(Juan)
Lyanne Daniels was a gynecology attendant specializing in reproduction who, for the time being, was still working at the hospital. She set up a private assisted reproduction clinic along with two other partners, and was on notice. Before she left for good and started charging for just one appointment, Hiram went to the hospital and Lyanne did the courtesy of seeing us in her office.
"It's great that you really want to be parents." Lyanne welcomed us with an open smile. "My clinic is precisely to help people like you. But I need to ask a question: have you thought about adopting?"
"We discussed it." Hiram said still a little sheepish. "This possibility is not ruled out, but I've been researching that if we go down this path, we'll run into more legal problems than if we have biological children. We consulted Juan's family lawyer, and he said that in the case of adoption, only one of us will be able to register the child. Even so, for us to achieve this, Ohio wouldn't be the best place, and we would probably have to move to California."
"We have no problems with adoption, of course. In this case, it's just a matter of trying for biological children first, taking advantage of the legal case law in our favor, even in Ohio. We would have to fight a legal battle to adopt, and maybe we don't have all that available time right now." I complemented my husband. "With biological children it's different. Hiram and I signed documents and other legal devices that give us certain legal guarantees for affirming our status as men with a stable relationship with each other. We don't yet have the same civil rights as heterosexual couples, but they are important protections. And if we have biological children, our unconventional family won't be easily bored by people who are bothered by life and the happiness of others."
"I understand perfectly. Our clinic is new, but I can say that you aren't the first homoaffective couple to come to us. It's not a huge percentage, but it's an important audience for us."
"Other gay guys?" Hiram speculated and turned to me. "Do we know?"
"The homosexual public that most seeks us out is made up of lesbian couples." Lyanne said in good spirit. "All right, boys. I just really wanted to know if you guys were aware of all the options. We always dream of having our own children, but adoption is a beautiful option, one of detachment and selflessness. In addition, in financial terms, adopting doesn't even compare to trying biological children in assisted reproduction."
"We are aware, Doc." Hiram looked a little nervous.
"I shouldn't be talking to you here at the hospital, but since we're here on this courtesy appointment and with a great student resident, I'm going to jump ahead with some information. Obviously, you know that to have biological children you need an egg donor and a surrogate. We have a bank of contacts of women willing to donate eggs, as well as another list of women registered to be surrogate mothers. Each one has its price, and the overall cost, including our clinic's fee, is no less than $100,000."
"Oh my God! I need to sell my kidney." Hiram swallowed hard.
"There are other options. You can ask a friend or family member to donate the eggs or to serve as a surrogate. In that case, we would only do the clinical follow-up."
"We don't have anyone in sight. Our female friendship group is very small and we don't have any friends close enough to do us a favor of this magnitude." Hiram wailed. "I don't have brothers or close cousins, and I don't know if Juan's sisters would agree. So, Doctor, I think you should give us the most expensive scenario. Because that way we would be able to have an idea of the amount of money we would need to raise."
"Yes, I understand. The final price of the whole process will even depend on the fertilization process. If it's in vitro, it's a value. If it's conventional insemination... it's more affordable." The doctor presented us with a table. "As you can follow here, we have prices for egg donation, procedures used, surrogacy, clinical fees and legal assistance."
"Wow..." Hiram was wide-eyed.
I had already warned Hiram that the price would be around that amount, and that we could face the world to adopt. But it was a fact that we had also saved money in the bank that would be enough for this life project. I had money invested from sponsorships and the remainder of severance money. I had nearly $90,000 of those reserves, which I was thinking of investing in buying a house. But I might as well give up that goal in favor of a child. If I asked, I'm sure my parents would help with what little they have. Maria especially could lend me something. Because my sister was against my gay marriage, but she was totally in favor of me having a family. Hiram doesn't much money by his own, but her mother could help, I'm sure. Sarah is a nice lady and she accepted Hiram's homosexuality and our marriage. His father does not, but Sarah is the one who put Hiram in the college.
"Doctor, what do you think we should do under our conditions?" Hiram asked. "How could you help us find a healthy woman with desirable characteristics? How would we have to deal with this person?"
"We have a catalog of women who are willing to donate eggs and others who are willing to be surrogate. Of course, you first need to sign a contract, as egg donation is not the same as sperm donation. We women need medication to stimulate ovulation, the procedure is done in a suitable environment within the clinic. It's not that simple. That's why we need to protect women. We show you their profiles with the main characteristics, such as eye color, skin, ethnicity and so on. You choose according to what you want and we initiate contact."
"So we don't need to know the donor?"
"There is no necessity. We even advise you not to have this contact." Lyanne explained to my husband. "We even advise that the surrogate most be different woman. Although it's advisable for you to monitor this person."
"Why can't the donor be the same person who will carry the child?" Hiram asked. "Wouldn't the procedure be cheaper?"
"Yes, it would."
"Then?"
"A pregnant woman is emotionally attached to the child she generates within herself, even though it's not biologically hers. Imagine when the child is biologically hers?"
We left the office a little dazed. There were many decisions to be made by the two of us. Lots of details to consider.
"What do we do?" I asked Hiram.
"Go out looking for someone perfect. That's what we're going to do."
...
(Shelby)
Meg was at the party, which was a rarity these days. She had a very visible belly, and was sociable, drinking soda and being pampered. It was odd to think that in a few weeks, that baby would end up in the arms of some infertile couple, and she would be flying to New York with $70,000 in her pocket. There were people dancing on the table in her living room, and I don't think Meg minded one bit. Well, she was leaving that hole, Cleveland, never to return. As I said, Meg was a college mate who was majoring in drama arts, which makes me believe her path shouldn't be New York but Los Angeles. She should try television or film instead of the Broadway stage.
As the party cooled down, I realized I was one of the few who wasn't really drunk. I think I ended up fixating on Meg and the money in form of belly. I noticed that she spent the entire party drinking soda, sitting with a sore back, yet she was smiling. At the end of the party, I saw her sitting alone on the stairs that led to the kitchen door of the house she shared with two other people. She looked like her mind was far away. I grabbed a bottle of coca-cola and joined her. Meg and I were never close, but in that moment, it was like we were the best of friends.
"You don't know how crazy I am to smoke a cigarette." She smiled at me. "Do you have one, Shelby?"
"Do you really want to smoke?"
"Nah..." She ran a hand over her stomach. "I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my venture."
"Is this how you see this child? Like an enterprise."
"I'm carrying $70,000 in here, Shelby... well... $50,000 because I got $20,000 up front."
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Boy."
"So… New York?"
"Yep. I'm going to New York with enough money to unionize and hire an agent. So let's see how it goes."
"Can I ask you a rather personal question?"
"Do you want to know about the contract I signed, how it all happened, or about my gas being out of control?"
"Yeah? Of course, if you don't feel like talking about it..."
"I don't see any problem. Everyone is curious about it."
"Well, in that case, I would like to know about the first two topics, please!" I smiled at my colleague.
"I just did the job and got paid handsomely."
"But how?"
"There's not much mystery about it. I registered at a clinic, and a couple chose me to carry a child whose mother couldn't afford it. End of story."
"That's it? Nothing more to say?"
"There are a lot of rules, everything is very controlled. So there's not much more to say, Shelby."
"I was just thinking… I need to get out of here, Meg. Like, I really need to get the fuck out of Cleveland, out of Ohio. I need to get out, not just take a bus out of state, you know? I want to leave as you are leaving: with some security."
"I understand. You want to win Broadway as much as I do."
"I want to run away from my family as well."
Hearing this, Meg sipped some more water and really started to pay attention to me. I think she realized that my case wasn't just ambition, as it was with all our colleagues. There was one more element she understood, like the desperation to be somewhere else far from here and leave certain things behind.
"What city did you come from again?"
"Findlay."
"Oh, it's not as bad as Lima."
"Lima is just another suburban city."
"Yeah, only worse than Findlay. Half the size of Lima is literally the oil refinery, hence half the city works in that damn place. But there is a school there with a fine glee club: McKinley High. I participated in drama classes and in the glee club with mrs. Adler. She was wonderful and a very nice vocal coach. It was the best part of my day. I thought that would be enough, but I have a childhood friend, her name is April Rhodes, who was the star of our choir. She was pure talent, so much so that she thought that would be enough on Broadway."
"Is that enough?"
"Of course not. She called me last month asking for money. But you know what? April made me understand that you need to have talent and money as well. That was the way I found to raise good, honest money." Meg pointed to her own belly.
"How did you meet this couple?"
"I signed up for a fertility clinic. I had an interview to make sure I wasn't crazy, I did some basic medical tests, including STDs, and I passed all of them. After a few weeks, people contacted me and said a couple from Akron were interested to contract me as surrogate. They made the arrangement for me to carry their child. They have the right to accompany me, but they don't bother me too much, thank God. Talhia calls me at least twice a week and they both accompany me on prenatal exam days."
"Are all your bills paid?"
"All medical bills are paid. They pay a fraction before the procedure and help with the rent. When he is born, everything else is deposited in my account."
"Interesting. Where is this fertility clinic?"
"It works out of Cleveland Medical Center… look, if you're interested, I'll give you the phone… it's just… it's not that simple, Shelby. Doing this is not simple at all."
"Did you get attached to the baby?"
"In a way. He has nothing of mine, you know? It was just implanted in here. But I keep imagining his little face, his little hands... Damn, that stuff really messes with our hormones." She wiped the tears from her face. "When he is born, it's in the contract, I can't even see him. Not even when he turns 18 because he doesn't have anything from me. I only served as an incubator and nothing else."
"I'm very sorry."
"Better this way." Meg wiped away her tears. "After giving birth, I'll be paid with the rest of the money and it will be a new life for me… I'm going to New York and I hope I never go back to this hole. I swear!"
I thought about Meg's words, her emotional state... and the money she had received and the remaining money she would receive. Would it be worth it? Then I thought of the $70,000 in my bank account. I picked up the clinic's phone.
...
(Juan)
There was a catalog of registered women at the clinic. A folder showed those who were willing to donate eggs. Another folder showed women who were willing to carry out pregnancy. The clinic advised against having the same woman do both jobs. I glanced at the photographs. There were women of all shapes, sizes, colors, but none of them felt right. From the look on Hiram's face, he wasn't convinced either. Our idea was to look for a beautiful woman, with good genetic qualities to donate the eggs. Gestation, honestly, could happen to anyone, because all we needed was a woman in good health. The clinic recommended younger women, in their 20s, as they were more likely to have smoother pregnancies than older women.
"I don't understand why you wouldn't accept Grace's offer." Hiram complained. "She's a great friend, and she could help us raise the child. We're going to need help, Juan. I have a full-time job, and you have the crazy shifts at the hospital."
"Do you really want to share custody of our future child with Grace? Giving her the power to decide on the best school, or giving her travel authorizations... would you like our kids to have her last name? What if we want to change countries and she doesn't authorize the trip?"
"Do you think about moving to another country?" Hiram asked me in horror.
"No, we already talked about it. We'll only have some stability to stay in Cleveland for the next three years. But then comes my fellowship, which can be anywhere in the country... and I can have other good job offers abroad."
"As if I don't have other job offers too, Juan! I also have my dreams."
"I know... I know... I know you dream of living in Florida and getting your master's degree at the University of Miami. I can do my fellowship there. Now imagine doing that and having the biological mother of our child give us trouble because we entered into a gentlemen's contract just for the sake of friendship to save $10,000?"
Grace was one of Hiram's friends. She was a lesbian lady and lived with another woman 20 years older. Don't get me wrong, Grace was really cute and had amazing blue eyes. She swore that she didn't want to have children, and that she would gladly donate the eggs. But she would be close all the time because she lives in Cleveland and is part of Hiram's group of friends. She would visit the baby and think, fuck, this child has half of my DNA. It messes with people's heads. I would a million times rather pay someone under a contract.
"The problem is that none of these women pleases you, Juan. Look at this one here, Julia Blanche. Busty brunette, just like the women you used to sleep with."
I looked at Hiram with some anger. He didn't show the picture of this Julia girl because she was supposedly my type. It was just another one of his jealousy bouts that I was bisexual. It looked like I was going to have sex with one of these women, whereas the procedure would be to harvest the eggs and fertilize them in-vitro with our mixed sperm. That way, it wasn't possible to know who the biological father was until the child was born and a DNA test was done, which Hiram and I agreed not to do.
"Do not forget that the biological father of the child can be you." I warned. "Let's do this: you choose the donor. As long as it's not one of your friends."
I left to work my weekend shift, and it was a good sign that I wouldn't see Hiram again until the next day. Believe me: repairing injuries, traumas, making a correct diagnosis, being in the OR was something that calmed me down. And my shifts were always in the emergency room, where we received casualties of all kinds: from the most unbelievable domestic accidents to the usual nasty traffic accidents. People who were feeling sick also often arrived, and the most common cases were people who were having a heart attack, a stroke, or an attack of appendicitis. Biliary colic was also frequent. There was also a world of people who arrived at the emergency room because of the flu, or any virus.
In general, we residents were in charge of the emergency room. There was an attendant on duty who was responsible for coordinating our work along with the resident chief, and the rest of the attendants were called to attend on duty when there was a case that required their immediate presence. But if that wasn't necessary, there was a team game between resident physicians and nurses. When I was an intern, I treated some of the nurses with a haughty idiot, thinking they were just helpers. Until I assisted a child with abdominal pain and my diagnosis was wrong. It was a nurse who prevented the child from being harmed. She had 20 years of experience in that hospital alone and she breastfed me. We took the case to an attendant, and he agreed with the nurse. It was a tough lesson, but I learned to listen to these professionals and work as a team with them.
It was a tense 36 hours that weekend. At night the usual casualties arrived, and the next morning the Cleveland Marathon took place, and it rained with people suffering from dehydration, fatigue, and muscle injuries. No wonder Dr. Dylan in orthopedics and Dr. Craston from cardiology were on call that marathon's Sunday.
I came home exhausted on Sunday night. I just wanted to take a shower and sleep. However, I found Hiram alight, with a dinner table set. It was his apology.
"Something smells really good." I wasn't very hungry, but I had to appreciate the effort. I know that the only thing I couldn't do was have sex afterwards, because I didn't have any conditions to make my lower body work. I was too tired for that.
"Roasted kibbeh." Hiram showed the small tray because I was the only one to eat meat in that house. He had a horror of even handling meat, and when he did, it was because he was really committed to getting on good terms with me. "I don't know if the seasoning is good."
I sat down at the table with Hiram. I tasted the kibbeh, and it was a little salty, with a strong taste of garlic. Since Hiram was a vegetarian, he wouldn't taste the spice, and would act on intuition. Well, intuition fails. But I didn't say anything, because that salty garlicky kibbeh was his way of saying: See what I did to get us on good terms?
"Is it good?"
"It's delicious." I lied and smiled so as not to hurt my husband's feelings.
"About our discussion, I've been thinking… and you're right not to involve Grace, or any of our friends or relatives. It would be a mess."
"Okay..."
"We could take advantage of the week to study the clinic's catalog better. Many of those women have even donated eggs, which makes our decision a lot easier."
"I agree."
Hiram nodded and kissed me on the cheek. I was eating a kibbeh, and he never kissed me on the mouth when I was eating meat.
"We have time to decide these things, Hiram. Rest assured."
Hiram nodded once more. He was the eager one of the pair.
"I was wondering if you could take some time off so we can sort these things out calmly."
"I already paid a break this month. Then..."
"That's okay. I will think of something timely." Hiram smiled.
Hiram was right that brunettes were my type of woman, and that busty was an interesting additive. But no busty brunette I've ever slept with had that beautiful, loving Hiram smile. None of them. I don't know where I got the strength from, I just know that I washed my mouth with a slug of the orange juice Hiram made, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him in for a kiss. Then Hiram unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them. No busty brunette has been able to pleasure me like Hiram. That was a fact.
...
(Shelby)
Meg gave me some advice about the clinic. What she failed to mention was the number of procedures I would have to go through to donate eggs or apply for surrogacy. She even gave me an idea of the amounts she could receive. Donating eggs didn't make such good money, because they only paid $10,000 for it. On the other hand, being a surrogate could change my life. The problem was being eligible for that clinic. I thought I'd have to undergo medical tests, but they even scheduled an interview with a psychologist to make sure I'm not some crazy woman who's going to run away from the hospital or disappear with the child.
"You are in good health, Corcoran. Congratulations." The psychologist read the report of my exams. "Can I call you Shelby?"
"Of course, Doc." I said feeling a little cornered.
"I know you wrote some points on your application form, but I'd like to hear it in person. Is it okay to repeat some of the questions?"
"Let's go."
"Shelby Corcoran, age 20, born September 23, 1973, native of Findlay, Ohio. Daughter of Joseph Lee Corcoran and Linda Elu Corcoran. Elu... is a curious middle name. What it means?"
"I can't tell you for sure. My mother is biracial, the daughter of a Native American and a Southern Italian. I think Elu is an indigenous name."
"What your parents do?"
"My father is a blue worker and my mother is a housewife. Although she bakes cakes to sell to the neighborhood. She makes really good birthday cakes."
"Do you have siblings?"
"A younger brother."
"Is your family religious?"
"Yes. My parents are Pentecostal."
"I imagine, by their religion, they wouldn't approve of your decision to be a surrogate."
"It's possible. I am the black sheep of the family."
"Does that bother you?"
"No... that's a point of my pride, in a way."
"May I know why you feel this way?"
"It has nothing to do with religion or the humble origins of my family. It has to do with the limited world they live in. My parents settled into mediocrity. I don't want to be limited. I have ambitions and I am running after resources to realize them."
"What is your education?"
"I did freshman year at Cleveland State University. So I was forced to drop out of university."
"Why?"
"Financial reasons."
"What are your main interests?"
"Art. Drama arts in particular. This is my biggest interest. Especially musicals."
"What did you do to try to reach your goals?"
"My preparation base was basically at high school. I was part of the music, singing, and drama clubs. My drama club teacher tried to help me get a scholarship. I got letters of recommendation and got into CSU on a 50% scholarship."
"You still couldn't pay?"
"My father didn't support my going to university to be an actress, but my mother gave me all the savings she could save by selling cakes around the neighborhood. It wasn't a lot of money. Even though I worked as a waitress, those reservations were only enough until I completed my first year of college."
"Why did you apply to donate eggs and be a surrogate?"
"Because I want to have enough money to leave Ohio, go to New York and pursue a career in theater with some financial security."
"Broadway?"
"Yes."
"Why New York and not Ohio? Do you seek fame?"
"With all due respect, if I was looking for fame, I would be on my way to California. Broadway is not about fame, it's about excellence. I aspire to be among the best and for that I need to have financial support to set up a minimum structure. Ohio is still an amateur field of work. I could make a career here, but not before trying for excellence."
The psychologist stared at me for a long time, as if she wanted to read something in the back of my head. So she took the pen and filled in the box for "approved", signed the check and stamped it.
"Don't you want to ask anything else?" I asked, as I was prepared to answer three thousand questions and spend an hour in that office.
"It won't be necessary." She responded with a small smile.
"May I know what you have to say about my evaluation?"
"That you're obviously determined and ambitious, but you're also someone who's down to earth. Someone with your profile understands that being attached to a family, to a child, would be an unwanted anchor."
"Thanks."
"I will approve of you, but know that if you are chosen by any family, we will see each other at least once a month."
"I understand."
"Good luck, Shelby."
"Thanks, Doc."
I left the office and went straight to the receptionist's desk to find out the next step. Either I would donate the eggs or I would be a surrogate. Clinic rules. Donating eggs paid less money, but it was still good money that I would have in a shorter amount of time. If the couple wanted me to be a surrogate, the money would be the 70 grand that Meg got. I checked both options, even though I knew I couldn't do both for the same family. After that it was waiting. While my call didn't happen, I walked to the old diner where I worked to ask for my job back.