(Juan)

The shift was fire. There was an accident with a truck that invaded the sidewalk and hit some people at the sidewalk tables in front of a restaurant. Exams indicate that the driver had a stroke and lost control of the car. There were no traces of alcohol or drugs in his system. In addition, according to his wife, the guy was a quiet and sociable man, father of a young daughter. Unfortunately he killed one person in the process. According to one of the witnesses, when the men opened the door ready to carry out a public lynching or something like that, they already found the driver unconscious. I was going through my penultimate rotation of specialties: orthopedics, which was interesting if you had a talent for carpentry. But it was interesting to watch a surgery in which the neurologist first stabilized the patient, and then the orthopedist took action together with the general surgeon. The surgeries were all successful, but that didn't change the driver's extremely serious condition, and it wasn't known whether the patient would resist. It was a pity. I hated shifts like that.

I got home mid-morning, ready to sleep for the rest of the day. I found the apartment empty, which was foreseen since it was the day of the week when Rita wasn't cleaning, and Hiram was at work at that time. I threw my shoes into the corner of the entryway, hung up my coat, and checked the answering machine. There was a message from a colleague of Hiram's about work, a message from my sister Maria about not forgetting my mother's birthday party that weekend. Lastly, there was a message from Shelby. She said that she was moving because of a disagreement between her roommates. That she would communicate her new address shortly. I got curious and called Shelby's apartment, taking advantage of that message from half an hour ago. Maybe I could meet her at home.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hi Shelby, this is Juan."

"Hey Juan. Did you hear the message?"

"Yes, I just heard. I would like to know if you are in need of anything? Do you already have a new place to live?"

"Perhaps. I have a week's rent paid, so I have some time to look for a new place. I've been seeing some things in the papers. Anyway, I'm going to start packing my things right away."

"What caused this sudden change?"

"Brenda moves in with her boyfriend. Regina and Amanda had a catfight, and Amanda decided to leave. It was crazy here at home. A horror scene. I decided to look for something together with Amanda, since living with Regina is no longer possible."

"Okay… If you need to, you can stay here at my place for a few days while you look for a new apartment. We have an extra room, I mean, it's a room that looks more like a storage room, but it has a fold-out bed."

"You are very kind, Juan. If I need a place, I'll let you know. Like I said, I still have a week to get out of here."

"Okay... well... any problem, I'll be on hand to help."

"Thank you... and Juan..." She said urgently before I hung up the phone.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to visit a studio that I saw in today's newspaper... could you give me a ride?"

"Oh… I'd love to, but Hiram is with our car. Usually a take public transportation to work."

"Okay. I can manage on my own."

"Perhaps… I have an alternative."

"Really?"

"My neighbor is a retired guy and maybe I could borrow his car since he owes me a favor."

"A favor?"

"I'll tell the story later. I'll call you back in five minutes."

The story was I saved that son of a mother's dog. Mr. Lance is a retired veteran who is now busy writing poetry and short stories. He is one of those reclusive gentlemen, who lives with a dog and a turtle in the apartment, after divorcing his wife and children. He was a little hostile about me and Hiram being a couple who lived next door. He thought it was the end of the world and whenever we crossed paths in the building, he would mutter insults like "I hate queers", "faggots", "AIDS" and homophobic things that I was used to and easily ignored. Hiram had a harder time ignoring these kind of insults and was more combative, but not me. Unless the guy made a really offensive or violent confrontation, I tended to ignore people's stupidity.

One fine day, Mr. Lance knocked on our door because his dog was dying. If I was a doctor I had to do something, he said. The dog was choking and I took a piece of plastic out of the animal's throat. When I saved the dog, I swear I saw Mr. Lance crying like a child. He wanted to pay me for the rescue, but I didn't want any money. I said I just wanted a good relationship between neighbors with him. After that episode, he stopped offending us and even started to greet us decently. He even came to me one day and said that if I needed any favors that were decent I could count on him.

That's why I knocked on his door and asked to borrow his car, because I needed to help a young woman in trouble. You know what happened? He handed me the keys and still said "Bring it on boy."

I called Shelby again.

"Hey Shelby. What time do I pick you up?"

"Can you come by now? We can have lunch together after."

"All good. I am on my way."

Mr. Lance was in the garage with his apartment number. It was an old Jeep Wrangler 4x4 that can handle any bad road in the woods. Hiram was crazy about that car, but we needed a more urban vision when we bought our small and economical car, ideal for getting around in cities. I got in the Jeep and drove to the neighborhood where Shelby lived. I honked the horn twice, and she appeared at the window. Five minutes later, she came downstairs. She was in a grunge-style outfit, with a coat and a flannel shirt tied around her waist. Suddenly, it was like we were in Seattle.

"Love these wheels!" She said smiling. "Is it your neighbor's car?"

"Yes."

"I've always wanted a car like that." She said delightedly before getting into the car. I was surprised, because it was exactly the same thing Hiram had once said.

"Where are we going?"

"Woodland Hills."

It made sense. Hiram and I lived downtown in an apartment building. It wasn't the most expensive place, but it wasn't that cheap either. Shelby lived in a mezzanine in a cheap neighborhood. Woodland Hills was also one of the cheapest neighborhoods in Cleveland, with rife poverty and a considerable crime rate. I didn't like the idea of the future mother of my child being exposed in a difficult neighborhood. We visited the address. It was a small building within the housing complex, which had a series of small apartments. The one who attended to us was a man out of shape, with a lot of bad will. The vacant seat was rubbish! Shelby looked at me super awkwardly, even though she wanted to sound optimistic.

"Maybe with a good cleaning..."

I looked at the room that reeked of urine. It was basically a 30 square meter room with a bathroom and a counter with a sink, stove and fridge. The rent cost the amount she paid sharing her current home with three other people.

"Shelby, it's not that I want to get involved in this, but I think we can find better things in this same neighborhood. Hiram has a friend who works as a realtor. I know she can help you find a really nice place at a fair price."

"I know you're going to help with my rent, but I don't want to overdo it. For me, I would stay where I am, because I am used to the daily life of this kind of neighborhood. I wasn't thinking about moving, but it's amazing how people's lives change from one hour to the next."

"Well, here's what we're going to do: let's get in touch with Hiram's friend and see what she can offer us. If this lasts a week, you can live with us until we find a place that's nice and cheap and functional... and doesn't smell like a dirty bathroom!"

"I don't want to give you more trouble than I certainly will, Juan."

"Shelby, you will bear my future child. It's my duty to see to your well-being until then."

"Fine, I accept it." She flashed a hopeful smile. "If that part didn't work out, at least lunch is still on, right?"

"I know a great diner."

"As long as it's not Charles."

I took Shelby to a Chinese restaurant near the university district. It was a cheap place that served good food. I parked the Jeep, and Shelby hopped out, youthful, beautiful, her hair blowing in the wind. It was like we were going on vacation. We sat at a table near the window, which was well lit. We shared a yakisoba, Shelby had a soda and I had a sparkling water with a lemon wedge.

"Did you always want to be an actress?" I asked while we ate.

"I think so. I don't know. I joined the drama club at school because I knew my dad hated it, and I guess I was always a little rebellious in response to it. I just found that I really enjoyed being on stage."

"Like a star?"

"Could be." She smiled and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I want to shine on stage, so yes, I want to be that kind of star. Not a shooting star, because this one is ephemeral, it explodes and ends. I want to be like a bright star in the sky."

"Like Sirius?"

"How come?"

"Sirius is the brightest star in the sky."

"Only second to the moon?"

"Hmm, no. In brightness, it would be Venus. But then it doesn't count because it's a planet. And planets don't shine by themselves."

"For a doctor, you're turning out to be an interesting astronomer, Juan."

"My older sister, Maria, she wanted to be an astronaut. So she taught me the constellations, but like a very tyrannical teacher, who pulled my ear if I made a mistake. I ended up learning because of that. Then I saw that knowing constellations was a very popular trick with girls."

"With girls?"

"Yes."

"Did you date girls before Hiram?"

"Yeah, I was 13 when I first dated a girl… 14 when… you know. I ended up using the astronomy trick and was rewarded."

Shelby laughed, throwing her head back. She had an open, outward laugh, as if she wanted to laugh at the world. It was charming, pretty.

"When did you find out you were gay?"

"I don't know if I am actually gay." I confessed for the first time. It was weird because I came out as gay to my family, to my close friends and at work because I had a relationship with Hiram. Perhaps it was easier or less complicated than simply saying the word bisexual, which was widely discriminated against even among the LGB community. If I said the word bisexual to Hiram's friends, I would be slammed. "Hiram was the only man I ever dated. I've never really been attracted to anyone else. I don't look at men and they attracted me. I'm not like that."

"How did you find out you liked him?"

"Because our friendship. We became friends before we had a relationship. It wasn't his male figure that attracted me, it was more Hiram's personality. He reads all those books about artists, he knows the philosophers, he's an environment advocate, he's very articulate, sociable. Everything I'm not. So I fell in love with the Hiram set, not the fact that he was a man."

"Oh… that's really cool, Juan." Shelby held my hand. "I think it's beautiful that you are a man capable of falling in love with the person and not with the genitals."

Shelby glared at me and she supported me with her eyes. She was the first person I confessed my bisexuality that easy and I could feel good, true to myself. I wasn't being judged by Shelby. I was being admired and I had to fight not to let a tear fall.

"And you? What else did you get up to in Findlay?"

I discovered a few more things about Shelby as our conversation progressed. Shelby said that she dated a few boys, that she even kissed a girl at a party, but lesbianism wasn't for her, although she would totally play a lesbian at the stage. But what I most admired about her is that Shelby really fought to win. We talked more than we enjoyed the meal. So I paid the bill and it was time to drop Shelby off at her place.

"Do you want to come over and see my apartment?" She asked me as soon as I stopped the Jeep.

"Well. I do."

I knew I was taking a huge risk going up to the apartment of a single girl I was incredibly attracted to. We went upstairs, because the place didn't have an elevator. As I imagined, the apartment was small and disorganized because of the changes. The living room only had space for a two-seater sofa and a television. There was no physical separation from the kitchen, which consisted of a sink, counter, stove and refrigerator in the corner of the room. There were two doors on opposite sides of the room that were where the bedrooms were. The door on the left was Shelby's room. The only thing that justified Shelby staying in that place was just the shared rent, because the decor wasn't the best and everything looked old and secondhand.

"Do you like music, right?" She asked.

"Yes, of course."

"Come here and I'll show you my treasure."

Shelby invited me into her room. There was nothing of her packaged, so I got to see a little more of her personality. There was a Funny Girl poster and a Queen poster. The bed was single because there was another one from the roommate who left, there was a dressing table, a guitar leaning against it and some clothes on top of a chair.

"Do you play guitar?" I immediately picked up the instrument and strummed something.

"A little bit. I took piano lessons for two years, until my father decided it was a waste of time and money. I loved to play, but since I didn't have a piano at home, I only had the chance to play at the school where I studied. I started to work as a nanny in the neighborhood to save money to buy a piano, but it was only enough to buy a guitar."

"It's a good guitar. Basic but well built." I ran my hand over the strings and made some chords. "What did you learn to play?"

"Look, I only know how to make a few chords and keep a rhythm. I don't have anything special. I play to myself, singing softly so as not to disturb my roommates. And you? I could see that you know how to play."

"Piano was never my thing, but I have an electric guitar. I think every teenager has a rock'n'roll phase, and I even started a band in Lima." I started laughing at the memory of my 15 years. "We'd rehearse in my friend's garage and play Ramones' covers and anything that was just three chords and didn't need a lot of technique. We even played at parties for our own school friends."

"So you played almost 80% of all rock music." Shelby smiled as I strummed a Big Star melody. The song Thirteen was my anthem for a while. The verses in the song made perfect sense to me when I was a teenager because I lived it.

Won't you let me walk you home from school?/ Won't you let me meet you at the pool?/ Maybe Friday I can get tickets for the dance/ And I'll take you/ Won't you tell your dad, "Get off my back"/ Tell him what we said 'bout 'Paint It Black'/ Rock and Roll is here to stay/ Come inside where it's okay/ And I'll shake you…

"Basically." I smile. What Shelby said was true because rock with lots of chords wasn't that exciting. "But I liked the virtuosos, you know? I learned solos by Carlos Santana, Eric Clapton, played something by the Beatles. My bandmates never left punk, while I thought of something more elaborate."

"Why did you stop the music?"

"Because I played football too, and I was really good at it. I was a great running back, and it was football that would get me a college scholarship after all. That's what ended up happening. I got a scholarship to play for the Buckeyes at OSU, and I made good money from sponsorships. People thought I could turn pro, but that was never in my plans."

"Is that why you stopped? To be a doctor?"

"I actually busted my knee at the beginning of my junior year, I had surgeries, many months of physical therapy, and that basically ended my professional athletic career."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"I am not." I smiled, and I saw that Shelby was a little confused. "What exactly was the treasure you were going to show me?"

She dragged a box from under her bed. It was crammed with K7 tapes.

"My father didn't let us listen to loud music at home, he didn't even like our music. So I bought a walkman. I must say that my collection has grown exponentially over the past two years."

I started to explore Shelby's box. There was a little bit of everything there. Madonna, Cindy Lauper, Michael Jackson, Prince, musicals, new wave bands, Duran Duran, and a bunch of self-made tapes. Shelby took out a tape that I didn't get a chance to see what it was, and put it on the little portable radio she had in her room.

Children behave, is what they say when we are together…

"Oh my God!" I said when listening to the song that was successful in Tiffany's voice. But Shelby put on a version by a band called the Rubinoos. "This is amazing! Is it the original one?"

"It's actually the second version made in the 70s. Can you believe this song is from 1967?"

"No, I didn't know!"

"I don't have a lot of money, but I know how to research music."

Shelby started to sing along. She sang and smiled. It was an enchanting sight. That's when I put the K7 tapes aside, went to her and did something I've wanted to do for days. I kissed her and she only needed a few seconds to respond me. I broke the kiss, and for a second I tried to act like a responsible adult man: I needed to get the hell out of that room and that apartment. But it was Shelby's turn to kiss me, and I didn't push her away. On the contrary, I brought her body close to mine. Honestly, I didn't even pay attention to what song was playing anymore. My attention and desire was all focused on Shelby. I took off my shirt and then unbuttoned her shirt. I had lost practice with a woman. With Hiram, everything was a bit rough, a bit raw, without much romanticism, and I was afraid of hurting her by going to the pot too thirsty.

Shelby took off her bra and suddenly I remembered what it felt like to have full breasts in front of me and how much I liked them. I slowed down a bit, and played them. They were so soft. I brought my mouth to one of her nipples and kissed it, circling my tongue and feeling the nipple harden. I kissed the other nipple. It felt so good... I had forgotten how nice it was to kiss a woman's breast. I went back to kissing Shelby's mouth as my hand went down inside her pants. There wasn't a penis there, as I was used to. It was a pussy with some pubic hair. I started rubbing my fingers between her labia. Shelby was getting wet. I withdrew my hand, then unbuttoned my pants and hers, unzipped them and moved that garment out of my way. Shelby was stark naked and so do I.

I stopped for a minute to appreciate the female body. I went back to exploring her sex with my hand. I ran my fingertips over that underdeveloped piece of penis called the clitoris. Shelby moaned at my touch. She was touching me too, and I felt her hand on my penis, in a gesture as if she was in a hurry. I entered her with one finger, and I felt that she was ready, that she didn't need any more stimulation. Even so, I decided to tease a little more. It had been a while and I wanted to get back in shape. I ran my finger over her clitoris and made circular movements. From Shelby's reactions, I was doing the right thing. I brought my finger to my mouth. Yes, it tasted good and I decided to remember what it was like to kiss a pussy. And from the way Shelby held my head, I was on the right track.

So I stopped the oral caresses and actually penetrated her, because I myself needed to take care of my own erection that bothered me. I closed my eyes, enjoying the good feel of her hot, tight pussy. I had forgotten how good it was. An anus was tight, and that was great for friction, but it had some drawbacks that I hated. A vagina was soft and clean. There was also this softness of female's body that I missed, and that I knew I would never have with Hiram. I started at a steady pace, feeling her reactions, making sure she was feeling good too. I accelerated, giving firmer thrusts, going deeper and deeper, as I had more positive responses. Until I came. Strong.

I stopped slowly, letting the enjoyment out completely. And when I stopped, I didn't put it out for a while. I wanted to stay connected a little longer. I kept looking at Shelby's pretty face, I stroked her hair, I kissed her, caressed her breasts, and started moving again, very slowly, causing my penis to harden again inside her. I put it out so that we could change positions, and so we explored each other. I penetrated her, made a few thrusts, and tried another, more comfortable position. Until she lay down on the bed, legs hanging out, and I fit back in, going deeper and deeper. Until I came again, but not before making sure she climaxed as well. This time, I put it out and lay down beside her for a minute.

"That was..."

"Great!" She smiled, her voice tired but satisfied. At least I think so.

"Excellent is really a good word to describe what just happened." I allowed myself to smile a little.

We were silent for a minute, giving ourselves time to catch our breath.

"We should do this again." She said.

"Yes, we should." And the blame hit me like an anvil on my head. "But we can not."

"Why not?" Shelby frowned.

"Shelby…I'm still a married man. I love my husband."

"I'm sorry, Juan, but what you just did is nothing like what a married gay man would do." The mood was broken.

I got up from her bed and searched the floor for my clothes. I started to get dressed while Shelby didn't bother to continue exposing her naked body. Fuck, that body was amazing, and I would fuck her again. I would fuck that pussy again... Just thinking about it, I felt myself starting to turn on, as tired as I was. I had to get away from there.

"That's beside the point, Shelby. That impulse... can't happen anymore. I signed a commitment with my husband to build a family with him. I signed a contract with you to make this possible. I could never have gotten involved like that. Forgive me... I shouldn't have come up here."

"But we were enjoying ourselves, having fun."

"That's why I can't. I like you Shelby and I can't allow myself to go any further. Because I love someone else."

"Get out of here, Juan." She said with a strange calm.

"I'm still contacting Hiram's colleague to see a new apartment for you..."

"Whatever, I just want you to leave now."

I finished putting on my shoes and left the apartment. It was almost six o'clock in the afternoon, and my body smelled like sex and Shelby. I had never betrayed Hiram before. I never thought of cheating on him, not even with a man, let alone a woman. But Shelby… she was on my mind. I wanted more but I know I couldn't. It wasn't right in any sphere you looked at: morally, ethically, judicially. I got in the car and wanted to scream to the world. It just made me feel uncomfortable, because I decided to take a few deep breaths and regain my rationality, otherwise I would knock on Shelby's apartment door again. I started the car and ten minutes later I was home. I knocked on Mr. Lance and return the car keys. The old man nodded at me with a small smile on the corner of his face, as if he knew everything. I was embarrassed, thinking it was written on my forehead that I had just had sex with a woman.

Luckily, Hiram hadn't arrived yet, so I headed to the shower to get the taste and smell of Shelby off my body. I was feeling like an asshole, mostly because just thinking about her had my fucking cock on its feet. I started jerking off, and that's when Hiram walked into the bathroom.

"Um… are you up for it after a shift?"

I stopped touching myself and turned to my husband, who was undressing to step into the shower uninvited. Hiram kissed me and started to masturbate me while I did the same to him. Penetrative sex in the shower sucked because water was definitely not lube. So we played like that. I came in an instant, and Hiram took a few minutes longer. We got out of the shower: he was satisfied and I was feeling like shit.

"I urgently need to sleep." I threw myself onto our bed.

"Didn't you rest after you arrived?" Hiram looked at me worriedly.

"No, I got stuck in the hospital. Busy day. Oh, I heard the answering machine and there was a message from Shelby about her moving somewhere else. I called her to find out what was going on, and then gave her Brionne's name to help her find a good, cheap place."

"Did you talk to Brionne?"

"Not yet."

"Um, let me talk to her."

I thanked him and kissed Hiram quickly on the lips. I put on my underwear and passed out on the bed. Sleep and tiredness were stronger than all my guilt at that moment.

/

Hello Spawn. This story is a prequel from Saga Berry-Lopez and Fabray. But I need to repost the "Saga". There are three versions of this fic and everything is a mess! "Saga" was the first fic I wrote in my life. There is the original version, the developed version in three parts, and an English version of it. This English version needs to be reposted, because it is in line with the original one, in Portuguese, and without the refinements of the three-part version. So it's pretty raw. About Shelby's participation in the Sagas... that you will need to read to find out.