go, you won't recognize her."

She turned away from him and went to Joy's in the store.

"Hi Joy"

She replied with a shy smile. Rachel took advantage of the fact that Thompkins was busy with a client to speak openly with her friend: "Don't despair, give him time and he will come looking for you"

"After yesterday? I really don't think Rachel. I've decided to stay on my own, I can't bear the gaze and judgment of the boys, I'm too ashamed"

"You should never be ashamed of your feelings, especially when they are pure and sincere. You will see that soon things will be resolved. I understand your reasons, but I hope we'll still be friends."

"Of course Rachel, I love you, I just can't make it to the station like before"

"I understand. I'm here if you need, I'll come to you"

"Thank you, you're a friend"

"You too. Please, have faith" and bought a jar of jam to silence Thompkins.

Buck was silent and elusive all day, and at lunchtime there was much tension between the boys. No one dared to refer to what had happened the night before and no one felt like talking. Luckily there was Jesse who, understanding the situation, tried to make jokes as usual.

In the afternoon, Lou approached Buck who was preparing her horse for her ride.

"How are you Buck?"

Buck shrugged and didn't answer her.

"I don't want to mind your business, but you must have a clarification with her, to tell her anything, even if you don't feel anything for her, but you can't ignore her like this"

Buck looked at her and again said nothing.

Lou patted him on the shoulder and came back inside.

Buck understood that her friend was right: he had to have a confrontation with Joy.

He finished preparing the horse and then went to Thompkins just before the shop closed. He entered and walked over to her.

Joy jumped when she saw him but ignored it.

"Hello", he said to her.

"Do you need anything?" she just asked.

"I need to talk to you"

"I'm working and then I don't see what else there is to say"

"Please, I'll wait outside after closing time"

Joy sighed and nodded. Buck went out. Joy's heart was pounding and Thompkins took notice: "What the hell is going on between you two?"

"Nothing Mr. Thompkins, absolutely nothing"

"Joy, be careful not to hurt yourself. Buck is a nice boy, but he is a difficult and problematic person"

Joy nodded. She settled things in the shop, said goodbye to Thompkins and left. Buck was waiting for her across the street leaning against a post. Joy joined him.

"Then? What do you have to tell me?"

Buck hesitated for a moment and it seemed like a century to her, then in a low voice he said: "Sorry"

"You don't have to apologize, it was me who made a mistake, I shouldn't have….", she couldn't say what she had done.

"I, here…you see….". He could not articulate a word. Instinctively he pulled her to him and kissed her. Joy was stunned for a moment, but then returned the kiss with passion. When they parted, he smiled at her and said: "Do you understand the concept?"

"Not really", she replied blushing.

"I'm sorry I reacted like this yesterday. I poured all my fears on you and with that kiss you took me so by surprise that I was unable to say or do anything, also because I didn't know what I wanted to do."

"And now you know?"

"Yes, I want to try"

"Buck, I really like you and I think you understand that, but don't mess with me. If you decide to give it a try, you have to seriously do it. I don't want an indefinite relationship, I want to be with you, I want to be your woman and if you're not ready, then let's leave it alone"

"Joy I like you too, it's just that I find it hard to believe that someone can really be interested in me and my culture"

"But why? Try to trust people"

"Because in the past I had some bad experiences that made me suffer"

"But I don't want to make you suffer, I want to love you, get to know you, share my passions with you and understand your traditions. Is that so hard to believe?"

He looked at her with his immense dark eyes full of emotion and suffering, he half-smiled and replied: "Maybe not"

"So?"

"So I want to try, I want to be your boyfriend and see where this takes us"

She smiled at him and they kissed again. Thompkins as he walked out of the shop saw them and shook his head.

"Come to dinner at the station tonight"

"So without warning?"

"I don't think anyone will complain, definitely not Rachel"

"Who knows what she told you uh?"

"Well, she gave me a good scolding, but I needed it and I deserved it"

Joy smiled at him, took him by the arm and they walked towards the station.

Joy was so excited, she couldn't believe what was happening. Just a few hours ago she was so desperate and now she was the happiest woman alive.

When they arrived, the boys were all already at the table. Buck opened the door a little, without revealing Joy's presence, and said: "I came with a guest, is that a problem?" and suddenly opened the door.

Rachel yelled with joy: "Joy! It's nice to see you here, but so you two…"

Joy blushed and Buck took her hand, then said: "We decided to give it a try."

"Hallelujah!" Jimmy exclaimed. They all got up from the table and went towards the couple. Noah and Kid hugged Joy and patted Buck on the shoulder, then it was Cody's turn who held out his hand to Buck and said: "If you're going to make her suffer, you'll have to deal with me." Buck waved a yes, and Joy kissed his cheek. While this commotion was going on, Teaspoon came in and exclaimed: "Hey, is there a party here?"

"Joy and Buck are officially a couple", Rachel informed him enthusiastically.

"Hallelujah! You've finally started to think, son" and he affectionately took him by the shoulders.

They sat down to table and ate heartily.

"Well, I guess we'll always have dinner together from now on", Rachel suggested.

"But I don't want to be too much and disturb", Joy retorted.

"Honey, you're family now, so don't argue with me, also because you wouldn't have won it"

"I agree", Buck said, smiling. It was so nice to finally see him serene.

"Okay, but since I'm part of the family", and in the meantime she stood up, "you won't be able to stop me from helping you with the dishes and pots"

Rachel smiled and hugged her.

Noah intervened turning to Buck: "And you stubborn head was about to let her get away..."

"Noah…", Kid touched him on the arm, "it's none of your business"

"No Kid, he's right. I was a perfect idiot, but luckily Rachel opened my eyes, I looked into my heart and I understood that it was worth trying" and in the meantime she hugged Joy who was handing out the potato plates. The girl's eyes became watery. Teaspoon noticed this and said: "Well well, so where are these potatoes?" and the evening continued quietly.

When dinner was finished, the boys played cards while Rachel and Joy set up the stove and dishes.

Rachel took the opportunity to congratulate Joy: "Did you see that I was right? I'm so happy for you"

"I have to thank you Rachel, I really think your contribution was crucial"

"I just had to open his eyes, the feelings for you were there and they just had to find a way out"

When they were done, Joy joined Buck at the table and asked him what they were playing. He explained it to her and since Joy didn't know that game, he showed her how to do it. When they had a winning hand, Buck exclaimed,: "Yes! You brought me luck" and she instinctively kissed him. It was the first time they had kissed seriously in front of the others and Joy noticed Buck's embarrassment. The boys didn't comment but she hoped she hadn't screwed up again.

When it got late, Buck said he would drive her home.

"See you tomorrow Joy!" Rachel told her.

"Okay, thanks, I still have to get used to all this"

They said goodbye and then Joy and Buck left. She took him by the arm and as they walked, Joy had to clear up a doubt: "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you earlier when I kissed you, sorry"

"You don't have to apologize, we're together now, it's just that for me it was the first time. I've never taken any girls to the station and it was strange to express my feelings in front of others. We don't have to be ashamed or hide though"

Joy was happy and they kissed again. When they got home, they stopped in the driveway in front of the door. They bade each other good night and shared a passionate kiss that grew deeper and more demanding, so much so that Buck had to pull away before losing control.

"What is it?" she asked him.

"I'd better go, before I can't tear myself away from you anymore"

"And why should you break away?", she answered him full of desire.

Buck pulled her back to him and resumed kissing her. Joy opened the door and he pushed her inside without taking his lips from hers, then he kicked the door shut and started sliding his hands further and further down. Joy let him, savoring every second of that idyllic moment.

Suddenly Buck stopped and said to her panting: "We can't."

"Why?"

"Because I want to do things right Joy, I want to woo you, I want to respect the times of the other couples, I don't want to rush, I care too much about you and I only realize it now"

Joy lit up when she heard these words, but told him: "I don't care about conventions, I want you now, but if you're not ready, I understand"

"This is not Joy, really, I want to follow the rules"

Joy nodded very disappointed. "Okay, goodnight then"

He gave her a kiss on the cheek, wished her good night as well, and headed for the door. Putting his hand on the handle he stopped, took a breath and said: "To hell with conventions" and rushed towards her, kissing her passionately.

"Where is your room?" he asked between kisses.

"Upstairs", she whispered.

He picked her up and carried her upstairs, opened the door ajar with his foot and placed her in front of the bed. They looked at each other, nodded and resumed kissing. He began to undo her dress slowly, savoring every moment. When he was done, as he kissed her neck he freed her from her dress and she was left with only her underwear. In turn, Joy took off his leather jacket and began to unbutton his shirt. Being hampered by her medicine bag she said to him: "And this one?" He took it off and hung it on the knob of the bed nearby saying: "This is another thing I'll have to explain to you, but not now..." and he resumed kissing her. Joy finished unbuttoning his shirt and took it off, then ran her hands over his bare chest, enjoying that touch. She moved on to his pants and when she had them undone and pulled down, she bent down to take off his boots and to slide his pants out. Buck began to fumble with her underwear until she was completely naked. She pulled off his underpants and then he laid her down on the bed. He positioned himself on top of her and as he kissed her he continued to caress her, stimulating her nipples and making her moan with pleasure. He descended with his mouth more and more already until he reached between her breasts. He let his hands descend, one on his stomach and another along his legs until he reached her intimacy. He caressed her while with the other hand he massaged now one nipple now the other, guiding her towards pleasure. Joy held onto his hair and felt like she was in heaven. Buck slid his finger slowly inside her and Joy let out a moan. When he understood that she was ready, he positioned himself between her legs and penetrated her gently, having sensed that he was her first man. Joy felt a small pang, but then she began to follow Buck's rhythm which slowly led her to explode with pleasure, just as he too reached the climax of orgasm.

He fell back on top of her exhausted and she held him close as if she didn't want to let him go again.

After recovering, he rolled over to her and said: "Are you okay?"

She looked at him with eyes full of love and replied: "Wonderfully. Thanks Buck."

They remained embracing for a while without speaking, then she broke the silence and asked him: "Are you sorry? Be honest, I'll understand"

He turned to her amazed and said: "No, not at all, why should I?"

"Because you are so special, sweet, sensitive and I am nothing, I have no quality, I am an anonymous girl and it seems almost impossible that a talented boy like you could really be interested in me"

"What are you saying? You are by no means an anonymous girl, you are strong, decisive, determined and I am lucky I have not lost you with my stupidity. I don't want to hear these speeches anymore, ok?"

She nodded and said: "I love you Buck."

He looked into her eyes, smiled and hugged her. He didn't feel ready to tell her yet and he knew he was giving her a displeasure, but for him they were very strong words and he wanted to say them at the right moment. Joy felt a pang of disappointment but told herself that perhaps she was too hasty, she must be feeling lucky already.

"I wish I didn't have to leave"

"Don't do it, stay here tonight, you could leave early tomorrow morning and come back without anyone noticing"

"Do not tempt me…"

"It would be really nice"

"Maybe you're right, if I leave before dawn no one will notice"

They smiled, kissed and hugged each other tightly.

When he believed that Joy was sleeping, Buck whispered: "I love you too Joy, but I'm not ready to tell you, I always find it very difficult to express my feelings, I hope you still feel how I feel for you" and hugged her self even more.

Joy didn't move a muscle but her heart swelled with joy. Now she knew how he felt about her and she didn't care that he still couldn't tell her, the important thing was that he really loved her.