Maybe we're not supposed to be without each other.
The C.O.R.E project would be completed next week, and Bud had no clue how to confess his feelings to Kimbra. He doubted that the scientist even felt that way for him. He was getting a massive headache just thinking about it all. He did not need this right now.
Bud hunched morosely over his desk.
He hadn't met anyone like her in a long time, and wasn't sure he would again. He had never been more baffled in his life.
He knew what it was.
Love.
How the times had changed.
He wanted to try. To try and be more than friends with the woman he loved.
Wishful thinking, I suppose.
He was sure she never thought of him that way. He knew that he irritated her at times. She might not even handle the news all that well.
The very idea of it was preposterous.
Kimbra was probably the first woman he'd met in years who wasn't impressed by his public persona, celebrity status, or wealth. She didn't care for any of it. No matter what he tried, that purple haired scientist refused to succumb to his charm.
It just made him want her even more.
Why does it have to be you?
Usually, Bud could buy anything he desired. Pay off people to get his way.
But not this time.
A low groan escaped his mouth as he placed his head in his hands. These sort of fantasies rarely come true in the real world. People don't magically end up with the person of their dreams. It hardly ever happens.
This was real life, not some sappy Hallmark movie. Bud Flud had been such a blind, self-centered idiot. He most likely ruined any chance he had with the scientist.
He couldn't be around her. Whenever he saw her, he couldn't breathe.
He really was doomed.
Kimbra quietly opened the door, grinning with excitement. She expected Bud to be deeply invested in paperwork, or yelling at one of his employees over the phone. Instead, she found him slumped on his desk with his head in his hands. It saddened her to see him look so defeated. That wasn't like the salesman at all.
"Bud?" Her voice interrupted his moping.
Bud raised his head up, looking pitiful. He said nothing.
Kimbra stepped into the room. "Something wrong?"
"It's nothing," he replied, not reassuring her in the slightest.
She approached him, box in her hands, with an expression of concern. "No… what's wrong?"
He bit the inside of his cheek before spewing out an answer. "Just nervous about next week."
It wasn't a complete lie. He was nervous, but not about the project.
"I get it," she gave a half smile, but her eyes were full of worry too. "I think we all are."
He waited a beat, unsure about whether or not to admit his feelings right then and there. He hated the life he was living. Keeping secrets. Telling lies. Being miserable.
"What's that?" He gestured at the box in her hands.
"Oh!" She quickly looked to the box and back to him. "It's a few cinnamon rolls. You said you never had time for breakfast, so I baked you some." She placed it on the desk in front of him.
"You didn't have to do that, but thank you." Bud continued, fiddling with his tie self-consciously. His voice hesitated, dropped a little. "I um… really appreciate it."
His mouth felt dry.
Was this the right time to tell her? Admit you love her and want to keep seeing her, even after the project and partnership comes to an end? What if she didn't feel the same way?
By this point, it was hardly reasonable to hope that Kimbra loved him. Not after everything he'd done. They were too…different. She, a brilliant environmental scientist who cared for others and the planet. A social introvert. Then him, a mere businessman who cared for almost no one but himself. A social butterfly.
And she had hated him from the start.
"I hope you like them. I tend to overdo it with the icing." She grinned, pulling him out of his thoughts.
Bud felt the corners of his mouth turning up, mirroring Kimbra's grin. "Is this the only reason you came to see me?"
"I also wanted to see if you're dropping by EcoTech tonight."
"For what?"
"Project meeting. We're working on wrapping up stuff with it since the due date is soon. It's just a few of the department heads talking while we pretend to listen and drink some totally-not-spiked punch."
"Yeah, sure, I'll be there."
Please stay.
He should've said that, but he didn't.
Before she stepped out of the office, she looked over her shoulder. "Do you need anything before I head to work?"
For you to stay.
"Uh, no… I'm good… thanks."
Stay. Please. I really need to tell you before it eats me alive.
The Samoyed didn't linger too long. She gave him a small wave before shutting the office door behind her.
Bud dropped his head back into his hands and loudly groaned.
Could she love him? Maybe. Their first few months working together hadn't gone well, mostly due to Kimbra. But she had learned to like him, befriend him. That meant she could love him. Feel the way he felt about her.
Bud felt his heart pull at the thought. He slumped back into the chair.
The thought of anyone actually loving him seemed out of his grasp. His parents never loved him. He never actually had anyone say those three words to him before. A huge part of him ached to be loved—for someone to see him as maybe more than just a sleazy water bottle salesman.
You'll need to tell her eventually.
He was certainly in love with her now. This whole thing felt a lot like love. He had just hoped that she wouldn't notice it anytime soon.
The CEO placed his hands upon his desk, and pushed himself to his feet. Bud Flud was an utter fool. A fool in love with someone who most likely didn't feel the same way.
And he was very afraid of that feeling.
A tiny, tiny voice pressured him to pour out his heart to the woman.
Just tell her you love her.
He'd give anything to have her love him back. Hold her and say all the right things.
But that was near to impossible. She hated men like him. Capitalists, men who only cared about turning a profit. Her work came first before personal matters. Even if she held any feelings for him, EcoTech came first.
But it didn't stop him from pining.
She laughed. It was a magical sound. He loved to hear her laugh. Kimbra had looked so stressed and worried during the entire meeting. She forced a smile throughout, trying to hide any doubt she may have.
Neil had just told her one of his many ridiculous stories. Kimbra mentioned something about spiked punch earlier that day, and Neil had already consumed four glasses. It explained why he had told Kimbra the same story three times by now. Each time it becoming more and more ridiculous.
Kimbra noticed Bud staring and their eyes met. Her expression was soft and warm, as if she didn't seem to mind. Bud quickly looked away, pretending those blue eyes did nothing to his heart. He loved her more than he wanted to admit.
They looked at each other differently now. Not the glaring daggers as they were at the start, but the soft, gentle glances that Bud was now accustomed to.
He could tell her tonight. Get it over with. Deal with the repercussions and embarrassment tomorrow. The project deadline was just around the corner. If he ended up ruining his friendship with Kimbra, at least they'd never have to see each other again.
Actually, that was a tempting idea.
As Kimbra approached, Bud turned on the charm, well… as charming as a train wreck could get.
"Hey, Kimbra." It was so helplessly uttered.
She still held a smile from earlier. "Bud."
Just tell her before it's too late, Bud reminded himself over and over. He did his best to delay talking to her. At this point, he had spoken to everyone at the meeting. From Dr. Ainsley and the administration, all the way to the lab boys.
"Can we talk?" The salesman can't explain where the soft, murmured words come from. "Alone?" He sounded a bit strained.
Something in her expression softened. "Yeah… sure," she glanced around the room, and vaguely motioned for him to follow her out into the hall.
Bud tried to compose himself before they reached the hall.
Okay, maybe this wasn't the best idea. But he refused to back down now. The two stepped into an empty hallway, not yet filled with the bustling activity from the party.
I've pined after you for long enough.
Bud had a feeling that Kimbra wouldn't be too thrilled about this. About him pouring his heart out to her. It took him a minute to gather his thoughts. How he would turn his feelings into sentences. How he'd say it out loud.
Bud was a man of many words, but now he had nothing.
Is she ready for this? Would she even want to hear what you had to say? Is this even a good idea?
By the time they had made it out into the quiet and dark hall, Bud convinced himself to tell her. His impatience had gotten the best of him. It was now or never. He told himself he could do this. That it would turn out fine, and he wouldn't be humiliated.
The silence was not reassuring.
"Okay, what's on your mind?" She stood there, patiently waiting. A smile remained on that lovely face of hers. The sliver of light flooding into the room from the lobby softly illuminated her face in a warm glow.
Just tell her.
What was he afraid of? Rejection? Humiliation? He had been anxious for this moment for what felt like ages.
His breaths grew longer with each beating moment.
Just say it!
It didn't seem like Bud was going to speak, but when he did, it was barely more than a whisper. "Kimbra…" He didn't want to have to spell it out.
Bud almost didn't notice the distance between them closing. He almost didn't notice his hands cup her waist as he leaned into her. He'd wanted to kiss her for so long.
He almost didn't notice her not stopping him.
Don't read anything more into this.
Kimbra lifted her hands to rest them on his shoulders, suddenly feeling like the corridor was getting hotter by the second. She hardly dared to breathe. They leaned into each other, shortening the distance between their mouths. Her back pressed against the wall. She closed her eyes and leaned further into him. They were so close—now.
But she stopped. This wasn't the direction she had wanted the conversation to take.
If you want me to stop, just tell me.
And then there was a pause that seemed to last for eternity.
Bud noticed, and let out a small, hushed whisper. It was difficult to keep his words steady. "You know I want you." His heart pounded violently as he waited for a reaction.
"I know," a breathless reply came from her mouth. "Why are we doing this?"
"Because you also want me."
There was a waver in her voice. "I know."
"Then why aren't we acting on it?"
She opened those blue eyes that bore into his soul. "Because it's reckless and irresponsible."
And was completely inappropriate for the work atmosphere.
"I—" He began, swallowing the thick lump that had formed in his throat.
Kimbra pulled away from him, trying to isolate herself. "Please… please don't say you love me."
Had he heard that right? Did she not want to hear what he had to say? Was she really…rejecting him?
Whatever moment they had was now dead.
"Kimbra—" He thought he saw a brief moment of panic in her eyes.
But he wasn't expecting her to say what she said next.
"This is wrong, no. Do not say it."
Whatever he'd just done had been all wrong. She was rejecting him.
Before Bud could reply, she cut him off. "You're my sponsor. This is a professional work environment. I could get fired if someone saw us right now." Pause. "Let's… let's just forget this ever happened, okay? At least until the project is finished."
She had you there.
Bud didn't want to. She obviously felt the same way towards him. So what if someone saw them? They weren't doing anything malicious. They had feelings for each other. Strong feelings.
It wasn't wrong. It was natural.
And not like morals ever stopped Bud Flud before.
He looked hurt, as expected. "I don't want to forget." Maybe he'd been a fool to expect more than this. Yet… somehow, he'd seen this all going a bit differently.
He tried to take her hands, but she stepped back.
"Kimbra, please." A hint of pleading crept into his voice despite himself.
When Kimbra finally spoke, her voice was barely audible. "We both know we can't do this. Not now. For both our reputations, just…drop this."
He knew that, in the end, she was right. He only saw the world in black in white. She saw all the gray in between. He wanted to choose her over the project. But for Kimbra, that wasn't as simple. She didn't have the luxury of taking such a risk.
They both knew better.
Kimbra didn't want to possibly make the wrong choice. As if the right choice was the only one that mattered.
Bud looked like someone had struck him down where he stood. "What if we're meant to be together?" He questioned with a look of hope.
She sighed. "Maybe one day our paths will cross once again."
"I don't believe in fate, it's cliché ." The words tasted bitter in his mouth.
"I know," Kimbra gave him a weak smile. "Please, for now, just drop it. As my friend, please drop it." She hoped he heard all the regret that was in those words.
Bud still didn't want to, yet he nodded in agreement. He didn't feel up to arguing with her tonight. He prepared himself for when he would have to completely walk away from her. From what they had—from what he felt about her—from what could have been. They were nothing more than friends.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Bud." And with those words hanging in the air, Kimbra stepped back into the room. Leaving Bud standing in the hallway. His eyes followed her until she was lost in the sea of strangers.
He looked, to all the world, like a fool in love.