Chapter 14"Painkiller."

Part 3" The world in flames."

"This bad." Ritsuko thought. "We didn't only lost one extra Eva but also the dummy plug system was rejected. Even with 02 the system was rejected as well, shame because with two almost unstable it would have been good to had as a back plan. If Kaji predictions are true then we need the best of all our pilots."

Ritsuko continued looking at footage of 01 crushing 03. She did expect Yui to awoke sometime but not that early. All this time she has given him tremendous power to aid him in every battle. The same can be said from 02 as well.

"Interesting." Ritsuko thought again."They are either to lucky and tapping into power that they don't understand or ..." The last thought made Ritsuko to reconsider what has happened until now. " Or they know completely what they doing. But how? This classify information that little people in this world know." Ritsuko to remember one of her theories regarding the third child. "The first thought which cross my head was that he was a spy but after seeing so much that theory doesn't hold that much. Up until now he hasn't tried to linked any information to others . If was a spy he would at least react when he learnt that most of the other companies got destroyed. He isn't like Kaji, so what then? He was very close with the second child for a period but there not so close now than before. I need to learn what he is hiding because this might help to win this war. I must four the perfect opportunity for that ."

Shinji stood in the train station which he had used so many times before. This station had simultaneously gave him happy and sad memories and this moment wasn't far for what he had used to.

"So you are going run away again huh?" Said Asuka from behind.

Shinji turned his head and faced her with a sad smile.

"I don't know Asuka, after all those battles all those fights I feel like I am done with everything. I just wanted this end."

"Sadly we can't just wish all the bad things to disappear out of nowhere . This isn't how reality works Shinji."

" I know, but he trusted me, he had put his faith in my actions and I failed him. " He looked his hands in disgust . "Killed him with those two hands. "

"This can't be the full story, right? There must something else that made you cause that."

"You have seen the videos right?"

Asuka remember the footage of 01 raging and pummeling 03 to the ground. The thing that she can't forget the most was what Shinji seeing while attacking 03 or what he believed he was seeing.

"DON'T DESERVE EVEN TO BREATHE IN FRONT OF ME FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ASUKA."

"It's hard not to."

"The one moment I see your death and the next moment I am over the corpse of 03."

Asuka wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault but it wasn't as easy as it sounds. He has forgive him for most of his mistakes but she still divided on that last subject. It was the very thing that holds them back of embracing each other.

"I guess it is even harder for you to get over it." She said.

"How could I? Every time I close my eyes I keep having this moment over and over again , I don't think you either have forgotten about it."

"I try my best to keep it deep in my thoughts but it always come back to my head one way or other. "

"Listen Asuka I ..." Before Shinji could finish his sentence Asuka cut him off.

"This not the time for that Shinji, better leave this for another time , after all we are talking about the now not what happened before. You must stop living in the past."

" And how should I ignored what happened to us and our friends ? I can't just pretend that I didn't bring the end of the world because of my selfishness."

"I now it's to let go ,I to have a hard time doing the same but we must do it if we won't to escape our prison of shame. This why I wanted us to break up, because if we had continued that road our self hate would have got the better of us and who knows what would have to our selves? I care about you Shinji,hell even loved for a time. And now I don't want to lose another person which I care about. Maybe this whole thing is a sign that we must move on from our previous lives. I still haven't found a new purpose outside of Eva but I know that there is somewhere out there. You have your cooking I don't have much outside the Eva."

And with that Asuka turned to the opposite side of the station.

"Asuka."

"I don't blame for your decision but please promise me that you would move on. Promise me that you would be able to start a new beginning and not think about past because I don't want you suffer anymore you deserve that more than anyone else."

Asuka left the station leaving Shinji speeches. He didn't know what to say and what to do, a part of his mind was telling him to run away and leave everyone and everything behind but a small part of his soul was telling him to fight for another day and find that something which he was looking for. But he didn't know what was it in the first place.

"You won't find it if you don't try." Said one of his inner voice.

"And bring anyone around me to their death? Not a chance." He answered.

"You can't save everyone that's a fact, but you can do your best to keep most of them alive."

"I have tried that already and look were we are now."

"Your worries are justified but one way or other you have to choose : will you fight for them or for yourself ? "

"Where are getting at ?"

"I am saying that if you truly care about them then why are you thinking of leaving?"

"Isn't obvious? I am saving them from my failures."

"This is the thing you want to say to your self in order to justify your action. What you are doing is running away. Asuka was right, you are still living in the past."

"Then what should I do?"

"This your choice to decide you can still living in the past and torture your self for an eternity or you can start a new beginning to your life."

"Every time I look in their faces, I see the faces of the people I fail, the people I kill. They look like them, they act like them but they aren't them."

"But yet, these are the people which you can protect now. What happened has already happened. None can change the past but we can always look for a new hope for the future. If you want to find peace, if you want to find redemption, if you want the nightmares and the pain to truly stop this is the path you must choose, unless you still feel that you don't deserve this."

"I ... I don't know what to do." Shinji was once again lost to his thoughts and didn't took into consideration that he wasn't alone anymore.

"Asuka was right, you really are going to leave." Said Hikari.

"Class per."

"Asuka told me about what happened yesterday, even though I knew it will hurt."

Shinji looked away in shame.

"I want so bad to rage and scream at you right now but this won't bring Toji back. But the fact that you are going to give up now is angering me the most."

Shinji looked at her in surprise. Hikari then grabbed his by his shirt and yelled at him.

"You have come so far Ikary and you are going to give up now? After all those fights. What happened to the Shinji that will charge head first in the battle without a second? What happened to the Shinji that will jump on a volcano without an order?"

Shinji looked her in disappointment.

"That Shinji died because of his carelessness and his incompetence to save other people."

"And yet you still revive to this day. Toji had told me how you never back down when you got stabbed from that angel or how you work with Asuka to beat together another angel. He had said to me that you were one of his most trusted friend."

"And look how well I respect that, he lost a leg and a hand and now his life because of me. I good to no one" Retorted back Shinji.

"You might have done bad things up until now, even worse than I can imagine but I know that deep down you are good person. If you weren't you wouldn't have saved Toji's sister from dying, you wouldn't have covered up Toji and Kensuke when they got caught and you wouldn't have tried to save Asuka. Now tell me Ikary are these stuff things that a bad person will do to others?"

Shinji couldn't give a clear answer to this question.

"If you give up now then this will mean that you broke Shinji trust because Toji would have never wanted you to give up now."

Shinji head filled with emotions and memories of times when he had managed to go against all the odds and did the right thing despite the fear of failing. Did he was blind by others beliefs at those times? Yes, but in a way the gave him the courage and strength which he never accepted that he had. Up until now he was so blinded by his past failures that he forgot how to learn from them and avoid them. His fear of failing was the thing that caused all those failures to begin with.

"I am fool." Said Shinji to himself. "I am so blind from my self hatred that I don't see the others trying to help me. I was so desperate to find the answer for my pain that I didn't realize it was right infront of me all the time. This is what they tried to tell back at the instrumentality."

"So you finally decided what to do?" Asked Hikary

"Yes." Answered Shinji determined but as he did the ground suddenly shook in their feets and flames could be seen far away towards main headquarters.

"What's that?"

"It is here already."

"Ikari I don't know what is happening but I am pretty sure you know and I know you can do something for that."

"And I will." Said Shinji as he was starting running towards the flames.

Hikary saw Shinji distance himself from her in a fairly fast way and she was watching him until he went out of her sight.

"I hope that you will find what you are looking for because I have a feeling that things are going to get much worse from here on out."

Only 5 minutes have passed since Asuka and Rei engaged with the angel and it had already felt like 5 months already. They knew that this fight will long and their expectations weren't subverted.

"Wander girl do you have any luck in your side." Said Asuka as she was holding Zeruel's left arm with her power sword.

"Negative, when you tried to attack him you cover most of my sight and when you don't he is able to block my shots as well."

"Shit, we need to break his defence. I will try to keep him busy while you find a way to hit his core."

"Roger that." Rei moved from her position and tried to shot the angel from a different angle.

Asuka removed the angel's arm from her power sword and retreated backwards. Rei fired a shot but it didn't to much on the angel. Asuka charge at the angel with of hope of breaking his AT field. As she did the angel tried to fire at her but she managed to dodge most of his attacks, giving her the chance to attack him face to face.

"Come on you piece of shit, break." Said as she was pushing through the barrier.

The angel then chopped 02's right arm before he eventually got his own arm chopped on as well. Asuka tried to strike again but she was knocked far away from the angel's beam. Rei from her position fired her shot which manage to penetrate a part of the angel but with him now free from the with 02 he focused it's gaze to 00.

Rei retreated quickly but the got her at the last minute, leaving knocked in the ground. Rei tried to regain her strength but it was futile. The fighting had tired her.

The angel went at the position of 02 and was about to finish it off. But before the angel could strike the final blow 01 appear out of the smokes and hit Zeruel with same hit as before.

"This how far you will go this time."

"Shinji !"

"Thanks for the advice Asuka it really help me."

Asuka grin a smile and got of the ground.

"I managed to cut one of his arm but not without losing one."

"Yeah, I saw that you were pretty amazing back there."

Asuka blushed for a second to that respond.

"You will need some help in this fight Baka."

"No, I can take this one myself, take Rei and retreat both. You to will stay at the behind as a last defence in case I failed."

"Are you sure about this?"

"More than what you think."

Asuka watched him for a second to see how sure he was about his decision.

"Ok, take this." As she offered him her power sword. "You will need this."

"Thanks."

Shinji saw unit 02 retrieve 00 and retreating from the battlefield while Zeruel tried to regain its consciousness from the blow.

Shinji then, charge up the sword and and a bolt of lightning could be seen in sword. The angel shot a beam in Shinji but he dodge it quickly. Shinji charge towards the angel ready to strike him with his sword. As Shinji was about to strike, the angel managed to stop his sword from attacking. Zeruel didn't allow Shinji to finish his meaning Shinji was stuck in a still position.

Shinji tried again and again to move his hand but the grib was to good. Zeruel shot again another beam at 01.

Thankfully, 01 was quick to respond with its AT field, blocking the beam in the process.

But the angel still insist on firing the beam while Shinji still was trying to break free from the grip. His At field could keep him alive but it was only a matter of time before it breaks and fried him. So it all came down as to whom will break first.

"This crazy, if Shinji continues like this he will be killed." Said Asuka.

"Shinji stop this now you will kill yourself." Said Misato over the vox.

"Ahhhhhh, no I can do this I just need a bit more." As Shinji was struggling to break from the grip the AT field started shuttering in pieces and parts of the beam started burning through Eva's armour.

The angel continued on burning his opponent to death but even an immortal being like him had it's limitations and a second or less his opponent broke from the grip and went for a finishing blow. The angel was quick to respond with its At field but it was enough to stop the sword from cutting the angel like a butter.

Shinji could feel his entire body being burnt by the beam. It was like he was the one who was taking the damage not the Eva. He watched for a second the remains of Zeruel disintegrated to ashes. He headed back to the cages but with each movement he felt that his body will explode any second now.

Shinji decided to exited the Eva and rest for a moment. But from the moment he exited the Eva his body collapse. Luckily, Asuka was there to catch him at the right moment.

"Don't you ever do something like that again idiot, do you know how reckless this was ? You would have been killed."

"I am sorry but I had to, threre wasn't much of opening before."

"I know, but please don't do that again I don't want to lose you the next battle. Now tell me what made you change your mind."

"A lot of talking and the realization that I can now make my own future and want make it with you."

Tears started forming in Asuka's eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes... "Before Shinji could finish his sentence he lost consciousness and fall to Asuka's hands.

"PLEASE, SOMEONE CALL FOR A DOCTOR NOW." Yelled Asuka and a group of doctors came to rescue and and took the third child away.

Asuka followed them until they arrive at hospital. She didn't leave her eyes out of Shinji and even when the doctors tried to keep her away or went to check up her condition she dispatch them and simply said : " He the one that needs help not me."

When Ritsuko came to the scene she the doctors working on keep Shinji alive and terrified red head watching the scene.

"You should take a break, you are tired as well."

"I am fine, I want leave this place until I make sure Shinji alive and fine."

Ritsuko sighed at that response.

"If you so wish, but you must let the doctors do their work and not distract them."

"About that Ritsuko, I want you to teach me how to become a doctor."

"That's unexpected, your job is to remain a pilot as long as this war wages on change of position isn't allowed."

"I know but, I want to help Shinji and I want to have something else other than piloting a robot as a specialty when this war stops."

"To think that this kid had devoted her childhood to become an elite pilot." Said Ritsuko to herself.

" That's a big gamble Asuka, who knows how long this war will go on and what will happen in its aftermath. But if you so wish I will like a second hand in the nurse department."

"Thanks doctor." As much as Asuka doesn't vibe with the fact that she will be working with Ritsuko of all the people, she is very happy that she can help Shinji condition and try to pick a new specialisation. She had some medical training before in the past but not that much.

Asuka and Ritsuko work all night to take care Shinji wounds. He had burns there degree all over his body. Luckily, they managed to treat all of the heavy wounds which covered his body and after all that work they decided to take a break.

"Thanks for the help Asuka I really appreciate. Why don't you stop for today? I can take the rest of it myself."

"Thanks doctor. See you tomorrow." Said Asuka with a pale face. She was so tired that it was only a matter of time before she collapsed from exhaustion.

"Good night Asuka." Said Ritsuko as she saw Asuka exiting the hospital. She then laid her view into her unconscious patient.

Now you are in my hands third child.

A lonely figure was walking through the corridors of SEELE headquarters. It didn't take long enough to realize that he was being watched by someone.

"How long are you spy on me ?" Said the figure.

"Enough. So how it's the plan proceeding?" Said a voice behind him.

"In at least five days we will breach the sender of the earth and find the Spear."

"Good. Do the other tasks have been taken care of ?"

"Of course my lord, most of their competitors have been destroyed by our hands and none of the others countries have suspected a thing."

"Lovely. Now carry forward we have a plan to finish off."

"May I ask a question ?"

"Go on."

"Are we sure that your inner source will help us ?"

" It is the best source someone can ask for, nobody at Nerv have even realize that our source us is right down their noses ."

"If you say so."

"Oh and something else Keel."

Keel turned his head to where the voice was coming from.

"If you try to sabotage my plan again your head will be in the same desk with other assassins you have sent me up until yesterday. You understand?"

"Yes, I understand Adam."