Chapter 5 "Drowning in your sorrow"

Part 1 Shinji

Shinji was walking through some abandon buildings where Rei's apartment was. It was silent as expected, with next to little signs of life in the vicinity. Shinji walked the upstairs and headed to the apartment.

He felt his stomach tied and he was nervous to the bone.

He didn't know what to say and expect , last time he feared to approach another person but now the thing that feared him the most will be her answer.

What if she doesn't understand what he talking about? What if she cross him as a madman. So many outcomes so many unanswered questions. It was going to be painful.

Without a second thought Shinji knock the door first for few seconds and after receiving no answer he opened slowly the door.

"It's anyone home ?" Shinji asked as was trying to spot Rei .

" Why you are here?" A pale and cold voice spoke from behind Shinji as she got out of her bath.

"I am here to give you the some reports the class per told me to gave you for your absence in school." Said Shinji as he gave her the papers.

"Alright then." She simply took the papers and shoved them with rest of them doing it with most robotic way possible.

"If you are came here just for that you can leave."

"The thing is I am not here for that I came here to talk."

"I don't know what you want talk with me but speak then."

"Not here, let's go for a walk while we talking after all I don't think you have much to do right now."

"Let me take a moment to dress up."

She didn't even turn around to hide her nakedness infront of him she just simply dressed like nothing was happening.

Shinji on the other hand waited her outside the apartment. He didn't feel right to stare on her, after all she was more less his stepsister.

They got to the outside road and Shinji start walking with Rei following behind.

"What is it you want so much to talk about with me?"

"Let's just say I know things that are also aware."

"Like what?"

"Like your true origin for example."

That make Rei stop for a moment to realize the bomb that Shinji dropped on her.

"How much do you?"

"I know that are failed clone of my mother from parts of Lilith that is in the down levels of Nerv . Your created from my fath... Gendo and his teacher Kōzō Fuyutsuki with specific purpose of causing the third impact and bring back Yui Ikari."

Again Rei was shocked to the fact that this boy knew so much information regarding this subject. But she continued to follow him to listen to what have to say next.

"How do you all of this?"

Shinji stayed silent for a moment and instead of answering the question he rose up his own question.

"Have you ever heard of the Dirac sea ?"

"I remember doctor Agaki mentioned once but she wasn't sure as what it was."

"It's a path, a path that is beyond time and space and leads to whatever place you can think of. At least what I have understand so far."

"So that's why your sense was so different from all the others."

"What?"

"Whenever I am close by I can sense people souls all of them felt right up until I saw you at the telephone wire. Your body felt right but your soul felt different like to different things coexisting in the same space. "

"So you knew all along?"

" From your movements it seems like something was bothering you ."

"Then enlight me with your knowledge."

Before Rei could say something a sudden headache start erupting her thoughts.

"Ahhhhhh" She screamed, she was holding her like she was going to lose it any second.

"Rei what's happening?" Shinji quick rushed towards her to see if she alright.

As Shinji came to the rescue Rei stop for a second and he saw a nose bleed with a sinister smile following after awards.

"My,my, my if isn't Shinji Ikari in the flesh." The voice that came from Rei's mouth was a lot different from what Shinji had used to. Instead of the usual cold voice there was a psychotic laughter coming from Rei's mouth.

"What happened to you Rei ?"

"Oh come on you don't even recognize your real mother." She said with a familiar smile forming on her face and putting her hand on Shinji's back.

Shinji shocked for a moment as he realised that dreadful and sinister smile. It was the same as before the same smile that had the white giant back then.

"You..."

Shinji got away from her and spoke with dread on his face.

"Lilith."

She smiled with satisfaction. Then she went closer to Shinji to take a sniff of him. Shinji again tried his distance as far as possible.

"Hmm,it looks like the little Romeo lost his Juliet and came for me for anwsers. How tragic." She waved her hand playing a tragic expression.

"How do know? " Said Shinji as he jumped towards her with hateful glance.

"Relax bad boy this isn't the time to pull out your inner beast but time to answer your questions."

"Then do it, enlighten me."

"It seems that someone send you here using the Dirac sea as a way of transport."

"Who was it? Tell me now and why I am here?"

"Sadly I can only run through your memories and what you have saw and you didn't see it. Wait..." She poused for a second.

"What is it?"

Again she formed a smile.

"You don't know but she might."

Shinji was shocked again.

"Were is she? Is she still alive?"

"Who knows?" She waved her hands questioning.

"Don't play tricks on me." Said Shinji with a angry expression on his face.

"I told you, I saw what you have seen anything up until now. If you want my opinion you should give up your hopes."

"What? No, she must be alive she doesn't go down easily."

"I am telling you it's loss of time she isn't alive."

"No, I will be the one to decide that."

"You really are stubborn aren't you. It's nearly impossible for you Lilins to cross the Dirac sea without going insane or killed. You should consider your self lucky for coming out alive."

"She was alive I saw movement in her eyes."

"Even if she is alive who knows where she is might in different universe or even worse she might stuck between time space. There is no such thing as miracles only calculated decisions."

Shinji took a moment to sing in what he just heard. He couldn't comprehend this information. He refused to accept it but all the other parts of his body were taking this as a fact.

His body was shacking and his knees fell on the ground. He wanted so hard to scream and cry but he knew it won't do anything.

"Oh poor boy you didn't need to feel sad Mather Lilith is here for you." She said as she put her hands on Shinji's back.

"Come on, let's become one together." She whispered to his right ear.

The moment Shinji heard this his widened and acted with second hesitation.

"GET AWAY FROM ME " Roared as he knocked Lilith back.

She then fallen backwards and hit her head but the voice that came from the mouth it wasn't the same one as Lilith.

Shinji realized who voice was and run towards her.

"Are you alright Rei ? Did you got hurt ?" He offered his hand for help.

But instead of accepting his help Rei back of feared.

"You are a monster." Said Rei to him.

That word make Shinji froze in his place. He could easily read her feared expression clearly. By the look of her face Shinji realized what happened. She saw in to his memories, she saw what kind a person he is.

As he tried to say something back Shinji realized that there were other people watching them. Probably the loud noises make the vicinity wake. The people were looking him in disgust, fear and hate .

Again Shinji felt like he was back at the instrumentality and all the souls were judging him once again.

He didn't know what to do. All those people were coming towards him. He needed to get away.

So he run, he run without stopping and hesitation. He didn't care where his was going the only thing he wanted is to get away from this crowd of people as far as possible.

After running of what felt like an eternity he stopped for a moment to take a breath.

He got away from the crowd but as slowed down he started hearing voices.

"Murderer."

"Coward."

"Selfish."

"Immature brat."

He could hear them where ever he go and whenever he look . They were taunting him and offend him for what he have done to them.

"You are disgusting."

"You should have been locked in cage and never be opened."

"Life was better without."

The keep speaking to him, he tried to cover up his ears but didn't work either he could still hear them in his head.

"Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP." He finally yelled and as he did the voices stopped with a final laughter.

Cold sweat was running in Shinji's face. He started running again but this time he headed to his home.

On his way there tormented moments came to Shinji's mind.

Toji lost his leg hand and almost his because of his inaction. Rei was killed because he couldn't do anything to stop the angel. Misato sacrificed her own life for his sorry ass and Asuka ... . She lost her mind and spirit because she wasn't there to help her, she used as a of satisfied his own disgusting thoughts and worst of all he killed her because he refused to pilot the Eva and then strangle her twice.

After a while he arrived in Misato's apartment. The door was locked after all Misato had told him that she won't be home before 2 in the morning.

So he sit outside the apartment and finally let go of the tears he was holding. He was all the things they had said to him and even more. He really was a monster.

A.N : And another chapter is out, the next one will probably be the last for part 1.