Chapter 7, everybody! In which Obake finally has to make time for his whole nervous breakdown….

You might have heard of a study a while back, where people who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge were interviewed. Every last one of them, when asked, said that about two-thirds of the way down, they realized that all the problems that had seemed so insurmountable wasn't all that bad. Obake, finally, is realizing this.

On lighter notes, Obake's response to the one to ten thing is in reference to another one of my (unpublished) fanfics (really need to work on finishing all my WIPs) while Hiro is quoting Kim Possible and Iago from Aladdin.

James the apple, thanks for the review! Pretty much. XD 1) true, 2) true, 3) that's a point, 4) heheheh. :D

KeeperOfTheBigHeroQuintessence, thanks for the review! Thank you, I'm glad you love it, we'll be updating every Tuesday and Friday until further notice! :D

Big Hero 6 © 2014 Disney

This was, regrettably, not the first time Obake had been acquainted with an explosion on SFIT property.

On the positive side, he was not at fault this time, if perhaps not telling someone could see him at fault—but then again, there was no way to tell anyone without implicating himself.

He couldn't accurately say what happened after that, dazed as he was by the blast—this also, unfortunately, wasn't a foreign concept to him. He was aware of an ambulance, of being in a shock blanket, of insisting no hospitals—

Not again—he couldn't go back there, the white walls, the antiseptic smells, the doctors with their bland looks—

Not the bastion of his first greatest failure—

The nightmare shifted, the hospital walls crumbled, bay water spurting in, thick on him like blood—

His blood—

Startle awake—

Groan and sink back into the softness—head still fuzzy, spinning…he thought he had been careful, thought he had evaded being poisoned by Momakase. Felt his body ghosting sideways even though he knew he was staying still—

Felt a hand on his head.

"Get off me," he muttered, eyes scrunched shut, mind not wanting to shut down even though trying to do its usual blistering pace through the fugue only resulted in a pounding headache.

"You want to try some soup first?"

Ice—this wasn't anyone in his little 'club,' as he termed it—start awake—

It took several long moments of staring at her to recognize Cass Hamada, for his mind to catch up, to realize that no, he was still stuck in this insanity of an impossibility, that he hadn't lucked out and dreamed up everything leading up to the inciting catastrophe.

"It's okay if you don't," she said, putting it on the coffee table. "I just figured you might try to eat something."

Pinch the bridge of his nose, squinching his eyes shut—painkillers. Lots and lots of painkillers. "What'd I miss?"

"Not much," Cass said, after a pause, like she was processing his statement. "Baymax is taking care of the boys—I told him to stay up there because it was faster than him waddling up and down the steps, but he might need to come down here."

"I am satisfied with my care."

"No," he muttered—the last thing he wanted to see right now was the last thing he saw in—

He wasn't going there, he wasn't acknowledging this this was insane and he was quite sane thank you very much he wasn't entertaining that he was NOT—

Boys. As in plural.

"They're both all right?" he asked, lifting his head—oh that was a bad idea—

"They're fine," Cass said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Tadashi won't be, but I'm being nice and letting him heal up before reading him the riot act. Trying to run into a burning building seriously—"

There was something odd about the way she paused, about the way her hand lingered on his shoulder, something his currently-addled mind wasn't wanting to process—

"Thank you. By the way," she said, suddenly shy. "I mean—if it wasn't for you, Tadashi might have actually made it in that building."

If it wasn't for you—

Oh no.

Don't tell him he had saved Tadashi Hamada's life. Don't tell him he saved that man's life because of—some stupid—you IDIOT.

The brother was still in play, which meant his entire plan got derailed. Again.

Cass misinterpreted his groans. "Maybe I will go get Baymax. Stay here."

Like he was really in a position to go anywhere.

Oh, this was just peachy.

Lying about waiting to heal up was annoying and didn't do much for him, honestly, but until such time as he knitted back together enough to move this was going to have to be a thing. Good news, he was pretty sure he didn't actually break something this time around.

Bad news…that stupid robot did manage to waddle its way down to pester him.

"Hello," it said, waving and startling him fully awake. "I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion."

"I'm aware," Obake muttered, tugging the blanket up closer. Go away go away go—

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"

If ten counted as him dying…probably a four, but we weren't actually going to tell the robot this. "I'm fine, shoo—go bother the brothers."

"Tadashi, and Hiro, are both sleeping," the robot said. "I will scan you now."

"And you're bothering me why? Go—"

Go to him—tell him—tell him we could have been brilliant together.

Twitch—no we weren't going to be having the nervous little breakdown today, tonight, whatever, he had better things to do—

The robot blinked at him. "Your: injuries, from the fire, are healing well. However, there are multiple older injuries that should be addressed. Furthermore, there are signs of mental and emotional trauma that should also be addressed."

"No. No we are not addressing them leave me alone."

Blink. "I cannot deactivate unless you say you are satisfied with your care."

Scowl, open his mouth to say so—

"…I am satisfied with my care."

Screens crushed by chunks of the bunker he was in, water gushing in—

He couldn't say it. Couldn't say it couldn't stay here couldn't be looking at this thing—

Door slam alerted him to the fact that he had bolted for the nearest refuge he could find, back to the door as he flailed about for a light switch—downstairs bathroom, he realized when the light came on—

Sagged to the ground, face buried in his hands, trying to get his breathing even, his face to stop flashing—this was wrong, all wrong, he shouldn't be so…so shaken up it was just a stupid. Robot—

The last witness to his failure, that he had sent away to save the boy, to leave himself to his fate—

A stupid robot linked to what qualified as his biggest trauma, he realized. Everything else, he had bounced back from eventually, become better than it…this…this last failure…that had been the one that had broken him, broken him so thoroughly that he had—

This was his fate. This was his punishment. Punishment for trying to destroy the city, for failing, for deciding that bouncing back was too much work. He was a failure, and it was what he deserved.

And for deciding that, apparently, he was cursed to…whatever this was. Being in a world, a body, where he was nothing, haunted by the robot he had sent away, doomed to have what he had wanted within reach but always just out of it. Being Tantalus was his fate, apparently.

A tentative knock at the door. "Obake? Are you in there? Is…is everything okay?"

The aunt. Tried to force some response out, took several pained moments before he could manage.

"F-fine—just—leave me alone. Please."

Hesitation. "Oh…okay, just—if you need anything, let me know."

Nod, despite knowing she couldn't see it, bury his face in his hands again as he listened to her tentative footsteps, heard her quietly ask the robot what was wrong with him wait NO—

His banging on the door was probably as frantic as it felt, if the way Cass asked "What is it what's wrong?" was any indication.

"I—ah—" Oh great now what? "T-tea—if—that's alright…."

"I…okay, just—give me a bit, I'll make some fresh—"

Ear pressed to the door, straining to hear—heard her ask the robot what tea would be best, heard the robot give a response—after that was starting to get covered up by the panic attack he was trying to smother—

"You are distressed."

The yelp and tumble away from the door startled him as much as the robot speaking from the other side did, enough to get him to bump out of the rut of panic he was in—scramble upright, rip the door open to demand that the robot leave—

Slam the door when the sight of it against the relatively darker hall sent him back in that downward spiral.

"What's going on?" Cass asked. "Why are you slamming the door? Obake?"

"I—" Squeeze his eyes shut, ball his fists, rest his head against the door. "I wasn't ready."

Wasn't ready wasn't ready at all—ever since he had woken up in this impossibility he had busied himself with thinking of anything else he didn't want to think about how things had ended how he had ended up here every time he tried he just cemented the belief that he was insane he just wanted out of this out of this nightmare—

…But if he did…was that it then?

Regret slammed into him hard, squeezing his heart until he thought it would burst until his lungs shriveled up from it—why had he made that decision why hadn't he just left there were other ways out of his lair he could have taken one once he got rid of the robot why—why had he done that—

Because at the time the crushing emotion had been too much, of having everything ripped out from under him, of having certain victory snatched away the split second before he seized it—

By that boy and his robot.

He hated them—he hated them both the way his whole world had been destroyed because he had gotten distracted by someone he thought worth his time, someone he thought he could take along as a protégé—he should have known from the superhero shenanigans that the fool boy wouldn't go for it, would do his level best to thwart him—should have known that Globby would be so spineless as to switch sides at the crucial moment—

…Should have known better than to give up.

Gentle knocking at the door startled him.

"Obake?" Cass asked. "I have tea."

"I—" Trying to wrench something out told him he had been crying. "Just—leave it by the door."

Dead silence. "Um…if I do that then Mochi's going to drink it."

Please go away, please go away—"Is the robot with you?"

"No," she said, sounding hesitant and confused. "Baymax is upstairs."

Tell her to put it on the counter, open the door and put it on the counter by the sink, make the words go—"…You can come in."

Ginger turning of the knob, easing the door open—sink there, put the tea down, leave, please read the room and go—no dice, she lowered herself down carefully, gingerly, like she didn't want to startle a wounded animal, until she was sitting next to him and holding a mug of tea.

"Are you okay?" she asked, holding the tea for him to take—just—unwrap yourself, let go of your knees, take the mug so she could leave—"Do you want to talk about it?"

Shake his head no, unable to peel himself apart and do what needed to be done, body burning from the inaction that had seized him in those final moments—no—no—that had been a mistake—

Seize up when she put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him close. No no no don't—say something—make her leave—

"I am satisfied with my care."

Something truly and completely broke then, made him bury his face in his hands, curl up tight as he was hugged against her warmth—sobs shaking him as she tried to soothe him—

"It's okay," she was saying. "It's okay. Good cry."

"I wasn't ready" wrenched out of him before he could stop it—sagged as the truth of it sank in. "I wasn't ready…."

He didn't know how long they sat like that, backs to the cabinet with a radiator in front, her cradling him in one arm and steadily-cooling tea in the other. Just that eventually, he couldn't take any more.

Just that eventually, quiet oblivion came for him.

He startled awake, confused by his location, convinced he wasn't alone—

"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?"

Mind did a quick recap of everything, realized that he was back on the couch at the Hamada's, didn't recall getting there from the bathroom did Cass cart him over? In which case wow, he didn't know if she was that strong or he was that much of a lightweight.

Oh right, he had company.

"What?" he asked, looking at Tadashi sitting there and looking like he had sat too close to the bonfire. Still a far sight better than what he would have looked like, those eyebrows would grow back eventually. "What do you want?"

"I ah…wanted to see if you were okay," Tadashi said. "I heard…well part of it…."

Oh no—no no no no he was not doing this he was not having the goody-two-shoes brother feeling sorry for him.

"It's nothing," he said, forcing himself upright. "Nothing." Remembered the ache that started that downward spiral. "Nothing." Aware that last one sounded bitter.

"Ah," Tadashi noised, looking away. Uncomfortable silence reigned for a few beats before he felt compelled to speak again. "So…so I don't know if Aunt Cass said anything…."

She had said a lot of things—mostly variations on it's okay in an attempt to get him to calm down. If she only knew—had to stay tight-lipped and turn his bitter laugh to a cough, because none of this was okay.

"Maybe she didn't," Tadashi muttered at Obake's continued silence. "Okay then…we were talking, and I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to stay here. With us. On a more permanent basis."

Oh good night he hadn't dreamt that part. "What?"

"Obviously we're going to have to come up with something better than the couch—don't hold your breath for a spare bedroom it got converted to a storeroom when we took over the garage—"

"Stop," Obake ordered. "Why would you do this? You hate me."

"Hate is a strong word," Tadashi countered. "I don't hate you—I kinda hate you trying to get Hiro into trouble, but uh…." Look away, stare at the TV for a few moments as he evidently collected his thoughts, like the blank blackness of the inert device would do it for him. "I…followed you one night."

Obake started at this, this admission of delving into his privacy—Tadashi continued before he could recover. "And I uh…saw where you were staying, the uh, the old abandoned restaurant?" Look at him, not fully, the same air Cass had had, like he was dealing with a wounded animal and didn't want to spook it. "You…don't have anyone else, do you?"

Betrayed at the eleventh hour, Momakase leaving, blackness crushing him—

Look away, squeezing fistfuls of blanket hard as he tried to get his breathing under control, until he was pretty sure his knuckles were white and bloodless—no, no, we're not having the nervous breakdown now we already had one thank you one's enough—

"Why. Are. You. Doing this," he gritted out finally.

Was vaguely aware of Tadashi twitching a shoulder in a shrug. "Because it's the right thing to do? You've heard of that, right? You must have, otherwise you wouldn't have helped Hiro." Long, awkward silence at that. "Ah…th-thanks for that, by the way."

Obake glanced at him, saw him looking away and rubbing at his neck before the bandages tripped him up. About as intense as a bad sunburn, the doctors had explained. Everything would heal up in a few months, they said.

It could have been a lot worse. And the fact that it wasn't was his fault.

I should have let nature take its course I shouldn't have done that I should have let him die I was PLANNING on letting him die why didn't I!? Because of some—some stupid offer, to belong somewhere? I don't need that, I—

Sharp contrast to the burning oblivion the boy was running into, cold soaking through him as the life was crushed out—

"I mean," Tadashi continued, oblivious to his inner turmoil. "If it wasn't for you, I would have made it into that building. Hiro might have followed me. I—I just—" Sigh, look away. "I just wish…Professor Callaghan didn't deserve to go out like that."

That could be contested, but then again no one was aware that the erstwhile professor had faked his death. Would probably figure it out later when the Silent Sparrow project sucked Krei Tech into oblivion.

"So," Tadashi said slowly, coughing a little before looking back at him. "What do you say? I know Hiro wouldn't mind seeing more of you, for whatever reason." Squint, like he was trying to tease a reaction out of him. "Can't be the charming personality."

He couldn't. He had already made a crucial mistake once, getting attached to the boy—not even that, the idea of the boy, the idea of a protégé he could impart wisdom to, mold into his equal. He had been attached to a falsity and had it shatter on him.

I should hate them. The boy, the robot, and the golden brother I could never unseat.

And yet….

And yet he could feel Tadashi quietly willing him to say yes, because as far as he knew Obake was some homeless teenager who needed someone, like some stray feral cat brought in from the cold. He could still feel Cass's warmth, trying to bring him out of the deep well of grief he had fallen into. He could still feel the shared triumph as he showed Hiro something clever that the boy had cottoned onto, that tantalizing hint of what could be, if he only committed this time.

He could still feel the crushing chill of what had happened when he had given up on everything.

"I…I don't know," he admitted finally. "I don't know—I'm—" I'm not ready.

I wasn't ready.

Tadashi nodded, like he expected this, patted the couch before standing.

"Well…think about it, okay?" he asked. "Don't go skulking off while everyone's asleep—I will find you."

He couldn't help but snort at that threat. "What happened to getting rid of me?"

"Well in my book saving a person means you can't be all bad," Tadashi countered, unknowingly leaving him with a conundrum.

Go to him—tell him—tell him we would have been brilliant together.

One thing registering through the haze, that of the boy being trapped—

And him, sending the one thing that was capable of saving him.

He stared at the blank television for a long time after that, like whatever muse Tadashi had found would present itself to him. Was that it, was that the catalyst for this impossibility? That in at least ensuring that the boy was safe, he had…what, earned himself a mulligan?...No. No it didn't work like that. Whatever it was, he was still left with the quandary of how this had happened.

Actually…no. No he was also left with a bigger quandary.

Tadashi Hamada wasn't dead.

And Big Hero Six would still be on their way.

Obake's sleep was spotty for the rest of the night, mind keeping him up but not being helpful about anything. By the time Cass was awake, all his thoughts had run each other ragged and still had not gotten any closer to being useful.

She had checked on him, necessitating him feigning sleep and doing his absolute best not to react when she brushed his bangs away from his face. He could practically feel her worrying, was glad when he heard her retreat to the café to get ready. Look around for a clock when she was gone, finally found one in a cat clock on the wall—oh good grief you know what come back bring a frying pan with you and bang him on the head maybe then he'd get some sleep.

Flop back down with a groan, trying to compartmentalize everything, wrangle them into manageable parts that he could address one by one…except the dominating whirlpool of trying to explain this impossibility kept tearing everything up, undercurrent of guilt and self-loathing digging the other way, everything flotsam and jetsam in the storm raging in his head—

Start when he felt someone flop on the couch, blink when he realized he had lost several hours, realized from feeling minorly refreshed that he must have drifted off despite his mind's best efforts. Lifted his head enough to see Hiro folded over the back of the couch, lifting a hand in a wave when he noticed Obake awake.

"So Tadashi told me that he invited you to stay," Hiro announced. "I think his plan is to sic me on you."

Ah. "How effective is this going to be?"

"I dunno, I can be very persuasive," Hiro said, rolling over before sliding onto the couch proper—or as proper as you could be reclining upside-down with your feet dangling over the back. "But it probably won't take that much effort—what are you going to do, say no?"

"I could."

"Liar—you practically live here anyway," Hiro accused. "You show up for breakfast and then you hang out until after dinner—do you have any idea how many times Aunt Cass has asked me why you don't go to school? Or mention what you do when you're not here? Or talk about your parents? Tadashi said he brought it up to Aunt Cass when he followed you but I'm pretty sure she was planning on adopting you anyway."

Considering he was about her age, Obake felt pretty secure in labeling this information as awkward. "It wouldn't work."

"How do you figure?" Hiro asked. "If it's Tadashi don't worry about it—it's not like he can argue anymore. Heck, he can't argue with either of us anymore—we totally saved his life, we have the ultimate counterargument to anything he'll ever say, we win." Deep exhale, stare at the ceiling for a moment. "Thank you for that, by the way—I don't think I could have stopped him on my own."

Obake knew he couldn't have, knew that for a fact.

So why did he?

"Your aunt did ask me," he admitted. "Right before the SFIT fire. I…didn't know what to do with that offer."

Hiro considered him. "And…do you now?"

Honestly…no. When she had sprung it on him it had sent him into a tailspin—people didn't want him around, his relationships were always based on how he could use a person and were discarded the moment they ceased to have use. Having someone—three someones—genuinely want him around…he didn't know what to do with this. First instinct said to use it.

And yet….

Looking at the boy sitting (and he used the term loosely) on the couch made him reconsider. Here was the boy who, when he had finally revealed himself and his grandiose plans, had reacted with fear and revulsion. And yet now he was lying there with yes, mild concern, but tempered amusement. Things were clear-cut from his point of view, and Obake was just being irreparably dense.

And maybe it was the fact that he didn't have that overwhelming concern his aunt and brother did, didn't feel like he was trying to calm a wounded animal—maybe because he already had that stronger familiarity, even if it was purely one-sided.

Whatever it was, it was enough to finally make him sit upright, smoothing the blanket on his legs out.

"I don't want to talk about this," he said finally. "And I don't want to talk about the fire either. Talk about something else."

Hiro considered before giving him a cheeky look. "Real name?"

Couldn't help the squinty smirk he shot back at him. "Talk about something else."

"Okay, but I will defeat you." Stretch, apparently totally unconcerned by the fact that he could possibly land on his head. "Hmm…you feel good enough to go out? Oh no wait scratch that Aunt Cass will wig out she probably needs another week. Ooh wait—the drone, the claw, is it sensitive enough to say, pick up a water balloon without breaking it? I have an idea that involves older brothers."

Arch an eyebrow. "Your brother nearly died and you're wanting to prank him."

"Too soon?" Hiro asked, grinning at him before curling up to better address him. "Tadashi's been like you the past few days—stuck in a funk. I think it finally dawned on him that he was about to run into a burning building and die, me along with him."

"Now, you're too smart to run into a burning building." As he knew for a fact.

"Yeah," Hiro agreed. "But about the water balloons—"

"I've been wanting to get off this couch anyway," Obake agreed, flipping the blanket away. "Come on then."

"Yes," Hiro cheered, pumping his fists before rolling off the couch and bounding after him.

What followed was something he could blissfully lose himself in, tweaking and fiddling and discussing things with Hiro until he finally declared that they should probably actually test it.

"I'll sneak the balloons down with some other stuff and we can fill it with the tap out back," Hiro said, getting up. "Stay here."

Yeah right, he thought as Hiro ran upstairs. Like he was going anywhere.

Blinked as that sank in.

He sat there, toeing back and forth in the swivel chair idly, one hand against his face, thinking. Here he was, now firmly entrenched in the Hamada family. A family that was grateful to him, even. Sure, he had saved Tadashi's life—that apparently went very far. Of course, this derailed the old plan even though it gave rise to a new alternative—he'd just have to work around Tadashi, and like Hiro had said, this was the ultimate thing to hold over his head. I saved your life. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. Which was the absolute truth, he had the original timeline to compare it to and he still wasn't sold on committing to this—this fallacy because there really was no way—

And yet here he was, a teenager, in the Hamada garage, now considered part of the family. Whatever this was, a hallucination, a final mental break before it all ended…why had his mind come up with this?

Except….

It all felt much too real to be a product of his imagination. Things were consistent, suggesting they weren't the product of a failing mind. He was going to have to accept the impossibility that he had been toying with since day one: that he had somehow been flung back in time, as a kid, to…what, relive his life? It was still all very questionable. Alternate dimension? He could toy with that, he supposed….

Shove it away again—his sanity demanded it. Focus on this, on getting Hiro under your wing—easy now that he was indebted to you—and getting rid of Big Hero Six before they—

Before they….

Big Hero Six had been started to avenge Tadashi's death.

Except Tadashi wasn't dead, now was he?

There was no reason to form Big Hero Six now.

His laughter started, slow, hesitant, cracked—built up to the point it was racking his frame, him with both hands plastered to his face to try to keep the mirth in—no wait, no this was perfect! He had just—everything was going to fall right into his lap because—because of one small change—

Scratch his earlier musings, he was definitely losing his grip.

"Oh…kay he's cracked," Hiro noised, alerting him to the fact he had returned. "Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm just peachy," he managed, finally winding down and leaning on his knees. Sigh, look up at him. "Fine. Tell them I say yes."

"Okay," Hiro said slowly, still looking concerned. "About what?"

"About Tadashi's proposal. Tell them I said yes."

Hiro's expression as this statement registered was like the sun breaking through on a cloudy day. Took Obake completely by surprise when Hiro tackled him in a hug, sending the chair sliding off, left him trying to recover as Hiro ran off yammering about how he had to tell "TADASHI AUNT CASS!"

Left Obake trying to process this.

"We could be great, you and I—together. Just think of what we could do, what wonders we could make!"

The sheer look of disgust and terror clouding the boy's expression, him trying to pull away but pinned by a firm grip on his shoulder—

That same boy thrilled to death to see him and tackling him in a hug, glad at the news he was sticking around.

Was this the error in his approach the first time around? Was his mistake not presenting himself as someone 'kindly,' in the vein of his brother? If he had played things differently, would he have gotten what he desired?

No…no stop that we weren't acknowledging first or second go-arounds and he knew from experience wondering about what-ifs only led to madness.

And besides, there was no point in reflecting on the past—here he was, no Big Hero Six to darken his doorstep, a family indebted to him and sheltering him, and Hiro firmly in his corner. He was really, truly a ghost here—no history, no ties, no documentation, just himself as he existed in the here and now.

He was more than willing to let go of the insanity of the past if it meant being able to turn his full attention on the future.

I failed, he thought, staring out the garage door. I failed then and I let it get to me…whatever this is, a second chance, a hallucination, whatever—whatever it is, I'm going to take full advantage of it.

I am not going to throw it away this time.