When school stared again in September, obviously I couldn't keep working at the bakery so, reluctantly I had told Mike the owner, at the beginning of my Sunday shift, that I'd have to finish up the following week. It had been a particularly mad day and we'd had screaming babies, a fainting incident and a milkshake spilled all over the floor. The slicer had jammed twice, and we'd run out of bags, but of course Jenny just hovered feebly in the background while it was left to me to sort it out and clean it all up. I didn't consider myself to be brimming with confidence but that poor girl was pitiful with her timidity, and seemed to be paralysed by fear most of the time. Even while I was on my hands and knees sponging at the floor, she couldn't bring herself to serve any customers and, next minute, hearing the noise, Mike came through from the back, covered in flour, and was forced to man the register while I dealt with the sticky spearminty mess that was greasily defying my efforts to remove it before someone went A over T on it.
At closing time, Mike pulled me to one side and asked me if I was prepared to continue working the weekend shifts and that, if I was, he would increase my hourly rate significantly. It seemed like too good an offer to turn down, desperate as I was to try and save every spare cent I could, so I happily accepted and flashed him a grateful smile. My delight didn't last long as he then turned to Jenny, who had spent the last ten minutes wiping down the slicer that he had already cleaned, and unceremoniously sacked her. She stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, before silent tears began to roll down her defeated face, and she grabbed her things, and left without saying another word.
I followed her to the door but I didn't have a clue what to say as the undeniable truth was that I'd just taken her job from her. There was no Jimmy today to follow her home and, feeling absolutely horrible, I watched her forlorn figure trudge into the distance. I grabbed my bag and my coat, and Mike ushered me out; clearly he wasn't upset in the slightest but, all the way home, I was overwhelmed with guilt. On the other hand, Jenny was fairly useless and had brought most of this on herself. Still the thought of her having to tell her dad, who we all knew was handy with his belt, made me bite down hard on my lip with remorse.
The next morning, as I was making my way down to work, with the rain falling heavily enough that I needed my mac on with the hood up, I was suddenly accosted by Jimmy Millinger who appeared out of nowhere and began throwing insults at me, accusing me of all manner of horrible behaviour. I tried to ignore him but he followed closely behind me and his taunts became increasingly more vicious and vile. I was equal parts upset and angry but I knew Jimmy to be a volatile and unreasonable young man and my instincts kicked in and I merely quickened my pace until I reached the safety of the bakery back door.
The rain got heavier during the day but, in between serving customers and restocking the cabinets, I was disturbed to see that Jimmy did not leave his post; seated on the bench across from the bakery, arms folded and glaring at me every time I glanced outside. Because the rubbish weather had made for a quieter day, Mike let me go early and I quietly slipped out of the back door and ran, hell for leather, up the hill until I reached the safety of home, and threw myself through the door, breathlessly. I wondered about telling Karen what had happened but, when I thought it through, it did all sound a bit feeble of me and certainly not a reaction that reflected well on me if I planned, in a few years, to be potentially responsible for a classroom full of Jimmy Millingers. He was just a bully and I needed to face him.
I'd put it to the back of my mind actually until after dinner when I was doing the washing up again and I noticed someone in the dusky shadows of the back garden. Immediately, I felt quite worried. We didn't even lock our doors at night and the thought of him stalking around while we were asleep was a bit disturbing. I could sneakily lock up the house at bedtime but, on reflection, I decided it was better to tell Karen exactly what was going on so that's what I did. As usual, she didn't make a fuss but she mentioned that she'd taught Jimmy in her first year in Port Wenn and I could tell by her expression that he hadn't left a good impression. She just told me not to worry about it, to go to bed and we'd discuss it in the morning, which was fine. Apparently, by sheer coincidence, Lester happened to be passing at 7am the next morning, just in time to walk down to the village with me, and there was no sign of Jimmy then, or anytime afterwards actually and I will admit I was really quite relieved.
A few months later, when Isobel suddenly upped and moved to Bristol, Jenny replaced her in the Hightrees laundry so I was a bit relieved to hear that. Someone told me that Jimmy had found a job fixing potholes for the county and, when I told Caroline, she reckoned that they must be using his face to break rocks. She really detested him, even more so than I did actually. The upshot was that I didn't see either of them around much after that, which was a huge relief, especially as the pressure started to mount at school and I did tend to get upset quite easily because of it.
It is funny how things turn out in life though. I realise that, had my previous life remained unchanged and I'd been up on the hill in that tiny, cold cottage with dad, I don't think I'd have even got any O levels, never mind be studying for my A's. The fact that he'd gone to prison, horrible and distressing though it had all been been at the time, had actually provided me with an opportunity which is weird when you think about it. So, every time things got a bit stressful for me and I felt like I'd had enough, I always thought about how much worse things could have been. If it had not been for Mrs Norton, and Karen and Lester, it could have been me washing and folding endless towels up at the old folks home, it could have been me stacking supermarket shelves in Bristol, or it could even have been me already saddled with a couple of brats and living in a council house in Bude. But here I was, approaching my prelim exams with reasonable calmness, sitting at my comfortable desk in my warm, bright bedroom, sipping at a mug of cocoa, and listening to a cassette of Albinoni's Oboe concertos. Two years ago I didn't know what an oboe was, never mind know anything about an Italian composer from back along in the 1700s and yet, now, I listen to him and his olden day mates almost every night. So I do really need to add Martin to my list of rescuers as well, and it does seem a real shame that I will never get to thank him in person but I hope that, if I do pass my A levels, Mrs Norton will at least let him know that I did listen to him, and I can concentrate.
I passed all of preliminary exams and did especially well in English so I was feeling as if I was on the right track with my exam technique. I had managed to stay relatively calm and composed and, unlike a girl I knew who'd broken down in hysterics half way through and had to be escorted out of the hall. Once, when I'd had a particularly intense and nervy weekend of study, Karen had knocked on my door and insisted that I go for a walk with her which had made me quite annoyed at the time but, on reflection, she was right. I felt much better and more able to focus when we got back and, once again, I had reason to be grateful to her. Things did get a bit tense between us once or twice as finals time approached but all-in-all she was pretty understanding of the pressure I was under, and very tolerant of the occasional outbursts and temper tantrums that I just couldn't control when I felt like everything was getting on top of me. There was only only one time when she bit back at me and Lester hastily took her arm and dragged her into the garden to cool off. Even at the time, I knew I was being unreasonable but I couldn't bring myself to apologise until much later. It was a strange feeling, being so wound up, and juggling so many balls in the air at once, I just couldn't let my defences down even the slightest or I felt like I would crumble into bits. It was almost a relief when July finally came around and it was death or glory really. The exams themselves are a blur but I felt they went alright and that I'd given myself my best chance so I had no regrets. Caroline was a bit glum afterwards but it didn't last long because she had the luxury of knowing that she would be ok, come what may. I felt like the hugest weight was off my shoulders and, reasonably confident with success, I felt like going a bit mad for a bit, and letting off some steam.
Her parents wanted to shout us to dinner at the Crab on Friday night , which would have been nice since they had been taking care of all my school related costs since dad left, and I felt like I should have thanked them in some formal way, but Caroline said she'd rather die than be seen out in public with them so she convinced them to just give her some cash and Tommy drove us to Truro where we celebrated with Pizza. Caroline was in good form, skewering everyone who walked past and keeping us in fits of guilty laughter. Thank goodness no one but us heard her or I'm sure we would have been asked to leave. I was drinking Coke but Tommy and Caroline were drinking red wine from a funny little bottle that was half wrapped in a little woven skirt. It was interesting to watch them together. I knew that Caroline was still convinced that he was The One but sometimes the way she spoke to him made me wince. He seemed to take great amusement from her sheer bloody mindedness and, somehow, they seemed to make it work between them. That night, at the little pizzeria, for the first time I felt a pang of jealousy that they had each other. I was now eighteen years old and, other than my disastrous experience with Danny Steele, it seemed that I was destined to have no one special for yet another teenage summer. I wanted a boyfriend but I knew I was facing months of working long hours and desperately trying to save money so that, if possible, I would be starting university in just over two months time. I suppose if all else failed, I reasoned, trying to cheer myself up, there must be someone for me in a city the size of London.
As we pulled up outside Karen's house, Caroline cleared her throat awkwardly and announced that she'd heard that Danny was actually having an End of Exams party up at his parents house the next night. She and Tommy were going, and she presumed I wouldn't want to but she thought she had better mention it. I immediately felt totally conflicted. I knew it would be a good party and that everyone would be going but I really didn't want to go to Danny's house and watch him ponce about as the host. It would be sickening. But I also did not what to be the only person who didn't go. If it was a great party which, knowing that his parents would be throwing money at him, it probably would be, then everyone would be talking about it for weeks to come. And I would be the girl who wasn't there. I hesitated and then I told her casually that, if there was nothing else happening, then I'd go. Caroline actually looked pleased and she told me that they would pick me up at half seven. I was relieved that I had the weekend off from working and, as I wandered into the lounge to greet Karen and Lester, I actually started looking forward to it.
On Saturday, I slept in until nearly lunchtime which was total and absolute bliss. I wandered downstairs, still in my pyjamas, just as Lester and Karen arrived home from a walk and we had a lovely relaxed lunch of home grown tomato sandwiches on crusty fresh bread, and a generous wedge each of a delicious chocolate cake that Mrs Norton had dropped in as an End of Exams treat. They wanted to do some gardening, something to do with compost that sounded smelly and hard work, so I excused myself and went upstairs to shower. The thought of a whole long lazy afternoon ahead of me was just marvellous and I was starting to be a bit excited about the party. I had planned what I was going to wear but I wanted to experiment with how I would wear my hair up, so I assembled my collection of ties, scrunchies, clips and ribbons, and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, deeply in thought.
Just before A levels, I'd been pretty devastated when Johnny Marr announced that he was leaving The Smiths but I had recovered from that a little bit because I'd developed quite a crush on Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys and they'd just released a new album that I adored. Even when I discovered he was gay, I wasn't even upset. I just loved the clothes he wore and the way his curly fringe flopped down over his eyes, he was just divine. So, of course I was listening to them as I danced between my wardrobe and the bathroom mirror, readying myself for the first proper party of what I considered now to be my adult life.
I layered on the eyeliner far more heavily than usual because I wanted my face to look as dramatic as my hair, which was piled and teased into an impressive 1960s Ronettes updo. I'd developed a bit of a thing for sixties fashion, especially because you could still find so many really cool pieces at the Charity shops and they cost almost nothing. After playing with my look for at least three hours I emerged, rather satisfied with my appearance, and made my way downstairs to the lounge where Karen and Lester were, as usual, glued to the boring old BBC news.
I could tell from the looks that passed between them that my outfit had caused an impression; admittedly my hastily taken in mini skirt was quite short but it was still decent and, after all, it was a party and that's exactly what I planned to do. I wanted to dance and have fun with my friends. So, with some difficulty, I sat down on the couch with them until I heard the toot of Tommy's horn in the lane outside, when I said my excited goodbyes and rushed outside to join them. I was unable to get into the car and maintain any sort of dignity, due to the briefness of my skirt, but it was quite funny and set us up for a hilarious drive up to Danny's house. As we pulled into his driveway, we could already hear the bass coming from his stereo and, as we got up to the house, I could feel it thumping in my chest which is always a promising start for any party in my opinion.
As it turned out, Danny had gone all out and hired a DJ from Plymouth, which was almost unheard of in our part of the world. There were heaps of people already there, about half of whom I knew; the rest were strangers but everyone thankfully seemed to be in the party mood. Tommy saw some friends of his and we gravitated toward them while Caroline and I went in search of some drinks. I still didn't touch alcohol but there was plenty of everything so I grabbed a coke and Caroline slipped two bottles of wine into her oversized handbag and grabbed a can of beer for Tommy. We stood around the edge of the makeshift dance floor, watching a few people who I'd charitably say were more confident in their dancing abilities than us but were, in all probability, already just drunk.
It was hard to hear much over the music but I was trying to talk to one of Tommy's friends but, when I asked him what he'd been doing since he left school, I was pretty sure he told me he was a slaughterman at the abattoir and I was a bit stuck for conversation after that. There were quite a few boys that I didn't know there but the couple who were especially nice looking and well dressed, as usual, already seemed to have girls hanging off their every word. A few of the rest did come up and try and talk to me but, since I could barely hear a word anyone said, I wasn't really unimpressed. Eventually, a boy that had been a year ahead of me at school asked me to dance, and I said yes. We had fun for a couple of songs until Caroline sidled up to me and whispered in my ear that he was a known letch and that his girlfriend was at home, eight months pregnant. It would have been funny if it weren't so disappointing.
I wandered over to the DJ to see if I could put in a request but there was a gaggle of girls clustered around him, clamouring for his attention. I decided to use the loo and I went inside, recalling that this was the place where I'd had my future decided for me all those years ago. As I turned the corner I was horrified to see that Jimmy Millinger was standing by the catering table, helping himself to savouries before they'd even had a chance to make it outside to the guests. Hoping he hadn't seen me, I turned around and walked as quickly as I could in my little skirt, back to the safety of my friends. Unfortunately, they weren't where I left them and, to my shame, I panicked a little bit and pushed my way through to the crowd, searching for them anxiously. I found the slaughterman and he indicated that they'd gone around the other side of the house which I knew meant that someone had produced a joint and Tommy and Caroline would be willing and enthusiastic participants. Alarmingly, I saw Jimmy come out of the house and stand in the doorway, scanning the crowd; I hoped he was looking for Jenny but I had a sinking feeling that that was wishful thinking and I decided that, drugs, or no drugs, I needed to find my friends.
I went around to the little walled courtyard that I remembered from my previous visit, assuming Caroline would be there but, to my horror, I shuffled down the pathway by the house only to discover that no one was in fact there. It was very dark and very empty and so I turned back and inched my way along with one hand on the wall, peering ahead vainly. Before I saw him, I sensed that he was there and my heart started racing. Despite exhorting myself to stay calm, I felt panic rise within me and I stood up as confidently as I could. I wanted desperately to get out of the dark terrace and back to my friends but someone stood ominously in my way. I heard his mean bullying laugh and I froze.
"Get lost, Jimmy." I barked at him, desperate to sound as unaffected as I could manage.
"What have we here? Louisa Glasson is it? Miss High and Mighty? No coppers here to protect you now, innit?"
"You got nothin' better to do than go around bullying women, Jimmy? Your mum must be so proud."
"You shoulda thought of that before you went around stealin peoples jobs, thinking you're better n everyone else when your dad's nothing but a bleddy thief."
"You want to think about what you're doin' or you might end up inside as well." I shouted at him defiantly. "If he gets wind you've been threatening me, he wont take kindly, let me tell you that for nothin'!"
He took a step toward me but I stood my ground, even though my legs were trembling and my heart was thumping.
"There's only you and me here. Be your word against mine if it came to it. And your dad bein' who he is, well, who's gonna believe you, eh?" he said, his voice a mean, angry growl.
"You lay a finger on me, Jimmy Millinger and I promise you all hell will break lose." I shouted at him. "You're nothing but a big, fat baby. Let's see how brave you are when I tell your sister what you've just said to me."
The mention of Jimmy's sister, Dawn, was enough to buy me a few seconds of time. He was clearly as terrified of her as I suspected; she was ferocious, judgemental and confrontational, and generally to be avoided at all cost.
"Dawn ain't here now though innit." he said threateningly, and took another step towards me, so that we were almost eye to eye. My throat was so dry I could barely speak but I wondered if i would be able to scream, since that seemed to me like my last available option.
He grabbed my forearm roughly and, immediately, I saw the flash of a fist out of nowhere as it connected lightly with the side of his jaw.
It barely moved him but it was enough of a distraction that Jimmy let go of my arm and turned around, enraged, to confront his attacker. All I could make out was a full length trench coat, and a tumble of curls that fell over the assailant's eyes. It looked for all the world that my favourite Pet Shop Boy, Neil Tennant, had punched Jimmy Millinger in the jaw and saved me from god knows what. The idea was so ludicrous that I let out a loud and nervous giggle.
"Dawn might not be here, Jimmy, but I am. So you'd better piss off once and for all, or I will be calling the coppers and telling them what a nasty thug you really are."
Instantly I knew that voice, and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I felt his arm go around my shoulders and I didn't resist as he led me out into the light at the front of the house where we stood for a moment while my trembling subsided. We watched Jimmy disappear down the driveway and then he turned to me, giving my chin a playful nudge with his fist and grinning at me.
"Hey," he said, as confident as ever. "How's my girl?"